Wake me up when January ends
For as long as any of us have been alive, January has been 31 days long. Yet today, the 29th day of January, the entire internet woke up feeling like enough is enough.
Who knows why this phenomenon is happening. Maybe it’s just the fact that January tends to be the coldest, grayest, dreariest month, with no holidays to look forward to and nothing coming the next month but more stupid winter. Oh, and gross viruses your entire family will manage to catch.
The internet, however, seems to think it’s the fact that this year, January has five Mondays. Clearly five Mondays is too many Mondays for one month, but especially if that month happens to be cold, drab, no-fun January.
Christmas is over and our bank accounts are empty, but along with that misery, it does kind of feel like this month is dragging on, right? If a month has to have five of a weekday, why can’t it be Friday so we can possibly get an extra pay day in there? Why does it have to be Monday?
At least, if nothing else, this endless parade of cold, wintry Mondays has united us all. If Twitter is any indication, the entire internet is bonding over the fact that January just will. Not. End. This year.
This is the Pennywise the Clown of months, no doubt.
This is 2018. Politics have become an unending dumpster fire. Nuclear war feels more and more imminent. Every day is January. Every day is Monday. It’s Groundhogs Day, only no Bill Murray and everything is terrible.
There’s good news, though. Chin up, folks — there are now only two (endless) days left in January, and neither of them are Mondays. You’re welcome.