The Funniest Parents On Twitter Say What We're All Thinking About 'Elf On The Shelf'

by Valerie Williams
Originally Published: 

Ah, Elf on the Shelf. He’s a divisive little creature with parents falling in one of two camps: love him, or hate him. Many parents who do the Elf on the Shelf for their children take great pride in coming up with fun scenarios for the Elf that their kids eagerly discover the next morning. Some simply ferry him from one place to another and keep things light. While others forget to move the Elf most nights and kind of give up halfway through. But one thing all parents can probably agree on is that the entire thing can be a giant pain in the ass. Even the biggest Elf lovers must have moments where they want to toss that creepy little bugger into the garbage disposal. The parents of Twitter certainly understand and are not at all shy about letting out their Elf-related frustrations.

1. You could always suffocate him.

Don’t lie. You know you’ve fantasized about putting the damn thing out of it’s misery. And yours.

2. It’s so tempting.

You could end it all for so many beleaguered parents and in the midst of holiday stress, it could start to feel like a viable option.

3. Facebook feeds full of Elf-scapes.

No other parents want to see your Elf ice skating rink made out of a baking pan and your own blood, sweat and tears. Don’t bother posting the pictures. Trust us.

4. Maybe an advent calendar full of mini bottles of liquor?

Once the novelty of the first few days wears off, it starts to feel like a chore. A month-long ordeal that would go a lot smoother with little grown-up treats along the way.

5. He’s sees you when you’re sleeping. And stares when you’re awake.

Our kids are growing up under surveillance anyway. Might as well soften the blow at home with a fun little Elf creepily over-seeing their every move.

6. If you can’t beat him, make him your scapegoat.

You ate all of your kids’ Fruit Loops in a 2:00 am kitchen raid? Fear not! Blame that smug little bastard and they’ll think it’s all in good fun.

7. Well, that’s just unfair.

If your child loses a tooth during Elf on the Shelf season, better set some phone alarms so you don’t forget to bring all that pain-in-the-ass magic!

8. July? Why?

Seriously? Is December (and even part of November) not enough? We cannot stand for this or before you know it, Year-Round Elf will be a thing.

9. At least now he’s living his truth.

Let’s face it. That look on his face is NOT innocent. And if you scare them half to death, at least the kids might actually behave!

10. Do mall Santas have that kind of power?

Come on, mall Santas. Help us out here. You’ve gotta be good for something other than terrifying toddlers.

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