This Husband's Account Of An IKEA Shopping Trip With His Wife Is Everything

by Julie Scagell

Husband gives hilarious play by play of what it’s like to shop for stuff you don’t need

I despise shopping. The quantity of racks and aisles in a store directly correlates to the amount of marbles I will lose while I’m there. I don’t have patience for people or crowds or crowds of people. Nathanael Showalter is a man after my own heart. He was recently dragged to IKEA (shudder) by his wife and, in a state of bewildered amusement, decided to give a play by play of the outing on Imgur. Nothing against IKEA, they have cheap, well designed furniture and who doesn’t like a making good Scandinavian pun when you are walking down their aisles?

But Nathanael is every person who has ever been shopping with their significant other with no true comprehension of exactly why the trip is happening. His direct, deadpan observations make the act of visiting a store when you don’t actually need anything for your home all the more priceless. But hey, he’s married. Marriage is about sacrifice. And shutting your damn mouth.

He starts out with a simple but fair question. Not that “fully furnished” has ever stopped a woman before.

Because those Swedish meatballs aren’t going to eat themselves.

It seems poor Nathanael just can’t catch a break.

After lunch, it’s time to get busy. It’s always good to be prepared. Today you are blissfully childfree. Tomorrow you will wake up to a house full of kids and wonder what in the hell just happened to your life. Trust us, it happens that fast.

Once you have all those kids, you are going to need some calming scents in every room of your home. That and some whisky. Stop screaming kids, Mommy and Daddy are BARELY HANGING ON BY A THREAD HERE.

Nathanael then proceeds to diligently follow his wife around various sections of the store highlighting other items that are of no use to him.

Napkins for days. These probably would have come in handy in the “fruity purple sauce” debacle.

This one may be our favorite, though.

It seems now they are in the living plants section. I wasn’t aware this section even existed as I would have already run screaming into the abyss an hour ago. You gotta love him for hanging in.

Finally it appears the gig is up for Nathanael.

And in typical IKEA fashion, they buy miscellaneous items they never needed in the first place and forget the one thing they came for. The look on her face says, “Challenge me. I dare you.”

Luckily, they make it out of the store alive and even holding hands. We think you’ve got yourself a keeper.