High School Poop Bandit Turns Out To Be Superintendent

New Jersey school’s superintendent charged with defecating in public

I have a little story to tell you about a school, some poops that started showing up on the football field, and the unlikely culprit. Buckle up, because this is a wild ride.

A New Jersey school had quite the Nancy Drew mystery going on when piles of human shit began appearing on or near the school’s track and football field. Police tell News 12 the poop piles were arriving “on a daily basis,” as reported to them by the campus resource officer. So, surveillance was set up by officials and low and behold, the poop bandit was none other than superintendent of Kenilworth Public Schools, Thomas Tramaglini.

It was at the Holmdel High School football field and track where Tramaglini was doing his daily doo, apparently during his morning runs. He was apprehended by Holmdel Police on Monday at 5:50AM while running on the track. Talk about awk-ward.

Let’s break this down real quick. Someone was pooping on the school track. It turned out not to be an unruly student or even a vile prank by some bored seniors. It was a school superintendent.

Like, what?

And also, why?

Twitter has thoughts too.

As someone with a lot of marathon runner friends, I do understand the whole “running long distances can make you poo” thing. This is A Thing, gross as it sounds, and hey, shit happens. Literally. But BRO — if this is your struggle, how about picking a new running spot other than a track that apparently has no handy bathroom? Or, and this is wild, CLEAN IT UP AFTERWARD.

Tramaglini, who is also a a part-time lecturer for the Rutgers Graduate School of Education, was charged with defecating in public, lewdness, and littering. He’s due to appear in court on Monday and in the meantime, he’s on a paid leave of absence from his $147,504 job. Let’s hope he’s using his time off to Google new running routes that include bathroom stops.