The Funny Parents Of Twitter Are So Over Elf On The Shelf

by Valerie Williams

As we finish our third round of Thanksgiving leftovers, some parents have to start thinking about yet another time-honored holiday tradition. He’s tiny. He’s creepy. He’s always watching.

And he’s a whole lot of freaking work.

That’s right — it’s time to bust out the Elf on the Shelf. Sure, you can say it’s possible to keep your elf game pretty low maintenance, but kids talk. When your little Aiden hears that little Sophie’s elf came to town in a miniature and totally authentic Santa sleigh landing on a bed of snow made out of marshmallows, the pressure to compete can become intense. Make no mistake — this thing has the potential to be a giant pain in the ass and source of unending aggravation. And no one understands that pain like the funny parents of Twitter, so have a laugh at their hilarious thoughts on the beady-eyed little shit.

1. So tempting.

You start off with such good intentions. It won’t last. Trust us.

2. Good boy…I mean, BAD DOG.

Slip that pup a whole bunch of table scraps. He’s doing the lord’s work.

3. Nailed it.

I will be assuming that same pose while my sisters in parenthood work up a sweat creating teeny elf ice skating rinks out of punch bowls. Oops, gotta pour more wine, brb.

4. Calm down, genius.

A $30 book and stuffed toy is egregious enough of an offense but to then suggest that parents perform all manner of elf theater during what’s arguably the most stressful and busy month of the year? Yeah, how about you slow your roll there, elf inventor?

5. Sorry, kids.

Technically, you are the elf. It’s only fair you’d get to reap some of the benefits including total silence and no one elbowing you in the boob.

6. Oh, that’s pure evil.

This is a truly savage move to be reserved only for the bitchiest of PTA moms. I approve.

7. Shudder.

His shifty little eyes have a distinctly demonic quality to them just like another creepy-ass doll we know. No thanks! My house will remain elf (and evil) free.

8. Preach.

What mom in her right mind would want to create more work for herself during the hour-ish she gets each evening after the kids go to sleep and before she passes out? Well, a good mom, probably. Not me, definitely.

9. Phew.

At least they can change it up now. Instead of asking for waffles or telling you the TV won’t turn on they can describe in excruciating detail where they found the mother fucking elf! Where’s the Tylenol?

10. Sign us up.

Can we….can we really do that? Because several of us might rethink our anti-elf stance if this could be a thing.

11. Guilty.

Sorry, parents. If you’re up making itty bitty elf pancakes at 11pm on a Tuesday night some of us will point and giggle. Thems the rules.

12. Get your unfollow finger ready.

Because if your 458 Facebook friends didn’t see your Elf Land tablescape did it really happen?

13. Make it work for you, not against you.

You can get creative and go totally overboard with your elf or, you could just be a total genius. Your call.

14. Amen.

An elf funeral on December 26th just feels right.

15. Romance. It isn’t dead.

Sound familiar?

16. Time to get creative.

SO many possibilities.

Good luck with the elf debuting, parents!