There are some corners of the parenting universe that you just can’t comprehend unless you’ve been there, places of unimaginable pain that most of us will never know. What can bring comfort is finding a fellow traveler whose presence confirms that you’re not alone. Reality star Madisson Hausburg has been there.
The 28-year-old known for her role in Siesta Key is trying to conceive after the devastating loss of her son Elliot at 37 weeks. She’s been incredibly open about her grief and is now also sharing her struggle to find hope again. In publicly telling her story, she’s giving voice to the experience of other parents who must find a way to move forward after loss.
Trying to get pregnant can be emotionally complicated under the best of circumstances, and for those who have experienced a loss, the process may present a confounding mix of hope and devastation. After sharing in March, on what would have been her son Elliot’s three month birthday, that she and husband Ish Soto were trying again, Hausburg posted a crushing update on her Instagram story on Thursday.
Alongside a picture of a negative pregnancy test, she wrote “After Elliot died, the only hope I had left in my heart was to have a living baby someday. Seeing this negative result again…and again…re-breaks my heart all over.”
Her disappointment was mixed with disbelief.
“We got pregnant with Elliot on the first try, so this is incredibly difficult and confusing and frustrating. I really let myself get my hopes up this time,” she wrote. “I feel utterly defeated. Today is a hard day.”
For followers wishing to offer support, Hausburg had one important request: “Please refrain from telling me to ‘relax and just let it happen,’” she wrote.
Dropping some serious truths about how people can cause further wounds with well-intentioned words, she explained, “1. I promise I have already heard it 100000000 times. 2. Telling someone to relax doesn’t actually make them relax. It just makes them feel bad for not being relaxed on top of everything else. 3. That’s literally not how it works.”
It’s good advice of anyone trying to comfort someone who’s trying to conceive.
In her March post announcing that she and Soto were trying again, Hausburg movingly articulated the tangle of grief and hope that she is experiencing: “After Elliot’s death, I don’t think I will ever be truly emotionally ready to be pregnant again. But I have this deep need to be that I can’t explain.”
She continued, “There’s a hole in my heart that will never be healed, but I hold hope that motherhood won’t always look like this for me 🧸💕”
On New Year’s Day, when Elliot would have been three weeks old, Hausburg shared a photo of the tattoo of his name that she had etched on her arm, and spoke of how hearing others’ stories helped: “You have no idea how much it means to us and helps us feel less alone. I am learning more and more about stillbirth, miscarriage, and infant loss. It breaks my heart that so many people go through this nightmare and can relate to this pain.”
In December 2021, Hausburg noticed that her son had stopped moving and went to the hospital.
“Ish took me to the hospital and there was no heartbeat,” she shared in a heartbreaking post. I’ve never heard anything more deafening than the lack of a heartbeat on an ultrasound at 9 months pregnant. My whole world collapsed in that moment.”
The baby’s cord was tied in a knot and wrapped around his neck twice.
“But what followed was simply magical,” she shared. “The nurse handed me the most beautiful boy in the world. He was absolutely perfect. I can’t even begin to describe the amount of pure love and pride I felt with my baby. Ish and I created such an incredible little human, and I finally got to meet him. I wouldn’t trade those moments for the world!!”
Hausburg’s openness shows everyone how to be present for other parents who have experienced a loss while comforting those who have been down that road. Here’s to hoping for some good news soon.