It’s the end of the school year. Dun dun DUN. The kids are excited, the parents are a mixture of terrified, over it and exhausted and teachers….well, this is basically their time to shine. And after a long school year, they deserve it.
Of course, summer won’t be all bad. There’s some fun to be had. Oh God, I’m rhyming — maybe I’m already losing my shit. But those final weeks leading up to it can be a special brand of miserable for everyone. Parents are done with the constant homework and lunch packing and fund raisers, but the alternative is entertaining their kids all summer and they’re bored pretty much on day one. These last weeks of school are the ultimate in bittersweet. Luckily, the funny parents of Twitter are right there with you, chugging boxed wine and counting the days until our freedom ends.
1. Do whatever you have to, teachers.
I'm a teacher and it's May. Your kid's probably doing fine. The class has been doing stuff I think. I'll probably check on them tomorrow.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) May 12, 2016
Seriously. No judgments. At all. We really don’t care what you do as long as you keep them alive and out of the house for a few more precious weeks.
LIFE TIP: If you forget to pick up your kids on the last day of school, the school has to babysit them all summer while you just chillax
— beth likes cake, so (@bourgeoisalien) May 25, 2016
I mean, they can’t just LEAVE him there alone. I believe we’ve found a loophole.
3. No wall will save you.
"Summer is coming."
-if George R.R. Martin had kids
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) April 8, 2015
Even the Men of the Night’s Watch would be terrified of what the next two months have in store. All men must die. And all kids must be bored by the end of the first day of summer vacation.
4. Adding insult to injury.
Super excited for the boys' last full week of school and the 7,000 events and activities they packed INTO this last week of school.
— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) June 8, 2015
Because the fact that we parents are about to lose our freedom isn’t enough, we’re made to run around like chickens with our heads cut off the last few weeks of school. How many end-of-year celebrations do we need? Isn’t summer vacation celebration enough?
5. Which brings us to theme days.
Best thing about the school year ending is the perpetual theme days. PJ DAY! TWIN DAY! BE A FERRET DAY WHY DONT U HAVE A FERRET COSTUME FFS
— Graceful AF (@graceful_asfuck) May 12, 2016
Oh my god, what the fuck, they want you to dress like a different literary character every day this week? How about no. Just…be clothed. That’s my only trick in May, school.
6. That is a savage move.
School's out but I didn't tell the kids. Right now they are waiting for the bus. Should buy me a few hours.
— Nicole Leigh Shaw (@NicoleLeighShaw) May 28, 2015
The desperation is real. Nothing is too crazy right now. Like, maybe even give the bus driver a lap dance so he’ll keep picking them up all summer and taking them somewhere. Anywhere.
7. The struggle.
Yesterday was the last day of school. The kids have already completed the 56 activities I had planned to keep them busy the entire summer.
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) May 29, 2015
Summer. Where the days feel like years. And the minutes feel like hours. No list of activities will ever be enough to get you through. That’s what the wine’s for.
8. *Duct-tapes sneakers together*
I do this cute thing where I dress my son up like a hobo the last month of school because he's outgrown all his clothes.
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) May 24, 2016
There’s no point in buying them decent school clothes for only a few more weeks of wear when they’ll spend all summer in a bathing suit and the same ratty basketball shorts. Hang in there, buddy.
9. 15 minutes late is the new “on time”.
Me, at the start of the school year: OMG YOU MUST NEVER BE LATE
Me, at the end of the school year: Eh, whatever
— Sarah (est. 1975) (@est1975blog) April 17, 2015
By May, we’re just impressed with ourselves for bringing them at all. Brushed teeth and fully-clothed are both bonuses along with being kinda on time.
10. Like the deserts miss the rain.
Every time we drive by her school my 8yo shouts, "Hi school! I miss you!"
You probably can't hear her over me screaming, "I MISS YOU MORE."
— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) June 29, 2015
Oh, school. How we love thee. We will do all the stupid homework in the world, JUST TAKE THEM BACK PLEASE!
11. Your efforts diminish slightly.
1st week of school: sandwich cut in a cute shape, sliced fruit, encouraging note.
Last week of school: handful of croutons wrapped in foil.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) May 21, 2015
Whatever, croutons can be very filling. Toss in some old soy sauce packets to drizzle over them, and you have a completely balanced meal.
12. Seriously, we will pay anything.
You never know how much you value your kids til school ends & you gladly pay a small fortune for some shitty camp to keep them away from you
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) May 25, 2016
Name your price, summer camps. We will pay a king’s ransom. That golden silence from 9 am to 12 pm could be all we need to stay sane this summer.
13. Just do it for them.
I'm so over the school year I don't even have the energy to make my kids cry when I try to help them with their math homework.
— Rich Cromwell (@rcromwell4) May 25, 2016
Phoning it in like whoa. Just get ‘er done. By any means necessary.
14. Girl, bye.
School drop-off in Sept: Get out of car, big hug, walk them in
In May: Slow car to 5mph, make kids tuck n roll, drive off blasting Beyonce
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) May 24, 2016
September parenting versus May parenting in a nutshell.