Snow days are one of those things that should be fun in theory, but are actually pretty much horrible. Sure, there’s the handful of moms on Facebook making the gooey status updates about the magic of snowflakes and hot cocoa and cuddle time on the couch, but they’re lying. Well, at the very least, they’re leaving stuff out.
They’re leaving out how sometimes, a snow day means it’s too cold to even go outside so instead, your kids make it their mission to destroy the entire house and make you insane. They’re forgetting how you’ll get your children all bundled up, which takes approximately six hours, only to have them whine that they’re bored after five minutes of half-hearted shuffling around the backyard. They’re forgetting to mention how after the third day off in a row due to a huge storm, you’re ready to run away from home. Literally. But the funny parents of Twitter remember, and they’re here in solidarity. Because snow days can be sweet and cute, but they can also fucking suck.
1. Such fun.
Snow days are fun if you like consoling your hysterical children everyday afterward about their snowman that’s melting.
— Cray at Home Ma (@cray_at_home_ma) January 25, 2016
Olaf is melting? Maybe he needs some of Mommy’s special snow day vodka to cheer him up.
2. Reality check? Check.
Spend a day plummeting down hills on a makeshift snow sled as a reminder that your 38 year old body is basically a busted up garbage pile.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) January 12, 2017
There’s a reason adults mostly don’t play on a snowy hillside. That reason would be herniated discs.
3. The worst.
Snow-day pros: Sweatpants. Justified laziness. Sweatpants.
Snow-day cons: 5pm will feel like 10pm.
— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) January 10, 2017
Dinnertime will feel like midnight not because winter means the sun sets earlier, but because you’ll have spent 15 consecutive, waking hours with your kids and will be ready to run away from home.
Was gonna take my son out in the snow but by the time I got him dressed for it he was 45 years old and winter was long obsolete.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) February 13, 2014
Oh, and they’ll also have to pee.
5. Worth the jail time.
1st Snow Day: so magical who wants hot cocoa!
7th Snow Day: (Superintendent’s house 5am, knife to his throat) Road conditions are FINE, ok?
— Sweatpants Cher (@House_Feminist) January 18, 2017
Can’t we bring the kids to school with dog sleds? It’s 2017, let’s work this out. There has to be a (non-murder) way to make this happen.
6. Beauty can be deceiving.
Snow is so beautiful. You’d never know it was silently destroying parents by forcing them to stay home with their kids.
— Salty Mermaid (@Jenn_H_Scott) January 6, 2017
It looks so innocent and idyllic, like a Norman Rockwell painting. Except in those paintings you can’t hear the whining, bored, stir-crazy children who’ve run out of episodes of Octonauts and are threatening to riot.
7. It’s science.
A two hour snow delay is just proof that no matter what time they start I will still end up yelling that we’re late for school.
— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) January 18, 2017
School could start at 4 pm and we’d be running out the door at 3:56 screaming about a lost sneaker and shrieking over who still needs to pack their snack. We are moms. Hear us roar.
8. Repeat snow days are the work of Satan.
No school again today.
Avenge my death.
— Stacey Sordahl (@DrunkAtThePTA) January 17, 2017
The only thing worse than one snow day is two. Or three. Shudder.
Parenting means not being THAT upset about global warming, because there’s less snow days.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) January 18, 2017
60 degrees in upstate New York in February? It’s fine. It’s all fine.
We don’t have snow days where I live.
So awesome. No staying in PJs all day not driving kids anywhere…Where can I sign up for snow days?
— Walking Outside (@WalkingOutside) January 18, 2017
OK, so it’s not all bad.
11. Definitely both.
We have reached the point in this snow day where I need to either let the kids play video games or start drinking or maybe both.
— Jen Good (@buriedwithkids) January 17, 2017
Some moms try to avoid video games on snow days? Huh. Interesting approach. I try to avoid ending up on the evening news, so the PS4 is turned on at 5:30 am and stays on until I’ve had six coffees. Come at me.
12. Funny how that works.
6: I can’t get up, I’m too tired
Me: *checks phone* oh, you have a snow da-
6: *bursts out of bed shrieking & runs 20 laps around the house*
— Lurkin’ Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) December 12, 2016
Good luck out there, parents!