The Funny Parents Of Twitter Talk The Torture Of The PTA

by Valerie Williams
Originally Published: 

Ah, the PTA. Or as I like to call it, the PT&A. (I’m here every Thursday, tip your waitress!) It’s a necessary evil in order to get things done and those dedicated parents who devote hours to bettering things for our kids’ schools deserve medals. And a shitload of wine.

And tons more wine if they promise not to ask us to help.

Volunteering for the PTA is a real sacrifice, no doubt. You thought not sleeping for a year when your child was born was the worst thing you’d ever have to do as a parent but who knew you’d one day man the pizza booth at the school Halloween dance and spend those three hours praying for the sweet release of death? It’s not pretty, but someone has to do it. And the funny parents of Twitter understand that you’d rather that someone not be you.

1. A questionable life choice.

Why am I here again? Without vodka?

2. It could take a few years.

Best to start getting them all on your wavelength ASAP. Like, be an influencer.

3. Genius.

All say “yay.” Next order of business, please.

4. Accurate.

“Can I borrow a pen” is my classic opening line for meeting new moms in any and all school situations. The PTA is no exception.

5. Learn a new skill to boot!

Worth it.

6. *changes page to private*

Brace yourself. You’re about to get hit up for buying candles, essential oils, seaweed body wraps, hand bags, soaps and weight loss shakes. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

7. Oh, how things change.

Bring back that ringtone. Look around the meeting when it goes off and see who’s bobbing their head along. Boom. Your new mom BFF.

8. Deep breaths.

The PTA might not be the best place to let out your inner (drunken) Al Pacino. Wait. Never mind. It’s actually the perfect place.

9. It’s standard procedure.

It’s either blood or 40 volunteer hours. Can someone help me roll up my sleeve and tighten this tourniquet real quick?

10. Awkward.

What? It was true.

11. Turn off your read receipts.

Or mark the president as spam? I dunno, just spit-balling here.

12. Shut up and take my money. Literally.

Ugh. Participating. Gross.

13. Boo.

Make sure to also moan intermittently to keep up the charade.

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