Okay, ladies, listen up. Whether you’ve had kids or not, been in a long-term relationship or single for the past five years, orgasms are an important part of life. We may not put them front and center when we are having them on the regular, but when we are not, their value increases by quite a bit.
When it comes time to get it on or buzz one off, sometimes our minds wander and it’s hard to stay focused and not think about all the things we need to get done or if our sleeping babies are going to wake up at any moment. But still, we deserve to have mind-blowing orgasms, dammit. And we need to set aside the time to see what it is going to take to get there whether we think it should be a priority or not.
I can feel your eyes rolling as you read this. You are probably thinking, No one has time for that. But it doesn’t take much time. Besides, if given the choice, would you choose the donut with extra glaze or sprinkles, or the shriveled up, day-old one that would take care of your craving a little but leave you feeling like it just wasn’t worth it?
That’s what I thought.
I mean, if you are going to have sex, be intimate with someone or yourself, and climax, for fuck’s sake, let’s load on the extra glaze and sprinkles.
Scary Mommy talked with Dr. Laura Deitsch, of Vibrant who let us in on some tips and tricks to make your big “O” exactly that: big. And it doesn’t take a lot of time either. You can get some of these exercises in during your shower, going through the drive-thru, or — my favorite time — when the kiddos are in bed after a glass of wine. Now let’s dig in and learn how to get ours.
First, Dr. Deitsch says we must recognize every woman is different, and it takes different things in order to climax. While some need a few toys, others can orgasm just by fantasizing and pinching their nipples. And because things feel different to us all, we need to focus on what feels good to us and try to focus just our own pleasure. Because when we are trying to think about our daily lives, if we should buy that new dress, or what day we signed up to be snack mom “our clits are going to be resentful,” says Deitsch. And no one wants a resentful clit, that’s for sure. We want happy clits all around.
So, push those thoughts out the best you can — just start with one or two minutes — it will be worth it, I promise.
That fab body of yours wants to be touched. Dr. Deitsch suggests going from the “outermost parts of your body and working our way in.” Start by running your nails down your calf, pinch the part of your body where your bum meets your leg, then squeeze your breasts making sure you leave “the tasty bits for last.”
Our mind can be a powerful thing and Deitsch suggests picking a fantasy to go along with your play time and stick to it. “Don’t shame, censor, or cut it short,” she says. This is the time to let go as the mental and physical stimulation together will take you to a magical place.
It’s time to start talking. Many women feel ashamed to talk about their wants or needs when it comes to sexy time, but it’s essential in order to get what you want, and ladies, you should be getting exactly what you want. Educate your partner, take the initiative by moving your partners hand a certain way or changing positions during sex. So many of us are concerned about our partners having an orgasm — whether it’s because we want them to hurry up so we can fall asleep, or want them to get theirs — and we lose sight of our needs. Why not expect an orgasm every time you get intimate? You deserve it.
Understand Your Body
When a woman is having an orgasm, the body releases the feel-good hormone called oxytocin which makes you feel closer to your partner. But do know what is also does? It helps our brains better monitor fear and anxiety so, in turn, we are more relaxed. On a physical note, our breasts expand (up to 25%) when we are aroused, our vulvas become engorged, and the vagina becomes enlarged to make room for a penis or sex toy. Not only do we feel happy thoughts after climaxing, our body adjust so we can have a better experience before the big “O.” How amazing are we?
So if you want your sex life to get a bit hotter, or feel like you’re in a rut, start by getting to know you again. Remember: after kids, your body changes. Dr. Deitsch reminds us what used to feel good might not do it for you any longer, and that’s okay.
Just remember it makes it even more important to experiment with yourself in private or with your partner, and not be afraid to take control and talk about what you want.
Orgasms are delicious, and so worth the time and energy to give your clitoris its best life.