Hilarious Snapchat Rant Nails Why Everyone Hates Group Texts

Hilarious Snapchat Rant Nails Why Everyone Hates Group Texts

Her video bemoaning the practice has caught fire because everyone hates group texts

You know when you get a text with 30 other people on it and half of them are unidentifiable phone numbers and your phone keeps pinging and every other message is an emoji and you want to throw your phone in the fire and move to the woods and never communicate with anyone ever again?

This video is for you. By which I mean me. And also everyone else.

The woman in the video, her face distorted hilariously via Snapchat, is Heather Land, the voice behind the popular Facebook page I Ain’t Doin It. Her popular videos tackle everyday annoyances, like the friend who won’t stop talking about Crossfit, and school fundraisers.

Her latest target is group texts and can I get an amen? Because group texts can die in a fire.

“I love you. And I thank you for wanting to text with me. But if you put me in another dadgum group text I’m gonna lose my mind!”

PREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEACH.

“I get about 40 dings on my phone and it’s just 40 thumbs up!”

Seriously. Would it kill someone to not fall in line the Siskel and Ebert-obsessed sheep? No one is going to question your stance if you choose to skip sending a thumb that one time. Chill!

And then there are the splinter conversations that a couple of people inevitably, inexplicably, start. Heather knows.

“Or when y’all start personal conversations on there. Mmmm. That’s my favorite! Love it.”

Spoiler alert: she’s being sarcastic. That’s not her favorite. It’s literally no one’s favorite! Guess what? The 30 other people on this interminable, excruciating string of pointless messages don’t need to know about your dog’s UTI. Take it offline. Please.

Heather knows. She gets it. And she lets the group texters in on a little secret.

“And I know you think I’m not answering ’cause I’m busy. I’m not busy. I’m bitter.” Like the rest of us, Heather can think of plenty of terrible things she’d rather be doing than participating in a group text. For example…

“I would rather bathe in tobacco spit than to be put in another dadgum group text.”

Okay, that may be where we part ways. I hate me some group texts but tobacco spit is nasty. Then again, so are 40 dadgum thumbs-ups!

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Heather Land is at her best when she’s poking fun of the common annoyances that every one of us deals with every day, and those idiots who think group texts are an efficient way to communicate are at the top of our list.

Her video is both hilarious and hilariously restrained. I should probably start using “dadgum” for emphasis; it would be a lot less problematic to hear my kids repeat that word than some of the other ones I’ve been known to throw around when someone includes me on a group text. Usually, when I’m included on one of those things, I try my best to ignore them, and sometimes I’ll simply send back a snarky “UNSUBSCRIBE” because I’m the king of email humor.

But next time? I’m going to send this video to all thirty people, and then I’m immediately going to turn my phone off.