13 Halloween Tweets That Remind Us Life With Kids Is The Real Horror Film

13 Halloween Tweets That Remind Us Life With Kids Is The Real Horror Film

Image via Twitter

It’s that special time of year when parents everywhere spend a shitload of money on a costume their child will wear once before smearing melted chocolate on it (so much for it going in the dress-up bin) and take them around the block until they burst into tears after 20 minutes because their legs are too tired to keep going.

That’s right. It’s Halloween.

While there’s plenty of fun to be had, (hello, stealing your kid’s candy) there’s also some pitfalls. Tantrums over costumes, tantrums over candy, tantrums over…well, everything. But that’s parenting, and no one understands the bullshit better than the funny parents of Twitter.

1. Terrifying.

Honestly, why can’t Halloween always be on a Saturday? I feel like we could definitely get teachers on board with lobbying for this calendar adjustment.

2. Sorry, buddy.

Oh, you wanted to be a T-rex? Too bad. Mommy has other ideas.


This would be me. And if this isn’t you, we might not get along very well.

4. Savage. 

Nothing strikes fear in our hearts quite like the sight of a sweet child carrying that stupid catalogue full of overpriced garbage. Forget murder clowns — this is where the true terror lives.

5. Multitasking.

Your kids complain constantly anyway, but at least this time you have a misshapen gourd to take out your aggression on.

6. Every single time.

Thank God for Amazon Prime. And wine.

7. Done.

Those super dead flowers in the planters? All natural. Take that, Brenda from next door who has that projector thingie that makes ghosts dance across the front of her house.

8. Genius. 

Bonus? No chance you’ll have the same costume as any other mom.

9. Authentic AF.

Those cobwebs in every corner didn’t come from the Target Dollar Spot. You didn’t come to play, you came to slay.

10. Awkward. 

Wish someone had pointed this out to me back in 2007. Just kidding. Like 98% kidding.

11. Dear God no.

Your eyes will behold horrors you simply won’t ever unsee. Sidebar: teachers deserve $1 million a year.

12. Take that, Frankenstein. 

Stick them all adorably costumed in a wagon and go collect your due. You’ve earned it.

13. It doesn’t get any hotter.

Happy Halloween, parents!