The Funny Parents Of Twitter On The 'Magic' Of Halloween

by Valerie Williams
Originally Published: 

It’s that time of year, parents. Get ready for candy, costumes, trick-or-treating and possibly, murder clowns.

That’s right. It’s almost Halloween. And this year, we kind of need the distraction. Between the aforementioned creepy clowns, this nightmare of an election and the general state of the year 2016, we could all use a little fun. Whether your idea of a good time is firing up Pinterest and making elaborate costumes all your mom friends can roll their eyes at, or eating all the candy you bought to hand out to kids by October 27th, we all have our own way of celebrating. Whatever you prefer, the funny parents of Twitter have you covered with these hilarious tweets about Halloween.

1. Shudder.

Screw creepy clowns. This is the scariest possible thing to see when you open your door. We don’t want anymore fucking candles, BE GONE.

2. When you put it that way…

Great. Now the only thing that makes it great isn’t actually a thing. Better bring a sippy full of vodka trick-or-treating to soothe the pain.

3. It’s a toss-up.

If he’s had a vasectomy, I think we all know which choice would strike the most fear in his heart.

4. *Side-eye*

Oh, your mom actually took the time to make your costume? My kids have Amazon specials that cost $29.99 each and are already showing signs of wear after merely trying them on. Gluten for you, and you and you.

5. A major benefit.

Kids are like little candy cows and this is most evident on Halloween. Send them off into the night to retrieve a bounty and if they complain, shamelessly remind them of your c-section scar and/or third degree vaginal tearing that’s all their fault. This is literally the least they can do.

6. Come as you are.

Look on the bright side; at least it saves you money and a super annoying trip to Party City.

7. No thank you, please.

It’s like your very own free, haunted house soundtrack that doesn’t actually ever stop regardless of the day on the calendar. Ugh forever.

8. Well shit.

Looking back, there were way easier (and cheaper) ways to obtain endless amounts of candy. Hindsight and all.

9. Why, though?

This literally makes me upset. If you can’t gorge on candy for Halloween, when can you? Stick to the boxed wine, TJ’s. Absolutely no one wants this.

10. Mixed messages like whoa.

All bets are off for just one night. But it’s that last part that we really need to drive home.

11. Ick.

Look away, kids. I said look away.

12. Limitless options.

You can be anything, moms. Happy Halloween!


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