The Funniest Parents On Twitter Talk Laundry Hell

by Valerie Williams
Originally Published: 

Laundry is the stuff of nightmares when you’re a parent. It literally never ends because however progressive our society has become, it’s still unacceptable to send your kids to school naked and thusly, you’ll be doing tons of laundry every week for the next several years.

Before you have kids, you sit there all adorably pregnant folding teeny outfits and putting them in that as-yet-unscratched-by-evil-toddlers dresser in the nursery. You can’t possibly imagine how the care and keeping of those teeny outfits is going to monopolize your life for the next 18 years to come. But it will. Trust me. And don’t just take my word for it, let the funny parents of Twitter school you on the unrelenting hell that is laundry when you have kids.

1. Whoops.

A funny thing happens when you work and take care of your kids all week; you spend the weekend in that shitty t-shirt from your husband’s company softball tournament seven years ago and a pair of shorts that sport a hole in your special place.

2. Sames.

The song of my people is the agitator in the washing machine. And it plays eternally.

3. *Lights match*

Practice makes perfect. And fantasizing about burning shit sure seems like a healthy coping mechanism. Whatever works!

4. Death, taxes and laundry.

Parenting and laundry are like peas and carrots. Or love and marriage. Or your husband and habitual misuse of the heavy duty cycle.

5. Sorting is for quitters.

Having your own alpaca would be kinda boss though, no?

6. Don’t. Move.

My husband and I have actual weeks-long Mexican stand-offs over who will fold and put away the laundry. It’s a hill I am willing to die on. A hill made of fucking laundry.

7. Lol.

At least you can say you tried.

8. Brb, praying for the rapture.

It will literally be the first thing I give up on.

9. Thanks, buddy.

When your kids want to “help,” just pour wine and rub your temples slowly. Accept it. Embrace it.

10. 99% effective.

Just remember that every person you add to your family is another several piles of laundry to put away every single day until they move out. Just saying.

11. Yeah, no.

Slow your roll there, clothing labels. I’m not even sure I still own an iron. I might have purged it during a feng shui fit in 2003.

12. Does…does that work?

This kid is on my wavelength but maybe if we hate hard enough, it will all set itself on fire.

13. If you only knew.

Your teenage self would be purely horrified at your adult delight when given a few hours of silence to bang out a few loads. Crank the New Kids while you fold. Best of both worlds.

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