The Funny Parents Of Twitter On Why Swimming Is The Worst

by Valerie Williams
Originally Published: 

It’s summer, so that means lots of parents are being subjected to that most horrific of summer activities — swimming. Be it pool, ocean, lake or puddle, swimming with kids is rife with difficulty. Who has to pee? Who’s hungry? Who’s bored after just 10 minutes in the water, which is less time than it took to put on their sunscreen? Who pooped in the pool? Who’s opening wine at 11am? Just me? Ok, then.

Let’s face it — swimming with kids can truly suck. That’s why we’re so lucky that the funny parents of Twitter have plenty to say about the hurdles of taking kids swimming. We’re even luckier that it’s all hilarious.

1. Need a bucket, buddy?

Oh, you’re never opened your kid’s diaper and found a few tiny seashells stuffed inside? Aren’t you fancy.

2. It’s worse than pine needles.

You thought the Christmas tree made a mess? Or the Easter grass? Nothing compares to sand. God damn stupid sand that gets everywhere and into everything. Make friends with a Swiffer.

3. At least there’s that.

All in good fun, right? Take a few photos of his little head sticking out and then sip your drink. You earned it.

4. Literally no one.

Get ready to spend a whole summer gritting your teeth and exclaiming, “Yes, that’s so cool!” with all the false enthusiasm you can muster. Because holy shit, kids. We really don’t care.

5. Victory? Sort of?

They should bring around trays of shots at the YMCA swimming pool. Just…they should.

6. Thanks, kid.

No, it’s totally cool. Moms have no dignity anyway. Just drive that stake in further.

7. Yup.

Is there water involved that isn’t an actual bio-hazard? Bath. Totally counts.

8. Several hours of wincing, basically.

Do they have to jump that close to the wall of the pool? Are they trying to give us repeat heart attacks? Well, yes. Yes, they are.

9. Sigh.

We might be so bored we could fall asleep sitting up, but as long as they’re having fun, right? Right.

10. There’s no pleasing them.

If you see a mom at the beach with her eyes closed rubbing her temples slowly, please remember this tweet. We have every right in the world to be summoning Buddha and trying our hardest to calm the hell down.

11. Vomit.

If you can suspend disbelief and convince yourself that weird warm spot is anything other than toddler piss, congratulations — you’re a parent.

12. They never relax.

You’re getting steamy, chlorinated water in Mommy’s wine, this is not the place to do a cannonball, kid.

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