Hippity hoppity hello and Happy Easter, parents. Or is it? Like most major holidays, it makes our kids hyper and tantrum-prone. But like most major holidays, that doesn’t stop us.
We go to the terrifying egg hunts. We fill the baskets with too much candy and then wonder why our kids are climbing the walls. We take them to get photos with some creep in a bunny suit that will haunt our nightmares until August and then we get to clean up Easter grass until there’s snow on the ground again. We do it all out of love, and luckily, the funny parents of Twitter manage to make it funny.
1. It’s a miracle!
My kid sure is great at picking up Easter eggs for someone who suffers arm paralysis whenever I ask him to clean up his toys.
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) April 3, 2017
Awfully convenient, isn’t it? Maybe if his only toys were little plastic eggs….
2. BRB, hiding in the closet forever.
Took my toddler to see the Easter Bunny today, and he keeps saying "next we see the scary Easter Bunny" and honestly I'm a little scared.
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) April 5, 2015
Even the “non-scary” bunny is freaking horrifying in my opinion, so imagining the “scary” one has me tinkling in my pants a little.
Easter tip: Tell your kids you hid an egg with $50 in it in the backyard but you don't remember where. Enjoy a quiet day indoors.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) March 23, 2016
$50 is far less than you’d pay for an all-day babysitter, this is literally the best idea in the whole world.
4. It never dies.
Whoever invented Easter grass just wanted revenge on humanity.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) March 18, 2016
We need to gather all the Easter grass on the planet and burn it. It’s the only way. Actually, never mind. We would still be finding it in every room of the house until Christmas.
"IF THE EASTER BUNNY HAD TIME TO HIDE ALL THESE EGGS AROUND THE HOUSE, IT SURE AS HELL HAD TIME TO DO A COUPLE OF LOADS OF LAUNDRY"
— Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) March 27, 2016
Every holiday brings with it the chance to start a petty argument with your spouse. Don’t let this opportunity pass you by!
6. We play to win.
My kid elbowed 7 Aidans and 4 Kadens to get his Easter egg hunt haul cuz go big or go home.
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) April 11, 2017
Oh, so am I the only one who outfits their kids in crash helmets and knee and elbow pads pre-hunt? Whatever, second place is the first loser.
7. What luck.
You wouldn't believe all of the Easter eggs I just found lying in the grass outside of this preschool.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) April 12, 2017
Is your chocolate fix worth snuffing out the joy in a child’s eyes. Yes. Yes it is.
Let's remember the true meaning of Easter.
Also, my kids resurrected me from a dead sleep this morning. Can I get a holiday or nah?
— Walking Outside (@WalkingOutside) April 12, 2017
Moms get no holidays. Except Mother’s Day, and we all know what a shitshow that is.
It's funny how my mother in law mailed us a bunch of Easter candy "for the kids" as if it's not all going directly into my mouth.
— Ash (@cray_at_home_ma) March 23, 2016
This is one of like, four solid benefits of parenting. Kids are a constant source of free candy. Let us have this.
10. Sounds about right.
Spoiler Alert: The Easter Bunny didn't come hoppin' down the bunny trail he sleepily tripped over toys while throwing eggs in all directions
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) March 27, 2016
It’s late at night, we’re not pros. Just trying to get the job done. And not trip, fall and end up in traction.
11. Funny how that works.
It's cool how my kid can find 87 pieces of plastic at this egg hunt in 10 minutes, but he can't find his shoes if they're sitting in his lap
— Salty Mermaid (@Jenn_H_Scott) April 12, 2017
Put his shoes out in the yard among several plastic eggs. Just a thought.
12. Keep looking.
An Easter egg hunt, except it's me searching for little pieces of my sanity I've lost since having kids. The binging on sugar stays the same
— Tragic Ally (@TragicAllyHere) April 12, 2017
As long as we get to eat chocolate it’s fine. Everything is fine.
Before the creepy Christmas elf, kids just had recurring nightmares of a giant bunny hiding eggs while they slept.
— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) April 13, 2017
Honestly, who ever thought a giant bunny hiding eggs was a good idea? They must have been high AF.
Me: Did you have fun at the Easter egg hunt?
7: No. The eggs were scattered everywhere.
Me: You know that's the point, right?
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) March 25, 2016
In all fairness, it would save a lot of energy to just put them in a basket. Gathering is too much work.
"I think you should cry a little louder and maybe the Easter Bunny will hear you."
-me, in Target demonstrating my bad ass parenting skills
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) April 7, 2017
Happy Easter, parents!