Every parent needs help but it takes a lot of courage to ask for it
Being a mother is one of the most daunting and all-consuming jobs a person can take on. There’s no down time, no breaks — and if you ever appear as if you don’t have your stuff together 100 percent of the time, you will be judged. A recent Humans of New York post cuts to the heart of this notion and summarizes so perfectly why we all need to be able to ask for help.
“It’s so hard to ask for help. Because you’re supposed to be ‘Mommy,’” this new mom writes. “And you never want to say: ‘I need help being Mommy.’”
She goes on to say that because she carried this person inside her for nine months and “knew she was coming,” it somehow negated her need for support once her child finally arrived. “I felt like I should be able to handle it and I didn’t want to ask other people to stop their lives,” she continued. “Especially if they had no part in making this baby.”
No one wants to feel like they can’t handle motherhood. If you complain you sound ungrateful and thankless for the gift you’ve been given, especially if you wanted them so desperately to begin with. But no matter how hard you try, it’s impossible to foresee the weight of it all — the pressure parenting puts on all aspects of your being.
This mother’s story resonated with so many others feeling the same way:
“Eventually I had to give in. I’m just one person and being ‘Mama’ 24/7 can make you crazy,” she continues. “I found myself getting frustrated that other people were going on with their lives.”
This is often the narrative of parenting — once you have a child it’s all on your shoulders to provide every single thing to that tiny human. But it’s not natural nor should it be expected. As with any relationship, it’s impossible to be all things to a person and that includes your kids.
The mother in the post admits not asking for help eventually backfired. “I’d let things fester. And it was unhealthy for my relationships,” she admitted. “Instead of beginning with ‘Can you help?’ I’d lose my temper, and jump straight to: ‘Why aren’t you helping?’”
Her message is such a powerful reminder of just how important it is to be able to ask for help — and how common it is to still feel wrong asking for it in the first place.