The Funny Parents Of Twitter On The Hell That Is Packing Lunch

by Valerie Williams

Whether your kids buy the hot lunch or bring from home, school lunches are a big freaking deal. They’re a major source of arguments, worry, stress and heartache. And that’s just for the parents.

You pack it? They hate it. You leave it out? They whine and cry. You tell them they’re buying hot lunch today? They go on strike. It might feel as though you literally can’t win the game of Getting Your Kids To Eat Something At School, and that’s where the funny parents of Twitter come in. They understand the lunch struggle and are here to add a dash of laughter to your usual (rejected) school lunches.

1. Something doesn’t add up.

At home, food is rejected by your mini Gordon Ramsey but when it comes time to bring lunch to school? Only a home-packed meal will do. Explain yourselves, tiny food critics. You make no sense.

2. Yup, pretty much.

Or, it comes home as half-eaten sandwich chunks swimming in a mess of yogurt and trail mix. So rewarding.

3. We feel you, lunch ladies.

It’s hard enough feeding hundreds of kids without them refusing to eat most of what’s served. Though if they’re moms, they probably think nothing of it.

4. Good enough.

My kids actually prefer Lunchables giving my perfect little stacks of organic deli turkey and artisan cheese slices an abysmal review. “They aren’t as smooth as Lunchables turkey, momma!” Go eat some nitrates, kids. We’ve lost the will to give a shit.

5. Waste not, want not.


6. Savage.

You want to play hardball, kid? Let’s dance.

7. Carson’s mom is not to be trifled with.

Establish dominance by being the only mom who refuses to cut their kid’s sandwiches into whimsical shapes.

8. Something for everyone.

It’s brilliant. A time-saver for you, a smorgasbord for them. As long as it’s not like, dairy products or meat being left for days. Shudder.

9. Satisfaction guaranteed.

Picky kids are annoying no matter what the hour but there’s something especially infuriating about fielding complaints from teeny food critics about how “slimy” their deli ham is before the sun’s up.

10. They see right through us.

Your kids might get suspicious if you only come around to see them at school on chicken patty day, but whatever. That shit is delicious.

11. Hold your head up high.

You always said you wouldn’t be that parent. Then, you had kids. It’s cool, no one in the trenches will ever judge you.

12. “Buy” is a four letter word.

How dare you? They prefer refusing to eat and then throwing away food parents make. What are we, savages?

13. He asked for it.

It will toughen him up in the end. Carry on.