John Merrill also takes issue with “wife-swapping on TV”
It is the year of our Lord 2019, and somehow, the news cycle most days makes it seem like we’re being dragged backward in time by troglodyte politicians and their extremely misguided followers. Case in point, Alabama (I mean honestly, have we tried unplugging Alabama and plugging it back in?) senate candidate John Merrill actually told a crowd of constituents that “homosexual activities” have replaced the good, wholesome TV shows of days of yore.
No seriously, he said this. And is very serious about it.
Merrill is looking to unseat democratic Sen. Doug Jones, who (thankfully) beat accused sexual assaulter and overall creep Roy Moore in a special election in 2017. Moore’s loss was disturbingly narrow considering how awful he is, so it looks like this dude has a solid shot at becoming an actual lawmaker in this country. The following batshit nutty quote will prove why that’s cause for concern:
“There are no more good TV shows on like ‘Gunsmoke,’ ‘Bonanza,’ ‘The Virginian,’ ‘Andy Griffith,’ ‘I Love Lucy.’ We don’t have those shows anymore. We’re too interested in homosexual activities,” he inexplicably said to a crowd at the Dekalb County Republican Breakfast Club meeting earlier this week.
Yup. Since we got tired of watching Ricky threaten to smack Lucy for not obeying him, we’ve apparently decided gay sex is all we want to see on TV. Totally checks out.
Merrill, who is currently Alabama’s secretary of state, elaborated on his completely weird cultural stances. He says folks these days are “too interested” in seeing “how people are trying to date on TV” and “having wife-swapping on TV,” all of which he feels aren’t “morally uplifting.”
He later confirmed this batshittery to AL.com saying, “The foundational principles which we have grown up as a nation are no more,” and then repeated his claim that our morals are all messed up because of all the homosexual sex and wife-swapping that’s happening on TV.
Let’s take a quick second to appreciate the fact that the prior GOP lawmaker who held the senate seat he’s running for was credibly accused of sexual assault by a number of women and a few minor children, some as young as 14 and 16 while Moore was in his 30s. Naturally, Trump defended him amid the allegations.
But please tell me more about how Wife Swap is the cause of our cultural and moral decay, bro.
Nevertheless, he persisted. Merrill says if we just stand up to the gay sex and wife-swap shows on TV, all will be well in the world again. “When we push back against that, and we quit allowing it to be in our homes – that’s how those changes have occurred because we’ve allowed them to slowly but surely come into our lives,” he explained.
As a little punctuation mark on this insanity, know that Moore is running for senate again, despite the deserved backlash he received two years ago. Lord, give me the confidence of a mediocre (or even totally horrible) white man.