There are no ifs, ands, or buts about it — hair can be funny. Like the time that you tried to do the Kool-Aid hair dye trend on your kid and turned their tresses into one giant sticky purple mess that stuck straight up in the air (of course, then you spent a decidedly un-funny hour detangling that hair). And there also exists a plethora of hair puns and jokes to comb through when you need some fun and giggles.
However, hair often proves to be one of those charged topics that can make people feel insecure. Whether you’re dealing with postpartum hair loss, a receding hairline, or some other condition, trust us when we say we aren’t trying to make light of a situation you may not consider a laughing matter. We’re just bringing a bit of levity to the light-hearted side of having hair. After all, you’re going to need something to keep you from screaming when your preschooler gets slime in their hair for the fifth time this week (can slime be over yet?!).
So, enjoy the following hair puns and jokes with that in mind. And when you get to our section on the best bald jokes, remember the wise words of Larry David: “Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man — there’s your diamond in the rough.”
Best Hair Puns and Jokes
- Why was Pavlov’s hair so messy?
Because he didn’t condition it.
- Why did the king ban all the men and women in the kingdom from having a haircut?
He considered it an act of hair-esy.
- What did the barber say when he saw someone with super-thick hair approaching?
“Hair comes trouble!”
- Why was the woman’s hair so angry?
Because she was always teasing it!
- How did the town guide introduce the tourists to the world’s longest strand of human hair?
“Welcome to the main hair-itage attraction of our town!”
- Barber: “And how old are you, little man?”
Fred: “Eight.” Barber: “And do you want a haircut?” Fred: “Well, I certainly didn’t come in for a shave!”
- What did the woman in Kansas who had a wavy hair bun sing?
“Carry On, My Wayward Bun.”
- What happened when the barber cleaned his shop?
He said it felt like a breath of fresh hair!
- A guy walks into a barbershop. The barber asks, “What will it be today?”
The guy says, “I want waves on top, faded on one side, plugged on the other side, and just make it all weird and messed up.” Puzzled, the barber asks, “Now, why in the world would you want your hair cut like that?” To which the guy replied, “That’s how you cut it last time.”
- I used to dislike my hair…
But it’s growing on me.
- What do you call a bee having terrible hair problems with the humidity?
- One day, a girl looks at her mother’s hair and says, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?”
The mother replied, “Well, every time you do something you aren’t supposed to and make me unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.” The girl thought about this revelation for a while, and then said, “Mama, how come all of Grandma’s hairs are white?”
- What’s the bird trainer’s favorite hairstyle?
- What do you call Italian cheese with curly hair?
- Why do bees have sticky hair?
They use honeycombs.
- Where do horses go to get their hair styled and cut?
The state of Maine.
- What did one thick hair say to the other thick hair when they had a fight?
“Guess we don’t gel well with each other!”
- Why are hairdressers never late for work?
They know all the short cuts!
- What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut?
- How does the man on the moon cut his hair?
- Why did the fortune teller decide to get their hair done on Wednesday?
She read it in her hairoscope.
- Who did Princess Leia’s hair?
- What haircut can people not stop raving about?
The buzz cut.
- What do mummies put in their hair?
- Where did the sheep get a haircut?
At the baa-baa shop.
- Why do hairstylists frequent the gym?
They love doing curls.
- Dear Hair,
If you cooperated in the first place, we wouldn’t have to do this the hard way. Sincerely, Girl with Flat Iron
- Sign outside a hair salon: We’ll color your hair or dye trying.
- What did the cops do when 600 hares escaped the zoo?
They combed the area.
- What makes music on your hair?
A head band.
- Where do people in Antarctica get their hair cut?
The brr-brr shop.
- What do you call a cow’s facial hair?
- I’m so awkward when people compliment me:
Them: “Nice hair!” Me: “Thanks, I grew it myself.”
- How did one hair propose to another?
“I love you unconditionally!”
- What kind of hair loves going on vacation at the beach?
- Why do people prefer to watch sports matches while visiting the barbershop?
Although the coverage is the same, the highlights are way better.
- Why couldn’t the two strands of hair remain friends?
They reached a split end.
- In my dreams, nobody shaves…
I have a lot of imagine hairy friends.
- Why did the woman get fired from the hot dog stand?
She put her hair in a bun.
- How do newscasters prefer to keep their hair?
In a short wave.
- My daughter asked if I could braid her hair, and the result was, Apparently knot.
- Someone said to me that my hair gel looked like snot. I replied: “No! It’s not!”
Best (Good-Natured!) Bald Jokes
- What’s one major advantage to being bald?
You can never be blamed if someone finds a hair in their food.
- Why is the bald eagle bald?
Because it has no hair, silly — it has feathers!
- What did one man say to his friend with a receding hairline?
“Hey, friend, I can see that your head definitely has a brighter future than mine.”
- Why do bald people abstain from using any keys?
Because they don’t have any locks.
- A woman was cutting her husband’s thinning hair when their teenage son arrived home looking for a snack.
She offered a kiwifruit and tried to tempt him with its nutritious qualities. “It has more vitamin C than an orange,” she remarked. Then their son quipped, “And more hair than dad!”
- What did the bald historian say when he found an antique comb in the ruins?
“I’m never going to part with this!”
- Why is it so easy to guess what a bald person is going to say?
You can literally see what’s on their mind.
- What do you call a group of rabbits hopping backward?
A receding hairline.
- Why did Harry Potter go bald?
He lost his Hedwig!
- Why did the bald guy leave the wig shop without a wig?
Because he forgot toupee.
- What are bald pirates most afraid of?
- What did the husband say after his wife left him because he started losing his hair?
He said, “I don’t care, it’s hair loss, not mine.”
- Why do bald men abstain from using any keys?
Because they don’t have any locks!
- My friend’s hairline did not fall out.
It fell down.
- Patient: “Doctor, doctor, my hair keeps falling out. Can you give me anything to keep it in?”
Doctor: “Yes, here is a paper bag!”
- Women in my focus group say a bald-headed man is trustworthy.
He has nothing to hide.
- How can you avoid falling hair?
Get out of the way.
- Experience is like a comb that life gives you when you are bald.
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