The Funny Parents Of Twitter On How We'll Never Have Nice Things Again

by Valerie Williams
Originally Published: 

When you live with kids, you also live with constant messes and broken things. It’s fact; if you love something, your kids will ruin it. As parents, we should never underestimate a child’s ability to destroy. We will be unpleasantly surprised every single time.

The funny parents of Twitter understand the frustration of every surface in your home being sticky and every item being perpetually at risk of destruction. Let them make you laugh as you survey the day’s damage. Welcome to parenting. Hope you enjoy cleaning.

1. The only rules they actually obey.

Saying “I have kids” is the same as saying, “everything I own is stained, broken or totally destroyed.” Them’s the rules.

2. Take me outside to kill me please, I just vacuumed.

No one is more protective of a freshly clean house than a parent. No one.

3. Nothing works faster.

Wildly effective. Hide yo Barbies, hide yo Pokemon cards, here comes mommy!

4. Let’s talk this through, little buddy.

Parents could basically be on Criminal Minds after a few years of life with a toddler.

5. Yup.

As long as it’s spaghetti covered in butter and not sauce, this is not really a big deal, to be honest.

6. Super handy.

It’s a totally standard feature for every kid you birth!

7. Innovative AF.

This is literally why we can’t have nice things, but points for originality I guess.

8. It’s a toss up.

There’s honestly very little difference other than the kid destroying things faster than the tornado.

9. Always overcoming the odds.

You say to yourself, “there’s no way my kids could fuck this up.” Your kids are all, “hold my juice box.”

10. Oh yeah. Almost forgot.

Amazing how kid mess can mimic the aftermath of breaking and entering.

11. Sounds about right.

There’s that cheesy saying about how cleaning the house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk while it’s still snowing. Like that, only not sweet and adorable. Just super sticky.

12. Thanks, buddy.

*screams internally*

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