I Refuse To Feel Shame Over My C-Sections

c-section

There is something about the internet that makes people feel free to say the strangest things, to declare expert status on topics without bothering to find out the information. All it takes is one seemingly innocent comment on one mutual friend’s FB page and let the shaming begin!

Well, internet, I reject your shame.

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I will be having a scheduled c-section with this baby, like I did with my first, and guess what? I am still a good mom. Some women have scheduled c-sections just because, and honestly though the c-section rate is indeed high and we could do a better job of supporting mothers to deliver vaginally, it’s none of your business why they schedule them.

I don’t know their stories, but I do know mine. Perhaps it will help you understand.

With my first, we presented a birth plan to my OB at our 35 week appointment. It involved walking around the hospital, warm showers and as little intervention as possible. My OB was totally on board until the ultrasound showed that my son, Max, was not just breach but “jacknifed” his small butt stuck by my left hip, his head up near my right ribs and his feet both stuck over his head. There was no way he was coming out. I tried everything. Lay on an ironing board off the couch and hang with your head near the floor and your legs in the air with a pack of frozen peas on his head, the idea being that the cold and the change in direction would encourage him to move. Did it. Poor guy was stuck. He wasn’t able to move, even if he had wanted too.

I will never forget how quiet and still she was during that ultrasound, concern on her face as after what seemed like forever she said “I don’t think you’re going to get the birth you hope for, we will need to do a c-section.” Zach and I breathed a sigh of relief after she assured us that baby was fine, just stuck, and our immediate response was “Oh, is THAT all?”

That c-section can only be likened to the final scenes of Braveheart. Two nurses climbed on the table and pushed and wiggled as I was cut farther and farther open in order to finagle one very stuck baby boy out of me.

Yet, you judge, internet.

You don’t know that when you toss that out, and accuse my doctor of wanting an easy way out, what a struggle that surgery was. You don’t know that when Zach asked Dr. K when it was all over what would have happened to Max and I back in the pioneer days and she said very quietly “they both would have died in labor.” All you hear is scheduled C-section and you make assumptions.

I went into labor with Huck, my second, at 29 weeks, the exact same gestational age as I am right now with this baby. We were in and out of the hospital, on bedrest, on contraction stopping drugs and when my water broke at 36 weeks my entire team supported my decision to try for a VBAC.

Yet, you come on FB and say “Don’t let your doctor talk you into a c-section! You are a PERFECT candidate for a VBAC! You could deliver the right way!”

You don’t know what the doctors did support me. In the end, after the baby started showing signs of stress, my OB suggested a c-section and I agreed.

I knew then that if I had another baby it would be a direct ticket to the O.R. and I am at peace with that. I have had two c-sections. One with a swiss cut and one with a singular cut. To risk tearing and bleeding out is silly in my opinion. I have two sweet boys who want their mommy around. I have a baby girl in my womb who is hoping to be born and loved. I don’t think she cares how she gets out. Just that she does.

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So, internet, I reject your shame. You can keep it.

I wouldn’t even be here to be a mother to my baby if it weren’t for a scheduled c-section; scheduled in the nick of time as it turned out, as my contractions were two minutes apart when they checked me in with Max.

We can never know anyone’s reason for having a c-section and it isn’t any of our business. The only proper thing to say is  ”all that matters is mommy and baby are happy and here at the end of the day.” Then smile at the mama and congratulate her.

The end.

About the writer

Stephanie Dulli is a former actress and stand up comic who left Los Angeles for the suburbs of Maryland to raise her two young boys (now pregnant with a girl!) with her educator husband. Director of the Washington, D.C. Listen to Your Mother Show she blogs at Stephanie Says and manages to live with her mother in law. That may be her greatest accomplishment to date. 

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Amy 3 months ago

Um, you’re a asshole. Mind your own business and I’ll mind mine. Current stats say planned Csecs are safer for the baby than a vaginal birth, and it’s a bonus if I don’t have to risk suffering a 3rd or 4th degree vaginal tear and all the health issues that entails. It’s not always about vanity… sometimes it’s about quality of life, when I’ve watched my sister deal with debilitating complications from vaginal deliveries. Thanks.

Elisabeth 4 months ago

So true! I’ve had one Cesarean, one VBAC, and one early stillbirth (technically a VBAC, like it matters). The vaginal is easier and quicker to recover from, so get it if you can. Any delivery that has mom and baby leaving the hospital alive and together is a HUGE success.

Elizabeth 4 months ago

The thing that bothers me the most about your “if you can make a baby, you can birth a baby” sentiment is that you make it clear that you don’t consider c-sections a way to “give birth.” And for that you are simply wrong. Mamas everywhere, with no exceptions, give birth. It doesn’t matter how they come out – giving birth precedes being born.

Naomi 4 months ago

I have 2 beautiful children both via C-Section. My first, my daughter, was almost exactly the same as yours except that her pelvis was firmly stuck in mine. We knew at 30 weeks that she would be delivered via C-Section. I remember the day she turned into the wrong position. I was walking down the hallway to the kitchen and was stopped dead in my tracks as she did the 180 spin. It completely knocked the wind out of me. I had my next appointment with my OB a week later and told him what had happened, he immediately scanned me and confirmed she wasn’t in the right position for a vaginal birth. I was heart broken but at the same time was relieved to know so early so I could prepare myself. We didn’t tell anyone except my parents as I wanted them at the hospital. I am so glad I kept it to myself because the comments and looks you get after are stunning. On the other hand I spoke with young women who were determined to have a C-Section even if they might not need to. I explained I didn’t have a choice and it’s major surgery. They have to cut through 7 layers to get to the baby. I couldn’t legally drive for 6weeks after. They were stunned.
With my son I was able to have a VBAC as he was in the perfect position. I told people prior to the birth we had decided to go C-Section and was made to feel weak and inconsiderate of my unborn babies rights to be delivered “the right way”. I felt so bad after one woman’s comments and opinions I almost changed my mind. My primary reason for going again for a C-Section was my fear of rupturing my scar trying to deliver naturally. Just on 2 weeks after my sons birth I met a woman who almost lost hers and her daughters life trying for a VBAC. I am so happy now that I stuck with my decision. Both births were smooth and relaxing (as much as it can be during surgery) and I fully believe my children benefited from my relaxed feelings.
Thank you for your article.

Heather 5 months ago

I had a scheduled C-section with my 2nd child and I don’t really care what people have to say when I tell them. It was a pretty easy decision for me. I had a lot of issues with my first child, which I had naturally, after he was born. My son ripped an artery in me and caused me to almost bleed out. I had to be rushed into the OR for an emergency surgery after he was born. When they took my blood pressure in the OR it was 50/30. I was losing consciousness and a lot of blood at the same time. Overall the surgery took 45 minutes because they honestly had no idea why I was bleeding. They took me to the OR for an emergency D&C and once they had me under and started the surgery they found the ripped artery. Overall I had to be given 3 blood transfusions and I don’t remember my sons first day of life because of the anesthesia. The next day the one nurse attending to me told me that I was losing so much blood as I was leaving the OB floor that they honestly did not think I would be coming back from the surgery. They thought that my son would be going home motherless. Imagine how I felt! Realizing how close I had come to never seeing or holding my child. I talked to the doctors once I was ready to go home and I asked a very important question. How is this going to effect my next pregnancy, And I was told they did not know. They did not know if it was going to be a complication or not. So when I became pregnant with my daughter I automatically went with the C-section because there was no guarantee that nothing would happen and I did not want to risk it.

Moral of the story never judge a mother by her decision to have a C-section because you have no idea what prompted her to make that decision.

holly 5 months ago

With my first daughter i was in labor for a while with no progression i had only dialated 4cm and i stayed right there the dr said i needed a c section or i would have a lot of problems if i delivered her naturally i was very upset when he mentioned c section but i was so completely weak and wiped out that even if i had delivered vaginally it would have taken alot longer so my daughter was born at 8lbs 8oz a beautiful healthy baby girl she is now 4 years old today and very tall for her age…with my 2nd daughter i had a scheduled c section because there was a chance the scar on my uterus could have torn open in delivery and i would have had to be rushed to the OR so the dr said another c section would be the best option now my youngest daughter is 1 and healthy and also tall for being 1 im happy i am here for my girls and although i wanted to go vaginal im just happy thier healthy and beautiful and smart girls

EDEN 5 months ago

My first daughters umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck in utero strangling her. Her heart rate was only 60. My doctor told me I needed to go to the hospital & he would meet me there to preform a c-section, and to get ready I was having my baby today. She was in so much danger they took me straight to the operating room & put me to sleep cuz there was no time to wait. If not for a c-section THAT DAY at THAT TIME, my daughter wouldve been still born. Luckily my weekly check up was at the right time & there is such a process as a c-section to save my daughters life. How ever I did get to experience the magic of natural birth with my second pregnancy that was also twins. I delivered both vaginaly despite the fact that my second twin was breech, and despite the fact that I’m paralyzed from the waist down. I’d like to see the women who are bragging they are superior cuz they delivered naturally to try to doing it my way. There are several kinds of births. In my opinion as long as baby & mama are healthy you’ve accomplished a miracle. Because being a mother is sooo much more than just about the birth itself. Its about having the strength to carry & create that child (or children) inside yourself. And the strength & patience to care for your children for the years to come. So remember being a mother is more than just giving birth.

Soprano1 5 months ago

The lactation consultant in my hospital did the very same thing – and even called me AT HOME nine days later to see how the breastfeeding that I told her I wouldn’t be doing was coming along! Every time that woman opened her mouth, I had to brace for a diatribe about how poor a choice I was making for my baby. After she left the hospital room after trying to “teach” me how to breastfeed, I felt more physically assaulted than educated, since she was contorting me and arching my back for me and other such nonsense. My daughter was tiny – 5 lbs 8 oz, and her little nose had been squished up against my pelvic bone for about 10 hours, and it was still smushed down during the LC’s “lesson.” Poor baby couldn’t breathe through her nose easily, but they wanted her to latch on to my breast, and her instincts wouldn’t let her do it. She screamed, I ranted, she screamed some more, and I demanded that they bring me formula. They wouldn’t.

For nearly 6 hours, my baby screamed her head off or drifted into uncomfortable sleep from time to time, and I kept telling the nurses she was HUNGRY. They insisted she wasn’t. If I hadn’t had my abdomen sliced open six hours earlier, I would have gone to the store and bought formula myself. My parents threatened the nurses with a scathing report of their performance, and my little brother sat patiently in the rocking chair with the tip of his pinkie finger in my daughter’s mouth (because they refused to bring her a pacifier, too). Those nurses wouldn’t even allow my parents or brother to go get some formula! I was horrified.

Then the shift changed, the night nurse took over, and the first thing she asked was, “has she eaten yet?” I said, no, they wouldn’t let her. They said I had to have her hungry when the lactation consultant returned, and if I gave her a bottle, she wouldn’t learn to latch on to a breast well. She didn’t say a word. She just walked out of the room and returned within 45 seconds with Similac, bottles, a pacifier, and a Snickers bar for me. I would have given that woman a crown if I could have! She changed every record to show that the baby would NOT be breastfeeding and canceled the appt for the LC for the next day. She told the nursery staff that my baby would be remaining in the room with me instead of being taken back to the nursery (yeah, the other nurses had a cow about that, too, earlier that day), and she backed off my morphine drip just a bit so I wouldn’t fall into a deep sleep with my baby on the bed with me. When an overnight lactation nurse popped in to see how the feeding was coming along (since my records had only recently been changed, her schedule hadn’t been amended yet), my night nurse said, “the feeding is going great! Six hours of forced unsuccessful breastfeeding sure does work up a baby’s appetite! She’s almost out of formula!” That woman should have been voted Nurse of the Century. The lactation specialist (and the lamaze coach I had during pregnancy who thought formula and pacifiers were of the devil) needed to be fired. No woman or baby should have to deal with that crap.

Naomi 5 months ago

Thankfulmom – I love you so much right now!! I had an emergency C after about 12 hours of labor and 3 hours of pushing (also he was a 9.5 pound baby so my body was at it’s very limits from the start) because my son was turned sideways and got stuck. The recovery was, indeed, hell. And my baby was so big I couldn’t pick him up without help from someone else.

However, more than that, both he and I would have died if my doctor wouldn’t have made that call. I thank him for his decision every time I see him – I even put it in a Christmas card every year. It was rough, but completely necessary and if I ever have any more kids, they’re coming out the same way. I’m not a candidate for VBAC because of my narrow baby-trapping hips and I’m ok with that.

Thanks for helping C-Section mamas avoid the weird shame that others like to throw around. :) :)

Mary 5 months ago

Good for you deciding what’s right. When I started experiencing complications with my twin pregnancy, I focused on what was best for my babies. I was put on full bed rest at 27 weeks. I made it to 32 weeks before the babies needed to come out, due to preeclampsia. I had a BP of 161/118, and was rising. One of my doctors discussed not being able to turn baby “B”, who was flipping between transverse and breech. So, off they wheeled me to have a c-section. I knew it was the right choice for us. My poor husband was scared out of his mind. After they were born, as soon as I was allowed, I walked (hobbled) to the NICU to see them. I think that it wasn’t really “my” birth. It was my daughters’ birth. They needed to be kept safe, and in that moment, that meant getting them out as quickly as possible. I’ve had a few people tell me I “took the easy way out” (one was a man). I just laugh at them and say, “for who?” I feel very lucky to be alive, lucky that our girls are alive and I am deeply grateful for the excellent care we received from the doctors and nurses.

sarah 5 months ago

I had 2 horrible pregnancies. When my sister began to discuss getting pregnant, she knew I’d had both a vaginal and a c-section and asked which I preferred. I told her my preference, what i thought the pros and cons were to both, and then told her the ultimate goal is to get her baby here safely and her to remain healthy. Everything else was irrelevant. A birthing plan is nice, but needs to be fluid. However she gets her baby to this world safely is the right way for her, at that time. I can’t judge, it’s not my body. It’s not my decision. It’s never men that judge these things either. it’s always women. Easy pregnancy, hard pregnancy, easy labor, hard labor, c-section, drugs, no drugs, it doesn’t matter. The point is becoming a mother, and however one gets there, is how it is supposed to be.

Karen 5 months ago

Congratulations on your babies . Myself Ive had.4 csections . My first being a.emergency. IT saved my sons life . No one will ever understand what it is like to actually go through a c section unless youve had one .

sarah 5 months ago

Not actually true. Women have been told that they cannot birth a baby. Their pelvis just doesn’t spread enough to push that sucker out. I’d think you, being a nurse, would know that.
And just because we CAN, doesn’t mean we SHOULD. My first one was born 24 weeks “naturally”. There wasn’t any time to do it any other way. However, his head got stuck (he was breech) and his heart stopped.
When I was pregnant with my second, the second they said he was breech, I knew I was doing c-section. I wasn’t going through that again. That one was born at 33 weeks. He was never under any stress. His heart beat never changed. He was born, early, but HEALTHY. I don’t regret that c-section for one nano second because it gave me my boy healthy. Could I have done it naturally? Probably, but no telling what the results would have been. Delivering a preemie naturally is a whole different ball of wax than delivering a full-term baby

Sara 5 months ago

I think c-section moms have it way harder! I’m blessed with 2 vag Births but I feel fOr csection mommies! Props to you all!

Jodi 5 months ago

I had to have an emergency c-section with my first son. I scheduled my second son’s c-section because I had the choice to VBAC, or not. It was a good thing I chose not to VBAC. Like your son, mine was all twisted around. They of course found this out after opening me up. I think we as women need to support each others birth plans. The main objective is to have a safe birth with a healthy baby. Good for you for having your kids in your bathtub, good for you for having an epidural, good for you for having a natrual child birth, good for you for having a c-section.

Soprano1 5 months ago

I don’t disagree that one method of delivery provides certain benefits that another may not. But when you think about it, it’s not really fair to say that to a mom who will have (and that could be ANY pregnant woman, because things don’t always go as planned)/has had a c-section, because for her baby, the benefit of survival by having a c-section greatly outweighed any possible other benefit of vaginal delivery. Not to mention, my daughter was delivered by emergency c-section, and at 11 years old now, she hasn’t experienced a single one of the problems the scary lamaze lady warned me about. I’m not saying you’re incorrect about the benefits (obviously, the recovery time was seriously rough!), but not all c-section babies experience the drawbacks so commonly cited as reasons not to have a c-section.
It’s unfair to (albeit unintentionally) cause pregnant moms to feel guilty about the quite common circumstances that would take the option of vaginal birth off the table. Heck, if my doctor even told me that there was a relative CHANCE that vaginal delivery could possibly maybe have some negative effect on the baby, I would have told him to break out the scalpel and toothpicks and drug me up. No chance, however remote, is worth risking so I can stubbornly stick to my plans.
Point is, mothers-to-be don’t need to be roped away from the brink of choosing a c-section, because in attempting to deter the ones who might choose and schedule one, you’ll cause panic to strike in the heart of the moms who will be told that they don’t have a choice if they want their baby to live. That’s precisely what happened to me – in fact, I had to be given more medicine than would have originally been necessary because I was so panicked (I’d heard so much about the benefits my baby would lose if I had a c-section, and had been warned so adamantly about the dangers and risks associated with a c-section – much of which was only suspicion or completely made up because so many are so determined to keep moms from choosing that option) and my heart rate was skyrocketing and had to be given a sedative…all of which meant longer post-birth recovery before I could hold my baby, and more strong drugs pumped through my bloodstream while the baby could still be affected by it.

Kay Taylor 5 months ago

We planned a C-section with our daughter because I am disabled. I have never faced judgment because of it, but I know plenty of other women who have.

I don’t get it, honestly. Why, with all the things that are available to talk about out there in the big, wide world would someone choose to judge how a baby is born? And not only judge, but make asinine comments and statements that show a disregard for another person’s well-being, choices and decisions, even their lives for choosing to undergo a major surgery in order to have a baby. They don’t know what those parents were feeling, or fearing, or thinking about. And it is scary, even planning it so far in advance as I did. I was never even in labor, yet I was terrified something would go wrong anyway.

The day I arrived at the hospital to have my daughter, I was a week shy of my due date. That said, I had started to dilate and labor could have stated within hours. I might have died. I might have been paralyzed from the waist down. I might have suffered immeasurable pain for the rest of my days if I’d tried to push her out of my broken body. But I didn’t do any of those things, because we chose a C-section. Yes, I have scars and numbness and lack of muscle tone and aggravating incontinence. They are worth it to be here for her.

Amber A 5 months ago

As a mother of 2 healthy & happy girls, 13 and 5 respectively, and BOTH c-section deliveries I can say I do not regret the decision to have surgery for either of them even though with my oldest, it wasn’t the original plan but after 5 hours of pushing and she wasn’t coming out off to surgery we went. 45 min. later I had my healthy 7 lb 9 oz’er. My 5 yr. old was a TOTALLY different ball game. Though scheduled, her entrance into this world was an exhausting one. It took my OB climbing onto the table, straddling me and pulling on my daughter while one of the assisiting nurses was in between my knees digging her heels into the floor while pushing my daughter upwards in my birth canal because she STUCK. Finally, #2 came out and all was well…. So Stephanie, power to you on your decision(s) and good luck with your newest addition!!

Soprano1 5 months ago

Your pregnancies and labor and delivery sound exactly like mine, except rolled into one. Gestational diabetes, baby stuck on pelvic bone (her poor tiny face was stuck there, and her nose was smushed to the side a little when she was born), emergency c-section – the works. Her heart rate was dangerously low, and in a span of exactly 6 minutes from the time my doctor told me he was going to have to operate (he’d already told the OR staff and my attending nurses to get everything ready a whole couple hours beforehand, because he knew she was a little bit stuck, just not struggling yet), my stomach was open and they were holding a screaming baby girl over the curtain for me to see. It was incredibly quick, but recovery was not. Still, I thank God for my doctor and attendants, who did such a good job of trying to let me deliver vaginally, but making absolutely no bones about it when it was clear that would be impossible.

Myra 5 months ago

Actually, most OBs do NOT have C-sections. I’m an OB, and I and all of my colleagues who’ve delivered recently have had vaginal deliveries, including one VBAC. The only person I know who had a C-section was breech, and had a failed version. The data doesn’t show increased incontinence from vaginal birth – you get worse pelvic floor muscles just from being pregnant in the first place. And no one would do an elective delivery before 39 weeks, because it’s totally against all the data and recommendations by professional organizations. So I don’t know what sample size you’re using, and maybe my group is the odd one out, but all the OBs I know try to have the safest route of delivery, which is vaginal. That said, if things go awry, we’re very accepting of interventions and switching plans.

Emilysingz 5 months ago

Thank you! I’ve actually been told I took the easy way out. This post brought tears to my eyes!

Ellen Ashman 5 months ago

how can anyone criticize how you bring your child into this world? Some c-section are by choice and some aren’t. Sometimes it’s the safest way for mother and baby! For me it’s was the safest option. My hips don’t rotate like they’re suppose to. So I scheduled my c-section because didn’t want to try naturally and my daughter not make it the thru the birth canal. We both did perfect during surgery and I wouldn’t have changed anything!! My daughter and I both made it with no complications which is a blessing in itself. As long your baby/babies make into this crazy world safe and sound no one can judge that!! Get it together women!!

Ginny 5 months ago

No, only one C-section mom is acting “holier than thou.” There’s one in every group, right?

Domonique 5 months ago

Having a Emergency c-section made having my child the absolute worst experience of my life. No miracle birth for me, no enjoyment. 28 hours of zero intervention labor 12 of which were at 1:30 contractions (not even an iv)…absolute piece of cake, being told I was having a c-section with little to no choice in the matter, worst news of my life. My daughter is 11mo old and I still don’t feel that I even gave birth to her. She was ripped out of me. No amount of people telling me “you both would have died if not for the c-section” helps. It just makes me more angry that my body did not do what it has been designed since the beginning of time to do. It’s a failure on my body’s part. So for me it’s not other people shaming me for having a c-section it’s an internal struggle to know that although I have all the “lady parts” to make the baby I’m incapable of having the baby without intervention. I will never ever have another child because I will not put myself through a c-section and the metal issues that came along with it.

Tillylobos 5 months ago

I completely agree – my first son was born vaginally and utterly the most traumatic experience of my life involving blood transfusions, massive tearing and all sorts – i was in hospital 2 weeks, i was on meds 6 weeks unable to breastfeed because of them, and i couldn’t walk properly for 3 months. It took a year for me to be emotionally able to have sex again. This time round i went for an elective C Section and it was the most calm, peaceful amazing beautiful moment of my life when my son was born, i was awake, in no pain, i got to hold him immediately. I had some pain afterwards for about 3 days and then i was absolutely fine. No trauma, no distress, happy baby, very happy mummy, very very happy daddy not to have to deal with the same scenario as last time. Turns out i started to bleed again in surgery but as they were right there they could see why and tended to it immediately – if i had gone vaginally the same thing as last time would have happened. If i ever have a third baby i know what kind of birth i’m going for…..Surely every choice is relative to your own personal experience. It would be lovely if people could just accept other people’s choices and know they have their own reasons for making them.

FluffyFlamingo 5 months ago

Forgot to add: Emergency on the floor involving both anesthesiologists, so my epidural I had finally consented to was quite delayed.

FluffyFlamingo 5 months ago

This was my exact situation, too. I had an unmedicated labor. Due to an emergency on the floor, I ended up in transition for THREE AND A HALF HOURS. I never felt the urge to push. When you body is trying to force something somewhere that it cannot physically go, it is SO painful. It took me a long time to emotionally recover from my failed natural birth.

I’m now expecting #2 and looking forward to the scheduled c-section, as I’m not a candidate for a VBAC. I’m just glad to know that barring unforeseen major medical complications, there is no way that this baby’s birth will be more traumatic or difficult than the first.

Madeleine 5 months ago

My daughter was the same… tried everything but was firmly the wrong way ’round. My doctor told me that in my case a planned c-section was the selfless decision – possibly harder on the mom (physically and/or emotionally), but safer for a baby in that position. I had a c-section and ended up with a beautiful baby girl. And seriously, I haven’t thought much about it since. Birth is just a day, you’ll have your sweet baby for the rest of your life. How he gets here really isn’t all that important in the end. Good luck to you!

Didi 6 months ago

Thank you for this post!!!!! OMG – you don’t know how many friends and relatives have CRINGED when they learned I had CS. It was as if I did something wrong! I don’t understand why there is judgement, I don’t understand where it stems from? Are they envious of us? I mean COME ON, it doesn’t make you a better mother if you gave birth normally – right? Sigh…

Thank you for this!!!

Love, Didi

Jomedic 6 months ago

I had scheduled my primary C-sec but my body decided not to wait. Ended up having an emergent C-sec because at 37 weeks I became pre-eclamptic. However, I would have been just as ok with my decision if things had gone as sched 2 weeks later. I was 40 and had medical and psyc issues stemming from my service as a Paramedic, retired due to injury in the line of duty. I don’t have to justify my decision to anyone. I’m just as much a mother aaa the woman who gave birth vaginally, and without drugs. (Which the idea of I frankly find ridiculous, but if it’s important to her, go for it mama!) I have no problem with a mom choosing whatever way she wants to have her birth experience. And I hope she can get it. As we all know, from the time we conceive these precious bundles, we’re no longer truly in charge!

Kelly 6 months ago

Thankyou for sharing this story about the recovery that comes with a vaginal birth. Some people bang on about a vaginal birth as if its as easy as going to the toilet. But its not. Neither birth method is without its pro’s and con’s.

Ana D 6 months ago

You also make the very valid point that there will always be someone (or some-people) who will look down on your decisions/actions.

(And kind-of responding to the earlier question/issue of women feeling robbed of their birthing experience:
There are many women who get to the hospital and the Dr. and nurses disregard the woman’s wants/needs, eg. “I Don’t want an episiotomy.” “I want to breastfeed the baby immediately.” “I need you to listen to me when I say I’m in pain.” “I need everyone to be quiet & calm [even if I’m grunting & yelling].” …And if the doctors had been on board with those wants/needs *before* birth & then the reality was completely different, then that would be incredibly disappointing. And I can see how that would/could lead to feeling “robbed.”)

alibooby 6 months ago

hi labour and delivery nurse and parents and babies
i am also a “midwife” with a lot of experience. childbirth is an unpredictable human experience. in the western world we are so lucky to have the facilities and professionals available so women and babies don’t die. it has been my experience that some mums and babies do still die.
i have spent many long hours with labouring mum’s trying to work with nature and mums and babies to get them out the right hole with out too much stress and damage. there is definitely an element of psychological influence re the progress of labour. BUT sometimes things go wrong and when they do that mum and baby need the best and least damaging option. many times i have looked after someone for hours and no matter how much we all want that body and baby to work how “nature intended” the little person (for one reason or another) is not coming out. Quite early on there can be a sense of ” get the baby out its not coming” and still the decision (usually by the doc) to carry on just a bit longer. sometimes it’s the other way (friday afternoon c sections do REALLY happen) i know as i have friends who are obs and they do it. there are nurses and midwives who dont really care either. or take the belief that a c section is some sort of failure. BUT most of us want our families to go home with a beautiful and healthy baby and most do.we are lucky.

making decisions in labour is hard for everyone.

childbirth is such a significant life event for all humans on the planet…..without birth there is no future.

the research available is pretty confusing for most people. and like it or not childbirth is a subject that everyone seems to know so much about without really knowing anything ( including health professionals).

i now work with post natal mums in groups and one-on- one with babies who cry a lot and breastfeeding and PND….I always “debrief” birth experiences and i hope the parents that i work with go away with a sense that, how ever the baby came out however traumatic it may have been it is a life changing event and life will never be the same…. i tell my mums to “lie” to everyone if they feel judged you dont have to share the story. often I work with mums supporting them with post traumatic stress from the delivery. when working in delivery suite i would always visit the mum postnatally and “debrief delivery with them. as a mum i know what it feels like and during that time when you are like a beached whale and in pain you will say yes to anything and anyone as it is probably the most vulnerable time in your life.

My point is:

l often see posts and discussions about birth experiences, it really doesn’t matter what happened on that day…what matters you are a parent for the rest of your life. A change of attitude so mums support each other what ever. it is not a competition we are all unique. But i can’t help thinking that we have lost the plot and some of the comments I see i read behind the lines an unresolved psychological trauma due to the childbirth experience and wish we could all reach out to each other and be a bit more kind hearted and understanding towards each other…..
my thought when walking into the labour room
” i am not leaving this room until there is a baby in that cot in the corner” HELP! i did it and so do all mums

Jessica 6 months ago

Great post! Thanks for sharing your experience!

Holly 6 months ago

At 4 weeks postpartum, I needed this reminder. I had to have a scheduled c-section for about a handful of health reasons for both my baby and I. I also knew from 8-weeks prenatal, that my odds of VBAC were slim to none, if even that. And I was 100% okay with that. I just wanted my baby to arrive healthy, and as stress free to him as possible. I also wanted the ability to actually BE here and raise my son (dealt with 3 years of heartbreaking infertility, so I was definitely not going to make a decision that’d put my life at risk and miss raising my baby). I ended up going into labor 4 days before my scheduled date. After my c-section, the judgment and negativity started. I was less of a woman for taking ‘the easy way out’. I was made to feel like I was going to be a bad mom for the decision to put mine and my child’s health above all. I gave birth, via c-section, to a happy, healthy, hairy 8lb 1oz baby boy, and I’m alive to be able to hold and love him. Screw what everyone else says.

Lyndsay S 6 months ago

I’m a mom of 2… both vaginal without pain management. I am not better than anyone else, had I not been afraid of the epidural I would have gotten one, if either of my children needed a section I would have done it. But what I get judged on is my choice to have a tubal the day after my son was born when I was 23. Apparently I was too young to know that I didn’t want more and I would/will regret my decision… they don’t care to ask why. I believe as long as mother and child are happy and healthy it is none of my business how it happened. As mothers and human beings we need to start lifting each other up and quit tearing in each other down for decisions that don’t effect you but effect their happiness due to harsh judgement.

Terry 6 months ago

I used to feel, not “robbed,” but that I had missed “the miracle of childbirth” because I didn’t have the pushing and delivery and all that–my first was an unplanned C (water broke 12 hours + & sunny side up; my enormous-headed child didn’t descend at all). Having my L&D nurses tell me that I would have had a “vaginal C” if I had delivered helped. But deciding not to try VBAC with the second was hard, as it would be my last chance to push. I told my wonderful OB, who replied, “you’ll have a baby; that’s a miracle.” Exactly what I needed to hear.

Sara 6 months ago

I don’t get why there would be judgement. Yes, vaginal birth may be ideal, but let’s be honest…..how often does an “ideal” happen in any circumstance? If vaginal is the “best” way, then I get why people might raise an eyebrow if you’re scheduling a c-section only for convenience. And even then, I may not agree, but I don’t really need to, now do I? Not my baby.

BUT…. the second the words emergency, safety, or medical necessity, or even medically recommended, come into play, all bets are off. You get that baby out healthy, the “how” ceases to matter.

My daughter was born by c-sec at just shy of 38 weeks. I had battled pre-eclampsia since week 29, had a failed induction, and was being told (after laying in that room for 52 hours with minor contractions but NO dilation)…”we can send you home and try again next week… (um, noooo) but right now we have a baby with a heartbeat and there’s no guarantee we’ll have that on Monday.” Yeah, doc, go grab the knife, please.

I never had any shame, and never felt judged….people were sympathetic because a c section is major surgery. Birth is tough, no matter what type you are recovering from. If we have a second, I’d love to consider VBAC. But if it doesn’t seem like the best choice, get the knife, doc.

Plus, when my little angel is showing me her devil side, I get the added bonus of being able to say “you do know they had to cut me open to get you out, right?”

Whitney 6 months ago

I’ve had both a natural child birth and a csection. I was amazed how beautiful and loving my csection was. I honestly thought it was a nicer birth than my natural child birth. My first got stuck and gave me fourth degree tearing. I chose a c-section at the advice of my doctor for my second child because I didn’t want to go through that again. A c-section was easier to recover from than the 4th degree tearing. I now have to do another surgery to fix problems from the tearing. I loved my c-section, it was the right way for me and sounds like it was for you too. Yours sounded very difficult!!! Poor stuck baby. Way to go!

Kelly 6 months ago

At nearly 4 months post-partum, I am so thankful for stories like this. When I was pregnant, I thought I at least had some idea what I was in for. I had done my research, written a beautiful birth guide, and had completely ignored the possibility of a C-section. My OB was wonderful and incredibly supportive of a more holistic childbirth experience in a hospital setting. What could go wrong? Well, I was induced at 41 weeks for high blood pressure (146/95, when I’m normally around 110/75). I knew the risks of induction, but I was confident I could deliver vaginally. But after more than 30 hours of back labor, 5 hours of sleep, water that broke early, and Pitocin that simply wasn’t doing what it was supposed to, I never progressed more than 3 cm. I delivered a healthy, beautiful baby boy via C-section 41 hours after I first entered the hospital, and there’s no shame in that.

BellWell 8 months ago

Absolutely, my VBAC nearly killed me as well, and would have not so many years ago. I needed an emergency c-section with my first because despite many hours of all natural labor, massive contractions and being dilated to 10 cm, my baby, against all laws of nature, moved up into uterus instead of lower and going into distress. I then hemorrhaged afterwards, but luckily quick acting nurses, doctors, and massive doses of hormones got it under control quickly. After an all night very painful labor, c-section, and blood loss, I didn’t know a person could be so sore and exhausted.

So, second time around, i thought, “Great, I’m going to try a VBAC!” Well, suffering two massive internal lacerations, which required many stitches (and so much gauze stuffed inside me that the postpartum nurses were amazed and horrified) and being completely torn open from my vagina to my, well, you know, through all tissue layers, I was losing consciousness and lost massive amounts of blood. My doctor said in his twenty years of practice, I was one of the worst cases he had seen, and that if I hadn’t had an epidural (yes, I had one this time because I had been given a high chance of needing another c-section due to the circumstances of my first, and all involved agreed it would be SAFER to have me numbed up ahead of time) I would have been rushed into emergency surgery for repairs, losing more precious time and blood. Recovery from the VBAC was HORRIBLE and I still have consequences of my injuries 4 years later.

Moral of the story, I’ve experienced it all. Both natural and epidural labor, c-section and VBAC. There is no doubt in my mind that if I have a third child, it will be by c-section. I have children who need me and I am not risking major injury with another VBAC, nor am I risking my long term pelvic health and continence.

I’ve often felt judged for having the epidural with my second, and I have to launch into a huge explanation abut how it was medically recommended, and if I hadn’t have had it, I would have needed general anesthesia and potentially died before they could get me into surgery. I’ve also gotten looks when I say any subsequent births will be c-sections. Really!? Listen to my story and tell me I’m not a warrior and that I’m taking the easy way out. I’m taking the SAFE way out, for myself and my family.

Dania 8 months ago

We need more articles like this.
I had a c section with my first pregnancy due to labor complications. I was eight centimeters dialated when I was rushed in operating room. I wanted to avoid it… But in the end I enjoyed my c section. I have feeling around my incision actually my husband and I can’t even
see my ‘scar’. The doc mentioned some pressure during surgery … I didn’t notice any. My husband & I laughed & chatted with the doctors thru it all. I felt ok and great within 5 days with little to moderated rest and no pain relief because I was nursing. The pain was very bearable.. And my tolerance for pain is extremely low. I would do it again. Very controlled and predictable unlike my labor that felt forced, unpredictable and chaotic! I’m sure if our grandmothers had certain technology & similar options the would be very greatful!!

Jan 8 months ago

I had 5 children and 4 csections. Two of the 5 children are twins. Three of the four csections were medically necessary. My first was too big to fit through the birth canal and was stressed. My second was the only scheduled one. My twins were born at 7 months with an emergency surgery due to heart and kidney failure related to toxemia. My last child I had placenta previa and had a csection. I thank god every day for medical miracles everyday because I probably would have died with my twins otherwise. No one made me feel ashamed about it. I have 5 beautiful kids today thanks to csections.

Jennifer 8 months ago

Thank you for writing this. My 1st was transverse breech with polyhydramnios (excess amniotic water). Dr said we could attempt to turn him, but he had “a big enough swimming pool” that it was no guarantee to help. Fast forward to my 2nd, who went into fetal distress and had to be emergency c section!

I occasionally get nasty remarks from family about “taking the easy way out” or “that i didn’t really go through labor” because i had 2 c sections… i doubt my recovery was somehow easier than your natural delivery! Both my boys are strong & healthy and that’s what matters!

BeccaPie 8 months ago

You said it best, thank you for that!!

Megan 9 months ago

Some of you have some really bitchy comments, including the OP. Less shaming and more supporting, please! My first was a stat c-section due to a ruptured placenta. Second baby was scheduled c-section because my OB shut down the idea of VBAC and truthfully, I just didn’t feel like fighting it. Had a tubal immediately following my second c-section and have since enjoyed 5 years of the best worry-free sex ever!

Mariana 10 months ago

The goal of pregnancy is a healthy baby and healthy mama, everything else is icing on the cake. Why is is acceptable to want a natural delivery and not acceptable to want a cirurgical one? My body, my choices, right? I wanted a vaginal delivery, with meds, I got two csections. The second one schedule to fit my very frivolous wish to have the baby on the month of my birthday (I was 39 weeks, could have waited until 40, but I didn’t want to). I’m no less of a mother either, and I don’t love my kids less than any other mother on earth, regardless of how they got their kids.

Recovery was not so bad either.

marie 11 months ago

though I realize that there are people who “opted” for a csection, there are many of us who did it for baby’s safety. I’d jackslap anyone judging me for doing that. (and I did two csections for that reason, so I’d double jackslap)

sally 11 months ago

Both of my girls (born vaginally) had perfect rounds heads. Not every vaginally birthed child has the squashed appearance. My youngest was far from tiny arriving at 9lb 5oz. Just saying. Anyway, I’m genuinely glad all of your little ones arrived safely regardless of the manner of their arrival.

Katelyn 11 months ago

I have had three c-section and I once got told I was not a women until I had a vaginal birth I thought real hard about everything people have said or still say to this day but then I look a my beatiful children and think to myself had I not went ahead and had a c-section me nor my children would be here. No I didn’t go through the pain of a vaginal birth no I didn’t go through the hardest labor I know but i did have three beatiful children and they have there mother. My friend refused to get a c-section because she was to proud the doctor came and rushed her in to do an emergency c-section because the umbilical cord got wrapped around his neck. So in the end she had to have one anyways But she did not get the chance to hold her baby for very long for he went on to be with God. So it is not worth the lose of the mother or the baby you carry for 9 months of your life.

Erin H-M 11 months ago

I have cataplexy, which is temporary loss of muscle tone caused by stress and/or emotion. Under extreme stress (of any kind) I can’t move at all, and my husband and I fully understood that a vaginal birth was out of the question. Is there a more stressful or emotional time than childbirth?! My doctor supported me 100% and we scheduled a C-section; we ended up going in a month early due to preeclampsia.

I wasn’t shamed for my C-section but I was very frustrated with the comments some people made, the implication being that my scheduled C-section was more justified than most. Whatever method gets the baby out is justified in my book!

Rachael 11 months ago

Nothing she said was untrue or judgy, in my opinion. C-sections are necessary sometimes. But there are benefits from having a vaginal delivery. Better gut health for baby, less risk for mom, and a faster, easier recovery. We are allowed to say that one is better than the other in normal circumstances without judging moms that require one.

Nash’s mama 11 months ago

PREACH!
I was 1 day past my due date when I went to get the mandatory ultrasound before getting induced. My son, Nash, wasn’t moving much, he was “sunny side up”, and my amniotic fluid was low. At my last OB appointment (the friday before) my doc mentioned that I wasn’t dilated nor was the cervix even ripened, but baby’s heart beat was fine and showed no signs of distress. The tech called my doctor immediately and within 10 minutes I had an appointment to go in at 7 am for a c-section. My cousin (who had been a rock for me my entire pregnancy and later was in the room with me when my precious baby boy was born) was asked by a friend of hers how I was doing. She told her that I was going in for a csection that next day and that I was relieved that I didn’t have to try to deliver naturally. This girl, who wasn’t there, didn’t know the whole story said “omg that’s terrible. What’s wrong with her? Why would she want to put her body through that. Yeah she’s gonna be a GREAT mom. She should at least TRY delivering naturally before giving up and getting a csection”. I’d be lying if I said hearing about her scornful judgement afterwards didn’t hurt a little. I have no regrets of how everything went down, though. After they safely delivered him, they had found that he had had a bowel movement in the womb (hence the low amniotic fluid) and had i tried it naturally there could have been unknown complications and damage. This “terrible mom” has a sweet healthy baby boy that I may not have today had i chosen to go the “natural” route.

Crystal 11 months ago

Thank you for this! My first baby had to have an emergency C-section, and I’m being given the option for baby 2. While I would like to try VBAC, I understand that it may not work out that way. I am okay with this, but my family isn’t, and I have to hear a lot of judgmental comments about how I care more about myself than my child because I may opt for the C-section. I’ve had a very difficult time with this pregnancy, particularly as I get closer to my due date. I’m astounded that so many people feel free to criticize and hand out their insensitive opinions about birth choices when they are not the ones in the situation.

AH 1 year ago

I hated having a C-Section because of the recovery (it was quit unpleasant), but we tried everything to turn my baby and when the doctor opened me up, lo-and-behold, we had a footlong breech position. I am eternally grateful that we planned that C-Section rather than attempt a vaginal delivery. I try not to consider what could have happened if we hadn’t.

I have heard of and probably judged women who have decided to plan a C-Section for the convenience or in order to avoid “stretching” and whatnot, but at the end of the day, it’s not anyone else’s business. Folks should keep the judgments to themselves as they likely do not have all the facts.

Kathy 1 year ago

I have 2 children and I’m a grandma so I gave birth back in the days before ultrasounds and all the lovely choices ladies have now.(1976 & 1982) I don’t think anyone should ever, ever judge a momma for how she chooses to give birth.
I had one vaginally and it was a horror show. I was all of 19 and had decided to give birth “naturally” No drugs for my baby, and all that brainwashing. I wasn’t a hero, I just didn’t know I could change my mind and after 39 hours of pitocin induced back labor and 5 hours pushing she came out sunny side up. 9 lbs and she was immediately hauled to NICU. No skin-to-skin contact, and I didn’t even get to see her birth because they said I couldn’t wear my glasses in the delivery room.
After she was born, my husband was just glad I was alive and we were both just glad our daughter was perfect and healthy and we decided that we were one-and-done.The heck with what ANYBODY had to say about it!
Well bc failed and 6 1/2 years later I was pregnant again. I was so scared I was shaking. Our son’s heart rate kept dropping with every contraction, so he was an emergency c-section, and covered with meconium. I had an infection from that, and on heavy antibiotics so I was never able to nurse him.
My lovely children are 38 and 32 now and only my daughter ever asked how they were born or if they were breast or bottle fed, or what kind of diapers they wore, etc.
Thank God nobody had the nerve to try and tell me I didn’t have either one of my children the “right” way or any such nonsense. I’m a nonviolent person, but I think I would have tried to strangle them!

shannon 1 year ago

I think it depends. I didn’t have a vaginal delivery, but the recovery from C-section was 100x better than gallbladder surgery. I was lucky and didn’t have any complications, though. If I had a bladder tear or bad infection, I would have a different story to tell. My mother still hurts (at seventy) from her grade four tear post episiotomy, and I don’t hurt post two sections. I think that recovery is different for different people. Don’t let your fear of recovery or other’s decisions stop the goal: which is healthy baby and Mom. NO one is guaranteed an easy recovery. Do the research and just don’t read anecdotes, although anecdotes are fun. I think sometimes the answer is different for different situations. For example-older Moms, breech babies, twins, etc are more likely to convert to emergency C-sections. A scheduled one is a lot easier and less scary and less risky than emergent. There are monetary pressures to do vaginal deliveries. It’s cheaper and insurance loves that. OB’s can waffle, because if they push vaginal deliveries and all goes wrong, the malpractice issues are big. They have the highest malpractice rates of all physicians. They will never refuse you, if you ask for C-section, but that doesn’t mean it’s right for you. That’s why I asked my OB what SHE did herself, after I asked what I should do for my breech baby. There is no shame in any decision, especially if it is informed!

shannon 1 year ago

My first child was breech and never turned. I had a scheduled C-section because of risk of limb damage to baby and risk of converting to C-section, anyway. I am a physician, but not an OB. I asked the OB how she had her kids, and she said, “OB’s all have C-sections at 38 weeks. None of us wants to be incontinent when we are old.” I did research for C-sections, and scheduled C-sections(not emergent) ended having better statistics for the babies(38 weeks and after) than vaginal birth, and only slightly increased risks for mothers (infection, bleeding, bladder perforation, etc). This is NOT true for emergency C-sections, which one will convert to if labor goes wrong. Ask your OB how she had her baby. They have seen it all, and if they don’t want to labor, there may be a good reason why (beyond incontinence, which is not good enough for me, but less risk is!).

Diane Billings 1 year ago

Amen is right. I get the same comments and judgmental attitude for having had an epidural – albeit after 38 hours of labor when they decided to add pitocin and said labor then went 6 more hours! Same thing happened the 2nd time and I had the epidural again…..in my opinion there is no special in heaven for those who have a vaginal, drugless delivery. Healthy baby, healthy mom…that is ALL that matters.

Weeraphat 1 year ago

Thanks, Dr. Steve I’ve been to a chiro several times on vanoitacs back home. He’s been able to help a bit with neck issues, but no luck with the mid-back issue, unfortunately.When I use the foam roller on my spine, that bad’ vertebra will pop/click several times usually, a rib in the area will pop/click as well.

Poetry 1 year ago

Found this website while lnooikg for help with a torn groin muscle, or at least that is what my Chiro is calling it! I love my Dr but I am beginning to think that he is not as well informed as I would like him to be. I get relief from pain always but I want healing, health, wholeness. Did the above test; left side was able to hang but felt uncomfortable stretching from deep within. Did not even try right side as the groin muscle is still healing. (BTW-pulled groin while cycling!)What is next? How do I stretch properly from here and maintain core, balance & strength?

Reina 1 year ago

I’ve had two hip surgeries on my right side. First one 5.5 years ago, ASR recurfase. Joint recalled. Failed. Explanted and replaced with a dual mobility THR 7 months ago. Recent severe left hip and knee pain. Both sides thigh lays flat over edge of table. Right lower leg not bad, but certainly not vertical. Left lower leg extends about 45 degrees. Left knee is bone on bone.First test was fine. No problems there.Thanks so much for this wonderful looking work. Can’t wait to get started correcting imbalances.

Melchor 1 year ago

OOOWWEE!!! Left side went down good, but cannot keep my back flat! Right side, trgeiergd the hot wires down the outside of my leg & a spasm in the right glute. Again, back would not stay flat! I’ll watch the next test, but may wait until tomorrow to try.On the sway I was 13 when my sister-in-law, a phys-ed major realized about it, talked to my parents. When theu showed no concern, sis gave me several exercises to work on it, so when the neurologist saw it in January, it was probably no worse than when I was a kid. He wants me in PT I also have sciatica, a year now & fall down a lot never so badly I need to see a doctor immediately besides, a doctor told me several years ago that I’m a hypochondriac! What do you know about myasthenia gravis?

Heather 1 year ago

Very well said! I had an emergency C-Section with my daughter, who was born at 32 weeks. I previously had a birth plan that specifically said a C-Section would be an absolute last resort. But the second my doctor said the baby was in distress, it was a no-brainer. I’m still up in the air on whether I’ll try for VBAC or scheduled C-Section with my next baby, if and when the time comes. But I’m totally okay with either way and I don’t think the internet has a place to judge.

ashley 1 year ago

thank you! Whenever people hear ive had 2 c sections, i feel like i need to explain why. I dont. my reasons were very valid, it was necessary for the babies survival ( and likely mine) and its not their business. I’m going to stop letting the shame get to me, and forget the need to explain myself to people.

Kate 1 year ago

Yes! Amen! I am a 4x c-section mom. It was NEVER what I hoped for, but one look at my sweet baby (10lb) girl and I didn’t care how she arrived. The care I recieved was excellent. I was a poor vbac candidate. I had people tell me ” that is what they say” as if they were more familiar with the specifics of my pelvis than my OB. I was blessed with 4 uncomplicated sections and 4 beautiful babies. I thank God that modern medicine allowed what might otherwise have been tragic.

Silver lining- a lovely extended hospital stay to shower each new babe with undivided attention and TLC from fabulous post pardum nurses.

Stacy OGorman 1 year ago

Couldn’t have said it better myself! Way to go Girl for writing this article! I have had two C-sections. My first was preeclampsia and then again blood pressure issues with my second who needed to be taken at 37.5 weeks. Thank you so much for writing your story!!

Bethany Bauer 1 year ago

AMEN!

I can’t honestly say I’ve ever felt judged for my sections, but 1) they were/are necessary (having a fourth scheduled section in a month to have my fifth kiddo) and 2) I’m pretty confident in my parenting choices, so unless a criticism is blatant enough to render me unconscious, I don’t “get” it.

My first I had preeclampsia and was induced 3weeks early. Miserable labor and the epidural would NOT stick for longer than 15 minutes at a time. I asked a number of times during those 26 hours for them to just get him out, but my BP was too unstable to undergo surgery. Found out afterwards how worried my docs were. 50 years ago, I probably would have died in childbirth. Second one was transverse breech. I arrived at the hospital three weeks early, 4cm dialated needing an emergency C-section, which was complicated (5 years later, the nurses still remember my son’s birth because it was so unusual) by uterine seizure requiring a vertical incision, almost 10 minutes of pulling, blood transfusions…a right mess. 50 years ago, it would have killed me. Three and Four were absolute BREEZES in comparison. I’m not a VBAC candidate, and I’m perfectly ok with that.
My kids don’t care how they got here, and neither do I. I’m just grateful they are here and I’m still here, too.

Amber Davis 1 year ago

I agree with you 100%! I developed pre-eclampsia and had my labor induced early. I went through 22hrs of labor before being wheeled in for a c-section. They had me on oxygen for a few hours before her final arrival. My daughter was born 10 days early and weighted in at 9lbs 9oz. I made the decision to go ahead and schedule a csection instead of trying for a vbac with my son. I developed pre-eclampsia with him at the very end of my pregnancy. I am so glad I did too because he weighted in at 9lbs 7oz. There was no way my little 4ft 10in self could have vaginally birthed either of my babies. Their heads were too big and shoulders were too broad. Why risk the chance of having any of their precious bones broken or dislocated during birth just to satisfy others? I am blessed to have two amazing, bigger than average children. Having csections has not stunt their growth in any way. My daughter is 3 and is about a foot shorter than me and is smart beyond words for her age. I have actually had doctors compliment her. She is one of the politest children I have seen. Yes, I might be a little biased but when you hear her say please, thank you and your welcome, you cant help but smile. She is more polite than most adults now days. My 4month old son is trying to do things that 7&8 month olds in my area are starting to attempt.

Trista 1 year ago

We all have medals… They’re the sweet little babies we raise and teach and train! They are way better to show off than a sash! Good job, fellow mommies – keep up the good work!

Honey Rowland 1 year ago

I’ve been a birth worker for 20 years. I didn’t get past “I don’t know their stories, but I do know mine. Perhaps it will help you understand.”

Stop right there. You don’t owe anyone that’s being hateful an explanation. I’m a HUGE advocate for vaginal. I’m actually a HUGE advocate for homebirths. But…some folks (especially survivors) do not and can NOT deliver vaginally. And, you know what? That’s absolutely fine too. I’m a huge advocate for breastfeeding too but you know what? I’d rather have a happy bonded formula feeding momma cuddling her baby than one that’s forced…but…that’s another story. I’m also anti circ but I also provide information about pain meds and waiting a few days so babe can receive a circumcision with pain medication….and to make sure it’s done by a urologist not your ob/gyn. Seriously…those that deal with vaginas should have nothing to do with the penis…but that’s another story too.

There are martyrs all over the spectrum. And folks are always going to have their opinion but remember you don’t owe anyone (beyond your partner and your child) an explanation for what ever birthing choices you make.

Now, I’ll go back and read your post but honestly…Both vag and cesarean births are BIRTHs. A child is born to the world and there’s no greater moment when you feel the universe make room for one more soul. I am going to say congrats on your birth and I hope all went well because I don’t want to look like a jerk for congrats but…realize your choice is valid. I personally only hope you and any of my client have made an educated choice and decided what is best for YOU/THEM.

I tell my moms (at homebirths, vag or ces hosptial, birthing center) this is YOUR birth. You owe no one but the child in your womb an explanation and perhaps your partner if you so choose. Your mother, neighbor, sister, stranger, dr, doula, midwife, grocery store clerk has no business up in your vagina so they’ve no business up in your birthing business.

Oh…and that pic you have up there?…the one of a mom with the proud look of “I did it!” written upon her face as a daddy cuddles a wee babe? THAT’s what I want to see on a new moms face. It’s a beautiful picture and one that makes me drive home happy after days and hours of supporting a woman at her BIRTH…

Now…please pardon any massive oopsies I’ve had due to not reading your post. But I just had to say something.
~Honey

Nikki B 1 year ago

I have two perfectly healthy, sweet, sometimes wild and crazy toddlers! I CHOSE to have a c-section. I was scared to try it vaginally. I’m not sure as to why I was so scared but that’s just me. I healed pretty fast and didn’t have any complications. Woman are supposed to stand up for one another not bash each other for our own personal decisions. I personally could care less what anyone thinks of my decisions. As long as my kids and family are took care of that’s what matters most!! Congrats on your baby girl on the way and two healthy boys

Laura 1 year ago

Thanks for writing this! After 4 weeks of bed rest following a diagnosis of preeclampsia at 29 weeks, I admitted myself to the hospital Memorial Day 2013 having monitered consistently high blood pressure all day. I had every intention of a vaginal birth even then however after an attempted induction they took him by emergency c-section at 33 weeks. Looking back my dr tried to gently inform me that c-section might happen even if we tried induction but I wanted to try anyway. In the end his heart rate dropped and no amount of position changing would bring it back. I now have a healthy 12 month old and it didn’t matter how it happened.

werewolfmama 1 year ago

I got nasty looks for breastfeeding my infant (discretely) and then later I got nasty looks for bottle feeding. Seems moms just can’t get a break, no matter what choices we make; no matter the reasons or circumstances.

werewolfmama 1 year ago

Not to mention, a merit badge for surviving adolescence…(!)
I think you’re onto something, Kris.

Kathryn 1 year ago

I was lucky enough to not have to have a c-section. I say lucky as it’s major surgery, tough to recover from, and trying to care for a newborn while recuperating only adds challenge. It definitely is not the easy way out and anyone who would judge anyone for having a c-section is behaving inappropriately. We are so lucky to have this surgery as an option.

nikki 1 year ago

I must be naive. I didn’t know women were shamed for having a c-section. Personally I don’t think it matters. My mom had 2 vag 1 c-section. I had 1 vag and 1 tbd lol. Both my sisters did vag as well. Doesn’t make one lick of difference how a baby makes it out.

Stephanie 1 year ago

Yes! Yes! Yes! My first pregnancy was a twin pregnancy. Everyone had their opinions concerning how I should deliver my boys. We opted for a c-section because I didn’t want to deal with tearing and a c-section, and I heard almost everyday why it was a poor decision. Once they were delivered, we found out that one had the cord wrapped around his abdomen two times and the other had the cord wrapped around his neck four times. Had I tried to deliver vaginally, I may not have two beautiful boys right now. Even after hearing those circumstances and finding out about the cords, I’ve had some women still tell me that they would have still tried to push them out vaginally. With my second delivery, I had another scheduled c-section. When we got in the OR, the doctor realized that my scar was almost at the point of rupturing. I’m very glad that I had two scheduled c-sections. It took me a while to not be ashamed of my decision and try to hide it from other women. Now, I don’t care. I have three beautiful children. Oh, and c-section recovery was really easy for me. I know it’s not that way for everyone, but I took pain pills for only a few days.

Sreb 1 year ago

Contrary to most, I wanned a c-section from the day I found out I was pregnant. Johns Hopkins though – they are kind of dicks about it…after seeing a few different people, I stumbled upon the coolest midwife who told me she will do whatever it takes to find a dr. to honor my wish. I told her that my hips are too narrow and my entire family of women has had issues later in life with prolapsed vaginal walls due to natural birth of big babies. I ended up going in labor at 37 weeks and they made me try for natural although I have specifically requested a c-section. So you can call me ignorant – but guess what happened after 12 hours of laying on one side, a seizure caused by a moronic Russian nurse who put me on penicillin without diluting it and having multiple people shove their arms up to their shoulder in me…I never got dilated. So I had to have an emergency c section. I was beyond pissed for the fact that I told them I want a c section from the beginning and if someone listened to me, it would have saved everyone lots of time and the government who payed for my insurance a lot of money. Good news is I recovered great, I have the smallest scar and my private parts didn’t have to suffer. I went through 12 hours of labor, an epidural and a c-section and I had the easiest recovery. So thank the Universe for c section or I and my son probably wouldn’t be around.

Janefish 1 year ago

I LOVE this article. I’m a baby-food making, baby-wearing, toddler-nursing granola momma, and I’ve had two C-secs. I had terrible shame with the first one. I marched into the hospital with 12 weeks of Bradley Birthing Class under my (sizeable) belt and a birth plan in hand that I proudly gave to every nurse and doctor in sight. I was at 42 weeks & was in labor. But, Baby had never dropped, despite all my squatting and walking and labor-inducing massages. He was also occiput posterior (sunny side up). 18 hours of dysfunctional labor later, after I reached 10 cm NATURALLY, and had no urge to push, they gave me Pitocin. (Which SUCKED.) Still no urge to push and no baby crowning. So the doc REACHED IN AND TURNED HIM OVER. AND HE TURNED RIGHT BACK. I pushed for two hours because they told me to. My doc was/is excellent with forceps, and she said there was no chance of forceps delivery. Baby Boy had never descended. He never would have. He was in distress with every push, and an emergency C-sec was our last and only option. I often say that if we had been pioneers, he and I would have been two crosses on the side of the road. Instead, I have a uniquely brilliant, beautiful son that I love so much my heart could burst. If you can MAKE a baby, you can BIRTH a baby?? BULL.

I got unexpectedly pregnant 12 years later. Opted for the C-sec. Because neither of us needed that kind of trauma!! Again, Baby never dropped. Afterward, the doc said I have reproductive equipment like a 20-year old, but my pelvis would never permit a full-term birth. It’s not shaped right. So, with all due respect, Zoey, you are dead stinking WRONG. I can make babies without even trying, but would literally die before I birthed one the “right” way. I love my babies, and they love me, and they don’t give a rip how they actually emerged into this world. Neither do I, anymore.

Karen 1 year ago

Amen to that!!

Andrea Furtado 1 year ago

My babies were both way to big for my hips. My first was literally wedged and it took the dr a while to get him out even with the c-sec. I have no shame. I did what I had to to give birth safely. I’ve never had stitches before or any type of medical treatment, so this was a huge step, but I did it for my children.

imdb 1 year ago

Goodness! Is this even a worry?! A baby born healthy is all anyone needs to worry about. My first was born ‘regular’ and my second was up until the very end, when with each push, his heart rate was dropping so low. They wheeled me in, knocked me out and I awoke alone back in my room. The worst part was that I didn’t know if he was alive or not. Just a thought for other relatives! He’s 6’1″ and 250 lbs of muscle, that one. 21 this month. C-section is just fine by me 😀

Agi 1 year ago

I also had a c-section, unplanned, after pushing for 3 hours. My outcome would have been the same as yours back in the day, we both would have died. It has taken me a long time to make peace with the fact that I had a c-section. I work in labour and delivery and I hate it when others say yeah she did it. SHe had a successful vbac, making it seem as though those of us that had a c-section weren’t succesfful that we took the easy way, believe me having a c-section was not the easy way out. Thank you for this beautiful post.

Agi:)

vodkainfusedlemonade.com

HappyRN 1 year ago

Stephanie – I’m sorry anyone tried to make you feel shame for having a necessary surgery – good on you that you didn’t let them succeed. As an L&D nurse who’s had an emergency C/S after 25+ hr natural labor and then a VBAC (with the epidural thankyouverymuch), lemme tell you – there’s pros and cons to each. But I tell my patients (esp my primips) that while there are many paths we can take during their labor, and we may have to take a side road here and there, ULTIMATELY – we just want to end in the same place: with a healthy baby being held by a healthy mommy. I tell them it’s a no apologies zone, and a no judgement zone. So there. Y’all go on being strong healthy Mamas for your kids – and let’s support each other the best we can. The end. :)

Nancy Killebrew 1 year ago

Amen!!! As a twofer myself, I didn’t even consider vaginal delivery the second time around. I don’t labor….end of story. And apparently, it’s genetic. My daughter had the same issues and the same two sections. All that matters is healthy babies and Moms all around.

Karie Pease Lofton 1 year ago

I have had babies both ways and c-section is not the easy way out by any means. My labor with my first baby was fast and super easy, so when I was going to be induced with my second (because of his size) I thought it would be the same. God had other plans though and his heart rate dcelled and I was not progressing as I should have. The doctor said that due to his heart rate we needed to do a section and thank The Lord we did! He has a true knot in the umbilical cord and would have never survived a vaginal birth! I thank God everyday for watching over my precious boy (now 5) and for my doctor who wasn’t afraid to cut me…

alizabeth 1 year ago

I have 8 children….and I have had only one natural birth…even then, that was a huge struggle…I have had 7 c-sections. I agree completely…My children don’t care how they got here…only that they did…I don’t care how they got here…only that they did in the safest way possible for them. Having a wonderful doctor who takes care of you and makes the experience as awesome as possible. I have had mirrors for the last five and it is actually amazing to see your baby born. Congratulations on each and every blessing…because that is exactly what each and every baby is…a blessing. No matter HOW they come into your life, they are a blessing and that is what matters.

Parletta Davis 1 year ago

I do not look at a newborn and ask how it was delivered. I say praise The Lord for a healthy mom and baby

Rin 1 year ago

I love this! My son was an unscheduled C-section. I had planned from the get-go to do as natural a birth as I could, but he apparently wanted his own say in the process! The days before I went into labor (and two days after a checkup showing he was in the perfect head down position for birth) he decided to hold one last baby Olympics and flip breach on me. We discovered this fact after my water broke, I was 3 minutes apart on contractions and I was at 8 centimeters… My doctor told me a C-section was needed for everyone’s health and well being and I said yes (My poor husband was a little shell shocked by this point) I made calls to my family and finished up in time to head to the O.R. and deliver a very health boy. I discovered my body does NOT do well with anesthesia (I had to lay flat on my back for nearly 8 hours before I could sit up with out getting sick) but that was the hardest part of my recovery and in the end both my son and I were happy and healthy!

Callista D 1 year ago

Yes all of this- thank you! When I found out I was pregnant with not just twins but mono-mono twins (sharing both a sac and a placenta) I was immediately told my only option was c-section. It was easy to understand why as the girls had a very high risk of cord entanglement- yet some people still judged. When they were born way too early – 25 weeks, I had to have an emergency c-section and a vertical incision on my uterus. Now, not only do I always have to have a c-section, I also won’t be able to carry to term. Honestly, if it means keeping both me and baby healthy- why would I fight that? I hate hate that people get all judgey about c-sections!

flipflop76 1 year ago

I didn’t choose a csection but that’s what happened due to pre-eclampsia and HELLP syndrome in my 1st pregnancy. my son had to be born and csection was the only way it was going to happen despite inducing labor. my daughter was a csection baby too. I’m fine with that and no one has ever judged. healthy babies, healthy mom. at the end of the day isn’t that most important?

Jaycee 1 year ago

H everyone, 26 years ago I had an emergency C-section for my first baby. I went in to the hospital partially dilated, became fully dilated after 6 hours, the baby was crowned and in position, and I was told by the nurse and doctor on call (my own OB was away) that I would have a quick delivery! Well, after 20 hours of labor, including 7 hours of pushing, 3 shifts of nurses and doctors, a wise head nurse told me I wasn’t going to have this baby naturally, so they started prepping me for surgery. The new doctor on call told me the baby had moved about a hair’s length and that I didn’t know what I was doing..I told him to swap places with me…after 7 hours of pushing, I was not in control of my body…it kept wanting to push the baby out but my baby wasn’t coming out…talk about agony not to mentioned his insulting me! I asked the doctor if my baby was going to be able to born vaginally.. he said not likely but I should continue to try?!!!
I told him to try, and so I was prepped for surgery. (Guess what my baby was never going to be able to go through the birth canal! Later I was told by my own OB that apparently my birth canal is too narrow and the bones that are supposed to open naturally during the birthing process were fused together, hence never going to allow a vaginal birth unless I delivered a very teeny- tiny baby.) My daughter was 6 lbs 6 oz at birth… not a very large baby, Huh? My daughter was born normal and healthy, thankfully, but with a bruise on the top of her head (which to this day is still a sensitive area for her to touch) due to the pushing and her being stuck in the birth canal. I ended up with toxemia.. (I was relatively trim, albeit pregnant and about to give birth, going in to the hospital, but, when I went left, I looked like the Goodyear’s blimp! The recovery was not easy. I was in pain everyday for weeks. Being cut open is not a fun thing to go through. Four years later, I was pregnant with my son. My OB told me “no way you will go through that again” and he scheduled a C-section and that was that.

Oh and by the way, C-sections, even those performed with a bikini cut, leave your belly with an odd-shaped permanent bulge due to cutting the muscle, and unless you work out like mad every day for the rest of your life, it never, never goes away! The scar always feel sensitive and wierd to the touch, and there is a limit to how many C-sections you can undergo (medically speaking).

With all of that said. I think every woman has their own story of their particular birthing experience. Whatever is best for the baby and the mother is the way to go. If I hadn’t had the C-section for my daughter’s birth, and if it were a different time, yes we would both be dead! Why do we judge. Who cares how the baby is born, if the mother can choose the process of birthing, let her. (Believe me either way there is going to be pain & risk.) Bottomline is that we as mothers deliver normal healthy, beautiful babies, love them and nurture them!

Birthing is not a fashion statement, it is a course of life! So, for all of you critics out there get a grip on reality! Stop judging others lest ye be judged! (Surely, there are skeletons in your closet!)

Amanda 1 year ago

I am really glad that you wrote this article. I had the exact same type of breech, and had a scheduled c-section. My son was born at 36 weeks, with both of his hips dislocated due to the position, and under-developed lungs. He was in a half body cast for the first three months and a harness for another month after to help him adjust to life outside of the cast. I cannot tell you how critical my family and friends were about my c-section. My doctor told us the same thing, there was no way to deliver, I would have died in child birth. My husband is in the military, and I went through all of this in a foreign country where I do not speak the native language. I needed the support of my loved ones, and instead was criticized.

Dana Skoblik 1 year ago

Nope, it’s not. I don’t go pressing for details. But if they share it, I can judge it and I can feel bad for someone who’s had a C-section, because I’ve had one and they suck. Period.

Jenny Wonder-Tart 1 year ago

It is not your business why or how another woman delivers.

Dana Skoblik 1 year ago

There is nothing wrong with someone wanting to help empower a fellow woman and let her know that, more often than not, a VBAC is an option. If you’ve done your research and still choose a repeat C then more power to you. Also, I’m pretty sure none of the judging happens to those that needed a C-section for medical purposes or to get the baby delivered safely but you can bet your ass that I judge the women that opt for a C-section because they’re afraid of what it will do to their nether regions or they’re afraid of labor. Um, then don’t get pregnant because that’s what happens when you deliver a baby!

Bruce Michael P 1 year ago

Good for her

Amy rose 1 year ago

I salute all mothers who can go through a c-section, i had 3 vaginal births but my second child almost ended in a c-section and i’ve never been so scared in my life. Birth is birth, no matter the way, we all deserve the reconignition of a hard job well done!

Bea 1 year ago

I had to have a c-section. one of my friends actully said I didn’t give birth because of it. excuse me? she occupied my womb, kicked my kidneys and caused imense pain trying to get out. just because she had to have more help then usual to get out doesn’t mean I didn’t give birth.

Kat 1 year ago

I have had a whole spectrum of birth experiences, literally ranging from home waterbirth to medically unnecessary induction, to emergency surgery.

What bugs me most is not respecting the mother’s take on birth. If the mom is satisfied her care team gave her the best care, and she was respected as a person and as a parent, rejoice with her.

If she feels like she was railroaded, lied to, and coerced into things for the convenience of others, don’t dismiss her pain by saying she doesn’t matter. You do realize that is how it comes across when people say “all that matters is…” right?

In fact that’s exactly how the doctor who lied to me to get me to cooperate with the unnecessary induction justified his betrayal of what he knew damn well I was hoping for. Up til the last minute he promised he was on board with all of it. Until suddenly he wasn’t. And then he dropped the “all that matters…” line on me so I felt like I was wrong for feeling betrayed. It took a long time to process, and sadly other mothers were more often a hindrance to the process because everyone knows, “all that matters is a healthy baby.”

I really don’t have any judgment as to how other moms have their babies. All I hope for is that people will not rush to brush off when someone has experienced disrespect or outright abuse at the hands of caregivers they thought could be trusted.

Traci Holcomb O’Dwyer 1 year ago

I didn’t even know this was an issue. People need to worry about their own lives & keep their noses out of other people’s. I was in labor for 9 hrs, that ended in a C-section, after I stopped dilating. My mom had the same issue with me, but gave birth “naturally” with the use of forceps. She ripped from the front all the way to the back & her body has never been the same. By contrast, I had a small incision that is hidden by a swimsuit. I have no urinary issues, not bowel issues and no pain during sex with my husband. You tell me which choice was better.

Dawn 1 year ago

You are absolutely correct in the fact that you should not be shamed and it is your right to chose how, where and with whom you give birth. The problem is, that when people start talking about the crisis that is our maternity care system, women often translate it into criticism about themselves. It’s a problem with the system. It’s starts with how our providers are being taught and the fact that they are not even being taught how to deliver a breech baby anymore. I encourage women to do their research on this one. Your babies “jack knife” position is the ideal one for breech delivery. Lots and lots of babies used to be born breech and yes some died but a very small percentage of them and it was typically because of a different position than your baby was in. Babies die in c sections too. Then the information about your baby being in distress, it was being monitored by a machine that is shown to have a 99% false positive rate, this isn’t to mention how often they are read inaccurately or flat out lied about because the provider just wants to get the show on the road (don’t think for a second this doesn’t happen) I witnessed it just this week. Mothers not knowing these things is not their fault. We are brought up in a system that tells us that we just hand over our care to someone else and then with in that system, liability, profit and convenience drives much of the decision making and not what is best for mom and baby. In the breech situation, IMO, wouldn’t have been great for your doctor to talk with you about ALL the risks of surgery including the long term risks, then ALL the risks of breech and let you decide which is best for you and baby, but for her to not give you any option and then to tell you that you would have most certainly would have died, is irresponsible. Your baby might have been stuck and you still might have ended in a csection but not giving the baby the benefits of labor starting on its own must be part of the decision making for us as mothers. We aren’t being given ALL the information to make decisions. Given all the information you may have still made the exact same choice but imagine the women who weren’t given all of the information and had complications or their gut was telling them to do something else but they went with what the provider said but just never settled with it. These women aren’t shaming other women, they are trying to help them understand that the system failed them and that they might just make a different choice if they are given more time and information. Ultimately I want women to feel empowered in their decision making and it sounds like you came out the other side with that which is fantastic. But not everyone does and they aren’t trying to shame you in the process.

emmie 1 year ago

I had an emergency c section with my second daughter,, and I am PROUD of it.
My first daughter died shortly after birth.. and it was and still is excruciating
I went into labor with my second 5 weeks early.. she was breech.. and I had to have a c section.
I’m proud, happy and extremely glad thankful everything that I had one.. or I might have had to bury another child.
I don’t care at all what anyone thinks… all that matters to me is that I have a daughter that is not only alive,, but healthy.
it shouldn’t matter how a baby is born.. all that should matter is that the baby is healthy
shame on the women who cannot see that.

Carla 1 year ago

I have had 3 C-sections. I was 38 weeks pregnant with my 1st. I have to admit that when the Dr recommended C-section, I was disappointed. He told me my baby was likely over 10 pounds and then listed several horrible things that could happen to my baby girl if I tried to deliver her vaginally. Needless to say I chose a C-section over harming my baby. Thank The Lord I did make that choice. She was 11 lbs, 10ozs & 22ins. When I saw her, I know I’d never have been about to deliver her. She was a scheduled C-section, at 38 weeks, 6 days. If the Dr would have let me go into labor naturally, who knows how big she would have been.

Mom2Feebs 1 year ago

Here’s what I’ve learned from this comment thread: don’t ever tell/brag about how your baby was born (because it really is no one else’s business) and you won’t get shamed/insulted/stereotyped.

Cathie Johansen 1 year ago

I can’t agree MORE!!!

C scar 1 year ago

Yep, who cares?! None of my business. I opted for a midwife (and strongly recommend one to anybody as they listen to the mom!) and got stuck with a c-section. Judgement just makes you look ignorant.

Jodi 1 year ago

Let me just jump in here as a mother of three, all vaginal births. My best friend had four by c section by choice, not necessity. Who cares?! I don’t understand why some people think they get to tell others ANY aspect of how to live: c-sections, vaccines, school, alcohol, religion, whatever. We have forgotten, as a society, that we are allowed to have differing opinions. We still live in (mostly anyway ; )) a democracy. There are things called discussions which SHOULD involve differing opinions without envoking anger or guilt. It’s a very boring place where everyone agrees to everything! I am saddened by all the stories of traumatic births and wish they had been easier for you. Mine were no picnic either. Share your experiences, by all means, it’s cathartic but please don’t share as a “reason why yours was ok”. I know, that is hard to do in the face of over zealous criticism but stand up straight, smile and walk away (or change websites). You don’t need to defend your choice! Feel no guilt, feel no shame.

Gloria Garcia Litt 1 year ago

Two beautiful healthy children, both born via c-section. I had really easy recoveries and I don’t wish for one second they had been born vaginally. I’m grateful for this medical technology. Without it, my babies would not have come in to this world.

Becky 1 year ago

Thank you for this article. I’ve been shamed not only for my c section, but also for being induced. I was 41 weeks, 2 days and felt great, but after doing daily non-stress tests and doing a couple ultrasounds for 2 weeks, my doctor was VERY concerned about the amniotic fluid level around her. Thus, I was scheduled for a cytotech induction since I had also not begun dial acting or effacing AT ALL. I made the mistake of telling a few people that if I didn’t start labor over the weekend, I’d be induced Monday. It was AMAZING how many people felt their duty was to talk me out of being induced and that I should let things happen ‘naturally’. Unfortunately, nothing happened (even though I did everything except drinking castor oil!) so I had to go through with the induction. While I FINALLY began softening, still no dilation happened so they gave me a foley cath (sp?), wasn’t pleasant! When I finally got to 4 with that, they decided to break my water. I wanted an epidural but a witchy, shaming nurse said that I would ‘for sure have to have a c section’ if I got it at that point, so I continued with hard labor and when my water was broken (ouch!!), there was hardly any fluid left. Needless to say, I never got beyond 4 and after 22 hours and no further progression, we did the section. I made a comment to a nurse afterward that I was a little disappointed I didn’t deliver ‘naturally’ and her comment? “Honey, natural means that you created and birthed another human being! That sounds natural to me!”
The only thing that I *could* be a little bummed about is that excitement of rushing to the hospital in labor but you know what? My sweet baby Scarlett is the most excitement and joy I could ever wish for, no matter how she got out! We mamas need to stop ALL judging and enjoy our little miracles!! :-)

Jordyn 1 year ago

Zoey, your post makes no sense.

“If you can make a baby–you can birth a baby”

Except you had to have an EMERGENCY c-section. So apparently you were able to make the baby, but you WEREN’T able to birth the baby.

You had a good point about the bacteria and stuff, but not good enough to counter the fact that your entire post is contradictory.

Whatever way women choose to “have” their baby, they should be celebrated.

BeachGrl 1 year ago

“Women, if you can make a baby, you can birth a baby.” This is not always the case! Many women and children have died during childbirth. My first child was born after having contractions at 7 minutes apart for 3 DAYS. When it finally came time to push, she got stuck in the birth canal. She ended up being delivered via forceps and vacuum. I had a 4th degree tear. My daughter was born in respiratory distress, due to swallowing her own fluid in the birth canal. She has had pneumonia 15 times due to this. When it was time to discuss options for delivering my 2nd child, I chose to schedule a c-section. I COULD have tried again, but why on Earth would I put a second child at risk, just to make myself feel more like a woman? We, as parents, do what is best for our children. This starts while they are in the womb. If the child would be at risk being born vaginally, then there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with choosing to have them delivered by c-section. And, I can tell you-the recovery from a c-section was CAKE compared to recovering from a 4th degree tear.

Shannon Rose 1 year ago

A-freakin-men! Couldn’t relate and agree more!

Erin 1 year ago

Yeah dad! I’m glad you’re wife and baby girl are healthy.

Jen Medema Wentlandt 1 year ago

DAMN RIGHT.

Erin 1 year ago

It’s just like we’ve all been taught from the time we were small. Everyone is different and we should accept each other’s differences. Shouldn’t that also carry over into “birthing plans”? I had three vaginal births. My first caused a 3rd degree tear because he has a fat head that wouldn’t cone. With my second I only pushed for 9 minutes, and my third was out in two pushes. With my first two I was induced (one because my water broke and I wasn’t having any contractions, the other because they were concerned about his size). My third was completely natural, but because of my previous inductions I had no idea I was in labor. I went in for a regular checkup only to discover I was already 5cm dilated. I was judged by some nurses for not knowing I was in labor. Whatever! God has blessed me with three healthy boys. It doesn’t matter how they entered this world, they are healthy and I love them. Give birth the way you want. Be proud you carried that precious baby in your womb. Never feel ashamed!!

Carly Eekman 1 year ago

One completely natural drug free birth with a33 hour labour and three c sections. Five healthy robust adorable thriving children. That’s what matters!

Christi Piccioni Mason 1 year ago

Amen sister!

Christy King Schulz 1 year ago

Love this!!

Thankfulmom 1 year ago

My first was an emergency c section after 2 failed epidurals, 40 hours of labor and 2 hours of pushing. Labor paired with C section Recovery (not to mention caring for a newborn) was absolutely the hardest, most physically and emotionally painful thing i have ever been through. I chose to have a scheduled c section with my second and I’m so glad I did. Recovery was an absolute breeze compared to the first time around. After the hell I went through with labor ending in a c section I would never ever ever EVER risk a vbac ending in a c section. And ya know what i refuse to feel shame over my c sections as well. I feel like I earned my stripes…c sections are most certainly not the “easy way out.” However the majority are most definitely the “safe way out.” And let me also add that saying if you can make a baby you can birth a baby is asinine and false. Countless women have died in childbirth. I’m so thankful for medical advances bc without a c section I would have been one of them.

SailorSnooks 1 year ago

I had c-sections with both my children – my firstborn was jackknifed – and he had no intention of moving. My second had a two-vessel cord and her growth had slowed down the last two weeks. The midwife and specialist were both concerned that going forward with the VBAC would result in her going into distress and an emergency c-section anyway. Okey dokey, new plan – schedule that surgery! I didn’t feel a moment of shame for it. All I cared about was a healthy baby.
We women are amazing and diverse creatures, and we all heal up differently. With both c-sections, I was walking a couple of hours later. Never needed anything stronger than a Tylenol for the pain, was driving and shopping 3 days later. Of course modifications were necessary for a week or so- no heavy lifting, had to get out of bed a tad more slowly, but healing was a snap. I’ve had a few people try to throw some shame my way for having had my kidlets ‘the wrong way’, and I don’t give a hoot what they think. I just say ‘Yup, they drugged me up, cut me open, and pulled ’em out. No labor for me, thanks!’ The look on their faces is always priceless. :)

sabrina 1 year ago

hi! I have had 2 by C-section. I wasn’t able to push my first out all the way cause she got stuck on my hips. anyway afterwards I was so upset with myself for not being able to push her out. my amazing husband told me that instead of being upset and ashamed I should feel strong for allowing someone to cut me open and for dealing with the pain of recovery like a champ. even my mother in law who had 4 vaginally told me that she thinks I am incredibly strong and that after seeing all the pain that she wouldn’t trade me. if anyone gives you grief ask them if they even know why you had one and if they know of the kind strength it takes to deal with all. I personally have never dealt with anyone saying anything bad and I know a few other C-section moms who haven’t either. and no I am not hating on vag moms. I do think that the most important thing is that mommy and baby are fine. I also know a baby who the only part of their brain that is a live is the brain stem from staying in the birth canal to long because the doctor was trying so hard not to do a C-section. I wish all new moms on here the best of luck.

Kristy Price Albritton 1 year ago

I completely agree! I had two c sections and although the recovery and healing for the second one has been a pain, I don’t regret making the decisions that I did, regardless of the circumstances that put me on that operating table. People are going to bitch no matter what route you choose. It’s my business. Stay out of it.

Maria C. Hostetler 1 year ago

Loved this!

Kris 1 year ago

“we all deserve medals” – YES!! haha, Can you imagine a “mom scout” sash, with badges for accomplishments? everything from surviving birth to waking up late and still getting the kids to school on time!!

Sinclair 1 year ago

I had a C Section and bottle feed my one year old, the internet can suck it! After getting 3 shots of that labor inducing gel (because my son was just way overdue) I struggled for a while when I could not breastfeed, tried everything, took drugs, herbs, expressed milk but still, when I tell people what I have done, I can hear the condescending opinions they reply with, like I should have pushed harder because breastmilk is best for the baby, if I had pushed further, I would have killed myself because I was a first time mom with no help, I was miserable, confused and suffered from postpartum blues. I try not to think about “what ifs” because I want to be happy with my decision.

Rute Evora-Jauad 1 year ago

I think the entire point of this post is about people who like to meddle in with your parenting and in how you are raising them. And they start from as soon as you’re pregnant. “Don’t pick your 4 year old because it is dangerous on your tummy” “you can’t drink a that!!” “C-section? Why another one??” “Don’t pick him up too much or he’ll get used to it” “you don’t give your 5 week old breastfed baby water???” (Shakes head in disappointment)…

Honestly, people just back off already. It’s my kid and not yours. We mothers right from pregnancy do what we can for our babies. When we fall pregnant we do what we can to ensure survival of a fit and healthy baby. We take on hormone that mess us about for 9 months. We throw our guts up. We feel exhausted even as we try to sleep. And THEN, labour comes, not actually knowing what’s gonna happen. You go there expecting to give birth, you end up having a c-section, a pain you have to take to ones of medication for, while forcing yourself physically up in the middle of the night to feed your baby with all that pain, which may as well kill you.

Nothing productive to say? Then just say nothing.

Tiffany Montes 1 year ago

I had 2 c-sections, the first because I had preeclampsia and didn’t dilate past 5. The second was because they were twins. I didn’t have another option for the first one and the second was scheduled. I don’t think it was easier or harder than a vaginal birth. It was just my experience. It’s like they say, every pregnancy is different we also have to remember the same goes for each delivery.

Billy 1 year ago

I’m a brand new dad to a beautiful 5 month old baby girl and my wife shouldn’t have to explain her reason to people for having a planned c-section. If anything, it was the most stress free, life changing appointment I’ve ever been on. That’s what we like to call it because we were to arrive at 6am and be in the OR at 8. Well, 44 minutes later we got to enjoy the full experience of our beautiful MacKenzie with picture taking and all. But should we feel ashamed of having to go that route? I don’t think. As long as my wife and baby girl were happy and healthy, that’s all that matters to me.

Michelle Lalor 1 year ago

Birth is so personal! Just because some people really want a vaginal birth doesn’t mean they are shaming people who do! I had a c-section with my first and I desperately want a vbac with the next baby. I would never shame someone for having a c-section just because I think a vaginal birth is the “ideal” if circumstances allow! Each to their own!

Laura Krupp 1 year ago

Love this! I had 3 c-sections. All for different reasons. And none of my babies would have come out any other way.

Luly Alcrudo-Roquette 1 year ago

Bravo!!! Great article!!!

Nicole Woods-Sisk 1 year ago

Two c-sections, healthy boys, nursed both of them perfectly fine! No regrets at all.
My doctor and I had reasons for a section versus vaginal. Plain and simple.

Linda Cain 1 year ago

The right delivery is a healthy delivery for mom and baby! Excellent message :)

Lynnette Ruiz-Redublo 1 year ago

I soooo agree with this… So many “sanctimoms” out there. I almost spiralled into deeper PPD bec of all the pressures put on me regarding nursing!

Marianne Maguire 1 year ago

Hell to the yes!!!

Candie Lynn Mays 1 year ago

I had my first two natural. My second I had complications with and my third was bad also. With my third I had to much fluid and diabetes and he was measuring almost 10#. The dr let me know the risk and even though the chances of death were low (as were the chances of him getting stuck or becoming paralized) I couldn’t bring myself to risk his safty. So I would have a scare on me for the rest of my life and yes it is a major surgery where mom’s do die still. … but he is worth it and I wouldn’t change my decision for the world. My dream birth was all natural at one point but when you hear that your babies at risk it changes everything. Now my dream birth is at happy healthy baby and no one can make me feel ashamed for that!

Bonnie Baert Hogan 1 year ago

My first child (son) was born scheduled C-section cause he was breech. (My second child, daughter, was born VBAC.) They both think its cool that that they came out of Mommy’s belly different ways. We told my son that he came out “butt first” making his first statement to the world! He loves it!

Denise Spurlock Vanden Bussche 1 year ago

Seven pregnancies…. 2 miscarriages….. 5. (yes 5)!!!!!!!!! C sections. Ashamed? Hellllll no! I have 5 normal, healthy, and beautiful kids! Judge me if you want….

Shannon 1 year ago

I had an emergency c-section with our little girl at 24 weeks. I had an incompetent cervix…I had fully expected to have a vbac. My daughter was positioned across my stomach, her head/chest area by my right hip. If i had not gotten to the ER when I did, she would have passed away before I even got to meet/see her breathe and I could have possibly passed away too.

I was one of those pregnant women that wanted to do a vaginal birth with minimal medication–but after being dilated to a 6 at just 6 months pregnant with my first child (a week after we found it she was a girl) and going through the contractions just to end up having to have a c-section to keep her alive, I would do it again…

Sorry if this is very unstructured…We lost her on the 22nd of April, so it is still very fresh. I did feel shame, but for many reason, but one was that I was having such a hard time during labor…I felt like if I was strong enough I should be able to handle having a vaginal birth, but she was not strong enough to handle it.

I say for whatever reason, doesn’t matter if it is the pain, fear, or just personal preference, to do a c section, we as women, who go through enough being pregnant and trying to create a little life, have the right to choose, without being persecuted/judged/be-littled!

Congrats Stephanie!

Rebecca Schoenborn 1 year ago

I loved my c-section! It was my call and I have never regretted it for a second. It is possable to have a peaceful c-section and there is no shame in it!

Zhu 1 year ago

Your body, your choice. It should be as simple as that. Why do people feel the need to comment on personal matters? I just don’t get it. It never fucking ends. Pregnancy advice (mostly inconsistent and unwanted), birth advice, baby advice, toddler advice… I am so sick of it. You know what? Whatever we do, kids turn out okay. We love them (well, most of the time, right?), that’s what matters. The rest is slipping hair over stuff that won’t matter 1, 2, 10 years down the road.

I wish you a happy birth and a awesome baby :-)

Marisol Robledo Holder 1 year ago

Best thing I was ever told when trying to decide to have an epidural or a natural birth: there are no blue ribbons to the best birth. The prize is a healthy baby and you do what you need to get it. For me, knowing I have a very low pain threshold, it was the epidural and being coherent enough to see both my kids being born.

Mellissa Miller 1 year ago

36 hrs in the hospital, 24 of labor with little to no change & we elected for a c-section. It was a very calm delivery, she was put skin-to-skin in the OR & was exclusively breastfed other than the first day & half where we supplemented with formula & I had a very quick recovery. I will try for a VBAC with subsequent deliveries but if we decide on a c-section again, I’m not worried at all.

Brooke Cailleteau 1 year ago

First of all, I love it. Second, it never ever would have occurred to me to feel shame over my two scheduled c-sections. An ounce of regret, yes. Envy and longing of other moms’ “perfect” childbirths? Yes. Never shame. And always overwhelming joy over becoming a mom to two healthy boys.

Vicky Ruth Owen Lane 1 year ago

I can’t believe this is a real issue between moms! So dumb.

Jessica Smith 1 year ago

Love this!! It’s how I feel about breast feeding!! I tried and my body couldn’t keep up!!! Nothing wrong with the formula!!! I tried

Kerri 1 year ago

I loved this artical! I wished that I had listened to my body and told them to do a c-section. My little boy got stuck because one side of my cervix didnt fully dialate before he tried to come down and he was pulled with a vacuum and I had to be cut to prevent tearing even though I tore on the inside to. Three transfusions later and alot of stitches he was here but I would hate anyone to go through that just because people think a csection is a cheaters way out so iv been told, if I was to have another baby is rather them cut my belly then go through that again.

Sara 1 year ago

I just want to know when it became socially acceptable to ask someone what their birth plan is in the first place?! I had a complete stranger once ask me how I planned to bring my baby into the world. Really?! It’s not ok to ask what print is on my panties, what cup size I wear, what tampon brand I use… So why is it ok to ask whether or not I’m going to deliver a child naturally? And to answer that question, no. I had a Frank breach baby. Delivery would have been the equivalent of my baby sitting in a bucket. Nothing good was going to come of that!!

sam 1 year ago

During my last labor, I needed some relief from the pain but nothing could make me have another epidural. This was my fourth child and my mind was not in it. My husband and I were exhausted, my grandmother had just passed away completely unexpectedly a few days prior and I had been counting on a family member to support us who instead chose to drain my energy and leave the morning the baby was born, never to meet him. I was having back labor again (I just had a huge cyst removed that might have been the culprit for that special pain for the last two births).

After my first childbirth where I chose an epidural from the start and omg could feel the cath, couldn’t move and had no control and took months to heal….I had two more babies totally naturally. A woman online told me I was stupid for having a baby in the hospital…I would have a c-section and DIE. Honestly, a c-section still seems much scarier than vaginal birth for me. Anyway…I planned for a home birth. Hired a midwife. Got an infected gallbladder and ended up almost bleeding out after a delivery that healed me because I was able to control it.

The third time, the doctor didn’t even make it. My husband coached me and there the baby was! I had back labor and it was very long but immediately I knew I wanted another child.

So we did. In the hospital, in case of an emergency. He was born with the cord wrapped so tightly on his neck it stopped his heart and I felt him stop moving as he was being born. The doctors saved his life. I got a sort of pain relief in my I.V. for a couple hours and it gave me that relief I needed. But…and here’s my point after all that crap….

I remember explaining myself to my husband. Asking him if he forgave me. For wanting pain medication! Society is so harsh to us, and we do the same to ourselves in turn. I cannot even imagine what a woman who has more medical interventions has gone through. Childbirth is dangerous and even those who claim its complete connection to nature still have support, have learned about it, etc. I am so thankful that hospitals are there. Even with all the crap. As women, we need to support one another in motherhood and focus less on ourselves. Then the judgements will cease. I am so sorry OP that people made you feel bad for how you brought your babies into this world. You are so brave for accepting and speaking out about it.

Also I’m sorry about that book. Holy s***.

Tracey Michelle Bridges 1 year ago

I was disappointed when I heard I was getting a c section, but now that I have my son I don’t care.

Lisa Cooper Boldin 1 year ago

Very well said! I couldn’t have agreed more

Katie VanderWal 1 year ago

Why can’t people just mind their own damn business? Who gives two shits about how you birth your kids? Rant: Over.

Janna Smith 1 year ago

Who cares HOW you deliver your babies? You’re going to deliver one of two ways. Pretty sure most people just want to deliver. Period. :)

Evan 1 year ago

Hahaha! This is awesome! You’re SO right- in the end, who can really tell the breastfeds from the bottle feds, the vaginal births from the sections or the vegetarians from the carnivores? Love your kids, treat them with respect and give yourself grace. End of story.

Suzanne Gaddis 1 year ago

I had two c sections 18 mo apart over 40 years ago. No regrets even though the scar is verticle .

Kim Spieker 1 year ago

What a good story. I had three baby’s vaginally and had my doctor ever said we need to deliver by c-section I would have said what ever you have to do. The end result is the same. Happy, healthy and loved baby.

Lucy Lisbona 1 year ago

I had placenta previa with my first born… Vbac plan went out the window after a 14 hr labor became a horrifying hemorrhage… My second was a “successful” vbac… But it was a nightmare… They always say your back to normal in 3 or 4 days in a Vbac, they lie. It took me 6 months for “back to normal”… I’m pregnant again, this one will be a c-section because from that I recovered in 10 days!

Magan Laczny 1 year ago

I have no problems with women who have c-sections. I have a problem when you pout and whine that you didn’t have a vaginal delivery when you had a choice.

Krystal 1 year ago

I birthed my first after 29 hours of labor and 3 hours of pushing. I sustained a 4th degree tear. I have since had 2 c-sections and let me tell you, the recovery on those babies is night and day easier than a 4th degree.. So even though you were trying to be non-confrontational and support your opinion about advantages in vaginal over c-section, it still holds true that no 2 situations are the same and judgement should be quelled. I would have 4 c-sections before ever again going through another vaginal birth like the one I sustaied.

Colleen Kayser Petro 1 year ago

This, at the end: “The only proper thing to say is ”all that matters is mommy and baby are happy and here at the end of the day.” ”

Quite frankly, that sentiment pissed me off more than anything after my cesarean. It was NOT all that mattered to me and mommy was not happy. I try not to judge others for their cesareans and if I find myself doing it internally–I don’t share. My opinion doesn’t matter. But she assumes that her feelings on the matter apply to everyone and she’s wrong. That is NOT all that mattered to me and I got to the point where I wanted to punch the next person who told me that.

Allison Raco-mateo 1 year ago

I had emergency section with my first and scheduled one for my second. Both were fine and was up and walking same day. I never wanted to have a vaginal birth and hate the looney tunes who judge me otherwise. My husband is an excellent obgyn who always gives people a lot of time to labor before EVER doing a section and was always supportive:) people who are obsessed with vaginal births no matter what the consequences are ignorant uneducated idiots!!!!! Love this article.

Liz Marie 1 year ago

Dumb

Pamela Bilger 1 year ago

I had 2 C-sections, 1 emergency, and then 1 scheduled because of the first. I am proud of them – they are a totally different experience than vaginal, but they are NOT easier for the mom!

Ally Smith 1 year ago

I wanted, loved and enjoyed my planned Csections! Best time of my life!

Diane Toth Gipson 1 year ago

2 c-sections and healthy kids here. My first was a premie in distress, second had to be scheduled. Did i have other plans? Sure. But I didn’t care. The goal is a healthy baby, not getting the he-woman award for squeezing out the 10 pounder. People need to mind their own business.

Jocelyn Edwards Miller 1 year ago

Love this! I too had a breech baby and had a c-section. When they opened me up he had the cord wrapped around his neck so tightly that an attempt to manually turn him would most likely killed him. His sister, born 4 years later was a scheduled c-section as well. I was a great candidate for Vbac but choose not to take the risk. Turns out my uterus was so thin in the area around the previous incision that labor would have led to rupture. I am so grateful for modern medicine! Can we all agree that this shaming wouldn’t be happening if this wasn’t a women’s issue. When was the last time you heard a man brag about a drug free colonoscopy?

Pencils 1 year ago

Thank you! Although to be honest I never feel embarrassed or shame at having had a C-section. It’s nobody’s business, and to be totally, totally honest, i was ready to have a vaginal birth but I was relieved when they told me I should think about a C-section. I was a week overdue with my first child at age 41, with some health problems and nastily swollen legs (found out later that my daughter pretty much ruined the veins in my legs–thanks, sweetheart!) so we scheduled an induction. Many, many hours of Pitocin later, I was still at 4cm and my daughter had gone into distress twice–the second time I got so freaked I told the doctor to cut her out of me right then, I’d be fine. The doctor told me not to be ridiculous. Finally, after twelve hours or so, they said “we think you should consider a C-section” and I said “Fabulous! Let’s go!” I was very tired of labor at that point. I have some issues with the doctors, nurses and the hospital, but none of them are about my choice to have a C-section.

Britni Bradford 1 year ago

I don’t like her comment at the end. Plenty of women have successful vba2cs… The risks for mom for a 3rd cs are actually higher if I’m not mistaken. It’s her choice but spouting off statements like that about it being silly are just as judgy as those she felt judged by. ..

Margo Fincher 1 year ago

I love this. Thank you so much!!!

Samantha 1 year ago

Really? That what you got out of this post?

Samantha 1 year ago

I too have had 2 c sections. I was pushing for 5 hrs with the first. That poor baby’s big head was not gonna git in any canal! I apparently have a slim, tilted pelvis and when I walked into the hospital in labor the resident was very surprised that I was trying natural to begin with. After the failed attempt at pushing, the next morning, my OB said…”if you have another kid, it will be a scheduled c!”

People do not know! Therefore they should not judge! We would not have survived a pioneer birth either!

Elizabeth Conway 1 year ago

No, I never had to have one

Aunya 1 year ago

It really seems to each their own in delivery. I wanted a c-section originally but thought I might try vaginal out when I got closer and our prenatal teacher scared us with how long the recovery would be. My two vaginal births went generally well but I did tear a bit with the first and pushed for 2 hours, had to stay in the hospital for 2 days since I spiked a fever during delivery but healed up fairly quick.

Hbombmom 1 year ago

“No shame, just healthy beautiful babies”. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Nicole Blears 1 year ago

Hey ladies.. CONGRATULATIONS ON GIVING BIRTH. However your baby came out does not matter. What matters is you got the baby out!!

Hbombmom 1 year ago

Am I hearing judgement in your comment there, Zoey? Kinda think I am but I seriously hope not. Your comment started out well but boy, it just took a nose dive into Uppity-ville really fast. First, this post was about being nonjudgmental. Maybe you missed that whole pesky point thing in the article when you read it the first time. Perhaps you should go back and re-read it again. Second, after re-reading this post you should really hop on over to The Scary Mommy Manifesto and read that one too. Good stuff…all of it…if you can get the main points from each article I think you’ll really enjoy it. Lastly, you said you were an RN but of what? Labor and Delivery? Pediatrics? Geriatrics? I would hope it would be at least one of the first two I mentioned for you to even remotely feel you had even one iota of authority to judge how other women bring their babies into this world.

momof2 1 year ago

I had 2 scheduled c-sections, after high-risk pregnancies and being told that “pushing” was too much of a risk. I had contractions when I went in with both, it was as if they knew it was the day. They also had a hard time getting my son “un-stuck” and that was very scary. How that would have turned out if I tried to deliver naturally, I shiver to think! People should not be so quick to judge.

Sarah Goodwin 1 year ago

I had a c section because I was having twins, and I did feel some of that shame. I don’t think anyone should be shamed for that choice. With that said, I do believe doctors should be much more talkative about the risks of placenta previa. I could see an informed mom electively doing a c section if she’s planning on an only child, however when fully informed on the issue, I kind of feel it’s reckless to elect for a c section with no medical reason, if you are planning on having more children, because the risks of getting placenta previa jump way up for each c section you do.

Amy Perlstein Hisel 1 year ago

End result= healthy baby. That is all that matters.

Debbie, RN 1 year ago

Thank God! I have been an L&D/Women’s health nurse for 22 years. I have read so much about women who feel they didn’t “experience birth” because they were “robbed” of the experience by their doctor who didn’t want to wait…he had a golf game, etc…It has driven me crazy trying to build up women who have been shamed into thinking they were less of a woman because of they way they delivered their babies. Rediculous!!! My belief is this…do whatever it takes to make sure the mom and the baby are healthy and happy at the end of the day. It is my job to worry…to make sure that things go well, and to be able to recognize the signs when things are starting to go wrong. I work with a great doc who is patient. He tells his patients that his goal is a healthy, smart 2yo…that’s what is important…not the type of delivery. Thanks to him, I have a healthy daughter and grandson because he knew when to act.

Danielle Emme Pingley 1 year ago

Had to have an emergency c section with my son when he got stuck in my pelvic bone and started to swell. He was over 10 pounds! I’m now 35 weeks with a girl and having a scheduled c section. I have gestational diabetes and a genetic predisposition to large babies, so to me it isn’t worth the risk to mine or my child’s life to attempt a vbac. There’s a weird “mommier than thou” culture these days that I seriously HATE. Why is it so hard for all of us to support one another instead of always criticizing? So frustrating.

Laci Duke 1 year ago

I don’t judge others because they choose to have a c section but it’s not something I would choose unless it was for health reasons. It’s a personal choice, not a soap box :-)

Kathleen Meyerrose 1 year ago

You all look very happy

Karen 1 year ago

Thank you! My first was a breach baby. They attempted a version, but we both had dropping heart rates, so we opted for a cesarean for both of our safety. My second was a scheduled C-section because I didn’t like the odds of needing an emergency C trying for a VBAC. Thank goodness I opted for the scheduled C-section, because the cord was wrapped around his neck, TWICE!

Rachael Atkins Thompson 1 year ago

My water broke at home and after being given pitocin to start contractions i waited in L&D and after 41 hours of labor , we had an emergency csection. I never could pass 5cm…
Complications from a hemmorgaing uterus lead to 3 blood transfusions. I was incoherent for 6 days and unable to breast feed. Fail,fail, fail. All I planned was lost.
My doctor admitted she should have never let me labor that long, but was trying to reduce her csection rate.
That was her goal. Statistics.
It kills me….. But we are here healthy and alive today….That’s all that matters. I wish she didn’t have me go through that. I believe it was as close to death as I have ever come…

Zoey 1 year ago

Please carefully proofread and edit your article before posting. :)

Zoey 1 year ago

Thank you!!!! I am a RN and a mother. I had an EMERGENCY C-section. Why? Because it was an urgent necessity.

It is best for baby to be born vaginally, as they incur natural germs and bacteria, which aid in immune function.

The recovery time for a c-section is much higher and many more risks are on the table, such as infection.

Women, if you can make a baby– you can birth a baby.

Robyn Goaslind Hopkins 1 year ago

I’ve never had a c-section (five kids). But I’m thinking it’s no picnic. Recovery has to be pretty tough too…that said who cares how your baby is delivered if everyone is safe and healthy!!! So do what’s best for you and baby.

Rachael Schwab 1 year ago

I made the horrible mistake of watching the birth video when i was 6.5 months pregnant. I still contend that there is a reason your eyes aren’t near your vagina. I already had problems with high blood pressure and high anxiety and the mental image of that happening to my body was enough to send me over the edge. So decided that i would schedule a c-section at 39 weeks. When my water broke at 36 weeks i went to the hospital and of course my doctor wasnt on call and one of the nurses started making snarky comments about me scheduling my c-section, and how they don’t do elective c-sections. In the almost 2 hours i listened to snarky comments under various nurses’ breath, they could have had my prepped for surgery.

2.5 years later i have a little scar and a really rambunctious blonde boy who is the light of my world :)

Dani 1 year ago

My 10 month old was delivered by emergency C section, he too was breached and jack knifed, but since he came early we didn’t have a chance to do anything about it. The on call OB let me push for 2 hours, and my son was in distress. My doctor also said we would have died with no intervention. I hated needing surgery and how unnatural it was, but I’m incredibly grateful to be alive! I refuse to feel shame for having a healthy baby.

Rachel Achmad 1 year ago

I was thrilled I got to have a C-section. I got to schedule work and family help around it, I got to pick the date…oh, and both my twins were born ALIVE. (I actually was blissfully unaware that this was a shaming thing. Crazy!)

Cindy Roper Greig 1 year ago

Well said. Same here. 3 C-sections. With my first I had an abruption and started bleeding. If not for the C-section, we both would have died.

Kitty Goes Mauw 1 year ago

whats to be ashamed of? just because our fate would have been different from the pioneer days. i would have died and so would have my daughter. who was tangled and tied up in umbilical cord. stuck. three days of a Catholic hospital who only do c sections as emergency. not easy being pumped full of drugs for days before they cut. c sections hurt!!!! and after trying ti use bathroom is the worst . almost 6 years and i still cant feel parts of my stomach. but how is any part of birth shameful? c section or natural.

Louise Mortimer 1 year ago

“forced section”? I think not.

If I have another child I’m having a planned section. Shame me for it. I DARE YOU. And to all those who believe section mummies “take the easy way out” …. have you tried to care for a newborn (or a newborn + older siblings) after major abdominal surgery? GTFO. Natural birth might be hard, but guess what? It’s just the start. Lay off each other with the judging. If it’s not your birth, then your opinion is invalid.

Alaina Baker-Kindsfater 1 year ago

I had a c section but it was definitely not planned. I am afraid to have another one. I had never had a surgery before and struggled through recovery and postpartum. I am hesitant to go through that again.

Erika Rorvick Jenkins 1 year ago

lame, lame, lame. my doc told me it’s a good thing I didn’t do a vbac the second time around. evidently my uterus was so thin it would have ruptured.

Keri Taylor 1 year ago

My first c section by force the other 2 because vbac is not allowed here but would have had the c section anyway

Leslie Welky 1 year ago

I had 2 “necessary” cesareans. One due to severe preeclampsia at 32 weeks (my cervix was hard and closed so induction would not have worked) and the secind a breech (which can be safely delivered vaginally, but we lack drs skilled in breech delivery). Less than 1% of births, left alone without intervention will require intervention. Most cesareans are scheduled, repeat (because thats what drs say is best but the research doesn’t support that claim) or because of an intervention (intervention disrupts the natural birth process). That being said, some are necessary. And it is EVERY woman’s right to deliver as she pleases. Having done the research I still believe natural birth is best for mom and baby and would prefer it. However, I am on the mothers side and will assume she chose what was best for her unless she tells me otherwise. Sadly, there are many women who are bullied or scared into it when its not really what they want. I wish we all really did make the choice ourselves. And, again, for those ths did, I assume they weighed risks and benefits for them and made the right decision for them.

Hillary 1 year ago

Why would anyone judge someone for having a baby the way they want? People don’t judge you for having your wisdom teeth removed with pain relief or sedation, even though in the good ‘ol days people just got them ripped out? Same with babies, we have different methods available now that people may freely choose. Why judge?
I’ve has 2 planned c-sections and I’m not even going to tell you any stories about what prevented me from a natural birth, as if I ever wanted one, and something beyond my control prevented me from my ‘womanly passage if natural birth’… Quite frankly the driving force in my mind was the desire to not have my vagina torn open to my arse, preceded by several hours of excruciating pain. I’ve heard enough horror stories from my friends, and as a nurse myself I’ve seen enough first hand. My c sections were awesome, my husband admitted he was glad that I’d chosen that path (even though he would have supported any choice I made). In reality I can’t understand why anyone would choose natural birth, but I don’t comedown on anyone for that choice, it is just 100% not for me. At cesarians are not for some other people. Whatever. You end up with a baby, the SAME baby that you would have ended up with no matter how you choose to get it out.

Alex 1 year ago

Fact: c-sections pay doctors more. I have worked in hospital medical billing for ages. C/s make it possible for a doc to take on more patients, for more money. Period.

Danielle Clark 1 year ago

This is just stupid and most csections aren’t by choice, they are emergencies. Even if my body would have made it through labor my baby PROBABLY would have had SERIOUS life threatening infections from our complications. People are idiots.

Nicole Middleton 1 year ago

When I was pregnant, all I wanted was for my daughter to come out safely. Whatever that meant in the moment. When I ended up having an emergency c section because my heart stopped and my body was shutting down because it was negatively reacting to the pregnancy I was just happy to be alive. I died. My heart stopped. I needed to be shocked back to life. My daughter, though had no interest in coming out and upon delivery didn’t breathe. She turned blue in front my my eyes while being stimulated by the nurse. I’ll never forget that little foot turned blue. I will always wonder if I had delivered her vaginally, would she still have failed to breathe. Would a code pink have been called, doctors and nurses running in, her being intubated the whisked away and me not getting to see her in person for 4 hour, not getting to hold her for days as she was hooked up to every wire imaginable. I feel shame. I shame myself. For not being able to keep her safe until she was ready to come out. I also feel robbed. She was my one chance at a child. I didn’t labour. My water didn’t break. I didn’t get the moment when she comes out and we meet for the first time. She met me after she met so any people. I know those are irrational emotions and I am so grateful we are both safe but I think a lot of the shame is internal.

Alex 1 year ago

Lisa- Really? I feel I was robbed. Don’t belittle me because I had c/s that caused severe PTSD, ruined my marriage, and had me attempt suicide. My c/s SUCKED. I love my kid but his birth frankly ruined my life.

Mary Cunningham 1 year ago

Who would? The health of the mother and child is paramount.

Mikki 1 year ago

It wasn’t. It’s post number #553, literally 4 posts up from this one.

“Kiki Bacaro says

I agree there should be no shaming when a mama has a c section. There should also be no shaming, criticizing and general lack of support when a mama wants to have a vbac.

As for “The only proper thing to say is ”all that matters is mommy and baby are happy and here at the end of the day.” Then smile at the mama and congratulate her”, mama, I was destroyed when I had my first c section and I felt gypped out of a great experience. I felt bullied and manipulated into my very unnecessary c section and felt like my autonomy and power in life was completely taken away from me. Every time someone said the above to me, I burrowed more and more into depression. When I was pregnant with my second and decided on a vbac, people constantly would say things like, “will you be able to live with yourself if something happens to your baby?”, “why cant you just be happy that your child was healthy”, “why wouldn’t you want to have the easy way out (meaning csection)?”.

On either side of the equation, people say things that hurt deeply.

– See more at: http://www.scarymommy.com/i-refuse-to-feel-shame-for-my-c-sections/comment-page-28/#comment-353090

Roberta Burke Prince 1 year ago

Really!?

Mikki 1 year ago

Love this!

Cassie Brooks 1 year ago

We all do what we think is best for our babies and ourselves. No one has a right to comment on that,. No one. Period.

Cynthia Bussom Barros 1 year ago

I had an emergency c because I had bandl’s ring and wouldn’t be able to deliver normally, if I have another child it will have to be scheduled c. Thankful not to have lived long ago or my child and I would have prob not made it :(

Amanda Hodgkiss 1 year ago

You know. Stuff like this where women get all huffy and puffy over VBACs, c-sections etc. Really chaps my ass. It DOES NOT MATTER HOW YOU HAVE A CHILD. There are SO MANY women out there that CANNOT have children. It breaks my heart that we have to hide behind the curtains all the time because c-sections are like blasphemy in the birthing world. Some of us, had it not been for modern medicine, would have died during child birth, so would our babies. Thankfully, we have options. Same with breast feeding, not all boobies are made the same. We really need to learn to build each other up instead of tearing each other down. I can tell you right now, I personally know a few women that would gladly endure any type of birth ten times over just for the chance to be a mom. When it comes down to it, know your body, know your rights but do know that the most important thing is NOT how your baby comes into this world, but how you raise it to live in this world.

Priscilla-Leah McCarthy 1 year ago

I’m so proud

Melissa Marion Henriquez 1 year ago

I don’t see why anyone else cares. All mothers are superheroes. ALL. And the moment that new wiggling baby is placed in our arms, the “playing field” is leveled. We are all scared and awed the same: whether the baby arrived here naturally, via cesarean, with drugs, no drugs, via surrogate, via adoption … All loved. My two cesarean births were beautiful. No regrets.

sarah 1 year ago

all that matters is the baby or babies and mommy is okay. after all i would be here if it wasn’t c-sections

Amanda Fierros 1 year ago

Love this!! I had intentions of having a vaginal birth and had a birth plan. I talked to this nurses about what I wanted and all was set. Ended up pushing for almost 3 hours before it was discovered that my son had turned his head and his head was then coming out sideways. At that point I was advised that it was not likely I could deliver vaginally and was going to need a C section. Either way, I’m blessed to be here with my lil man.

Sarah ˚͜˚ 1 year ago

2 c sections and proud! Me and my daughter would both be dead if id have got to the hospital 10 minutes later, so thank god for that, no one will ever make me feel bad for having c sections, I’m a proud mom and that’s all that matters to me :)

Gina 1 year ago

Just for the record, telling a mom “all that matters is a healthy baby” can be very dismissive and traumatizing to a woman who had a bad birth experience. It really minimizes her feelings and can feel very cruel. Every time someone said that to me after my traumatic cesarean, it made me feel like I was not allowed to feel the way I did and that I was being judged for having serious PTSD from that birth. Those comments drove me crazy. It’s just not the right thing to say. A healthy birth and a healthy mom matter too, and only the mother herself gets to decide what that means to her. For me, a cesarean felt terribly unhealthy for everyone involved.

Angela Teeters 1 year ago

Your story sounds a lot like mine. My baby and I would have died in labor if not for an emergency C-Section. My water broke and I came to the hospital with every intention of delivering my baby vaginally. However, during the course of my labor the hospital staff discovered that my baby was in Compound Presentation. She was positioned diagonally across my abdomen with her hand on her head. There was no way I could have delivered her “the right way”. They allowed me to labor in hopes that she would move, but she started to show signs of distress and I was taken to the OR immediately. I thank God every day for the medical team that brought my beautiful little girl into the world. If my husband and I ever have another baby I will schedule my C-Section and know that my child and I will be better off for it. Thank you for this article!

Maureen Hogan Thiboutot 1 year ago

It didn’t occur to me to be ashamed. I didn’t give two &&&&& about the birth experience. I just wanted my twins to be healthy. It was Safest experience for them and me. I can’t thanks doctor enough.

Amber 1 year ago

I totally agree with you except for one thing. Many women who did not choose a c section take a long time to come to terms with it afterwards. Telling them that the only thing that is important is that Mommy and Baby made it and are healthy can be very upsetting for them because it invalidates their feelings of sorrow, regret, and even shame.

Meggan 1 year ago

I’m expecting my third, which will be delivered via c-section. My first was a vaginal delivery. It was horrific. She was stuck on my pelvis, coming out sideways. I had to lay on my side and push for two hours. With my second baby I had placenta previa and an enlarged placenta. I started hemmoraging at 36 weeks and he was born via very emergency, scary, bloody c-section during which I was violently throwing up and tore my incision open wider. I had to have two units of blood and he was in the NICU. It was horrific. No c-section-no mom or son at my house. Bottom line. This next baby I was given the option. We opted for a c-section and a tubal. And it’s going to be great. I dare anyone to fight me on it. I also don’t nurse. I suppose I really am the devil, but no one loves their kids more or takes better care of them but me, so there! Thank you for this article. I’ve felt the shaming for c-sections.

Randi Freed 1 year ago

Oh whatever! Its probably someone whos never been put in that situation that judges. Piss on em. If thats what ya gotta do for mom and baby to be safe, then do it. Go scary moms!

Genavie Hess 1 year ago

I didn’t dilate at all during my first induction (at 37 wks was preeclamptic) and thus needed a cesarean…if and when I get pregnant with #2, I’d rather go with another cesarean because I’m more likely to have preeclampsia the second time. And with the fact that I didn’t dilate at all the last time, the probability of me doing the same the second time around is high…so cesarean it is for me. No shame here!

Devon Hallis 1 year ago

I was in ‘active’ labor for 19 hours and at home for about 16 before that. I remember sobbing when they told me that I just wouldn’t dilate anymore. They had maxed out pitocin and everything else to get me to move along. I had started to run a fever and I was faced with a choice. I felt like I had failed as a woman and my heart was sad. I contemplated for a minute as they told me they could try to order more pitocin and ride it out for another 2 hours. But you know what, I had to suck it up and say ‘let’s do this’ because it wasn’t about me anymore…it was about making sure my sweet girl stayed alive and healthy. And you know what? She was. She’s perfect and healthy and we adore her. I came out of there at 102.7 temperature. I can’t imagine having waited now. We talk about our second child and whether we should go vbac or just schedule it. I gotta tell you, I’m not opposed to scheduling.

And PS-kudos and kisses to the inventor of the epidural. Some of you are rock stars and needed/wanted nothing for the pain. I, on the other hand, feel no shame for that either. I still made a human being and labored and delivered and am raising her which makes me a rock star too.

Jenny 1 year ago

Sweet Baby J I am like a grandma messing up these comments. Gah.

Jenny 1 year ago

Oops, sorry! Commented on the wrong thing!

Jenny 1 year ago

Ha! Yes I was exaggerating a tiny bit. But I was torn open from my cervix allllll the out, and UP. Most women tear down…but oh no. I had to be original 😉

Can’t remember the exact number but yes it was awful, and yes the recovery was a complete nightmare.

Samantha Newman 1 year ago

I had a birth plan for my first… 20 hours of sporatic labour later, OB said C-Section NOW!! Healthy Boy who has grown into a Pre-Teen who is driving me NUTS!! When I found out I was pregnant with No.2 I told My Dr. that it was going to be a c-section.. Wasn’t going to go thru the first again.. When you look at My children can you honestly tell which way they were born?!

Kasandra Poole 1 year ago

” We can never know anyone’s reason for having a c-section and it isn’t any of our business. The only proper thing to say is ”all that matters is mommy and baby are happy and here at the end of the day.” Then smile at the mama and congratulate her. ”

Please keep in mind that moms have many emotions regarding their experience- and while many truly only care that their baby is here and both are healthy, saying this to a mom experiencing guilt, disappointment, feeling violated, etc. could cause her to feel even worse. Tread lightly when it comes to another woman’s birth, period. Perhaps “I’m so thankful you and baby are healthy! Congrats!” would be better.

Bethany 1 year ago

I’m with you girl! I had a scheduled c-section because I have had spine surgery to repair broken vertebrae. Ortho said I could only be in active labor for 2 hours and only push for 30 min. Well, with it being my first baby all involved thought those parameters were highly unlikely. Plus, I didn’t have to worry about dislodging the screw, re fracturing my spine or breaking my pelvis which were all highly possible.

She was 8 lbs, 7 oz and 23 and 1/2 inches long with linebacker shoulders (which she obviously gets from her ex swimmer parents)…we absolutely made the right decision and I have no shame! And, I don’t feel bad about missing out on labor since I started contracting with her at 26 weeks….

Kiki Bacaro 1 year ago

I agree there should be no shaming when a mama has a c section. There should also be no shaming, criticizing and general lack of support when a mama wants to have a vbac.

As for “The only proper thing to say is ”all that matters is mommy and baby are happy and here at the end of the day.” Then smile at the mama and congratulate her”, mama, I was destroyed when I had my first c section and I felt gypped out of a great experience. I felt bullied and manipulated into my very unnecessary c section and felt like my autonomy and power in life was completely taken away from me. Every time someone said the above to me, I burrowed more and more into depression. When I was pregnant with my second and decided on a vbac, people constantly would say things like, “will you be able to live with yourself if something happens to your baby?”, “why cant you just be happy that your child was healthy”, “why wouldn’t you want to have the easy way out (meaning csection)?”.

On either side of the equation, people say things that hurt deeply.

Betsey 1 year ago

I just don’t understand the judgement between women/mothers at all. Really, we all are just trying to make the best decisions for us, our babies and our families. “Walk a day in someone else’s shoes.” No one really knows what it’s like to be someone else and how/why the decisions are made. 1st baby I was induced and had 35 hrs of labor…wow, to say the least I was exhausted for weeks (and no help but hubby @ home). 2nd baby, I just wanted to “experience labor onset w/o induction.” 41 weeks, nearly induced, went into labor on my own!!! Contractions were immediately 3-5 mins apart, born in 6.5 hours, no epi but some pain meds in IV. No judgement here, I was proud of myself (and hubby), but if CS was best for me and/or baby that would have been my choice.

I am forever amazed by the criticism and negativity between women. I noticed it when I was first pregnant with baby #1, I couldn’t believe the amount of women who had horror stories and/or advice for me. Really????? Since then, I have really tried to practice support, support, support to other mommies.

Sad, we all are hard enough on ourselves, the judgement from others is unnecessary.

Heather Thompson 1 year ago

I am not being mean but I just don’t get why so many doctors have women plan c sections. I know women who have not been given a reason to it at all. I had both naturally and hope if there are anymore there is no c section involved. My mom had to have c sections with my sister and me.. but she tried pushing first but we were just too big to fit.lol the only good thing about c sections in my opinion is they say you can’t have as many kids after so many, which helps population I guess.

Amber 1 year ago

I think some people don’t mean to sound like they’re shaming others for choosing a repeat csection. They might be trying to protect you because they had a horrible experience that scarred them (I had a bad experience but I know it could have been worse). I think women should know all of their options and make a decision after knowing what they wish to know. I had a csection with my first because my dr wasn’t patient and lied to me in order to get me into the OR at 38 weeks exactly (no pre-e, baby’s hb was great, I felt great – a little uncomfortable but that’s normal) – I know this isn’t always the case and I’m happy csections are around for emergencies. I have been reading up on VBAC and family oriented csections (I feel I would personally love this kind should any difficulties occur) and I know my options and have both of them in my birth plan. I am a research freak and I don’t expect others to research as much as I do. I love hearing women sayin they weighed their options and chose so and so :) I’m glad you did what’s best for you and your babies.

Jessica Jonathan Garcia 1 year ago

I can relate :) good for her!

Hannah 1 year ago

The demonisation of the medical community is part of the damn problem and is based on so many myths that it beggars belief.

Fact: most doctors are not scheduling sections for their own convenience. The natural birth movement has made people trust murderers and people with no training over actual doctors, to the detriment of babies.

There’s a push for more natur birth in Canada, UK and Australia (and even here in the US) and the result is slipping perinatal mortality standards.

What a load of crap you spout. And, yes, what you said above does shame women because the implication is if they’d been stronger in the face of their big bad OBs they’d have gotten that all-important vaginal birth.

Helena Reynolds 1 year ago

The only thing shameful is that you really give a hoot what somebody else thinks about what you are doing for you and your child. Had. 2 c-sections and proud if it.

Delia Canamar 1 year ago

No one knows, what will happen during delivery, we can plan, exercise, eat organic, take classes but ultimately the only thing that matters is a healthy birth for both mother and child

Sarah Guyon Gerrish 1 year ago

I think some of you need to get some different friends. I have never been shamed by any of my friends for my choices.

Nately N Jack Shannon 1 year ago

I can’t deliver natural, which I would of like due to my pelvic bone. I had 1 emergency c section in 1991 and 2 scheduled 1997,& 2013

Cassie Gore 1 year ago
Jodi ‘Nunn’ Hjelle 1 year ago

No shame in c sections. My heart hurts for the moms that try natural and labor for a day to end up with an emergency c section. Much better to have a healthy happy baby and mom regardless of how the birth happens.

Eileen Peterson DiPasquale 1 year ago

My daughter had 2 c sections and sobbed feeling like she was a failure. If she didn’t have them she probably not be here today to raise her 2 boys. That’s assuming they survived. Thank god c section was an option!!!!

Jo Zumbrunnen 1 year ago

I had three c-sections 1 emergency and 2 scheduled.. That was back in 74,77′ and 81. I thought things might have changed by now but, I guess with the Internet it’s only more judge mental..the comment I heard from friends and family is to bad I could not experience the real natural birthing experience… I read articles that said you really can’t understand the sacrifice of Motherhood and less you experience the real pain of vaginal birth. Thanks for telling it just like it is, Nobody else’s business.

Tara S. 1 year ago

I liked this article a lot. I just think we, as moms, should all be trying to help each other regardless of the decisions we make regarding our children and our lives. How to deliver our babies, whether to breastfeed or bottle feed, to stay at home or work outside the home are all decisions that mothers make all the time. All of us mothers need to be supporting each other, without being judgmental, not making nasty remarks about others’ choices. We should be helping, not hurting each other!

Carly Bonderud 1 year ago

For the record I am not shaming anyone for having a c-section but when I was pregnant with my son it was the very last thing I wanted. Then when I was telling this to a friend who was planning her second c-section with her third child she got angry at me. She told me I was insulting for saying I would do anything to avoid one. She didn’t understand my anger toward the midwife who had suggested it as a possibility. She doesn’t understand my anger over having had to scrap my home birth plans because in the end I “got what I wanted” and birthed my son after 36 hours of labor and 3 hours of pushing in the hospital. Every time I speak out about hospitals and doctors who DO lie to their patients to push their own agenda she acts like I’m shaming her. I’m not. She had a good experience. I’m happy for her. The issue isn’t what we choose, but whether we have control at all. Obviously sometimes things don’t go as planned, but telling someone who is NOT happy with their birth to just be thankful and get over it is just as bad as shaming a mom for her choices. The people who say “don’t let the doctor talk you into a c-section” are only saying it because they want you to have control. So many moms want to vbac and could do so, but then they are pressured by their doctors and they are NOT okay with it. So really the message is that whatever way you birth your baby, just remember that you are the one with final say, not the doctor. Just be happy in your choice. Really, that’s all advocates for birth are fighting for: the right to say NO and make our own choices without being shamed or threatened into compliance.

Sarah Schrader 1 year ago

2 c-sections 15 mo apart. First was emergency. Second was scheduled due to complications from the first. VBAC was not an option for my second, he tried to come on his own at 32 weeks and was delivered just after 36weeks. Both boys healthy and beautiful. Had my tubes tied because I didn’t want to risk mine or any more babies’ lives. Let me tell you about shamming!!! Aside from my husband I had no support in that decision.

Stacey Andrews 1 year ago

I was asked after my first section if I wanted to speak to a psychologist because I didn’t deliver naturally. My reply? “I was pregnant, now I have my beautiful healthy baby boy. Do I look like I care about how that happened?”

DeAnna Layton Mazik 1 year ago

Myself and my sons would be dead had it not been for a C-section. I’ve always been thankful that we lived.

Jessica Harris 1 year ago

She could have written my story. My daughter was stuck under my right ribs, her feet by her head and butt first but also I was dilating and cord prolapse became a very scary likelihood. With my son, they stopped labor twice before I went in for my C with him. I’ve had people have the audacity to tell me that I did not give birth to my kids. I’d never wish a C-Section on anyone and I would never undermine the difficulty of a vaginal birth! Too bad the same cannot be extended at times to C Mommies.

Kathryn Doyle Hailey 1 year ago

Your babies and their health as well as yours is all that matters. It’s no ones business how you give birth. Best of lick with your new baby. Bless your heart.

Mary Spring 1 year ago

Pretty sure that if I hadn’t had a C-section, my 32 year old would have been brain damaged. I had a second one too, my third was the vag way, but what difference should it make to others and nobody should be shamed about this. Just wrong!

Beth 1 year ago

I see no reason why anyone who had a medically needed C-Section should feel shamed. I do however wonder why anyone would choose c/s over vaginal JUST so they don’t have to ‘deal’ with the labour! Giving birth either way can go sideways and vaginally the baby benefits from it and isn’t have a child about doing what is right for it? Why would anyone choose to have major abdominal surgery just to avoid working hard for a day & tempt complications that could cost your life? (No surgery is ‘routine’ there are risks involved every time you cut into the human body).

When I was having ‘false’ labour (no contractions that require breathing is false!) with baby #1 a woman in my room was having a c/s just for that reason…I’ve heard them called ‘designer’ deliveries.

C/S ENABLE US TO SAVE LIVES…the baby’s & mother’s. Like the author said, if a skilled OB/GYN wasn’t available, she and her child would not have lived. I suspect that a lot of the respondants to this article are in the same place, alive because of a c/s. As for VBAC’s…just wanting to TRY one makes you couragious in my opinion.

Which ever way you became a mother…welcome to the roller coaster ride of your life…thrills and spills guarrenteed!

Kate Durbin 1 year ago

I think the shame is directed more towards those who don’t really need a c-section but prefer them. This woman definitely needed one, as did my mother when she had me.

Brandy Lee LeCompte 1 year ago

I have blessed the world with three gross, farting, dirt eating, worm loving boys via c-section. God bless the doctors who cut me open and didn’t kill me! I love my battle scars!!!!!!!!!! and the stripes that go with it. This body has carried three to term and two to heaven. The experts can shame me all they want, but guess what? I got one big mommy ass they can kiss! BIG! My boys are happy, normal and completely fine. And to those of you who are blah blah blahing along about how terrible c-sections are….. all I have to say is don’t hate me bc I won’t listen to your nonsense.

Kimberley Campbell 1 year ago

Mine was elective and it’s annoying when people ask why I had one and then make judgy comments. Comments about my vagina should be restricted to me, my husband and my OB. People need some lessons in social graces…

Connie Jordan Register 1 year ago

The only thing that matters is that the mother and baby are healthy and delivered safely. It’s no one’s business if the baby is delivered vaginally or via c-section. The decision is decided between the mother and her treating physician.

Laura Wright 1 year ago

Hear hear.

Carol Smith 1 year ago

The most important factor is what is best for the baby. Unfortunately we like to play “armchair ” quarterback. I think what the mother and OB decides it is their business

Alicia Charlee Nichols 1 year ago

I had a c-section, chose not to breast feed, immunise my daughter, scream and rant at her sometimes, and occasionally let my girl eat junk food. According to the Internet (and some of my family/friends) I’m the worst mother in the world!!! Screw the hateful naysayers…

Carrie Slauson 1 year ago

I got a huge lecture from a physical therapist about how I took the easy way out, etc. even though what I was seeing her for had nothing to do with it. She just saw my scar. I do get tired of feeling like I need to justify it, though. Who cares that it was an emergency, or that I had put in my 36 hours of labor before his heart started dropping? Hooray to you for this!

Maggie Sacco 1 year ago

Ugh, the c-sect shamers are like the militant breast feeders. I wanted a scheduled c-sect but dared not ask because I was shamed every time I mentioned it to anyone. Then, when it turned out I needed an emergency c-sect, I was psyched. And guess what?!? The whole reason I wanted on in the first place was because I was not interested in pushing a human out of my vag. Plain and simple, no apologies. I got what I wanted in the end. We both did – he wanted out, I wanted him out. Done. With minimal fear and pain. I even got the drugs I asked for so I wouldn’t have to experience the surgery so fully, because for me, that’s just gross. Key words here, *for me*. I have nothing but happy memories of that day. Best day of my life. So do what you want, moms-to-be, it’s fine. You take care of yourself during pregnancy, you have the birth you want (or not, get over it) and guess what? The really big stuff comes after the baby is out of your body and in your arms.

Cheri Goodman 1 year ago

I had my first two vaginally, and wanted to do the same with my last pregnancy, identical twins, and everything was going very well. They were in perfect position, and strong. But when they went to induce my labor, we found out that my twins were allergic to the pitosin. Their heart rates dropped so low that they were barely detectable. That was a scary situation thinking that your babies are dying inside you. And we ended up doing an emergency c-section, which saved my twins lives. So, I agree, don’t say if you don’t know.

Natalie 1 year ago

My jaw dropped when I got to the end of the post.

“all that matters?”

Many women experience a cesarean as a traumatic event. PPD, PTSD, etc, can be related to cesareans. That mom and baby are both alive is something to be grateful for, but it is NOT ALL THAT MATTERS.

Ginger Faye Gilhooly 1 year ago

Love it :) I scheduled my last two c-sections (I’ve had 3 also). I’m convinced my oldest and I wouldn’t have made it if I hadn’t had one with him (after 17hrs of labor, 3 of them I was dilated to 10). After that experience, there was no way I was going to put my others under so much stress. I hate articles that make it sound like your OB is a selfish, money hungry monster if they recommend one for you!

Lisa Marie Garman 1 year ago

Not all shame comes from C sections either. After a very traumatic vaginal delivery and a difficult recovery, I had many people tell me what I “should have done” with regards to positioning and pushing, etc. I am glad that their deliveries all went so well, but they weren’t present at mine. So shut up and keep your opinions to yourself…

Kathryn Swenson Heywood 1 year ago

Honestly, I feel like I have seen more posts like this than I have seen people shaming women who’ve had c-sections. Seriously, every other week I see something akin to this being shared by a friend. And yes, I’ve had a cesarean, but I got more negative comments about home birth (just look at some of the judgmental comments here!) than I did about having had a cesarean. If you are comfortable with your method of birth, more power to you.

And yes, I have suggested to friends to try a VBAC, but that’s not because I’m a jerk who looks down on them, but given the risks of multiple cesareans (and the fact that women are rarely told these risks), VBAC can be a choice worth looking at.

Gildas Denoo 1 year ago

Yep! You got that right!!!!

Sarah 1 year ago

This is wonderful! AMEN!

TwinTerrors 1 year ago

Im a mother of twin preemies and my first out was breached so I needed to have a C-section. I get people telling me I should have done it “the right way”. Well dumbass, if I had done it “the right way” my first would have died so your “right way” sounds like shit to me. Oh yea, that’s right! If I had done it “the right way” my second would have died in my womb because doctors didn’t know she was there until I, guess what, had a C-section. So tell me again about your “right way” being the best option in every case. Id be daughterless.

Tarrylee Silke Grupp 1 year ago

Amen sista !

LeeLee Ya 1 year ago

Not everyone agrees c sections are a second best choice. As the medical world has gotten better it is arguably an equally good option now and possibly even the Better choice in the future. If you felt under informed thats a bone to pick with your Dr. I was exceptionally informed and have yet to meet a women who wasn’t. Again, when you talk about industrialized countries you cant compare the US to countries with guaranteed healthcare…where everyone has access to prenatal care. It os also possible countires with universal healthcare opt for the cheapest method and avoid surguries that will cost them…the opposite concern can lead to the same statistics. And, it is also true that different areas have differnt needs based on the avergae age of the mother and her health. Baltimore city has a high rate of c section and they have a lot of diabetic and obese and otherwise unhealthy mothers. The suburbs of DC, where I live, have high rates because the average age of motherhood is a full 10 years older than the national average. We also have a higher rate of medically assisted pregnancies for the same reason. You know the old saying corrolation does not imply causation. Most drs go into medicine, sacrifice a lot of their youth, with a genuine careing for human life and health. I think to accuse them of doing unnecissary surgery for money is a terrible thing to do to a group of people dedicated to your care. If anything, accuse them of having inaccurate information…or being afraid of being sued…thats another geniun problem in the US…unnecissary litigation inhibiting the Drs choices. If you find yourself in a hospital with a high c section rate you might ask why. Maybe they serve an underinsured population. Maybe they have a level 3 NICU and are the go to hospital for high risk pregnancies. The answer isnt always bad. Bottom line, if mom and baby are OK, the right decisions were made with the information available at that time in that place. No excuses necisaary, just be proud of your baby.

Kimberley Rasul 1 year ago

Love it, I had a c-section with my first and I am having another one with my second. Thanks for sharing your story

Emily Carlson 1 year ago

My baby was breech too! I tried everything. Spinning babies, yoga ball, the cold on he head (which she was stuck, so In the end I just made my fetus’ head cold… She couldn’t get away… Lol!)
People were mostly supportive.
But many weren’t. I was made to listen to a few horror stories. That doctors are evil, that they just want money… Etc. and that is true sometimes. But what am I supposed to do when my baby is STUCK? One friend said just go with a midwife. She wouldn’t force you. Are you kidding? I ended up actually going into labor 4 days early. I never progressed past 2cm, but my contractions were 3-4 mins apart. Obviously wouldn’t have ended well.
Fear mongering is just as bad on the crunchy side…

Andrea 1 year ago

Clearly you have shame about it, otherwise you wouldn’t have posted this to the world denying it. It’s like someone posting about how they’re not a racist. People who aren’t racists don’t have to do that. I am very satisfied with how my children were born, and it never occurred that shame would be an emotion that could even be connected to that event. It’s like posting about being perfectly satisfied with the car you bought. Note the difference between the post “I love my new car!” versus “I’m not ashamed about the car I bought.” One of those people probably feels a little bad about the car she bought. I’ll let you guess which, and further let you guess which one your post resembles. Might I suggest next time posting, “The births of my children were amazing!”

To be honest, I don’t think anyone really cares about your C-sections. You had the births you wanted. Who, exactly, has pinpointed you by name and wants you to feel shame about being happy about the way your baby came into the world? Who are these internet people who sought you out personally and said “you did it wrong, you should feel bad?” Do you think that the conversation about forced c-sections and other birth interventions are about you? They’re not. They’re about wanting mothers to have an informed and respected voice in the process. You got that when many do not, yet you still complain. Yes, I am judging you, not for your birth, but for your narcissism. Look, it’s not always about you, and people aren’t thinking about your birth as much as you think they are. You can relax, be thrilled with the way your children came into the world, and go be a mother to your children.

Vi 1 year ago

Sounds like c/s moms are the only ones acting “holier than thou” here.

Julia 1 year ago

No judgement here! After my first c- section (failure to dilate) my well meaning mother-in-law said “i am praying that you don’t have to have another c-section”. I said “you don’t understand, I want to have another c-section!”. It was just a better choice for me and apparently for many of us.

AmyKeola Asam 1 year ago

3 x C-section and proud…but never felt otherwise so this is all new to me that some people experience this?…always remember no one can make you feel inferior without YOUR permission!….and the bigger picture of really who cares, my babies are all healthy and happy and THAT’S what matters:)

Laura Canaris Moritz 1 year ago

And my sister had a c/s because my nephew was breech. I’m all for being safe, nothing extreme is good on either side.

Laura Canaris Moritz 1 year ago

Let me add that after my water broke, I labored with Cervadil and then pitocin from Saturday morning until my c/s Monday evening. Why did it take so long? Because my son wouldn’t fit! Why did we allow to labor? Because there were no signs of fetal distress.

leah 1 year ago

I agree I had my first vaginally, the second C-section; like you Stephanie he was breech, and would not turn back. A chiropractor told me a trick to get him to turn I tried it and no luck. For the babies safety I was told he would be a C-section, first he was 10lbs. 6 oz., the umbilical cord around his neck, chest and between his legs; he will be 21 this month I never regretted the C-section because if he would have turned around and had that cord wrapped that way he may nor be here today. I can empathize with you and other mothers who have to make this decision but for the babies safety it is the best one..

Samantha Timmons 1 year ago

Was just scheduled today for my c section. It’s my first baby and he’s still breeched at 36 weeks. Chances are he won’t flip because of his size. The most important thing to me is that my son is born healthy with as little risk to him or myself. This is exactly what I needed to read!!

Amee Dossey 1 year ago

So glad to see this post of seeing so many negative posts about c sections lately. Thank you for being neutral!

Lisa 1 year ago

When you hear about those stories, you’re also not hearing the WHOLE story. Just the patient who probably felt “robbed” of some fantasy birth experience she dreamed up.
Oh I’m sure there are asshole doctors that push patients to get c-secs, but not as common as people think (looking at your Ricky Lake).

Laura Canaris Moritz 1 year ago

I’m pretty sure the effort to reduce the c-section rates has nothing to do with high risk situations. I’ve seen doctors in L&D push a mom to take pitocin a few hours into labor and 5cm dilated because it wasn’t moving fast enough for them. And then throwing in that if they didn’t do it, they may need a c/s. The parents didn’t want this but they did what their doctor told them. For many families, this then leads to epidurals, which can sometimes actually delay labor; another route towards a c/s. I’ve seen doctors tell mothers that they might kill their baby if they don’t take pitocin to speed it up. And L&D nursed who wholeheartedly disagree and know the particular doctor to just hate waiting for laboring mothers naturally. And I’ve seen those nurses advocate for the patient to be shot down by the doctor as he turns the pitocin drip faster. There are also moms who schedule c/s for convenience, not safety.

Tara Hurter Scroggins 1 year ago

After 2 vaginal births (one induced and one completely medicine free) that both led to traumatic births for my first 2 sons and stays in the NICU, we choose to have a c-section with our third. He was my only child to come out screaming and never spent a day in the NICU. I could care less what anyone thought about our decision to have a c-section. I’d do it again. My body clearly had problems delivering vaginally. Each woman needs to make the best decision for her baby and for herself. As moms we need to stop judging each other and focus on supporting each other.

Marcy Nichols McWhorter 1 year ago

There is no reason to feel shame for having a c-section but as more women blindly listen to others about how dangerous VBAC’s are, it gets harder and harder to find a care provide ring willing to do one. I had 2 c-sections and my fourth daughter was a VBA2C. I am forever grateful for my doctor allowing me to listen to my body and let it do what to knew how to do.

Jana 1 year ago

Thank you for stating the obvious that people cannot hear. It’s crazy out there with opinions flying this way and that. Even if they did tons of research, research does not equal experience or reality. We forget that and hold research as the golden ticket to unlocking the secrets of the universe. I did all the research I could before my first baby in the natural methods of childbearing. I was not going to have a c-section, so I never looked into it. I was frustrated by the system and doctors and pushy nurses. Yet, I developed pre-eclampsia and had to deliver by c-section. I tried induction by three different methods. Nothing worked and I gave up after 26 hours of labor and the last hour contemplating whether or not to tell them to turn off the pitocin. I knew if I had them turn it off I would be done for and a c-section it was. The next baby we tried vbac. I was still angry about my first c-section. Yet, I past my due date and went as far as the hospital would allow me (my doctor would have given me more time but not the hospital). So, c-section number 2 happened. I was still mad about the first c-section but more accepting of the second. Then I got pregnant with our third child. I ended up reading a great book called Why Women Need Fat by Dr. Lassek. He talked about the olden days. He talked about physiology and how so many women died in labor. The average life span of a woman was 35, not because of illness but more because of childbirth. I learned about overweight women having placentas that dig too deep into the uteran wall and eventually triggering pre-eclampsia. About babies who would get too big in utero and cause blocked labor, killing both the mother and baby. We don’t know about these things anymore. Obstetrics has come so far. I had my third c-section and finally was okay with the first, the second and now the third. My only concern is healing and not getting pregnant again too quickly. Thank you so much for sharing.

Desirea 1 year ago

Wow, really? Incontinence is a very upsetting issue to deal with. I don’t understand the need to put down other people to make yourself feel better. I have had three vaginal, and one CS. So I guess I get to put up with the judgment from both sides? Not cool.

Melissa Trahan 1 year ago

Exactly! No one knows anyone else’s whole story. Ergo, no one should judge anyone else.

I’m glad you were able to come to a healthy place in your birth experience, and that YOU and your babies are healthy.

Jennifer Lowrance 1 year ago

Thank you! I have even had people go so far as to tell me that I didn’t really experience child birth. What?! I carried for 9 months (almost with the first). I had a birth plan. I was ready. However, life had different plans. My first child was an emergency c-sections. Thank good she was 8 months and in good shape afterwards. My second was planned because while my doctor supported a VBAC and felt I was okay to try… I was scared to death to of the complications that could arise. So, while I may not have had a traditional vaginal delivery – I did have major surgery to have my beautiful children. One thing that a lot of these people/”professionals” fail to say to people is that we still have all the same after birth issues the other moms do (except episiotomy healing) with the added issue of healing from a major abdominal surgery. My response is … Yes, I did experience delivery. I had to have major surgery to do it. Wear the forever scare to remind me of the blessing my children are. Had to put aside the “normal” birthing scenario I had envisioned for myself and child because even then I was making the sacrifice that a mom should be willing to do. That is giving up my vision, my wants, my, my, my for the benefit and privilege of my child’s growth. No more my, me, mine – it is you, yours, ours, we. Kudos to us c-section moms!

Lisa Herndon 1 year ago

My first was natural and my second was a c section ( scheduled ) and both moments were very special. People shouldn’t be criticized for how they bring there kids in the world but how they take care of them ( keeping them safe, happy and healthy. ) while they are here.

Kerry Kilmurray 1 year ago

My blood pressure was through the roof, if I would’ve tried to go into labor, I prob would have died. Every woman’s body is different, whatever is the SAFEST way for both mommy and baby to survive is all that matters. Recovering from a c-section was no joke. Have some respect for other people’s journeys.

Bree 1 year ago

Having had two spinal operations in my teens and chronic back pain ever since, I wanted a c section, I had an innate feeling my baby wouldn,t budge and I was right. 36 hours later and some motherfocking contractions I had a crash section and my baby was born healthy, I wish I had listening to my gut and pushed for the section earlier, I will be next time. Listen to your body and screw the do good ers , what’s right for me, may not, be right for you. I think i,m a total warrior for what I’ve been through.

Kendra Fritz 1 year ago

I had to have my cesarean section, but many opt for them. Honestly I don’t see why it’s a shameful thing, or anyone’s business. Is there some award for natural childbirth? Cause I sure didn’t get one from my first child.

Jennifer Klee 1 year ago

I know a lot of mamas who advocate for VBACs and make the effort to inform other moms about c/s vs vaginal births. These women are passionate and sensitive because of their own journey. I have never once seen them shame another mother. I have never seen them make a mom feel stupid for choosing a c/s. Their goal is to inform. If you choose c/s with informed consent, that is all that matters. The goal of those who advocate for vbac is also to reduce the number of unnecessary c/s…emergency c/s and needed c/s due to problems w/ baby or mama are not the target so quite frankly this article is non sequitur.

Marie 1 year ago

Exactly. Why is it ok to blatently bash us “vaginal” moms, but any judgement coming your way is an outrage?! My goodness. Nobody’s here to judge, settle down on the attacks.

2 vaginal deliveries, one completely drug-free (not by choice so don’t think I’m being arrogant). Yep, both had cone heads when they came out (they’re perfectly round now) and yes I pee sometimes when I laugh. But I couldn’t care less. My boys are worth every bit. If you have a problem with it, well, that’s your problem.

Tia Massey 1 year ago

I had a vaginal birth, but chose to have an epidural. Someone very close to me sincerely looked at me a day after my heathy baby girl was born and said, “well there are worse things in the world. At least you didn’t have a cesarean.” She is an ignorant fool. The tearing my baby caused me left me STILL healing 3 months later. Even though there is a different just as equally painful healing that had to take place after a cesarean, I wish they would’ve given me it as an option. Maybe then I would’ve been able to SIT in a chair. Stigma… I tell ya what.

Jovanna Theresa Straley 1 year ago

Amen.

Brit Young 1 year ago

Well written! My first c-section was similar. My daughters head was stuck under my ribs and she actually had a little “shelf” near the base of her head that went away before she was a year. I tried my hardest for a vbac with my son, to no avail. #3 is on the way now and I’m just thankful to be able to have children, even if I didn’t have the natural births I set out for.

Sue 1 year ago

I was even shamed for having a c-section infection by the nurse practitioner in my practice. “what did you do?”, is what she said to a first time mom with no sleep, trying to breast feed, and had just been cut back open to drain the wound. Really? I came home from a 3 day hospital stay with a newborn and rolled in some dirt?! Some folks just don’t have filters and don’t think about how their comments can hurt.

melody 1 year ago

I have had it all. My first baby was all natural. No pain meds. And it was hell. Then when my twins were born I opted for epidural. And the comes my youngest girl emergency csection. So when I got pregnant with my one and only son. We knew we wanted a scheduled csection from the get go. And in our birthing class was one woman who gave me dirty looks any time we discussed things and what we want and what we expect. She wanted all natural no pain meds. And she laughed at my story of the emergency csection. I told how I was forced on all fours a nurses hand on my nether region making sure a cord didn’t pop out. Well a few weeks later she revealed to all of us. She had an emergency csection. The exact same scenario. I believed she learned not to judge people’s choices. I opted for a csection on the last baby because I just wanted it done an over with. I knew the moment i saw the pregnancy test i wanted a csection.I already had 4 girls. And being stuck in bed all because your water broke 6 hours ago it sucks. I think alot of people need to learn to be compassionate. And try to see things or understand things from another perspective. I am so over the mommy forums that just put people down. The forums are supposed to be there for support.

Shelly 1 year ago

Love this! I had my third c section March 31. Two boys and finally our girl! My friends don’t judge but sometimes it seems as if they wear their vaginal deliveries like a badge of honor. I didn’t really have a choice in mode of delivery. Would I have chosen natural? Yes of course. I chose to have a healthy baby, the end. Thank you for saying what so many of us needed to hear!

Evelyn Cashwell 1 year ago

Yes I remember this day like it was yesterday

Jinx 1 year ago

My water broke at 7 am. 21 hours later she hadn’t descended and I wasn’t dilating. Plenty of contractions though.
She was born at 6:09 am the next morning via c-section. At 6 lbs 2 oz she certainly wasn’t too big to fit. She got stuck on my pelvic bone and refused to move.

I am having a scheduled c-section for my second and I am happy about this choice because it has already been a difficult pregnancy.

Sorry, not sorry.

Tatiana De Los Reyes 1 year ago

Well said!!!!! I had a c section because the baby was under stress and went into cardiac arrest, in fact the hospital took way to long to make the decision and we nearly lost him… Anyway no need to talk about that! I wanted to have a natural birth…. that was the plan and thanks to the section my baby is alive so #NONSHAMECSECTION#

Margeaux McCorvey Giles 1 year ago

Carolyn. Im really shocked that a group of women yelling about being judged, would in turn sit here and be so nasty to me for voicing an other opinion. First of all I NEVER said I was judging a woman for making a decision between herself and her health care provider. In fact I said multiple times that I absolutely agree that a woman should have the choice to do whatever she wants, even if I dont agree with that choice personally. My bone to pick is with health care providers who offer C sections to women under false pretenses, either to cover themselves from liability or to take on more clients (for financial gain) And no, I didnt read it on the internet. Im speaking from personal experience. When I was pregnant with my first child I was being asked to schedule my C section date before I was even in my third trimester. The closest hospital to me has a 50% Cesearan rate. Thats 40 % higher than found in other industrialized countries, and 35% higher than the WHO suggested standards. Obviously there are women who are getting unnecessary C Sections here in my state, it isnt hard to figure that out by even the smallest of research. But please by all means, continue to tell me how Im being judgemental, by judging me. lol

Laura Mozingo-Morgan 1 year ago

I can’t believe that a woman that has given birth any “way” would judge another mother for her choice/option. I had two vbacs and both of my births were beyond simple. I slept through most of my labors pushed twice and out came a baby. That being said, I also watched my sister almost die during delivery and doctors swoop in within minutes to keep her and my niece alive. I’m so proud of her bravery. Oh yeah also both my babies had awful latches while my niece and sister nursed like pros!

Nicole 1 year ago

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!! I had an emergency c-section under general anesthesia with my first little one and had the hardest time coming to terms with it since it wasn’t the “right” way. Reading various articles online and elsewhere just made me feel even more depressed about the whole thing. It took a good year to get over the fact that I couldn’t have my daughter the way that I wanted to. The second time around I was told that I was the perfect candidate for a VBAC and my odds of having a successful one were good. I went through the whole pregnancy hoping that I could have a natural birth but still had the thought that a second c-section was a possibility. Well little boy didn’t want to come out; I was two days over my due date and there was no sign that he was on his way. I wasn’t dilated and there was no effacement. Since the risk is too high to induce considering my previous c-section, my doctor decided that a c-section would be best. I was devastated since I had such high hopes of delivering naturally and this was my last chance since we’ve decided that we’re done with two. It was four weeks ago and I’m still a bit upset about it and do get a twinge of jealousy when I see friends who were able to deliver naturally. This c-section was much easier to recover from though and I was able to be awake this time around which made it so much better. After reading this I feel even better about the whole thing because there is absolutely no reason to feel shame over having a c-section. There’s no reason to allow the “mommy wars” to make me feel shame about MY delivery experience. I have two healthy little ones and that’s all that matters; how they got here is irrelevant. Thank you for sharing your story and thoughts on it!

Renée McDonald 1 year ago

I love this , could have written it myself!! Thanks to c/sections I have 3 healthy babies, that’s all that should matter!!

Adrienne Ferrell 1 year ago

I could not agree/relate more! You can’t lump everyone into the same category. For some of us-it was a matter of the baby surviving! And I’ve had both-and c-sections are not an easy way out!

Rhiannon Gerald Artigas 1 year ago

Two c’s here. And I feel no shame.

Brittany Prior King 1 year ago

I had one with my first baby due to being super high risk and no progress after 24 hours. The second baby will be a scheduled cs due to being too soon since last baby, and our local hospital does not do vbac and I don’t want to be 2 hours from baby #1 during the birth.

Jenn Godwin 1 year ago

Yes…it’s amazing how many people care so much about how I gave birth.

Donna Mathieson 1 year ago

Woooohoooo!!!!! C sections all the way for me!

Dana Jacob Arguinzoni 1 year ago

I got am emergency induction labor lasted 24 hours 7 of which i had no pain relief contacting on a closed cervix after all of this they finally decided on a c sextion I felt very ashamed of my c section and sometimes im still a little jealous of someone who delivered vaginally :-( but i am glad my son is alive because he wouldn’t have been if they didn’t

Kim Nieuwhoff 1 year ago

My first baby was stuck too, so happy they could get him out with a csection. Second was a VBAC. So i experienced both and I still don’t know what I prefer. It’s your body, you’re choice but a C is a big surgery, don’t forget that.

Lauren 1 year ago

I truly commend you for choosing what is best for you and your baby. I chose to have my daughter naturally and drug free at a birth center with a midwife and I got complete ridicule from my family because of it. My mother supported my decision, so did my fiancé – but everyone else said “Isn’t that dangerous? I thought only hippies did that.” “What if something goes wrong?Your baby could die because you’re not in a hospital!”
I got the birth I wanted and had a third degree tear that my midwife took me to the hospital to repair. And that’s OK. At the end of the day I had a positive birth experience and my baby in my arms :)
I said f**k them and chose what I wanted for my baby and myself. Nobody can tell you how to birth your own baby. And if they give you grief they can shove it.

Rebecca Lynne Taylor 1 year ago

I’m confused why people think that it is any of their business. Your baby, your business. Vaginally, c-section, VBAC, stork, who cares?

Crystal Sweeney 1 year ago

Totally not ashamed of my c sections! And one is a vertical scar (extreme emergency c section)! I would only change the emergency one, she was 11 weeks early. Wouldn’t change having a c section with either tho. It doesn’t matter how they get here, it matters if they are safe and healthy.

Lorna Lou 1 year ago

Why should anyone feel ashamed of what exit route their baby took?

Mores the point why should anyone want an opinion about someone else’s vagina….

Rachel Lee 1 year ago

Jennifer Diffin-Burgo very well put. Mine was an emergency the first time but I did feel like I had missed out on something. But after finally getting to hold her i realized it didn’t affect my love for my child in the least

Teri Gunn 1 year ago

I agree! Three c-sections later and I would not be here to be a mommy and they would not have had life! I will add that the same is true for breast feeding. I was able to feed one and not the other two. The last was for medical reasons. She would have died had I not switched to formula. While breast milk may be best, breathing is better. For my littlest, that was our choice! Stupidity and abuse do exist, but the vast majority of moms are just trying to do the best they can for them and their babies.

Rachel Lee 1 year ago

My first baby did have problems latching on at first but more due to the fact that she was very small. My second baby latched on right away. Never had an issue

Bess J Bedell 1 year ago

I never felt shame over my CS (my first birth) and I never felt any one (In person or online) tried to
Make me feel That way either. I also followed up my CS with 2 VBACs, though. All my births lead to an amazing babies and while I don’t recommend elective cesareans, I understand that they happen and we all just have to accept that

Carmellia Christine Woods 1 year ago

My first c section was after I had been in labor for almost 52 hours an then my sons heart rate jumped up really high so they decided I needed a c section, my second was a scheduled c section but I went into labor before scheduled date but the hospital I went to didn’t have any of my papers or anything so they went ahead with a c section instead of letting me have her natural because they had no paper work or anything from my pregnancy

Adrienne Newcomb McDonnell 1 year ago

I’ve had two babies – neither was a C-section – and I just don’t get it – what makes one “better” than the other?! You carry them the same – they just come out different ways. I actually think a c-section is super brave, and thought I got out the easy way! We should all be applauding each other for what we’ve been through!

Jennifer Diffin-Burgo 1 year ago

I have never been made to feel ashamed for my csection, but I did feel shame when others would say “all that matters is that you have a healthy baby” as if my feelings of disappointment were not valid or that my concern was never with the health of my child. I felt, and still feel, that a rite of passage was taken from me and I was let down by my medical team. I felt a loss as when I couldn’t hold my baby until nearly an hour after his birth. I have no shame in my birth story, only regret, but those feelings do not impact the love I have for my child.

Amber Nicole 1 year ago

I had a c-section with my little man 9 weeks ago. The plan was to have him with no interventions, but plans change and complications happened. I hate when people think I was pressured to do it by my doctors or nurses. They were extremely patient with me. In the end I had a healthy baby boy and will most likely have c-sections from here on out.. By my choice:)

Sarah Linck 1 year ago

It’s about damn time someone wrote this article. I’ve had three c-sections. The first was not by choice. The other two were. It’s my crotch, and they’re my kids. Get over it.

Rachel Lee 1 year ago

Well I had two c-sections the first one saved my babies life. The second one the dr did as a precaution since I had one the first time. I would have loved to have had them natural but it really doesn’t matter how they got here. I don’t regret any of mine and people shaming others for getting one is wrong. People should really keep their noses out of everyone else’s business. You’ve got parents out there that are horrible. Drugs and beating their kids but people actually stand and criticize others for the way they brought them into the world. Wow. Every situation is different as well as parenting techniques. Your way is not the only way to do thing.

hannah 1 year ago

Great article… my daughter was born 12/25/10 and as my water was broken and her heart rate dropped to almost single digits, I realized that my dream of the perfect vaginal birth would not happen. Thanks to the quick thinking and amazing skill of my Dr, nurses, etc my Christmas miracle was brought into the world healthy and alive. After almost losing her, I had a c section with my second in march, 2013 and it was amazing compared to the rush of the first… my husband was in the room, I was awake, and I held my son immediately after birth. Number 3 is scheduled in July and I am planning for another wonderful birth. How you deliver does not make you a bad parent as long as babies needs come above all others :)

Joyce Blanton Joyce 1 year ago

I had 3 natural births and 4 csections and I’m not ashamed of any of my births…they are all special to me :)

Katie Wiley 1 year ago

3 vaginal births here. 2 with pain meds, one with an epidural. All were my choice, and I’m ok with all of them. All women who choose the best birth(whatever that looks like) for them, their babies, and their families are incredible and strong!

Amy 1 year ago

As a mom of 2 boys by emergency c-section, now pregnant with a girl this time, I just scheduled my c-section. I have struggled with that decision (based on what I’ve heard people say) – so reading your blog was timely for me. Thank you for the reminder that a healthy baby and healthy momma is the ultimate goal, rather than an expected birth experience!

Allison Roberts 1 year ago

My second son latched on perfectly 20 minutes after he was officially born.

Elizabeth Ramsey 1 year ago

I will never understand why women who hadnnatural birth think the C – section is easier than theirs. Who really wants to sit around and debate the difficulty of their births? I was preeclamptic so I I had no choice. I either saved myself AND my baby or not. There was a time when I could have been given a choice but because information was withheld from me ,I was not. Childbirth is difficult there is no “right” way. Instead of judging women who had to have a C – section be thankful that you have been able to have natural birth and kind to those that will never experience it.

Michelle Zimmerman 1 year ago

Thank you for writing and posting this! Last minute c-section after pushing for 4 hours with my first 11 years ago and a scheduled C with my son 21 months ago (with a high risk pregnancy at 37 yrs)…if there’s a 3rd…it will be scheduled. I have no shame. Recovery was fast the second time around because I didn’t labor. I was up, changed, and doing laps the same night.

Heather Kobzarev 1 year ago

A-frickin-men!!! I am so tired of someone going on and on about their natural 48 hour plus Labor all without pain killer of course….I am like yea all 3 of mine were c sections (including my 8 plus lb twin birth) and they are like “oh that’s nice too”. Like you love you child more than I do?? Whatever… the reason ALL moms are hero’s in my book.

Casey 1 year ago

Thank you, L RN and Stephanie for your stories and your support!

My son was born after 12 hours of labor, including four hours of pushing, finally delivered by emergency c-section. My doctors and nurses tried everything imaginable to get him out, and when he started showing signs of distress they could have taken off an arm or a leg if that’s what it took to get my baby out safely. He had very low AGPAR scores as his head had been pushing up against my pelvic bone through all of my pushing. If the doctor and nurses hadn’t noticed his stress and recommended the c-section I may not have my healthy boy today.

When I became pregnant with my daughter I had no intentions of trying for labor again. I had gone through labor and c-section and I was only interested in doing one the second time around. I ended up having gestational diabetes and was able to schedule her delivery about a week early. Happy, healthy, and everyone in one piece. Two very successful births in my opinion.

Meghan Jones 1 year ago

I was also successful with exclusive breastfeeding even though I had a section! Don’t be fooled by all the misinformation that people like dish out!

Mara Shio Ynez 1 year ago

And I use disposable diapers too!

Whitney Wood 1 year ago

I find it amusing how casually people ask me why I had it. My personal medical condition is not your business. All the mom shaming on the Internet is ridiculous too. No, random Internet moms, you DON’T know better than my doctors, believe it or not. Also, contrary to popular belief, our birth was peaceful and he latched right away.

Allison Roberts 1 year ago

Im not ashamed of my 2 c sections or any of the way i parent for that matter. I follow alot of mothering blogs and get so much crap over every little thing when i comment on a post or even just reading peoples strong opinions on something. Such as cloth diapering.. no i dont do it. Only breastfeeding for 2 months… i dont mind when someone states their opinion but it really agitates me when people talk down on the way some people parent like its any of their business. Im sorry dont mean to gripe on here but it seems today has been a day where ive seen alot of it.

Samantha Van Vleet 1 year ago

if you check out the license plates on my profile pic… you can see im very vbac friendly. i had a vba2c five hours from home. then i had my second vba2c in my kitchen unassisted. yes, there are risks imvolved with every type of birth, but the risk of attempting a vbac for most low rosk women is significantly lower than a repeat cesarean. that said, there is no one size fits all in birth and so long as the mother has made an informed decision on what is best for *her* and *her* baby, thats all that matters and should be supported.

Charlene Argáez 1 year ago

Not ashamed of my 3 c-sections at all! Last two were MY choice; I’ve had high risk pregnancies with all three and chose what was the safest option for me and baby. My first pregnancy stalled so c-section it was. Things could be a lot worse than not delivering “naturally”. I don’t think less of myself for having them, nor do I think more of those women who delivered vaginally.

Meghan Jones 1 year ago

I had a c section with my first and will be having my second at the end of November! It was a great experience for myself and my husband! I’m an L&D nurse and know the risks of both vaginal deliveries and cesarean sections and feel like there is too much pressure on women to have the perfect “natural” birth. No one should feel ashamed for having a csection. The fact that we can grow tiny human beings in our bodies and nourish them for 9 months gives us a lot to be proud of, why does it matter how they come out?

Tiffanie Huffman 1 year ago

I had 2 babies vaginally and scheduled a c-section with my 3rd. I have no regrets and no shame. I did what was best for me and my entire family.

Christelle Donaghy 1 year ago

I had 3. It was always for the best of my babies and me

Aimee Wilson 1 year ago

I’ve had an emergency c-section and with out it neither my son or I would be here today! I’m not ashamed one bit! He’s here he’s healthy why does it matter how he came? Xxxx

Kim 1 year ago

Again, can we stop with the unnecessary rudeness and competition? There is no need to put someone else down to build yourself up, nor stereotype an entire group that’s different than you. I’ve had two vaginal births and zero incontinence issues. This doesn’t make me somehow better than a mother that does, and it doesn’t make you superior either. Us vaginal moms are here to support you, please quit with the snide little attacks on us.

Crystal Grissam 1 year ago

I just hope all women know their options and the facts. I had one csection and the last two i had were vbacs. I think the reason many focus on the csection rates is because more doctors should support vbacs if it is a viable option instead of scaring women with incorrect information that they and baby are at a higher risk if they choose vaginal after csection. Everyone has their own story and support should be everyones main focus. Sometimes, however, trying to educate in a positive way is taken negatively when it was not meant that way at all.

Lauren M 1 year ago

Kim and M,

The “eat it” part of my comment was meant in a tongue and cheek way and certainly no offense was meant. Honestly, it was simply a thought that has crossed my mind when so MANY people have asked about my daughters birth only to essentially tell me I “quit” during, when I had no clue what was even happening. My MIL is included in the list of those who shame c-section women, including myself and her own daughter who had a similar emergency to my own. It was meant to be funny, not critical or hostile. Beyond that, my own mother even pointed out her beautiful round head as an example of why “the way things went” might have been positive, trying to cheer up a weeping new mother, crushed by this shaming, who also was suffering from PPD (me). Again, I apologize for the offense. It was meant to be silly, not mean.

Denise M. Sullivan-Stotts 1 year ago

I can relate never felt shame for my 2 c-section! I did how ever feel defeated in my 1st delivery by my labor not progressing after 22hrs in labor. My girls both arrived 5 yrs apart in this world beautiful and healthy♥♥ I felt an still feel blessed:)

Claudia Kiley 1 year ago

I have had five c-sections and five healthy and amazing kids. Do I wish things could have been different-sure! My recovery would have been less hard on me. Its not a cake walk coming back from surgery. Do I feel less of a mom because I didn’t push them out? No. I still carried them all to term 40 weeks and still care for them all. Its no ones right to judge. We do what we can for our kids and if in the end having a c-section is the option well so be it. What’s right for some might not be right for some one else. Worry about your own selves and raising your family to be the best they can be. I am thankful for modern medicine and the ability to have the family I always wanted.

Coleen R. Wilson 1 year ago

Emergency csection for my twins. Would have loved to try vaginal. But never would I be ashamed if it were planned/unplanned. People have their reasons and No one Knowles their reason. It takes guts to lay on a table, be cut open, internal organs moved, and a littler person be removed from you!!

Beatriz Araujo 1 year ago

I have 3

Kiera Santly Lichtenwalner 1 year ago

I used to feel shame. Then I realized I was a victim and was played by the shitty maternity system. I was angry and upset. Once I learned I had rights and didn’t have to birth ‘how they wanted’ I was able to heal from my traumatic experience. I did go on to have two VBAC’s after my section and I’m damn proud.

Carolyn Kapelle Anderson 1 year ago

I honestly think that if you spend time on the internet flaming other women for how they choose to use their vaginas or breasts (because let’s face it, lots of judgy breast feeding stuff out there too), you should really seek psychiatric help immediately.

Hannah Snyman 1 year ago

I’ve never felt ashamed, and I don’t really understand why someone would unless they strongly feel it was unnecessary and they could have had a natural if they held out (in which case yes, there would be emotions to work through, but I still don’t think “shame” is warranted).

I had two c-sections due to breech presentation (no one, midwives or OB’s, would risk a breech vaginal delivery, so I wasn’t given a choice). I was planning natural births both times. I’m now pregnant with my third and having another c-section because I can’t find a provider willing to allow a VBA2C, plus this baby is also breech, at least at the moment.

I’m not ashamed, but I still hate them.

Reyna Marin 1 year ago

I’ve had 5 csections and 1 natural birth. I would never be ashamed of any of my csections. It’s ridiculous.

Kassi Myers 1 year ago

I’m not ashamed of my two c sections at all! I’m actually very proud of them. There was a time when I was embarrassed but I woke up one day and said screw it. I have two beautiful children and that is all that matter to me. If you had a drug free vaginal birth good for you! But that doesn’t make your birth any better than me.

Stephanie Allen 1 year ago

Nice to see an article encouraging women to stop judging each other. I believe very strongly that all women should make informed decisions based on what is best for the baby and the family. And then, I believe all other women should support those decisions. Period. Motherhood is a guilt-ridden experience, and most of it is self-imposed. We need to support each other!! I want to celebrate the choices and accomplishments I feel were good for my family – I was lucky enough to have two vaginal births, both breastmilk fed exclusively, one via pumping and one via nursing. And, surprise, lol, I also celebrate your c-sections as the best decisions for your family! Well done to the Mamas who choose formula because it puts their mind at ease on how much food the baby gets, or because nursing didn’t work, or for whatever their personal reason, because it likely results in a much less stressed out Mom than nursing would have been for that family. Hurrah for someone who has chosen a c-section because the risks of vaginal were too high for their own peace of mind. Whatever the reason, a well informed and carefully considered decision should always be celebrated. Pats on the back all around, all you Mamas here!!! :)

Jo O’Hare 1 year ago

Ive had three children via the usual escape route and i didnt stinge on the pain meds :) .no one should tell a mother-to-be how to give birth,with exception of a doctor of course.every birth is different :) .

Sam 1 year ago

Thank you. I had a c-section with my daughter because she was 10 lbs, 9oz (without gestational diabetes). I got a lot of internet-shaming because the American Center for blah blah says that’s not too big and yadda yah… and that I should push for a vaginal birth and so on and so forth.. but if my daughter would have gotten stuck… the internet wouldn’t have suffered. We would. We could die, I could have been mangled, she could have been broken and left with permanent disabilities…

Then the shoe was on the other foot when I casually mentioned on my recent blog post that I wanted to consider a VBAC, but my OBs refused and someone commented that I needed to do my research before wanting a vbac and all this stuff. So, I guess it is true what they say about opinions. 😉

Allison Crumbaker Browning 1 year ago

Amen to that!!!!

Carolyn Kapelle Anderson 1 year ago

She read it on the internet.

Laurel Moring 1 year ago

I’m having my first c-section (second child) in one month and though I haven’t had much shaming, I do have many people ask “Why?” “Didn’t you give birth vaginally the first time?”. Not that it’s any of their business, but it’s for medical reasons, and it’s the best decision for my baby and I. I wish people wouldn’t pry, like talking about my vagina and my stomach is any of their business!

Christy Birthkeeper Fiscer 1 year ago

I agree with the sentiments of not judging when you don’t know the whole story, but it puts an idea out there that a VBA2C is just too risky, and is equated with dying and bleeding out. Research based, it is not. No shaming or judgment, but I also can’t agree with the conclusion about VBAC.

Joanna Shute 1 year ago

No shame in my game! Loved my c sections and wouldn’t have wanted it any other way!!

Natalie 1 year ago

Thank you! I see this all the time. My first was a vaginal, we both almost died and it took 6 months for me to completely recover. My next two were c section (my choice). I decided that I needed to be here for my children more than I needed bragging rights to a VBAC. My kids are all here and healthy, as am I.

Julie Katz 1 year ago

bravo

Cathy Patterson 1 year ago

Smart Doctors and Mommy

Tara Queen-Custodio 1 year ago

I never once felt shame for my sections.

Rachel Macqueen 1 year ago

3 sections here too. Not ashamed by any of them.

Brenda Pierce Barnhart 1 year ago

I’ve had 2 sections and I don’t feel ashamed of either one. First was not planned, but probably could have been avoided if I wasn’t induced. Second was planned. While I do want a VBA2C if we ever have another baby, I don’t regret my first 2 births.

Melissa Ryan Bouchat 1 year ago

Two csections here. My first was 12 pounds. Ain’t no way he was coming outta THERE. Scheduled a csection for number two, as he was high risk and thought to be big like his brother. He was only 9 lbs. 😉

Rebecca Lewis Ali 1 year ago

We seem to have a luxury in our country to judge ppl. Go to a third world country and see their hospitals and infant mortality rates. Mind your business.

Jennifer MacKellar 1 year ago

This argument annoys me! Call me “trendy” call me “too posh to push” but I will say it loud and proud I CHOSE TO HAVE A C-SECTION! The BIRTH of my daughter was a beautiful and amazing experience And I WOULD NOT CHANGE A THING! I do not feel less of a woman because I didn’t push (if anything I feel more of a woman because taking care of an infant after a c-section is not easy!). I just don’t understand how it is anyone place to look down on me for my decisions. I made a choice that was best for my family. Just because it isn’t the right choice for your family doesn’t give you the right to judge or call me a bad mother! We are all women here that have created tiny miracles, let’s celebrate that! Let’s celebrate the happy healthy babies! I mean look at the amazing things we do everyday with our children! Who cares how they got here, we are women, we create life and we are awesome!

Thea 1 year ago

And let me add that instead of a “push” present, I got a “slice and dice” present. My DH thinks he’s so funny. Whatever, it sparkles.

Beefer 1 year ago

OOoooohhh my word, my c-section recovery was terrible! Not only was it painful for weeks, my incision split open after I got home; I woke up to feed my baby soaked in blood. But I think my slow recovery was rare because most moms I talk to didn’t really have any issues with it. Now, my VBAC recovery was a breeze compared to the c/s. :)

After reading the comments, it’s clear that everyone has different situations and recovers very differently!

Geri Atherton Kerber 1 year ago

I feel the same way about being induced. Unknown to us, my son’s cord was wrapped around his neck. I was in the very early stage of labor, which if it had happened naturally would have meant that I was probably still at home, when he went into distress and I was rushed to the OR for emergency C section. If I had not gotten induced, the chances of him being born alive would have been slim to none. I have thanked God every day for almost nine years that I made the choice to be induced…even though I hear that induction is selfish and “wrong” all the time!

Sonia Ribeiro Caruso 1 year ago

There’s no right or wrong way to deliver a child! All that matters is getting baby out heathy and safe and it’s no ones business to judge how you choose to do it!!

Sharon Miller 1 year ago

I had one natural and one c section! C section being down it my baby being 11lb2oz and my first labour was horrific!! Xx

Teresa Duran-Munoz 1 year ago

I had all three of my boys by c-section, my first ended up as emergency delivery. After that 1st experience I felt so down. I felt as had been reduced as a woman, as a mother. I even had a friend feel sorry for me that I had missed out on the first moments when my baby came out of the birth canal. But this was not true. Fever of myself and first my boys was reason for the c-section, we were minutes away from true danger. By my second boy I learned trying for a v- back, that I just could not dilate. This was the case the first time, so my second experience was so positive. Either way it did not stop me from having a third. Everyone has a story, a feeling, a belief on how women should birth. Thank God for today’s medicine and medical procedures I would be dead. Love your babies everyone, love yourselves too!! Cheers!!!

Stupid Article 1 year ago

99.9% of C-Section critics would have nothing bad to say about your choices – this is a stupid article probably written by doctors to promote the public opinion of C-sections.

Erica Mantz McKay 1 year ago

This is not a good example of the misuse of Cesarian section birth. There were legitimate medical concerns necessitating both procedures. Some people just schedule them purely for convenience which is simply dangerous

Katbe Abul 1 year ago

Excelente! !

Jordan 1 year ago

Thank you! Truthfully, I always wanted a c-section because the thought of the other freaked me out! Thankfully, c-sections are an option, because without them neither of my children would have survived, and I may not have survived the second birth as well. One had the cord dangerously around his neck, and my second had absolutely no fluid left. If we had “waited it out” with vaginal labor, she would have died. I don’t judge anyone for their birth plans, and I don’t know why people judge mine? The only “birth plan” I had was to have babies and take them home healthy. Thank The Lord that was possible!

Laura Frost Morse 1 year ago

Awesome. Two C-sections here – one due to breech, one due to choice. No regrets, but thank you for relieving some of the guilt I carry for feeling the same way as me!

Sarah Wallace 1 year ago

Thank you! I had my 3rd c/s in Feb. I had a really hard time accepting it until I gave it to God! Support from other c/s moms doesn’t hurt either! :)

Beefer 1 year ago

I had no idea that c-section shaming was a thing. My first was an emergency c-section and my second was a VBAC. I am not ashamed of either one! If any of my mommy friends want advice on VBACs after having an emergency c-section, I am more than willing to guide them, but I don’t think they are horrible people for choosing another c-section!

Melissa Therrien 1 year ago

I honestly feel that whatever works for you and your baby! If you can do natural and know your pain tolerance is high, do it. If you or baby have complications, there’s plenty of options, just get that baby out alive and safely… And keep momma safe. That’s the goal here. Give life to your child.
Moms need to respect each other, and support each other. Our stories may differ, but we all want what’s best for our munchkins.

Kari 1 year ago

I love this!! I had a traumatic vaginal delivery with my first son. Included 3 days of labor, an episiotomy, a vacuum, stitches, and 3 months of pooping on the floor from nerve damage after. With my second, we scheduled a section and had the most beautiful, non traumatic, calm experience ever. When people asked why I was “choosing” a section after being able to push out my first, I told them “would you REALLY like the details of my l&d story?!” Most said um, no…do what’s right for you and your body. Great article :)

Khaila Nixx 1 year ago

I had an emergency c section, i amconvinced anyone who schedules a planned one are off their fucking rockers

Kate Bolen-Lourie 1 year ago

I suffered from Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG) during my pregnancy. HG causes severe nausea and vomiting, which left untreated, can be fatal for both mom and baby. I was one of the unlucky few who had it their entire pregnancy. After one of my numerous hospital stays for rehydration, I was so malnourished (I lost 20 lbs during my pregnancy) and weak that I decided to schedule a C-section. I went into labor at 39 weeks, and as expected, immediately started violently vomiting and then dryheaving. Our healthy baby boy was delivered via C-section. Although it was a rough recovery, I know I made the right decision for my son and I.

Shana Cantrell Klinefelter 1 year ago

I was told before I got pregnant that I wasn’t allowed to attempt a natural birth. It made me a little sad but I ended up with two, healthy, beautiful baby boys. Who could complain about that?

Caroline Grover Naito 1 year ago

It is nobody’s business. Period. I had both of my girls vaginally, but again, nobody’s business. And it is certainly not my business how someone else gave birth. Make no mistake, whether a child is born “naturally” or via c-section, that mother gave birth. The goal should be healthy mother and baby, and that is it!

Rachael 1 year ago

I was terrified of both vaginal and c-section deliveries. My son was large so at 40 weeks my doctor advised me to induce. I went in and they did the drip and some cervix preparation. Nothing. Not even a suggestion of a contraction. My little guy was too comfortable, I guess. Neither one of us were in distress or had any type of emergency. The doctor and I decided if nothing had happened by noon then we would do a c-section. I hated the fact that some stranger inserted needles in my spine area and had a particularly nasty anxiety attack during my epidural. After it took effect we went to the OR and my beautiful, healthy, Large boy was born a bit later.
The point is that we, as mothers, should choose the method of birth that gives the best outcome for both our child and us. My son was born. That’s good enough for me.

Nyema Lyfe 1 year ago

Why are people disliking c sections?? Some times they’re mandatory..

Casey Ray Killman 1 year ago

Didn’t experience birth!!!!!! Hahahahaha oh I experienced it alright, and I have a battle scar to prove it. Women should support each other not judge :)))

Valerie Erwin 1 year ago

I think its more the other way i have had alot of women try to shame me for giving birth naturally.

Jessica Farrell 1 year ago

This boggles my mind: when women say c-section, or formula feeding for matter, is “perfectly ok!” when medically necessary, but NOT ok for personal reasons. What is the difference?? Is the outcome not exactly the same? Why can’t we agree that some things are absolutely black and white (it is never, ever ok to shake a baby or to drive a baby without a car seat). For topics that have a caveat (oh, it’s ok if it is medically necessary), then let’s just agree it’s OK, period.

Attaboy momma 1 year ago

I’m pretty sure she was just using hyperbole, lol :) The point is, she had tons of stitches & her recovery was not easy.

Sara Morrissey 1 year ago

I refuse to let anyone make me feel bad about things that were out of my control.

Lorraine 1 year ago

My first child tore me up and nearly killed me. I pushed for five hours. I’ve been told that most hospitals would not have let it go that long without intervening with a c section. My recovery was long and difficult and I have permanent damage. Vaginal deliveries are not always like yours.

Heather Hofstetter 1 year ago

I could not agree with this more. I had planned to do it the “normal” way with my son, but the poor kid just couldn’t get out; when his heart rate started dropping, I felt the “choice” was very simple.

As my due date with my daughter drew closer, and we realized that there was a very good probability that we would end up with another emergency C-section, we — my partner, my physician, and I — made the decision to eliminate as many variables as possible, for the health and safety of both of us.

I write this not to justify my decisions, because frankly, IDGAF what The Internet thinks about the manner of my children’s birth. I write this because there is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to the million daily decisions of motherhood, and I would love nothing more than to see the finger-pointing and the shaming end, once and for all.

Meghann Erskine 1 year ago

C-sections aside, honestly these comments I’m reading make me so sad. Women need to stick together and support one another, especially when it comes to giving birth (however you choose to do it). Respect each other!

jessica 1 year ago

I don’t understand why women are always putting each other down and judging each other to no end! As long as no one is pressured into delivering a certain way when they don’t have to, and no one is medically at risk during the delivery, however a woman chooses to bring their baby into the world should be respected. Either way results in a little baby bundle in the end! Also, everyone is going to have their own unique birthing experience. Both vaginal and cesarean have positive and negative stories from all sides of the spectrum. I will not judge a cesarean because I haven’t had one (yet,) and even if I had, my experience might have been completely different from the next woman. I had a vaginal birth and it was smooth sailing for me. But I understand the next time around may be a different story, and that some of my other friends had negative experiences with vaginal delivery. I also have a few gfs who have had extremely easy cesareans and recovery time. So to each her own.

Cynthia Rosenfeld 1 year ago

Amen sister! I love “I reject your shame”. Certainly changes the balance of power, doesn’t it.

Lauren 1 year ago

My daughter was in a similar breech position to your son. I was judged for not trying for an inversion even though my ob said I was a terrible candidate. When talking with friends recently (they are trying for a med free birth) I reminded them that the destination is the same (healthy baby, healthy mom’s), it’s the journey that can change. I hope if things don’t go as planned that they will be able to move past any disappointment.

Lorraine 1 year ago

I don’t understand why women think they missed out on something if they don’t have a natural birth. With my first I was forced into a natural birth because everyone thought the baby was coming right away so they gave me an intrathecal instead of an epidural. Five hours of pushing long after the intrathecal wore off my child was born with suction. Drugs are wonderful. To hell with natural birth.

Veronica Ortiz 1 year ago

It’s the only way my children and I would survive!

Cara Laffey 1 year ago

Love csections! Easy recovery, schedule a week early and get it over with. I had four and got a tubal with my fourth. My babies are all healthy and thriving. No shame here. Oh and I think formula is fabulous too.

Samantha McMillan 1 year ago

I will point out that we already know c-section is a POSSIBILITY with the baby I’m carrying now. I was a low risk pregnancy, everything completely normal and going great…until I hit 19 weeks and developed a heart condition, or rather, pregnancy likely brought an underlying condition to the surface. I have now been hospitalized twice for heart arrhythmia, and I’m not even 31 weeks yet. I’m on medication now, since I’m in my third trimester and there’s less risk to the baby from the medication than there was before, but we know that if I go into abnormal rhythm during labor, there’s not much anyone will be able to do BUT give me an emergency c-section. So it all depends on what my heart decides to do and how it handles labor. After I recover from the birth, whether vaginal or cesarean, I have to go through surgery to fix my heart…since I can’t do that while I’m pregnant.

Amanda Allen Walls 1 year ago

You said you know that doctors are lying to pregnant women. If that is true or even if you believe that it’s true, maybe you should do something about it to stop it from happening.

toni 1 year ago

After having 1 vaginal birth and then 4 c-sections, I can say that the c-sections were best for me. I ripped, tore, became ill, and it took several years to fully feel llike myself physically after that vaginal birth. It was 26 hours with pitocin, forceps, external and internal moving of baby. It was a nightmare. This doesn’t count the 3 weeks (yes, that’s weeks) of labor pains every 5 minutes. With the next baby, They learned that she could not be turned so at the last minutes, while she was in duress, we chose a c-section. She was in NICU for a week but is doing great now. The next three, we decided to schedule the c-section 3 weeks before due date so the same complications would not develop. They were happy, healthy and so was Mommy. I healed very fast. The last three, I also did not have post partum depression. The stress on my body was lessened. When my second daughter had her baby, just 6 weeks ago, she needed an emergency c-section. I praised her for making the right choice for her and the baby. He was too big and was stuck. No one has a say except Mommy, Daddy and the Medical team. Support and love is needed. ALWAYS

Becky Colley 1 year ago

Women really need to stop judging one another. I’ve spent most of my pregnancy (my first) avoiding questions about labor because if all is well (my health, baby position, etc.), I plan to birth at home with a wonderful team of six (2 midwives, 2 assistants, a doula and my husband). The hospital is 10 minutes away in case of transport. Yet, people seem to judge me and imply that I’m not thinking about the risks involved, which so far from the truth. It’s my birth, it’s my business–period.

Stacie Mckoin 1 year ago

An emergency c-section is meant for an emergency. A family choosing to have a c-section for personal reasons is a choice that they are entitled to make. There is a problem though with healthy women perfectly able of having a vaginal birth being convinced that a c-section is the best option. The medical practice is a business and as much as you should be able to trust that your doctor will honor the oath he too, alot of times they would rather honor their pocketbook instead. I have had one vaginal birth and 2 c-sections that were not necessary. It took me 16 hours to deliver and the doctor had to wait on me. I was called ignorant for not medicating myself when i cried out with pain. During my last c-section a husband and wife team got paid double for the procedure. I cant help but think that they would always try to get paid for a tandem c-section instead of choosing whats best for me and be satisfied with the payment of a vaginal birth.

Samantha McMillan 1 year ago

I did not give birth to my daughter at all. I am a lesbian, and my wife is the one who gave birth…via emergency cesarean section. She had gone through hours of labor, with many, many contractions and no epidural, and yet she had still barely dilated. Our midwife decided to break her water and see if that would stimulate her to dilate. She had had an ultrasound just two weeks prior to going into labor because the baby had been breech and the midwife wanted to make sure she had turned and the fluid levels were good (a prenatal chiropractor HAD gotten the baby to turn for us, so that was great!), and everything had been during the ultrasound. There must have been a slow leak, though, because when she broke the water, there was no fluid…only blood. A gush of blood, and then the terrible sound of the fetal heart monitor screaming a warning. The broken sac had caused pressure to be put on the baby’s cord, restricting blood flow to the baby, and her heart rate dropped down to about 20 beats per minute, which is considered a code in a fetus. We went from a normal labor to a full code in a matter of seconds. It was terrifying. The midwife slammed her hand into the emergency button on the wall and directed my wife to roll over onto her hands and knees, hoping to take pressure off the cord and stimulate the baby’s heart rate to go back up, or at least not drop down to zero. Within moments, a dozen people filled the room and wheeled my wife’s entire bed down the hall and into an operating room, leaving me standing there, scared out of my mind. They had to put her under general anesthesia, and within minutes they had the baby out, limp and blue and floppy, as I watched through the window, having clearly NOT had enough time to get gowned and in the room (there’s a difference between an emergency c-section and a crash one, apparently…when your kid is coding, there’s no time for anything). The midwife, having held my wife’s hand as she drifted into unconsciousness, was now standing outside with me and holding MY hand as we watched the surgery and the terrifying birth of my blue baby, telling me everything was going to be fine. With some work and stimulation and several people standing over her, my daughter went from blue and floppy to red…and screaming. Breathing and heart beating, and they held her up for me to see.

My wife didn’t get to hold her child until four hours later, because she was unconscious during the birth.

It’s no one’s business why a person had a c-section, but it IS birth. It is terrifying and magnificent, and I will be forever grateful for the surgeons who saved my daughter’s life. Without that “unnecessary” surgery, she would be dead right now, and not a crazy 5 year-old kissing my fat pregnant tummy so often I want to shove her curly head away as we await the impending birth of our son…and while I am once again hoping to avoid a c-section, if it has to happen, I will feel no shame.

Kari Anne Sparks 1 year ago

Oh and my husband and I were both c sections. I was premature to high risk advanced maternal age mother. My husband was scheduled ad his older brother s birth had complications. So the crisis isn’t new.

Sacha Bower 1 year ago

I had two c sections, first emergency, second scheduled. I wouldn’t risk my babies life trying for a VBAC. Both my kids are healthy, plus I’d rather have the pain at the section site instead of down below 😉

Heather Nicole 1 year ago

Love this. I do feel shame, but I shouldn’t. I love my doctor and how she supported my decisions. I hate how people think they know everything.

Joanne Thompson 1 year ago

If I hadn’t had the emergency section I had with my first (and second & third) I’d be dead and so would my baby (babies) yes I would’ve liked natural births, which mother wouldn’t, but it just didn’t turn out that way for me. I thank God every day for my babies and the surgeons that delivered them and ultimately saved our lives xx

Karen Carlson 1 year ago

I lived basically the same story… baby number one was an emergency c-section. Number two we tried, really tried, for a vbac, but it didn’t work, so c-section.
Number 3 had to be scheduled.
Do I wish it could have been different? Sure… that surgical scar isn’t going anywhere… and there is that strange “pooch” above it that will never go away.
On the other hand, I have three happy healthy kids, and I’m around to raise them.
How can that be wrong?

Trish Conway 1 year ago

Seriously any birth that gets the baby and mom thru it alive and healthy is a “good birth the way it is supposed to be”!! No reason with todays options to lose a mother or a child during birth!!

Margeaux McCorvey Giles 1 year ago

It’s really about misinformation and the fact that most women believe they are making a safer choice and they arent. It’s absolutely your choice how you want to birth! But to not be presented with the correct information so you can make that choice is WRONG! We look to Dr’s and professionals to guide us but in some cases we are being blatantly lied to.

Michael Graf 1 year ago

Do me a favor Doc, whatever you decide to do just make sure you add a stitch or two in the front and the back,thanks.

Kari Anne Sparks 1 year ago

Great post. I had failed induction with my first. Failed v bac with my second and now the third I’m just scheduling it. Lol

Jennie Jules 1 year ago

Some of us didn’t have a choice :(

Kitty Barto Kistler 1 year ago

I just had my second c-section, neither by choice. This isn’t something to debate as the recovery is excruciating and long. I also tried breast feeding but there were complications. Because of feeling inadequate as a woman that couldn’t vaginally deliver or nurse my child I was slipping into depression caused by guilt until the strong woman in my life stood up and refused to let me feel guilty for loving and caring for my child-even if my methods weren’t the plan or the “way it should be”. Women just need to love women and stop arguing who’s doing it better.
It’s an exciting, scary and difficult time….just make her dinner and give her a hug, not a lecture.

Margeaux McCorvey Giles 1 year ago

Seriously some people are missing the point. It’s a health crisis in this country! The infant and maternal mortality rate is RIDICULOUS in the United States. People are dying because of these decisions they make. The problem is Doctors, not mothers, who are supposed to be doing the correct medical procedures to ensure the health of mother and child, arent. Guys, the facts are that it is infinity more dangerous to undergo major abdominal surgery for a low risk pregnancy than it is to deliver vaginally. Until we can have this honest conversation without getting defensive people are going to continue to die unnecessarily. I for one am willing to have that tough discussion the question is are you!?

Erin 1 year ago

The previous RN poster hit the nail on the head. It’s not about how you give birth, it’s about making an informed decision and being respected in that choice. I think a lot of people, myself included, weren’t respected in labor or were pushed into interventions without informed consent, which is where some of the backlash and distrust of doctors comes from. But the most important thing is respect between the doctor and mom, and it sounds like you got it, and I’m so glad you and your babies are OK. Yes, there are a lot of judgy moms on the Internet. But there are also a lot of us that were truly, truly wronged by our doctors and don’t want what happened to us to happen to others. Either way, I appreciate your honest post and agree that we all need to do a lot less judging.

Elizabeth McGee 1 year ago

I never really understood why women interject their objections so strongly on other women who have a C-Section. There’s no one size fits all when it comes to giving birth. Every woman is different and you can’t predict how things will turn out.

But more importantly no one should ever make someone else feel shame or guilt about the decisions a new mom makes about giving birth. A new mother does the best she can to ensure a healthy, happy baby while also looking out for her own health and well being.

Chastising a woman because she listened to her doctor who says she needs a C-Section isn’t right.

In most cases I believe a vaginal birth is the best thing for both mom and baby but it’s not the best thing in many cases. We also have too many C-sections performed a year and many of those are performed by doctors who prefer to error on the side of caution. No one wants to see the number of C-Sections go down more than I do, but it doesn’t start with putting down women who have C-Sections.

Blessings,
Elizabeth

Kellee DeMott-Clark 1 year ago

& choosing not to breast feed. MY CHILD, MY CHOICE. Great article! Yay!

Leah Elsberry Swaim 1 year ago

Yup. As heartbroken as I was, my little one was well stuck, and had this happened a mere 100 years ago, neither of us would have survived the birth. Modern medicine saved us. We are happy, healthy and, most importantly, HERE!

Maygan Barron 1 year ago

I knew there was a battle between breast feeders and formula feeders. I didn’t know anyone cared how my children were removed from my body. : /

Melissa Holbrook Smith 1 year ago

Thank you for saying this!

LeeLee Ya 1 year ago

I always find it interesting when people who claim to be pro choice try to shame a woman for making g a medical decision about her own body. A lot of hypocrisy is a certain group of mothers. It is not your place or your right to determine the factors or pain threshold that make any decision appropriate for another person. Including if they opted to induce or section when it was right for their family. I had 3 sections…never tried labor with the second 2. Knowing what my body could handle from the first. All where great experience that resulted in 3 healthy babies.

Janelle Vincent O’Boyle 1 year ago

I’m with you girlfriend. 3 C-sections, no choice really. Happy with all my sons!

Beth Paschos 1 year ago

As long as the baby and mom are healthy, that’s all that matters! Same for all of our parenting decisions!

Alicia Cosman Throop 1 year ago

Had my first “normally” figured it would be the same with my second…
Nope! Umbilical cord was pinched between his head and shoulder, every time I pushed, his heart rate plummeted .. I am not about to risk the life of my little miracle so that I can fulfill someone else’s ridiculous notion that c-sections aren’t needed.

Lisa Marshall Alvarez 1 year ago

Awesome post! Thanks for sharing. We all have our own stories.

Regina Martin 1 year ago

I love home birth stories, however, they’re someone else’s story. If it weren’t for modern medicine and c-sections, 2 of my children would not have breathed their first breath, my third child would have been 50/50. I’m happy to have three happy, healthy kids, who the hell cares how it happened, I’m just glad they’re mine and that it’s our story.

Sarah Petty Vincenzo 1 year ago

Thank you for this – my first baby was “jackknifed” too and the doc and nurses also had to push like hell to get her out. I applaud you for even contemplating a VBAC for your number 2 – I was comfortable with knowing what I was getting into and scheduled a c section – of course neither kid waited for the scheduled delivery date : ) oh and both of my OBs were not huge fans of VBACs, but would have supported me if that was my choice.

Loralyn Cross 1 year ago

No woman should be shamed for her choice. But it’s well documented that our national c-section rate of more than 30% is much higher than the optimal rate of 5-10% (which provides the best outcomes for moms and babies). Fine if the mother is totally at peace and confident about her choice to have a c-section, but the tone in this article trivializes the masses of women who feel pushed or pressured to have a c-section, or any other intervention for that matter. It dismisses their feelings, telling them they don’t have a right to feel or express dissatisfaction with their experience, since after all, the only thing that matters is that the baby is “safely” delivered, right? Great for Stephanie that she knows she was one of those 5-10% who needed a c-section, and feel confident about it. Great for whatever % of the remaining 20% of unnecessary c-sections who decide they want one anyway for whatever reason. But what about the other % of mothers who dont need a csection, and dont want one, but are too afraid to speak up when these unnecessary interventions are being applied to them? The ones who just don’t have access to supportive care? Is that none of our business? We shouldn’t care about these women since their voices aren’t loud and outspoken?

Nicki Danner Anderson 1 year ago

Great article!

Heather Evans-gauthier 1 year ago

I think the problem some women have is that women are having c sections when there is reason to. I know several women who have chosen to have a c section because a vaginal birth would be too painful.

Carolyn Kapelle Anderson 1 year ago

I’m totally curious now–do men slash at each other like this? Lol.
Either way, all this c-section judging comes about when someone with an internet connection and too much time sits down, reads some stuff, and says “Yep, that’s just as good as medical school!”

Shannon MacKay 1 year ago

2 c-sections and my kids are beautiful teenagers now healthy and happy .

Simone Bettinger 1 year ago

I had to have a c-section because our son was “jacknifed”. There was no way he could’ve been born vaginally. His butt was at my left hip, his head under my right rib and his left foot was beneath his ear.
We simply had no choice. I want to see the woman to give birth that way. I am thankful and happy to have an awesome, healthy little boy. No shame here. And to the ones thinking that a section means no pain: it still is a major (!) Surgery and it hurts A LOT til it’s healed. So don’t tell any woman having had a c-section that she was lucky because she had no pain. You do not know what you are talking about.
And to the c-section veterans out there: be proud. You decided for what was best for you and your babies. No shame. Ever.

Melissa Lee Holmes 1 year ago

As someone who had an emergency c-section and is now scheduling the second, I completely agree that it’s silly to risk tearing and bleeding out or rupturing and losing the baby, no matter how small of a risk it is

Lindasy 1 year ago

Thank you. It’s so funny to have people ask “how it went”… it was great! The Dr. picked a day appropriate for us to have the baby, and then I showed up and they took it out :)

My first baby was a doozie- he tried to come out for 30 some hours… and then after almost 5 hours of pushing they finally said he wasn’t progressing and he needed to be ‘taken’… taken where? Just GET HIM OUT! I was miserable afterwards, and almost slept through my child’s birth, due to being so physically exhausted and the emergency meds they hit you with right before an unscheduled C. Recovery was HORRIBLE.
Flash forward to #2, a scheduled C. Seriously, like going on friggin’ VACATION. I had a little boy to cuddle, I could move my legs and had my cath out the first day and was allowed to eat- all different from the first ride on the Mommy-Go-Round.
#3 will be scheduled also- apparently the doctors have finally decided to tell me that my hips are too narrow to actually deliver a baby. Well. An alive one. I was told after that first labor that the huge goose egg on Baby’s head was a sign that my hips wouldn’t have let him through- so, as you put it ‘in pioneer days’ my pelvis would have broken, or baby’s neck. Neither of us would have fared well if we would have survived at all. God bless modern medicine, my babies, and my choices.

Hales Bells 1 year ago

Love this! Amazing article. Some women start to Shame me and then I tell them what happened and then they’re reactions quickly change when I tell them the story. I truly believe that we should just try and support each other as mothers/caregivers. But, it doesn’t seem to be that way.

Leonie Taber 1 year ago

But don’t stop women trying for a VBAC if they want to either! I had a VBAC with my second and it was the best experience of my life.

Natasha Kuzovich Prime 1 year ago

Bravo, well said!

Courtney Salmon Kennedy 1 year ago

I had to have an emergency C-section with my first, and I didn’t even TRY for a VBAC (my doc was fine with whatever I wanted) with my second. I had people trying to tell me to do what as best. This was best for me, and I’m happy for the way it turned out. Same thing goes with breastfeeding. I BF both my kids, but for the first one, it took a couple weeks for my milk to come in. I bawled when I gave my first formula, because everyone told me how wrong it was, but my poor baby was loosing weight, and fast. With my second I worked full time, and supplemented with formula after he was six months. I’m just so grateful for supportive nurses and doctors that I’ve had. Thank goodness!! Sorry for the long comment…. :) We all do the best that we can, the most important thing is that our babes are happy and healthy!

Maeve Rhuad 1 year ago

I had a planned c-section. Everyone always asks why and honestly it’s none of their business. Not only do I reject shame, I reject needing to explain.

jamie 1 year ago

*were…*bully *tied

Mommaof1angel 1 year ago

I also had a scheduled C-section with my daughter. When I was 24 I had a myomectomy removing a 15cm fibroid that was attached to my uterus – my doctor told me from that point on I should only give birth via C-section. When I got pregnant at age 29, I was thrilled, and loved the fact that I knew EXACTLY the day (unless she came early) that my baby girl would be joining us.

I had recently started a new job, and they had thrown me a baby shower, which was so thoughtful. I will however never forget after mentioning that I had a scheduled C-section, one of my co-workers said (without knowing the back story) oh so your too posh to push. I WILL NEVER FORGET THAT. I figured at that point she didn’t have the right to know my back story, she had already passed her judgment – and she was an older woman with kids.

jamie 1 year ago

I have three children. My girls wee vaginal births. My son, now 2 months, was c section. He was breech until the day of the c section. He was also supposed to be a very large baby. The nurses in pre op, when they scanned me and saw he was head down, decided to try and built me into a vaginal delivery. “Because you can get your tubes tired after you heal” my doctor checked me and said if they induced I’d be in labor for over 24 hrs because my cervix hadn’t changed and he was still sky high and this didn’t promise I wouldn’t still end up with a section because he was supposed to be huge. We opted to still have the section and they still had to use the vacuum to get him out because every time my doctor reached for him he moved away. When my mom found out she was mad. Asked why I would do that to myself. I was surprised. I just told her it was our choice and she could get on board or go away. I was home in two days, just like a vaginal birth. And I wouldn’t change anything.

Kelly McGuffee 1 year ago

Wow! I seriously had no idea people judged women for having a c-section. I saw the title and thought it must just be her group of friends. But I see I am wrong!! Why in Earth do we do this to each other? I sincerely can not understand why anyone would feel the need to even have an opinion on this, let alone express it! Geesh people! How about a little love for your fellow woman and mother!!

Christine Stutler 1 year ago

Fantastic post!

Julie Morgan Domena 1 year ago

Thanks for sharing, and I’m happy to know your babies are safe, and well. :)

Lisa 1 year ago

RIGHT ON!!! I’m so sick of shaming women for choosing something that’s not “natural” or the “right” way.
F- you people out there wanting to shame others just to make YOUR decisions look better to you.

I had a c-sec with my first. Not what I had hoped for, but all I cared about was DD getting out of me healthy. I have no shame in it and anyone that tries to make me feel bad about it can go suck on a bag of dicks.

Paul Hudson 1 year ago

“Your business”, as posted on the internet for attention. Facepalmed.

Isabel Wagner 1 year ago

Obviously c-sections when they are necessary should not be a reason for shaming. But the “trendy” reality is that many women are choosing them out of convenience and many doctors pushing for them for pretty much the same reasons. I’m the mother of 4, all of which I delivered vaginally with no drugs, my choice, but I thankfully didn’t present any risks, but had my doctor told me that I NEEDED one due to risk, then obviously I would have not opposed. In the end, we can’t pick for all women giving birth, I just hope that things are done for the right reasons. Best wishes on your next delivery!

Ashley Dumford 1 year ago

And birth fucking matters. It shapes and molds everything about us. It’s our first experience in life.

Tarryn Kinder 1 year ago

Lol I gave birth v for both kids but seriously…how you give birth is irrelevant in the big scheme of things it’s how you parent that really matters. I know the natural movement is huge (I can be a bit crunchy sometimes) but honestly, back in the day yeah women did it naturally but a lot of babies and mothers died in the process- I took comfort in the fact that if anything went bad that there was help and I would leave the hospital with a healthy baby

Ashley Dumford 1 year ago

I mean, seriously, who looks dumber? The one presenting information or the one name calling?

Sarah Kimmel Cenedella 1 year ago

Hear Hear! I was in the same situation with my baby, breach and no way out, especially with a big fibroid blocking her path. I had a wonderful C-section experience, healed very quickly, and would do it again if the situation were the same.

Ashley Dumford 1 year ago

My favorite thing is when people use insults instead of intelligence in an argument.

Kat Dap Rees 1 year ago

Dumford eh…. IDIOT

Michelle Denise Marotzke 1 year ago

I had a c – section with my only son, was put completely under because I don’t respond to anesthesia the way a person should, he was not circumcised nor did he breastfeed. By all of those accounts, I am the worst mother in history. Funny…he is 21 now, had one ear infection his entire life and is too smart for everyone’s own good. Suck on that.

Rachel Murray 1 year ago

The judging here is incredible, absolutely incredible. How a women has her baby is nobodies business but hers.

Ashley Dumford 1 year ago

An ultrasound determining that a baby’s head won’t fit through your pelvis? That’s completely impossible to determine. You cannot possibly know how much a skull is going to collapse or which position will be optimal for delivery until it’s happening. You, my dear, were lied to.

Margeaux McCorvey Giles 1 year ago

Thinking that elective C – section birth is not dangerous to your child or yourself is false. I don’t think this author had an elective C section though there were obviously legitimate reasons for the Dr’s and mothers decision!!
But make no mistake it is 100% wrong for a Dr to schedule an elective C section without a *legitimate* medical reason.

Katie Hayes 1 year ago

I have had two children naturally.. And I would NEVER judge someone negatively having a C-section. I think having a C-section would be harder due too the recovery time. Good for you to the mommies who have had C-sections!

Mary 1 year ago

You just described my situation to a tee! Don’t even get me started that I was unable to nurse because of the trauma, and the comments about that.

Signed,

C-section, formula mom of one, who does not pee in her pants every time she laughs, unlike the vaginal deliverers.

Ashley 1 year ago

I have had 2 sections, the first because they tried to induce after my due date and he was also stuck and started getting distressed so i was off to the OR. The second was scheduled because i refuse to VBAC. When i nursing school i watched a Dr, a very smart lady having her third child, attempt a VBAC and it went horribly wrong, she bled out before we could get her to OR and her husband went home with a perfect baby girl and had to tell his boys mommy was gone. I would never do that to my family. It doesnt happen often but once is often enough and I was not going to let that happen to me. EVERY TIME someone questioned my decision to have a c-section i told them that story and it shut them up.

Vero RG 1 year ago

I had C section, and HATED when ppl tell me, oh “you have no idea how painful it is to deliver” … Ignorant ppl think that all csection is planned, and is not! I had cramps, I had pain, I open up to 7cm, myc section was an emergency wasnt planned!, us moms that had c section are brave, the pain isnt over after baby is out, pain was for months afterwards!!! Nothing to be shamed of, I am proud, I know how painful that is…;) be proud brave woman!

Nicole Martel 1 year ago

well I pushed for 24 hrs and he still would not come out so I had to have a csection. people should mind their own budiness. They have no idea what we had to go through…

Ashley Dumford 1 year ago

Babies can move until they engage completely in the birth canal. To say your baby can’t come out 5 weeks before you even reach your due date is absurd.

Ashley Dumford 1 year ago

The fear and ignorance here is incredible. Absolutely incredible.

Christi Adrian-Monson 1 year ago

I was intending to do “natural birth” until my daughter so firmly refused to move into a safe birthing position… so C-section was our only responsible option. And when it is time for #2, while I MAY be a “good candidate” for VBAC, I’m not sure I want to. Yes, I may be fine… but I don’t necessarily want to risk discovering that my doctor was wrong when in the middle of giving birth. I would rather have a planned and controlled scheduled C-section than risk a tearing of my uterine wall from the stress of labor on previously tramatized tissue. I would rather know that, yes, I’ll be away from my darling for about 30 minutes recovering while his/her Daddy is getting baby dear cleaned up and ready to meet me than risk being away for hours or more because of complications with excessive bleeding or complicated repair of my abdominal cavity. This is a personal decision, and one every woman is entitiled to meke for herself. Anybody who tries to tell me that MY choice is invalid can go take a flying leap off her self-righteous pedestal. Stop trying to use those of us who make a different decision as stepping stones to help you justify your own imagined superiority.

Valerie Drozdowski 1 year ago

I couldn’t agree more! It’s not an easy option to have a c-section as your stay in the hospital is longer and the recovery time is longer. You experience some numbness from the incision that you may never regain. I too was planning on vaginal birth until my 1st born was also “jacknifed” and was told to have a c-section. My 2nd child I was not taking the risks that come along with a VBAC and opted for c-section. I’m not due with my 3rd end of the year and will yet again have a c-section. To those of you who say it’s a “cop-out” should put yourselves in our situations and see if you still believe that. It takes all kinds of women to deliver vaginally and by surgical intervention. Don’t judge when you don’t know the circumstances behind the choice or lack of options.

Fransisco D’Anconia Rodriguez 1 year ago

TLAC unless you live in USOA

Brittany Gonzales 1 year ago

I’ll say the same thing I said on an article about a women being forced into a c-section. The mother should have the final say, it is her body and her child, and she should not have to hear crap about her decisions.

Nikki 1 year ago

Absolutely love this post!! I always feel judged when people find out I had a c-section. Like I’m less of a mom. I was induced and after 9 hrs I didn’t dilate and the Dr said he felt that my son’s head was too big. He said we could give it time and see what happened, but it could take up to 48hrs. On top of that, my husband was deploying in 5 days. I didn’t want to waste a moment of the time he could be spending with our new son sitting in a hospital room… waiting. So I opted for a c-section and we had 5 wonderful days together before my husband deployed for a year.

Andrea 1 year ago

My first son (now 3) came 4 weeks early, after my water broke. After 24 hours of labor (I did the epidural after I thought my hips were going to explode and no amount of breathing helped) I finally delivered a 6 1/2 lb. baby boy who spent a week in the NICU until his breathing matured. I tried breast feeding but my milk was not plentiful and after worrying that he wasn’t getting enough I finally went to formula. My nurses were awesome & told me that some good moms can breast feed and others can’t… and that both ways are fine. My second son (now 6 months) was totally different. At my doctors appt. on his due date I had not even had a single contraction. After another ultrasound my doctor suspected a large baby (my 6 1/2 lb. preemie got stuck in my canal, so this worried me; I am very petite). I checked in with plans to do an induction the next day. After hours went by & still not really having much happen, my doctor came in & said that he suspected there was a reason he wasn’t progressing. We all prayed about it & decided to go ahead with the c-section… good thing because he was almost 9 lbs. I know that if I had delivered the “normal way”, it could have been a huge issue and possibly dangerous. Go with your gut, find a doctor you trust & don’t rely solely on advice from the judgemental mom police. They don’t always know what is best… They don’t even know you!

B Jasmine Zinser Craddock 1 year ago

This is an interesting perspective although as the veteran mom of 2 c-sections, I think the author is speaking more to herself than the “internet”. Breach position as reason for c-section is standard practice whether you agree with it or not. Both my babies were breach (damn pelvis!) and I’m also high risk because of my other med conditions. But you can bet my bottom dollar that if I have another, I will still try for my VBAC as long as that baby too wasn’t breach! C-sections carry a lot of risk, especially the more you have. That’s not the internet talking- it’s medical evidence. I consider myself a better birth advocate and when possible, the best births are natural and vaginal. That wasn’t in the cards for me. And it is not for many women. What the “internet” might be pointing out is when c-sections are done for no good medical reason. Breach birth is not even taught to docs in this country anymore and the (mostly) best option is c-section. I don’t agree with that either but that’s another argument for another time. Be at peace writer lady! But don’t assume that another scheduled c-section buys you a better birth. The risk of uterine rupture is scary!

Teresa Durkin Sevener 1 year ago

Amen! Why do women think that an unassisted, drug free birth is so important? Having a healthy baby is what counts. Stop preaching and telling me your superhero stories.

Tara Pete Larkins 1 year ago

Couldn’t agree more. Thanks for sharing.

Jessica Sootsman 1 year ago

1 emergency c-sectin and 1 scheduled under my belt. I now have two very loved children. Who cares how they’re born, bf or bottle fed, circumcized or not….as long as the children are loved and cared for…who cares?

Thea 1 year ago

You’ve never seen a mom happier to have a c-section than me. DS6mths was breech for a while and I was totally cool with a c-section. My thought was always whatever got him out and with the least amount of trauma to me. Then he got turned the right way and I was like cool, vaginal birth. Drugs. Okay. Then labor came and my back started to spasm to the point that on breath 3 if felt like my spine was being ripped out of my body. EVERY SINGLE TIME. I “gave up” according overhearing my doc while drugged out on the operating table. But as it turns out DS wouldn’t have fit through anyway, thank you giant head from my hubby’s side of the family. I recovered really quickly from the surgery itself (ended up getting a blood infection from the caterer and almost died…but that’s neither here nor there). Not that I’m gonna have any more kids but I’d totally schedule a c-section if I did. No shame here. No feeling like a failure as a woman. Just a healthy (finally) momma of the cutest little boy on the planet.

Stephanie 1 year ago

MacDuff was from his mother’s womb untimely ripped! You win comments. Totally.

Valerie Ann 1 year ago

Amen – I was one of those “judgy” people until my checkup on my due date when my dr told me the only safe way to get my very large son out of my tiny (not at all dilating) body was via c-section. I cried and cried and was terrified thru the whole thing – and then the surgery happened and I held all 10 lbs 6oz of him and I was thankful for my drs decision!!!

Stephanie 1 year ago

a foot hanging out???? HOLY CRAP woman!

Dariz SandMix 1 year ago

My two babies were C-sections and thanks to that they are both still here with me. :) They are fine and growing up to be great kids!!

Erin 1 year ago

I hate to say this but….just the fact that you felt compelled to write this and post it says that you have indeed bought some of that shame and carry it for yourself. Your “Mom-ness” is not defined by those moments in a delivery room. Let it go and don’t look back. I don’t know why women always feel they have to one-up each other rather than support each other but telling them that it’s wrong to throw that “I’m a superior woman because….” kind of shame out there is not going to make the next one not do it.

Michelle Wiegner 1 year ago

My first child I had a regular birth. My next pregnancy I scheduled a c-section as I was having twins. Everyone asked your not going to try to natural. Nope I didn’t want o go naturally with one then need a c-section anyway. I ended up having and emergency c-section 3 and 1/2 weeks early as i went into labor early and twin a was in the birth canal breech. But his butt was in the canal first not his feet. They had me delivered within 1/2 hr of arriving at the hospital.

Terry Edler Miller 1 year ago

I’m not sure I understand the comments that it’s “easier” for a doctor to perform major abdominal surgery. Both deliveries involve some level of risk and potential for issues, but to say a surgery is easier than a “natural” delivery from a physician’s perspective seems odd. I’ve had 3 sections and after my first I felt “ashamed” that I couldn’t deliver the “right” way, mostly because of the responses of family feeling “sorry” for me. Then the comments from those who said I got out “easy” because I didn’t have to deliver vaginally. As far as I’m concerned there is no easy way to deliver a baby and it shouldn’t be a competition anyway. I hated the recovery of each C-section tremendously but at the end of the day I have three healthy girls. That is all that matters isn’t it?

Laura 1 year ago

I had two c-sections myself. We found out three days before my due date with my first that she was breach. We tried to turn her and it didn’t work. So I had a C-section. From her position I firmly believe that we two, my daughter and I, would have been among those who both died in the days of pioneer births. I am so grateful that I live during a time when the medical care and technology existed to bring my baby safely into the world. When it seemed that my body did not want to go into labor on it’s own for my second baby, who was also huge for my pelvic structure, I was very content with the decision to have a second c-section. Mamas who have c-sections are just mamas who want their babies safely in their arms.

Stephanie 1 year ago

reject it! no shame, baby!

Sara Kish 1 year ago

I’m confused about this article, I’ve never seen anyone (or gotten any) shame for having a csection.

Mónica Rivera-Ruano 1 year ago

I’ve given birth to 6 living children, none of them were Caesarean, it wasn’t offered unless it was medically necessary, my last child should have been a c-section but it wasn’t. Who cares how you have a baby? This whole delivery policing needs to quit.

Oana 1 year ago

To be honest, most moms I know who had C-sections are very proud and think themselves fashionable for not birthing “like a cow” or “like back in grandma’s times”. Yes, I was told both of those and even called insane for choosing a vaginal birth with my twins, in spite of my numerous health problems (I did that 1. because I knew I will have no help whatsoever with taking care of them, so I needed to be in top shape as soon as possible and 2. because of reading about the increased chances of a child born through C-section of having allergies and asthma, which I got to experience as a child – born through C-section myself – and would wish upon no one). Yes, it was hard, but it was my choice to do it like this, and fast forward 7 yrs later, both my twins and I are perfectly fine (and no sign of the asthma or allergies I feared so, at least yet). My point is, there is shaming from both sides. I really don’t care how someone else choses to give birth and frankly, no one should care about these kinds of details, that’s for the mother/parents to decide.

Helen Russo 1 year ago

that’s right, this is between a woman and her doctor and NO ONE else!

Stephanie 1 year ago

All my good thoughts for a safe delivery for mom and baby.

Katie Nesbitt 1 year ago

Or push for them because having a c-section cost more than a vaginal birth. My first son was an emergency c-section and my second dr with my second son actually tried encouraging me to have a vaginal birth but I said no. Knowing my body and my size I felt it would be a risk and even more of a risk since I’d already had one c-section, I was afraid of my scar rupturing. Either way judging someone over how their baby comes into the world is just ignorant to me. I don’t understand it at all.

Stephanie 1 year ago

Man, I just bow down to you. Delivering multiples is a whole other ballgame. I had no idea head down/breech was common.

Aimee 1 year ago

I also had 3 C-sections. First one was unexpected but almost 16 hours after my water broke and the Pitocin not working, off to the OR I went. By then, I didn’t give a crap. Just get him or her out safely. My first son was born perfectly healthy. With my second baby, my daughter, I had hoped for a VBAC. I had 1 contraction on my own during the 8 hours I was in the hospital after my water broke. No Pitocin this time, please. Again, off the OR. By baby #3, my OB said he thought I might as well schedule my C-section, so I did. My son was 9 pounds and breach, which we didn’t find out until D-day when they went in to get him. This was 1992 and I only had 1 ultrasound early on. I think I was harder on myself than anyone else could’ve been about not having a natural delivery with my oldest, but as I’ve gotten older, I’m much gentler with myself. I have 2 sons and a daughter who are healthy and that was the goal. When my daughter was expecting her first baby 2 years ago, my advice was, when she read What to Expect When You’re Expecting, don’t skip the C-section chapter like I did when I first read it, because you never know.

Stephanie 1 year ago

You are a mom. You are the PERFECT mom for this baby. Good luck in your delivery and congratulations on your baby!

Stephanie 1 year ago

xoxoxoxo GB

Stephanie 1 year ago

OMG. Forceps seems so much scarier than a C-section to me! I hope you’re recovered now.

Nashay Robinson 1 year ago

I think the posts in Facebook are not against woman having c-sections, they are against doctors pushing for them. My doctor try to push me to have one and I asked for that to be a last resort. I pushed my baby out vaginally. Thank God, because I didn’t want to deal with the recovery of a c-section, but you have to admit that for doctors, they push for c-sections more and for them I guess it’s easier.

Janet 1 year ago

I applaud you mama. You did what you thought was right for your family. While I may not be the type to do a c-section unless medically nescessary (I can’t bring my self to want to schedule one) you did yours simply because it was MEDICALLY NECESSARY! Be proud, hold your head high, and love them babies! Hugs and kudos to you mama.

Stephanie 1 year ago

Oh. WOW. Just…wow. I am infuriated for you! I bet she will rethink that stance at some point in her life. Wow.

christina 1 year ago

I could not agree more!!! I also had a c-section. My son was 9 lbs (I’m 5’2″ and 115 lbs not pregnant). He was stuck, not moving down and I was in labor for 2 days and only dialated 2 cm. My doctor refused to do the csection, they are very “au naturale”. Even after getting an infection from being in labor so long, his heartrate decreasing, and me begging for a c-section knowing he was NOT coming out the “natural” way. I wish they would have listened. It would have saved my newborn from getting two rounds of antibiotics, and maybe he wouldn’t have been sick immediately after birth, (though I can’t say that for sure). I will be scheduling a c-section with my next for sure!

FR 1 year ago

Like most chiming in here, I wanted a vaginal birth for my first-born. At 26 weeks I went into pre-term labor. It was the scariest thing in my life. Thanks to the magnesium and 9 weeks of bedrest, she held off until exactly 39 weeks, all with my cervix effaced to 0.7 cm long. At 26 weeks, she was footling breach. And guess what, at 39 weeks she was in the exact same position. At 1:30 am on the day of my scheduled c-section, my water broke. I arrived at the hospital shortly thereafter and when they checked for dilation, the doctor claimed that she could “feel a foot”. Before I had any chance to process what was going on, I was whisked in for an emergency c-section.

And you know what, after two miscarriages and one extremely terrifying pregnancy, I’m just grateful to have a living child. That is all that really matters.

Stephanie 1 year ago

Amen. .5 hours??? You’re an L&D rockstar.

Stephanie 1 year ago

Damn. I wish that was my title. Ain’t No Shame In The C-section Game. That’s gooooood.

Becky Haynes Gilliam 1 year ago

Had c-section with my son and I never looked back. I was too happy with my new bundle of joy to care how he came into the world.

M 1 year ago

I would never dream of shaming you or anyone who has/had a c-section, but please don’t shame us ‘vaginal moms’, either! We women have enough to battle without us beating each other down! Btw, all 4 of my babies had perfect little round heads, too… even the 15″-er. Who cares how they get here, as long as they do! :-)

Jeannette 1 year ago

Sad how people have so much to say online to people they never met, yet would never never have the guts to utter the same words to the same person’s face. I don’t know why a person had a c section, for all I know it saved mother and baby’s life. Are you healthy? Is the baby? Its a win win. I had a natural birth myself, but if I needed a c section, I would have had one too.
I give credit to all who put then selves and lives out there on the web, because the faceless cruel gutless trolls attack like crazy.

Stephanie 1 year ago

I also had no problem breastfeeding and bonding. That comment is what bothers me the most I think. That whole “You won’t bond with them!” ummmm yeah. No. We are quite bonded thank you. And even if it HAD taken a while, that happens with vaginal births as well.

Kristine 1 year ago

My first was via C-section due to fetal distress. I was all for getting her out ASAP. My second was scheduled C-section. After giving birth to my son, the doctor said I would not have been able to deliver vaginally because of my small pelvis. We trust our doctors to make the correct decisions for our health and our babies’ health. I am so happy to healthy children that I don’t care how I got them!

Sally Nelson Sirkis 1 year ago

WTF? Family flora??? P.S. emergency section, baby taken to NICU immediately for observation so not held by us for 6 hrs, baby refused to breastfeed despite efforts of breastfeeding nazis… baby is now 13 off-the-charts smart as well as an elite hockey player and pretty good baseball player. That is my success story.

Donna Boyd 1 year ago

In South Africa you can elect to have a caesar – I have had 3 elective caesars and why do it the hard way if there is an easier way….we are not living in the dark ages. Nothing selfish about it at all – it does no harm to the baby and in the end its all about preference. Natural birth moms who judge others who have had caesars are so ignorant

Gina Murillo Morrison 1 year ago

I never got that whole c section vs vaginal thing. Why does it matter how they came into this world. What matters is they’re here. I’ve had 3 c sections, it doesn’t make me any less of a mother or a woman. Shame on those that judge anyone’s birth experience.

Ann 1 year ago

I’m confused- these seem like medically neccessary c-secs? I don’t think that’s what people are critical of. If your baby is in ANY danger at ANY time and a c-sec will safely bring the child into the world – that is not questioned or judged. From my viewpoint the judgement comes when moms schedule their c-secs ONLY for vanity purposes. To some this means they expect less pain, or less wear and tear on the body, or less sexual repercussion, and wanting their body to change as little as possible while giving birth- THIS is what other people judge. If your baby is stuck- go get it! If you want to keep your vagina as pretty as when you were 20- that’s where the critical eye comes in. No one’s trying to shame a neccessary c-sec (schedlued or not).

Christina Jenkins 1 year ago

Why dose it matter how the baby came out? We still helped them grown the same exact way!! What the hell is it of any one else’s business if you had a nature or c-section. Not all woman can have the ability to have a vaginal birth that’s why woman would died giving birth years ago! That’s also why c-sections came about. So if you have a problem you need to look in the mirror and ask yourself why your judging some one else.

Stephanie 1 year ago

man that is scary when their heartrates drop. I am so glad that you and baby are okay!

Allison Hiebert Gordon 1 year ago

I appreciate this article so much! Thank you!

Katie Dockeray Dresden 1 year ago

I had a last minute c-section after 27 hours of labor because my little boy wasn’t coming out. He kicked my bladder and it ended up being in his way, the he wasn’t lined up properly to come out, and most importantly, my pelvis is slightly deformed, not allowing a kid to come out the “natural” way.

Stephanie 1 year ago

word.

Stephanie 1 year ago

Love this. Well said.

Phyllis Cummings Cook 1 year ago

We have no right to support or not support a decision between a woman & her doctor about what kind of delivery to chose! We shouldn’t judge either:-)

Lili Von Shtupp 1 year ago

Ridiculous thing to judge women on. Who cares how you have a baby as long as everyone’s alive and well! I’ll bet it’s only women judging too! Men aren’t concerned with this subject. It’s just another form of lowbrow snobbery. Well done any woman who embraces being a mum :) x

Stephanie 1 year ago

That first poop is THE WORST!

Melissa Krauss 1 year ago

There is nothing like the sheer joy and power a woman feels when they give that final push and deliver that baby. I wish that every woman could experience it for themselves. But if they can’t they will still feel immense joy and accomplishment as they see that screaming bundle lifted above their surgical drape! It is great to do it naturally but isn’t the ultimate goal a happy and healthy mom and baby no matter which way we get there??

Amy Blanton 1 year ago

Amen for c-sections my little boy was breech he had no other way out!

Stephanie 1 year ago

Oh dude, just reading that freaked me out! I am so glad you are okay.

Casey-Jane Rand 1 year ago

I would not ever even consider “natural” birth after having ELCS with my first. No way am I putting myself through that when there is an alternative. No one will make me feel bad for this. Funny thing is the only people who ever try to are men or childless women. Us mothers all know what they can do with their opinions when it comes to childbirth. 😉

Erica Young 1 year ago

Ive had two c-sections and have been judged before about why I had them. I think, regardless of the reason (even if it was for “selfish” reasons) no woman should be judged. A scheduled c-section does not equal bad mother or a selfish woman. If you list reasons why a woman should be “allowed” to have a c-section it’s still judging.

Riehna Kruger 1 year ago

Amen to that. In South Africa elective C-sections are common, and I am so very grateful that I had my boy that way. Respect to every woman who makes the choice that is best for her and her baby! There is no one size fits all solution when it comes to childbirth.

Stephanie 1 year ago

AMEN!

Stephanie 1 year ago

I didn’t either until I ventured into the on line world!

Stephanie 1 year ago

um YIKES! Don’t even get me started on my experience with the LC. Glad your babies aren’t hungry!

Joanne Ansiaux 1 year ago

I had an emergency section with my first and planned for my second. The worst part was my first L&D nurse asking did I not ask about a vbac and being snotty with me when I said no. This was the route my doctor felt was best for me and my child. Two healthy babies – that’s all I care about!!!!

Stephanie 1 year ago

I am so glad this resonated with you.

Angela 1 year ago

I’m not trying to be confrontational, but I am having a hard time believing you had over 1,000 stitches in that area. The world record for the most number of stitches on a person was just over 1,000 for a woman mauled by a bear. There is not enough tissue in that area to even accommodate 1,000 stitches.

Robin Wojahn Brooke 1 year ago

2 out of my 3 c-sections saved my kids lives! No looking back, no shame!

Renee Fee 1 year ago

I’ve had both natural and emergency c-section. Whoever calls c-sec the “easy way out” is a moron and not worth the time to have a conversation with.

Kelly Jaye Bell 1 year ago

A c-section saved my boy’s life. What a ridiculous thing to make someone feel ashamed about.

Katy Sanders 1 year ago

My baby’s cord was around his neck, and after 36 hours of laboring on my own, c-section would keep us both safe. I was devastated I couldn’t do it the way I wanted to but nothing is more important than keeping your child safe upon delivery.

Kim 1 year ago

I’m glad your baby was born safely through c-section and I think its great women have that choice. I don’t like the end of your comment where you tell me and other vaginal moms to “eat it” though. Let’s stop with the hostility, ok? Both my children (born vaginally) have had lovely round heads with no birth trauma. So? I thought the point of this post was to stop the condemnation and judging, not just turn it around onto another group of moms.

Elaina Sisco 1 year ago

This mom vs mom competition thing is really awful. I’ve been told COUNTLESS times I got the “easy way” out- from compete strangers majority of the time! I got tired of talking about it so now I just smile and walk away. Truth is, I went through 2 full days of labor at 29 weeks 5 days gestation with identical twin boys. Had severe pre eclampsia, finally had an emergency c section after which I bled out, had blood transfusions, didn’t get to hold my new twin babies for 2 days after they were born. And then had blood clots travel to my lungs 2 days after that, stayed in the ICU for 3 days after that while my boys were in the nicu. The complications go on and on…but yeah, sure, easy way out! Knock off the strong unsolicited opinions ladies, especially with strangers. It can be downright offensive

Amy 1 year ago

I had to rethink everything I thought was the “right” thing to do in becoming a parent because my body didn’t cooperate with my (and society’s) wishes.

I used donor sperm because I don’t have a partner & needed fertility meds to get pregnant due to my PCOS.

I had GD and other high risk factors that led me to c-section instead of the natural birth I had planned.

I needed to bottle feed because I couldn’t produce enough milk to feed my son.

I guess I shouldn’t have become a parent since I couldn’t do it the “right way.”

It took me a long time to get over things not working out the way I thought they should but now I am like you. I won’t be ashamed. My choices are no one else’s business!

Christina Lachowski 1 year ago

LOVE THIS!!!!!!! I also had an emergency C-section and plan on having a scheduled one for my next baby without question and everyone who judges me can stick it where the sun don’t shine! :)

Kristi Taylor Russell 1 year ago

I had two. The first one was my choice because we were worried about my son’s shoulders being stuck. I opted to do it and never regretted it. The second I didn’t regret either! Love this!!

Tiffany 1 year ago

Love this!! I had 3 c-sections myself! I tried to go vaginally with my first daughter but being in labor for 20 hours and not dialating also having a really bad reaction to the anesthesia I decided a c-section is the way to go! Although sadly I had to be put to sleep during it but I was very thankful to have a healthy baby girl! The next birth I thought about a vbac but with the risks I figure I’ve done the c-section once I can do it again fine! Another healthy baby girl and the last was the worse pregnancy I’ve had! But I delivered a healthy sweet baby boy! Wouldn’t have had it any other way! Some woman God created to have a vaginal birth and some c-sections! I would never judge anyone for what they decide to do!

Heather Abbate 1 year ago

I had vaginal births for both my kids but there were complications with my first that almost lead to a c-section. All I remember is being terrified of having a c-section to the point where I had a panic attack. It shouldn’t be a scary word used to bully mothers and mothers to be into delivering vaginally. Birth is BIRTH. Period. The way it’s done doesn’t make it any less valid. That kind of crap really irritates the hell out of me. It’s not all black and white, one is good the other is bad. Unless you are a surrogate and have a predetermined birth plan by the biological parents, it’s nobody else’s business how that baby or those babies are born. The internet has made it way too easy to pass judgement onto people and opened up the doors for bullying. Bullies don’t think about what is being said, they just shove their beliefs onto others and if they don’t jump on the bandwagon they get reamed. This anti vs pro *insert every dumb little parenting debate ever seen here* is just ridiculous. Grown ass adults having tantrums online because someone didn’t do what they did is just fucking stupid.

Fransisco D’Anconia Rodriguez 1 year ago

There aren’t bad candidates of repeat section as compared to TLAC. Believe what you want. Im pro choice in every way but that doesn’t mean that all choices are equally appropriate. But again people are and should be allowed to make educated decisions despite how appropriate they are

Julie Presley 1 year ago

Oh, dang, I see the original comment now. Sorry!

Kaylin McDuffie 1 year ago

I have never judged a mother for having a c section. If it’s for your child’s best interest or yours due to medical reasons I fully support that. I do know there are many complications that can come along if you try a VBAC and how some doctors refuse to do them. What I don’t support is women who selfishly choose a c section because they don’t want their lady bits to “get stretched out”, “afraid their husbands won’t like their vaginas afterward”, and so on. If your openly bragging that you got one to suit your own selfish needs of time, dates, or so your vagina doesn’t get “ruined”(yes I’ve heard that before), then I will judge you.

Barbie 1 year ago

Scheduled C-sections are all well and good, but I personally know someone who had a C-section strictly because she was afraid of labor and knew she could have drugs after the C-section. It was out of selfish laziness that she chose the C-section with absolutely no medical reason for it. It’s that same selfish laziness that manifested in an uncontrolled child that the school system had to teach to behave. It was really pathetic. I cannot believe anyone would choose that kind of risk out of simple fear, laziness and desire for drugs.

Julie Presley 1 year ago

I think my original comment got eaten, so if this is a repeat, sorry!

I had an emerg C-section the first time around, and after quite a long discussion between our doctor and my husband and I, we decided that a scheduled C the 2nd time around was the best choice. About 5 days after, I got an email from an OLD friend (hadn’t seen or really spoken to in YEARS) that basically ripped my doctor and our decision to shreds. She touted blogs and research and what have you, meanwhile she is neither married nor a parent. I couldn’t believe the liberty she took in judging our informed decision.

I desperately wanted to have a Vaginal birth, but you know what I wanted even MORE desperately? A healthy baby. Sure, I might have had a perfectly find VBAC, but what if I hadn’t? The risks far outweighed any need I had to roar like the woman I am inside. I needed a healthy baby before any of that, so that is the choice we made. So sure, I get pangs of jealousy sometimes when I hear friends talking about their vaginal births, but my little baby just graduated Kindergarten today, and he is perfect in *almost* every way. :) And you know what else? When I sneeze, I don’t pee my pants. So there’s that.

Tawni 1 year ago

Oh my gosh this is SO similar to our story! Jackson was stuck – like, really STUCK – and there was no way out except a c-section. Add preeclampsia on top of that, which meant an urgent need to deliver. The Drs said that without the technology we had available to us, one or both of us wouldn’t have made it.

Yet still I read (and even hear first-hand from some) that somehow having a c-section makes me less of a mom or less of a woman, and it’s implied that I should feel some sense of shame.

I have to have a c-section with baby #2, and yes, the Drs say my chances of having preeclampsia again are extraordinarily and disturbingly high. At least this time we’re going into it with some education and experience! (And the c-section will be planned!)

I am SO glad I came across this post. It’s so on the mark.

Andrea 1 year ago

All ways of delivery are work and hurt. I had a c-section because I had no other choice and although I didn’t suffer through a vaginal birth, and I was up and around after a week, a c-Section is major surgery and it hurt, it takes months and months of recovery. We all are equal in motherhood, no mater how the baby came out!

Julie Snyder 1 year ago

22 years ago I delivered a beautiful breech baby girl via c section. 2 years later another beautiful baby girl vbac. Bottom line it doesnt matter how they arrive as long as baby and mom are both healthy!!

Angelica Aguilar Canchola 1 year ago

My c-section photo my husband took!!

Keli Sanders 1 year ago

It’s lucky we have these options today. Like your dr said, if this were to happen 100 years ago, you and your baby wouldn’t be here. I think the fact that we have this kind of procedure available is incredible.

Julie Cecil Cardarelli 1 year ago

Amen! 2 timer & proud!

Ritu Bhandari 1 year ago

Well said/written.

Sarah Federenko 1 year ago

I wasn’t aware there was to be any shame in c-sections?? Geez, people have to criticize EVERY damn thing they can think of, huh?!.. Smdh

Nicole Ford 1 year ago

I had 4 children, “naturally” From the perspective of my lady parts and everything “it” went through, a c-section would have been easier. My first son was stuck for over 3 hours. My then and NEVER again doctor refused me a c-section and then cut me so badly I had over 30 stitches. No woman should ever have to be mutilated the way I was. Yes, I and “it” recovered, but with issues. :/

Amanda Allen Walls 1 year ago

40 years ago a lot more women and babies were dying during childbirth. Maybe the increased number of c sections that are saving peoples lives have a little something to do with that.

Ashley Evans 1 year ago

I had a c section with my first, and I’m planning a VBAC with my next (barring complications, of course). It is up to the mother what risks she is willing to take. Nobody else should be bothered by it.

Gigi 1 year ago

“To risk tearing and bleeding out is silly in my opinion. I have two sweet boys who want their mommy around. I have a baby girl in my womb who is hoping to be born and loved. I don’t think she cares how she gets out. Just that she does.”

This!!!!! Oh my lord I wish this could constantly go around the internet. I felt so guilty about the 2nd
C-section before he was born. I made it seem like I was leaning toward VBAC but really just wanted another C-section. When he turned out to be breech and they said the only choice was C-section I was relieved. Just get him out!!! Even after I knew he was breech I felt like people were judging me for not challenging the doctor. I’m not a doctor and when it comes to medical decisions my husband and I trust modern medicine. We don’t assume it’s always trying to screw us over. It doesn’t mean we don’t think about things but our default isn’t mistrust.

As soon as that baby is born each parent makes individual choices. Vaccination, circumcision, feeding, cloth or disposable, attachment or sanity (just kidding), organic or not, etc. Why can’t we get that how that child is brought into the world is the first parenting choice we make (barring any tough prenatal decisions). Do you want your child examined by a MD or a Midwife? These are choices and they can all be legitimate.

C-section is simply a choice. There are both wise and unwise reasons for choosing it but it’s no one’s damn business other than the parents. Sometimes a VBAC is the truly dangerous choice but parents feel very strongly that is how they want to experience birth even if it’s at the risk of their child or themselves. I have strong feelings about that decision but the bottom line is it isn’t my decision or choice to make.

Adamilka Wood 1 year ago

My first was emergency…she was a big baby and face presentation with no space to move. After 15 hours of labor, I knew I had given it a good try. My second was by choice and I wonder what it would have been like but I don’t regret it at all.

Maigen Connally Beaulieu 1 year ago

I haven’t even had my identical twins yet (delivering via scheduled c section at 35 weeks on July 30) and I am already dealing with the judgement. Not only for following my specialists practice policy by going at 35 weeks but for not even attempting to deliver vaginally. Idk, maybe I just feel like I’d rather have them here and safe than take the chance letting nature take its course just for “the experience.”

Martha Blair Vrbensky 1 year ago

Here … Here!!! Dead on!!!

Teri Williams Miller 1 year ago

Perfectly said! My little guy was stuck as we’ll and I tried for 2.5 hrs pushing (12 hrs labor) to get him out because it was the “right way” to go. It ended up an emergency Csection and I was so happy to have him out and healthy! I recovered in a week and was back to my regular routine. And still people say, “I’m sorry you had to have a Csection”… What?! Not me! And them the pressure to nurse! Oh man! I tried for 5 days, pumping and nursing and was constantly told to not give up… Your milk will come. Nope, never came and the baby ended up back in the hospital because of dehydration. I adopted my first two kiddos and they were on formula and they are the healthiest kids I know. Other than the cost… It’s OKAY! Relax people. Do what’s best for you and your baby. Enough judging and everybody is different. There is no right or wrong. We as women need to start supporting each other more instead of criticizing.

Essie Mills 1 year ago

Both my babies were emergency c/s. I can never have a VBAC because of what’s wrong with my uterus. I didn’t choose to have a c/s. I am not ashamed because both my boys are healthy and beautiful. We are all awesome mamas and we bring beautiful babies into the world :)

Athena 1 year ago

What some also don’t realize is that, sometimes, C-section is not a choice. Mine wasn’t. With my 4th child, I had tried to tell my docs for weeks that I had preeclampsia. Regardless of a borderline “high” blood pressure (because apparently charts are more important than medical history), they wouldn’t believe me. After bleeding and bedrest, and lack of follow up tests, At 34 weeks, I began to bleed profusely with a large clot. I went to the hospital. I didn’t need that doctor to tell me to go. I watched my child’s heart rate plummet, and was immediately diagnosed with a placental abruption. I mean I guess I guess I had a choice… c-section or death for me and my daughter. Without even time for a written consent, I told them to do what they needed to save her. When she was born, her heart beat only twice in 20 seconds. She made it out okay, but unless she was taken immediately, she wouldn’t be here today, and I may not either.

Mommyof2 1 year ago

I am a mother of two, one of each. I had an emergency c section with my son and a scheduled with my daughter. My body is fantastic at conceiving and making babies…. Not so much on the delivery part. I didn’t work right. So when he started trying to so what he was supposed to do to be born and my body wasn’t responding… Things started getting scary. With my daughter we decided to skip the drama and just schedule surgery. Thank goodness we did. She was so big that the doctor even said my choices were spot on and she was happy I had decided on a tubal too. Another pregnancy would be too dangerous for both me and the fwtus because my daughter had stretched my uterus too thin. To those moms who give natural birth … Bravo! To those who opt for a VBAC … Way to go! To those with c sections whether planned unplanned or emergency… Congrats! You are all moms and you all went through your own birthing experience, each as beautiful and diverse as our children all are. And that’s the point.

Cindy Bryant 1 year ago

I had three babies c-section. Not ashamed. No one will make me ashamed. My mom had two c-sections.

Terri L Hawley 1 year ago

My husbands friends are jealous I had c-sections!

Georganne Faulkner Schuch 1 year ago

Agreed. The umbilical cord prolapsed during my last pregnancy. If the nurse had not called the dr at the right time and he had even stopped to say hi to someone on his way in they would not have caught it in time. I was rushed into the mother of emergency c-sections. She was born blue and unresponsive but revived within a few minutes. I like the idea of natural but I like a real live baby more.

Amanda Nieman Knutsen 1 year ago

Thank you for writing this!!! I had to have a C-section @ 38 weeks because my BP was becoming a danger to myself and my son. I have no regrets because I have one hell of an awesome kid – however, I get so pissed when women, mothers for that matter, are like “oh, don’t you wish you could have had him naturally?” Um, nope! Pretty happy with the way it turned out, lol.

Michelle Langlois Obrochta 1 year ago

I had 2 c-sections. 1 an emergency and the 2nd was because I was not a very good candidate for a VBAC. I had a lot of complications with the 1st birth that the Dr. who I completely love and would trust and have trusted my life and the lives of my children and have told me that the VBAC would not be good because of placenta stuff. Don’t let anyone tell you different. You know your body better then anyone. :)

Jodi Beth Benvie 1 year ago

No judgment to the Mamas! Some judgment to the medical industry and docs who have increased or C-section rate from 3% to more than 50% in the past 40 years.

Candace Boyd Wylie 1 year ago

This!!!!!!

Kristen Tuttle Fay 1 year ago

Thanks, needed this…we’re scheduling our delivery too. My OB said I’m not a good candidate for a VBAC either and it’s amazing how “vocal” strangers are when I tell them our daughter will be arriving this way!

Nina 1 year ago

I’m also an escaped OB nurse. I work in the OR now, but when I did OB, I tried so hard to just be supportive of my patients’ wishes. I’ve had two kids since then, one c/s and one the old fashioned way. My son (the vag delivery) had torticollis and plagiocephaly (crooked neck and flat head, respectively) and had to do physical therapy. I was much less physically and emotionally drained after the c/s, and both my kids are healthy and energetic and silly, just like I always wanted. If someone tries to judge you, tell them not to get their panties in a wad and block them. Period.

Alisa 1 year ago

This was a great post – I had an emergency C-section after being 1 week late, induced, labor for 24 hours, pushing for 2…they doctors made the call that my baby girl was in stress and so was I. She too…was contorted with her arm above her head and was never making it out. I got the same comment about the pioneer days. Scary. So with my son, who was much bigger than my girl, we planned the C and I had no qualms about it at all. All I had to do was bring back that scary feeling of being wheeled to a bright scary OR in a rush, my husband being pushed aside in haste, numb from the neck down (the epidural wasn’t enough to start the C, so I had to have a block) and wondering what was going to happen to me and my baby. No thank you! No one should ever judge someone’s decisions. Blessings to you and your family on your next arrival!

Kristen Mattson 1 year ago

My first child was transverse and, therefore, resulted in an unplanned c-section. I was planning on trying a vbac with my second was then moved 9 hours away from everyone and everything I knew at 32 weeks (we moved from August, GA to Hagerstown, MD) so I opted for a planned c-section so I knew I would have instant support (from my MIL). One of the obgyns (a female) told me “yes, some people do find it more convenient to do that…” She knew my story so I am curious as to why she would think any part of this was “convenient?” I was asked by the next Obgyn in rotation which doctor I wanted to do the c-section and I told him anyone but her.

Nicole Lucca 1 year ago

I had three c sections, the first after 37 hours of contractions that were averaging two minutes apart, I would not dilate more than 3 inches. I had no pain meds during my labor, pitocin dropping the whole time. I was 17.
The women in my family have always had trouble delivering.
My second two pregnancies, there was no question. Cut me!

Fransisco D’Anconia Rodriguez 1 year ago

Cathleen Castle Hyde what reason is there for VBAC other than mothers comfort (mental of otherwise) ? There is no medical justification for it. I am all for natural birth but i don’t shroud personal choices as educated ones. Repeat c section is still safer than TLAC and if you can’t find information on that then your google is broken. That is not disputed by any medical group.

Marcy Neeman 1 year ago

I received so much criticism for having a c-section….like it was MY FAULT that the cord was wrapped around my baby’s waist. If I had continued to labor, there would have been major complications. The judgement from the c-section was NOTHING compared to the comments and judgement I received for formula feeding my child (I have a medical condition that prohibits me from producing milk). Something that is very private and is nobody’s business but my own suddenly become a conversation starter and it is very bothersome. High fives to all the moms who have endured the criticism. You are not alone!!!!!!

Glen Welch 1 year ago

Without C-sections a lot of people wouldn’t be here and MacBeth would still be king.

Jenny 1 year ago

A lot of women recover from c-sections remarkably fast. I was up and out of bed within an hour and a half, walking, driving and caring for 3 kids and a newborn in a flash. Never needed anything stronger than a Tylenol. My vaginal delivery, on the other hand, not only almost did me and my child in, but took so long to heal from.

Everyone heals at different rates, and we all have varying levels of pain tolerance. I think we all deserve medals :)

Melissa Aylward 1 year ago

C-section shame??? Wtf?

Skania Gouvopoulos 1 year ago

there are situations where there is a chance to lose the baby or the mother or both hence the need for c-sections.those who frown upon it have no bloody clue asw to how painful the recovery may be and just what on earth makes it so horrible is what i’d like to know?whoever is against it,please inform me of your hillbilly views!

Leslie Dupre’ Brodnax 1 year ago

Women love to do this to other women….MY birthing method is better than yours because I had my baby 100% natural” or “I breast fed instead of formula fed, so my way is better”.

Get over yourselves!!!

There is NO “ONE right” way to deliver your baby. I was fortunate that I did not have to have C-sections for my children. I don’t think any less of those parents who, for whatever reason, chose to have a C-section. What I chose to do for my sons or what any woman chooses to do when it comes to her delivery, what she feeds her baby, or if she chooses to co-sleep with her child or not has nothing to do with you or I…PERIOD!

Alexandra Cervantes 1 year ago

I can’t believe women are judged on how they give birth. So sad.

Michele 1 year ago

Thank you for this! People have asked me why I have delivered my children via c-section, usually in a very Judgey McJudgerson voice. Two minutes later they feel about three inches tall after I explain that I am one of those women who have no choice in how to deliver. We found out AFTER our girl/boy twins were stillborn that I could not and would never carry a pregnancy to term without a trans-abdominal cerclage. That cerclage and the subsequent c-sections ensured that my now three-year-old and fifteen-month-old were born safely at full term.

Guess what, My-Way-Is-The-Only-And-Best-Way-Sanctimommies? My babies are happy, healthy, and safe, and I will never again have to watch my husband carry our children’s casket.

Betsy Leeuwner 1 year ago

I had no idea there was so much judgment about C-sections. I always assumed that no one would go under the knife unless they had a good reason!

Allison Diehl 1 year ago

Thanks for this. After what amounted to battlefield surgery with my first (emergency C and anesthesia didn’t work properly), I had no problem scheduling the C-section with my second. Some of the things I’ve read on the internet about C-section moms being “duped” by their doctors is truly offensive. I guess everyone has to pick something to be self-righteous about. It sucks that it has to be other moms’ decisions.

Lorelei Ford 1 year ago

Mom’s shouldn’t feel shame about c sections. Drs and insurance companies should feel shame for restricting vaginal birth.

Helen Hatfield 1 year ago

I don’t regret my elective c section, they wanted to induce me but after reading the info I went for the c section and I’m glad I did my son was 10,7 even the surgeon told me I’d done the right thing no way I’d of got him out. He’s happy and healthy that’s all that matters to me.

Amber Nicole Fornkohl 1 year ago

I have 3 kids, my first was vag. Birth second was emergency c-section after a car wreck, and my husband and I talked about with our 3 which option to take, I chose another c-section and don’t regret it at all. I ended up having some complication with the 3rd baby and c-section in the end was the best choice, I don’t regret it at all and never will and no one will ever make me feel ashamed or like I failed as a mother because I did what was necessary for both the health of me and my child. Any mother who says a c-section is selfish my question to you is have you though about all the complications and issues that can happen during a surgery? How the meds can affect both mother and child? There’s pros an con’s to both choices and I wish all of mine could have been vag. It wasn’t a option I had and to me however a baby is born at least they are safe and healthy. People make choices based on what they thinks best for them or the baby

Heather Marcotte 1 year ago

Thank you for writing this, I had no choice about my c-section due to some complicated anatomy and a breach baby and people still get judgy when i talk about it.

Jennifer Breva 1 year ago

I had wanted to go with as natural as possible with my first. Even took a Hyphnobaby course. Water broke at 37 weeks and got to the hospital quickly with a foot hanging out. My midwife refused to try a vaginal birth. The doctor told me without a c-section myself, my daughter, to both of us could have died. Yet, I had “friends” telling me I had not tried hard enough. I lived in a part of the country where you were ashamed to say you had a c-section because the flood of judgement was coming. I had a horrible recovery. For my second, I hired a doula, so if I ended up with a c-section no one could tell me I didn’t try. I got my VBAC. But, I would never want a mother to feel bad about a c-section.

Ashley Dobson Brown 1 year ago

Thank you for this. My son was frank breech as well and i’m tired of being scoffed at saying I took the easy way out. Now I just laugh and say “Easy? Yeah well I got the scars to prove it!”

Keri Prunty 1 year ago

I had one and then 2 v-backs no shame. Who cares what haters think.

Michelle 1 year ago

I had the same happen to me. My daughter was frank breech and was not budging! I had a booked section. So far none of my family or friends has (outwardly) shamed me but a few dula’s have. They felt I should have still tried for a natural birth. I’m sorry but I’m sure I would have laboured forever only to end up with an Emerg section when a planned one was available. I had a decent recovery but it definitely was no walk in the park. I wish people were more supportive and less judgemental all round.

Katie Bogdan Sunderlin 1 year ago

I was in labor 20 hours, pushed for three with my son and he got stuck and was losing oxygen so c section it was. Wanted to try a VBAC with my daughter but she had to be under a certain weight which she didn’t. They are 4 & 2 now and they are healthy and active. I wish I could have went vaginal because c section recoveries are longer and I still get pains down there but it is what it is

Joanna Tripp 1 year ago

Of course some C’s are absolutely necessary! Unfortunately many are elective & many are not for medical reasons but for impatience. It’s not that natural birth is the “right way” but facts be known it is the safest method barring any medical emergencies. I have had both and I have experienced much more insensitivity toward my VBAC for sure! Truth of the matter is most people don’t even know the comparison risks. The author of this article had a valid reason but many do not, and unfortunately it has changed the views on birth amongst patents and hospitals. In addition, it has made it difficult to near impossible as well as expensive to have a natural delivery.

Melissa Trahan 1 year ago

I’m a huge natural birth advocate, planning a homebirth. I’m also a doula, and a nurse.

No one should EVER judge another person’s choices regarding their own bodies. These stupid “mommy wars” only serve to further divide women. Anyone who truly respects women, respects their choices. The end.

(Exceptions: decisions that lead to direct physical harm of another or violation of another person’s rights.)

Shanna Reimer 1 year ago

Amen! If my 32-week preemie taught me anything, it’s that the baby’s “birth plan” is to just get here and let everyone else sort out the details the best they can. It was a traumatizing experience, and if I ever have another I will be requesting a c-section if at all possible and dare anyone to shame me for it, but I also know that what I think, want, or feel about it has next to nothing to do with what will actually happen lol!

Medrith 1 year ago

Two C-Sections here!! The first one, I was 20, in active labor for over 24 hours before they did a little ultrasound to find that my baby’s head was stuck in my pelvic bone. STUCK. There was NO WAY that little man was coming out. AT ALL. The second was a preemie, but he had some issues that needed to be addressed AT BIRTH. The doc and I decided after MUCH discussion, that being in charge of the birth, instead of leaving it up to Mother Nature was our best course of action. Both kids: Healthy and Happy. I judge no one, as I don’t know their circumstances.

Jes Linville 1 year ago

I don’t understand why a c-section is such a big deal. I had one with my first and will have one with my second due next month. It’s a painful process but if that’s the only way to deliver the baby so be it.

Susan Kay Eldridge-Kilpatrick 1 year ago

What ever way you choose is best for you and baby is the best As long as Mom and baby are good it’s your decision.

Laura 1 year ago

I totally support choices in birth. Any choices in birth. I think what makes natural birth focused folks so vehement on some choices is that the whole birth system is so out of whack.

So many doctors, nurses & hospitals do not truly support unmedicated & vaginal birth because of the time involved, the fear of litigation, & money. I think women are often just patronized for their opinions & feelings. I think women are manipulated & care providers freak out more than is needed.

I support women and their choices in birth & otherwise. I just wish the system wasn’t so slanted in one direction. I have supported women who have had all kinds of births. The ones who feel best about their births regardless if how it unfolded are the ones who felt respected & supported, & who did not feel like they were rushed, co-erced, or manipulated.

And a happy baby is not all that matters. Of course life & the health of mother & baby are paramount. But we need to allow mothers to mourn the birth that did not happen the way they wanted & to acknowledge that some women were traumatized by a system that didn’t really support them.

And we need to realize that cesarean is major survey & not expect mamas to be back to normal so quickly! Do we expect anyone else to have visitors & care for someone when they’ve just has major surgery? No.

Mamas need support I all their choices & in just about everything else.

Lauren A Martinez 1 year ago

My son was a very big baby and could not have a vaginal birth he could have died. So should I be ashamed of having to have a c-section?? Society I tell ya

Shaina Coulter Brown 1 year ago

Love this!

Alicia Rodriguez-Dorso 1 year ago

I had the same problem with my two pregnancies. I have never felt the need to apologize for this, and if anyone ever tried to make me feel bad about it we would have a BIG problem!!

Andrea 1 year ago

Thank you for this! I had someone comment that it was “too bad” that I hadn’t been able to deliver my twins “naturally”. My sister delivered twins vaginally with no epidural and got a 4th degree tear and a broken tailbone. Um, no thanks. I wasn’t bullied into anything or robbed of any experience as some would have you believe. As it turns out, due to placenta previa and breech positions I would’ve had to have a section anyway but I was already planning on it from the minute I found out there were two in there. So I guess it was “too bad” that my baby A and I didn’t hemorrhage to death or that my breech baby B didn’t get stuck in the birth canal? Okay lady….

Anna 1 year ago

Thank you for this. Your comment about pioneer days really resonated with me. I had a C section too because after 3 hours of labor my sunny side up daughter decided she didn’t want to budge. All I could think about after the C section was that without modern medicine there’s a very high chance neither she nor I would be here today.

Lizzy Jenk 1 year ago

What a stupid topic. Is this even a debate, question, I can’t believe this even exists as a topic….

Courtney Moore Henry 1 year ago

I am currently 36+ weeks pregnant and don’t care HOW this child comes out, just as long as long as he friggin comes out!!! :) That and we both remain healthy!!!!

Mary Ann Hunter 1 year ago

I shouldn’t matter. I you haven’t been able to deliver vaginally, or not. As long as you get a healthy baby is all there is.

Sarah Crider 1 year ago

My oldest was jackknifed as well and we didn’t realize it until the day she was born. I felt like such a failure because I had a c section. It didn’t help that relatives told me that I took the “easy” way out. Having my abdomen sliced open and a child surgically removed certainly didn’t feel easy to me. I had a horrible recovery as well. But apparently I wasn’t a real mother because I didn’t experience the labor and delivery process. I ended up having to have a c section with my second child as well, for other reasons. My girls are now 13 and 16 and somewhere along the line I realized that I am a real mother and a great mother, regardless of how they were removed from my body! Don’t let others shame you for any decisions you make. Period!

Michelle Anderson 1 year ago

My c-section was necessary due to complications but even if a mother chooses to have one you shouldn’t judge. People have too much time on their hands worrying about how other people give birth.

Shannon Spada 1 year ago

I wish I could like this 1,000 times! I’m in the exact same scenario since my first was an emergency that almost scared me too much to become pregnant again. Thanks so much for writing and sharing!!

Amber Barfield Adams 1 year ago

My lil one did not want to come out, after 9 hours of pitocin I only dilated to 2 and she was not coming down. My BP was thru the roof, so I really do not care for anyone that tells me I did not give birth “the right way”. That’s a good way to get punched in the throat…

Stephanie Sehon 1 year ago

If it wasn’t for my first c-section (emergency) my daughter and I night not have made it due to a placental abruption. With my second after talking to the Dr my husband and I opted for another c-section since I never dilated with my first and the second was showing no signs of dilating either. I recovered very quickly after both surgeries. I applaud women who give birth without any meds, at home, and even with an epidural so why should people be judging people who choose to have a c-section.

Stephanie Bonjack 1 year ago

This is great!

Tina Gillotti Stys 1 year ago

I don’t feel shame, all 3 of
my kids were born via csection. The first I spent 32 hours in labor, they were concerned about infection. My second I was adamant about having a vaginal birth, 8 hours of labor and realized that my babies don’t drop because my body doesn’t cooperate. My last I elected to have the csection. It was a tough choice and I felt bad that I could do it vaginally. I am over it now, my kids are healthy and that is all
That matters.

Nikii 1 year ago

I feel that I am only entitled to judge my own birth experiences. I had 1 natural delivery, a horrible c-section, and then 3 vbac deliveries. I made my choices based on my understanding (or lack there of) of the information I was given. I get a little preachy with the women who think that a c-section is a generally safer way to deliver or who are scared of their lady parts getting loose. If your scheduled because your doctor thinks it’s safer for you and baby or because it’s a repeat, there is no judgement from this mama. Some people don’t consider the risk of surgery on both mom and baby. The risks and benefits should be weighed and the best option used. Period. Unless it’s your own c-section….Keep your section-shaming to your self!

Kyla Eden 1 year ago

What’s interesting is that it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter what YOU think, and no mom should have to come up with an excuse as to why she chose what she chose! A healthy baby and healthy Mama is what matters. No matter how it happens.

How about instead of attacking your peers regarding their personal and private medical choices, you congratulate them on the miracle of their child’s birth, regardless of method.

Sarah Bay 1 year ago

I can’t tell you how much I love this. I, myself, pushed for three hours only to realize that my daughter’s head was, in no way, going to fit through my birth canal and out into the world. I have struggled with having my C-section and wishing so badly I could have given birth vaginally. I actually blogged on this topic, myself, so I thank you again for this awesome post!! – http://twoparentsimply.blogspot.com/2014/05/when-your-birth-story-just-isnt.html

Paulette Lanni 1 year ago

I had a c section in December because of complications in pregnancy but would have rather had vaginal because sometimes the baby needs the extra squeeze to get fluids out. My baby was born with pneumonia and if he had that extra squeeze it may have helped clear his lungs. I do have to say my c section healed very quick and they did not use any staples. They used glue and you can hardly see the scar.

Christi Bennett Bolt 1 year ago

There is so much shaming out there regarding how we have and raise our children. I had vaginal births but because I used meds I was a bad mom. But these people who say that don’t care that after the fact my doc was glad I asked for the meds. I probably would not have been okay without the meds. (My doc supported me no matter if I wanted pr didn’t but did tell me there wasn’t an award for going through labor without pain meds.) Then I’m made to feel bad as I didn’t breast feed. I couldn’t. I tried. My son lost so much weight and was constantly on the breast. My body did NOT produce enough milk. With my daughter she wouldn’t latch so I pumped. No matter how much I pumped I couldn’t get enough for her. My body was too stressed after having my babies back to back. I’m not a bad Mom. My babies are healthy and happy. There is no shame and no one should try to shame me. There are too many people who think their way is the best and only right way… to them I say get over yourself.

Peggy Hernandez 1 year ago

<3 love this article!

Diane Rowe Graf 1 year ago

Why would you ?

Sarah 1 year ago

I can’t tell you how much I love this. I, myself, pushed for three hours only to realize that my daughter’s head was, in no way, going to fit through my birth canal and out into the world. I have struggled with having my C-section and wishing so badly I could have given birth vaginally.

I actually blogged on this topic, myself, so I thank you again for this awesome post!!

http://twoparentsimply.blogspot.com/2014/05/when-your-birth-story-just-isnt.html

Kathleen Torrance 1 year ago

I didn’t choose my c-sections they were necessary and I am thankful for the science and medicine that was able to make sure both of my babies and their mother survived something as traumatic as being born/giving birth. When are we going to stop defining the world by our own beliefs?

Marta NerdQueen BradyBritt-Pounds 1 year ago

The problem is when women are pressured into c sections without proper knowledge. Birth is a business and just like any business they what high turn overs so the faster they can get you out the better. I know a few people personally who were willfully misinformed to “encourage” them to get c sections. If it’s a personal choice more power to you. It’s your right. But when doctors manipulate a situation THAT is when I have a problem.

Kisha Robb Carstensen 1 year ago

I LOVE THIS!!! All 3 of my daughters were delivered via c-section. Due to a spinal injury in my late teens, I always knew it would be my only option to have children. So no, neither my doctor or myself are lazy. I just didn’t want to end up paralyzed from the waist down.
Incredibly easy to judge from the other side of a keyboard/screen, isn’t it? Asshats!

Stacy Parker 1 year ago

i went through 24 hours of “natural” labor with my 3rd, no pain meds, had a doula and still the little booger was taking her time, so they gave me some pitocin, and broke my water. those two actions got my lovely birth story regulated to “medically assisted birth on the live journal communities. my little one was nearly 10 pounds and ended up in the nicu because her blood sugar was too low. also found out my boobs just really don’t work, i fought for 6 long months to feed my baby but no matter what my body didn’t work like it was supposed to. I went through a whole lot of shame and guilt over this fact. my postpartem depression was very serious. and yet I am sure someone out there would say “you just didn’t try the right things” vina is a happy healthy 7 year old now, regardless of all of it.

Allison 1 year ago

I think so much of the shaming comes from guilt/dissatisfaction with one’s own choices. If you wish you’d had a different experience or done things differently own it – don’t push it off on another mother and shame her for making her own choices. Modern medicine can do amazing things – you and Max are living proof!

Meighan Taylor 1 year ago

Bottom line? C-sections are a huge public health problem. If you are happy with your section, that’s great. The problem is with a lack of true informed consent which is an issue that all women should be concerned about. However this is a problem inherent within the maternal health care system in the US and not something that the women should be shamed about. There is no sense in judging C-section moms when the reality is that the policies in place and the standard of OB/GYN care are what is creating the issue. After all, no woman (even those who choose an elective c-section) has performed the operation on herself…

Meagan Hartung 1 year ago

Both of my babies were delivered via c-section. I had preeclampsia with both of them. I was at stroke level with my first! I don’t regret having them delivered that way. We are all alive and healthy!

Bekah Shadix 1 year ago

I have 2 kids, neither were born c-section. I so believe that it should not be the first option, to try and let your body do what it does naturally. BUT ( get those panties untwisted and read the whole comment! ) not everyone’s body can go through a vaginal delivery. There are many circumstances, and I don’t believe anyone should feel ashamed of how they brought their child into the world. I just don’t believe those “too posh to push” moms who schedule c-sections so it won’t ruin their vagina or whatnot, are thinking of their child first, but that is just my opinion. Respect to all moms who bring healthy babies into the world. And if you don’t like over sharing, don’t read this last part. My kids were 9 and 10lbs, came out the baby door. I don’t like being told that my recovery time was nothing compared to a c-section. Just respect each other and realize that we are awesome as women, we grow humans. And also, my vagina is not ruined.

Jana Delfino 1 year ago

Amen! Just trying to come out with everyone alive this time round….

Nichole 1 year ago

I delivered my first vaginally- middle of the night, calm, only a few people present, no pain, I felt great- it was wonderful! My second pregnancy was twins and from the beginning my doctor told me they both had to be head down to attempt a vaginal delivery. I was scared of a c-section but I was terrified of the “dreaded double” delivery- one vaginal, one c-section. Both babies were breech and I had a c-section. It was the exact opposite delivery of my first- bright OR, semi-chaotic (at least to me), a ton of people, I had a spot where the spinal didn’t work so I could feel everything, told my dr. and they upped the spinal but I didn’t say anything else because I didn’t want to get knocked out and miss their births, morphine made me sick/loopy- it was wonderful! As a twin mom I hear other women pregnant with twins and how they insist they will deliver vaginally and they will find a doctor that is willing to deliver breech, etc. To me the safety of my kids was more important than my desire to have a vaginal delivery.

Gwen Johnson Stralow 1 year ago

Wait, I’m supposed to feel shame for making a medically necessary (breech) decision? Whoa…

Fiona Roberts 1 year ago

There is always a good reason behind a C section, I agree it is only the mother’s business, no one chooses to have a major operation for fun. What I would say is some mums are railroaded by maternity departments afraid of legal action if vaginal birth goes wrong. If the outcome is healthy happy mum and baby where’s the shame?

Heather Poyhonen 1 year ago

C-Sections. Definitely the easy way out. I mean, slicing through my abdominal muscles that will never be the same, 24 hour cath, intestines on my chest instead of the inside where they belong, panicked medical staff trying to make sure my son & I didn’t die, a panic attack on the table, risk of staph infection, recovering from major surgery with an infant. Oh, and the second one was an absolute breeze. I mean, when my 2 year old kicked me in the incision 2 days post op it was a joy.
Moral of this sarcasm laden post? Don’t judge. People make the best decisions with the information that they have at the time, and how my children came into this world is the business of myself, my husband and my doctor. I am no less of a mother, and I commend all mom’s out there for doing their best regardless of how their babies entered the world.

Fransisco D’Anconia Rodriguez 1 year ago

Cathleen Castle Hyde despite the point of the article, I feel justified in my disapproval of putting a child at increased risk of death for self esteem issues of the mother.

Jennifer Shelton 1 year ago

Thank you so much for this post! I’m 36 weeks along with my lil fatty (god love him as he sits here kicking the crap out of me…literally just kicked my hand and I almost dropped my phone! ).
My husband and I started trying 5 years ago to have a baby, no such luck. Found out I had a MASSIVE fibroid that was situated at the top of my uterus, crushing my left fallopian tube. My old GYN said ” Go ahead and take prenatal vitamins and get to scumpin!” Needless to say, I haven’t been back to see that crazy witch in 5 years.
Found my savior in a very good specialist and one myomectomy later, he said go for it after about 6 months. Took another 3 1/2 years but here we are.
Due to the myomectomy I HAVE to have a section. I despise the looks and questions when people ask why I’m having a section. After the first few times I just got tired of explaining why and I just flat out said, ” If I don’t, I could die. For real. End of story.”
That shuts them up right quick and their tone changes.
I’ve known for years this was the way my kids would have to be born and I’m good with it. Its not the easy way out (although we saw fatty’s rather LARGE cranium last week during a sonogram and I am GLAD I don’t have to push that thing out of me).
I refuse to feel like less of a mom because of this. If people knew the struggle some women go through to even conceive, maybe they’d shut the hell up and mind their own business.

Julie Opper 1 year ago

4 babies=4 c-sections for me! I am THANKFUL for the option for a c-section when the “normal” way of delivery isn’t a viable one!

Katie Lynn 1 year ago

My first was an emergency C-Section after 14 hours of labor. My second was a scheduled C-Section but came a week earlier than the appointment, technically ended up another emergency. So, that being said, if we decide to have a 3rd, it will also be a scheduled C-section!!

Danny N Tara Gaddy 1 year ago

I have 4 children all v births. I got to say that I have a LOT of respect for women who have had c sections. We moms of children born the v way know that it hurts and it requires healing time of course, but u c section mommies get cut open, and stitched up, its major surgery and all for the love of your baby. Ive heard the healing time is so much harder. No matter which way u give birth, ur still an awesome mom who baked that baby and deserve a lot of respect. Plus, u get babies born with perfectly shaped little heads :-)

July Poulos-Mickelsen 1 year ago

I had to have one, I didn’t realize that women were so vicious to one another about child birth. What a sad world we live in!

Stephanie Palumbo 1 year ago

l had one, and would do it agian. I had preclamcia and for 3 days they tried inducing me when i was 39 weeks. I had 2 really bad miscarriages prior and was in lavor as the dr told me. Totally would take the c section any day. My daughter is the happiest,most beautiful, and healthiest baby i know! I love her with everything i am and she loves me back. Also, i am not saying it is easier it is more healing time, major surgery and scary as hell. s

Fransisco D’Anconia Rodriguez 1 year ago

The term VBAC is misused often. It only applies when it actually works which is not as often as people believe. TLAC is the more appropriate term (trial of labor after c-section. ) which in my experience usually ends up at section

Susan Dylka 1 year ago

I didn’t read the article, but… Really? I have been pregnant 6 times. 1- induced due to miscarriage. 2- vaginal. 3- c section. 4- induced vbac (right before that was ended, everything went fine lol). 5- non induced vbac. 6- c section.
Lol. Then a tubal ligation.
I don’t judge other women & how many children they have or how they came about, but just for the judges out there. All with my (now ex) husband.

Gail B 1 year ago

Ahhh the Interwebs. People love to shame people they don’t know. I’m not sure what that is or why it happens but there is some kind of weird “bravery” that happens when you can hide behind a keyboard. Not that strangers are the only ones judging you, not at all. Everyone has opinions about how you should handle everything from pregnancy to college when it comes to kids. I have enough on my plate raising the three I have without worrying about everyone else’s kids. I’m not talking about kids who are in terrible situations mind you, or who’s parents are endangering them, I’m talking about the ones that have good people caring for them in a manner that might be different from mine. I try very hard, and I think most people do this, to not saying anything to anyone on the internet that I wouldn’t say to their face. Everyone who judges me can go jump in a lake, I know that I’m a good mom.

Your kids are your world, and for anyone to think you took the easy way out, well, they just don’t know you. If judging you or me or anyone is all they have, let them have it. It’s theirs. The rest of us are busy living our lives.

Kristey Stoisor 1 year ago

I never knew people were made to feel ashamed of this. I had 3 c sections, first one medically necessary, second one just cause I’d had the first one, and third because I was told that after 2 there is too much of a risk with a vbac. I never felt bad about it. And if someone else even bothers to have an opinion on it, well, good for them! I don’t have time to care about their opinions on tiny issues. It just is…nothing more. People should really stop worrying so much about these kinds of things. Shake it off people! Don’t even take the time to think about it, seriously! Use your time and energy on more important things.

Heather Thomas Felton 1 year ago

I have a fabulous family member who is 5′ and very petite. Her first son was 12 lbs. He just couldn’t get out the “natural” way. She had to have two more C-sections afterward due to other health issues. She’s a fabulous mom.

Carol Sharp 1 year ago

my first c-section was an emergency. My second was planned. I have 2 beautiful sons thanks to the surgeons. I do not feel bad, I do not feel like I am less of a mother to them. No woman should be shamed for how their children came into the world.

Andi Graham 1 year ago

Raise your hand if anybody regrets their own mother having them by a c-section!
And does anybody even care whether their own mother breastfed or not?

I don’t. My mother could lie about it and I wouldn’t know the difference. Nobody ends up in therapy because of these choices.

If anything, I would think a baby would say, “thank you mama for not squishing my head into a cone shape.”

Karen Beck 1 year ago

I had two c-sections, the first was an emergency and the second was by choice and was easier than the first one. There is no one “right” way to have a baby. As long as it comes out safely, then women should feel no guilt.

Rachel La Forte Hancock 1 year ago

If I could hug the writer, I would. And buy her coffee. And maybe a pony, too. Best wishes on C #3 and one bad-ass little girl with two big brothers.

Michelle Brill 1 year ago

Nowhere in this little blog does she mention why she feels the need to lash out at the internet for shaming her. I’ve never once heard of a woman being shamed for having a C-section.

Caitlin Wiggins 1 year ago

I had all 4 of my sons all natural no drugs nothing and I didn’t breast feed any of them. I personally don’t have anything against c-sections when medically needed. If I were told I had to have one then I would have. I only think it’s not right to plan a c-section bc you don’t want to have a vaginal delivery. My sister planned both of hers and neither one were necessary she just didn’t want to go through labor pains. I think that’s what some mom’s mean when they say there are too many c-sections the unnecessary ones. It may seem like the easy way out but in all actuality it’s not. The healing process is longer, staples can get infected, and so on. I know it’s your body your baby your choice and now days you have that option to plan and pick your due date so why not. I just personally wouldn’t want to go through a c-section unless it was medically necessary but that’s why we each have our own choices on what we want to do unless baby chooses for you lol.

Lisa Ingegniero 1 year ago

I hate how the birth of your child is such a competition.

Shea Zigo 1 year ago

I find with the internet it is easy for anyone and everyone to pass judgement. After all they are relatively unknown and they can say anything they want. A woman giving birth is amazing and do not regret my own c-section because if I had not had one I could have lost one of my beautiful girls.

Cinnamon Sallee Little 1 year ago

I have never felt shame for mine! I’ve had 5 babies via 4 c-sections and couldn’t be prouder or happier! It’s a much better alternative than a dead baby and mother!

Lisa Ingegniero 1 year ago

Well said. Thank you.

Fransisco D’Anconia Rodriguez 1 year ago

Its not ignorant. Its factual there is only increased risk with TLAC and no benefit despite what midlevel providers try to sell you. C section is a sensible choice and should not be avoided due to pride.

Treyci Jones 1 year ago

My first was an emergency (no heartbeat, came out looking like a smurf but is a perfectly healthy 14 year old now), my second was a planned c-sec (live in a tiny little town that does not (or didn’t then) recommend VBAC)…both of those births were not “easy”…it’s a road to recuperate after someone guts you lol!! And taking care of your new sweetheart?! How dare anyone say we took the “easy way” lol

Carrie Schultz Kolar 1 year ago

I *may* have just posted this on my babycenter birth board. Too much fear of c-sections and too many anonymous jabs about bad doctors “pushing” c-sections makes me want to pull my hair out.

Kim 1 year ago

I was all into the natural childbirth route with my first. I had a midwife, a birthing plan, hypnotherapy, etc. Everything was going great at the hospital at first. But then a half dozen medical people appeared, my mirror for watching the birth was gone and a specialist was called in because my baby was not coming out. It was too late for the C-section so my first was delivered via forceps. Terrible. I was cut stem to stern and later developed a massive abscess in my nether region. For both my baby and I it was a long recovery period. He couldn’t nurse well because of the bruising. I had to have that stupid abscess drained several times, and no pain killers. A few years later when I realized I was pregnant again, I couldn’t stop crying. I was terrified at the prospect of birth. When I had my first appointment with my new OB he confirmed what I had already figured out, I was not built to give birth. No baby was coming out that way. When he told me I could and should absolutely have a C-section I cried from relief. My second arrived via C-section, much bigger than expected. My recovery was NOTHING compared to my recovery after the first. Much happier baby and mom the second time around.

Nicholle Cousino 1 year ago

I am thankful that the science and technology that allows for safe c-sections is available in this day and age, being unable to deliver my daughter vaginally after several hours of hard labor and trying many different things, I was perfectly content to say ‘yes’ when the doctor said she wanted to do a c-section, even though it was not what we had planned for at all. Knowing that myself and my daughter would not have survived without a c-section, I am thankful I was able to have one.

Rachel Parr Strauss 1 year ago

Can I like this twice?!

Ashley Bergen 1 year ago

I dnt c y it matters as long as ur taking care of ur baby then it dnt matter

Amanda Leavy 1 year ago

Haha I told my Dr is he used the phrase v-Bac I would slap him in the mouth…..are people forgetting the goal is a healthy safe delivery for mom of a healthy baby? I had an emergency c-section after being a failed eduction and IF I hadn’t said ok lets do the section my daughter who was tangled up and had the cord wrapped around her neck so tight they had to cut it inside my belly to get her out I wouldn’t have my super dramatic smart ass 14 yr old daughter to drive me nuts today….

Cathleen Castle Hyde 1 year ago

My oldest and I would be dead from HELLP Syndrome if it weren’t for my (very traumatic) c-section. So I’m happy I had it. But I much preferred the VBAC I had with my second. I’m done having babies but I wouldn’t opt for a c-section again.

Shelley Dornes 1 year ago

I have to have one in 3 weeks because my son is too big to deliver normally. It’s a necessity to prevent harm to him. I don’t care how he gets out.

Fransisco D’Anconia Rodriguez 1 year ago

TLAC is an ignorant choice. VBAC is senseless and selfish.

Tosha 1 year ago

I have two boys and a baby girl, all c-sections (the first emergency, the other two scheduled). I completely trusted my doctors’ methods of treating me, and I have three healthy children. I realize that theoretically, a women’s body is “designed” to give birth naturally, but I also believe God gave doctors the smarts to know when intervention is necessary. I’m still just as much their mother, no matter how they made it into this world!
(By the way, I use formula and bottle-feed as well–the horror!!!)

Kim Lalonde Rogers 1 year ago

Desi Doodle-Lamy you owe me 20 bucks to help get the tea stain out of my carpet after reading your post hahahaha!!!!!!! 😀 You forgot to mention the tambourines though 😉 lol

Julie Presley 1 year ago

About 3 days after my 2nd C-section, I got an email from an old friend (who is neither married nor a parent) totally ripping my doctor and our decision to shreds. I could not believe the liberty she took in her judgments, especially since I had not seen her in years and years. It was absolutely infuriating. My husband and I made the decision not to take any risks when it came to birthing our second. I wanted desperately to have a vaginal birth, but you know what I wanted more? Knowing that no matter what, I was going to have a healthy baby. If there was any risk involved in the VBAC, then forget it. The BABY is the most important part of the equation.

Sure I have to remind myself of that — I get pangs of jealousy when I hear others’ vaginal birth stories, but my baby graduated Kindergarten today, and he is perfect in every way (well, almost. Ha!). And you know what? When I sneeze, I don’t pee my pants. So there’s that.

Cheryl Smith 1 year ago

Oh HELL yes! Thank you thank you!! I’m tired of people judging me for my c-sections.

Becky Jay 1 year ago

Uh no shame. .had an emergency c-sec a month ago due to placental abruption that could have killed me n my son thank god I had a team of drs who recognized there was a problem when I was in labor. I didn’t plan on a c-sec but it saved my baby and me. And those that say its lazy obviously has never recovered from one..ur middle is sliced open things are removed and then your baby is removed, you can’t see what’s going on, you can’t have instant skin to skin and with mine I could still feel everything and it hurt. Im still hurting and its been a month… No Shame here!

Maureen Mlasko-Fienman 1 year ago

I’m sorry this is just stupid why would you feel shame about having a c-section unless you scheduled it for no reason. There’s no shame in how you get your baby out.

Leslie Hepburn 1 year ago

I had an emergency c-section at 32 weeks, at first I was sad I didn’t get the birth I had envisioned but after, my c section was a breeze! If I ever have more kids (doubtful, I have a blood clotting condition that greatly impacts pregnancy) I will not think twice to have a c section.

Suzanne Walentine Harris 1 year ago

So glad to see so many Mama’s in the same boat I was in! I had two C-sections. During my first, water broke and I they made me wait 36 hours for the labor that never came! I also never nursed. My kids are happy, very healthy and have NO food allergies, which seems to be big component for the pro-nursing crowd. More power to you if you could, I couldn’t! Nice to see I am not the only one!

Crystal Fisher 1 year ago

4 c-sections. 1 emergency, 3 planned. 4 healthy children, 1 healthy mommy. Enough said.

Laura Mitchell 1 year ago

I had a vaginal for my first child and emergency c- section for my second one, took me longer to recover from the surgery, I really don’t know what “easy way” people are talking about!!

Stacy Bystrom Stutzka 1 year ago

Thank you!!!! I had a planned c section because I had previous brain surgery (clipped brain aneurysm) that prevented me from pushing. One doctor recommended that I labor down and have a natural birth and my high risk ob said absolutely not. Thank God for my high risk ob because my daughter was 9lbs 10oz. 22 inches long.. I would not have been able to get her out without pushing and potentially killing myself.

Ashley Quattrochi 1 year ago

I have no shame. Two sections later… still wouldn’t change it for the world.

Melissa MacGillivray 1 year ago

My first was a c-section after 27 hours of labour. She was so big she was stuck. When she was out she had a bruise on her arm from when I was pushing to get her out. Poor darling. She came out eyes wide and looking for food. Our second was a planned c-section. She was born eyes wide open with a lot to say. If I have a third it will be via a c-section. I remember a lady at work saying to be you’re not a real mom. I was very colorful in my response to her. I assure you I am a real mom. The recovery for both was shorter then they stated, not as painful either. I’m all for c-section!

Dena Stelly 1 year ago

Desi Doodle-Lamy, I am kmsl at the mental images your comment is giving me hahaahaha!!!

Ktpeacemommy 1 year ago

Ironically, my vaginal was the worst recovery for me! I had three babies, the first 10 pounds. I pushed her out, but got a four degree tear for my troubles which took months to heal from. Next two were both taken by c-section a week early. About three days of vacation (which is what it felt like) in the hospital and then home. I was up and about and feeling great after a week.

Not everyone recovers so well from c-sections…but some of us in certain situations do much better with c-sections than vaginally. That’s why everyone should be willing to change as the circumstances warrant. Which really prepares us for parenting anyway.

Caroline Balmforth 1 year ago

I had 3 c sections. Son was breech, also because I have epilepsy I chose to have my other 2 by c section, yes Ofcourse I would to of experienced natural child birth but just wasn’t possible. All born healthy weight.

Gabriela Garcia Mihajlov 1 year ago

This constant woman shaming bothers me.. I personally had all my kids vaginally ( yes, I said vaginally opposed to “normally”..which I think is not a great label for this process), but my labors were 3 hrs, 1.5 hrs, and .5 hr… Yes, my first kiddo tried to take everything with her so it was a doozy of a birth, but still only 3 hours… Not sure what would’ve done if was longer, and don’t feel anyone is less a mom for having a c-section.. Just like no one is less a mom for not breastfeeding, for using disposable daipers, not making own babyfood, etc. We women got to support each other, not put each other down..

Carla McLemore 1 year ago

Amen! I had a scheduled section with my son and wouldn’t change a thing, except for people acting crazy afterwards! No guilt here!!

Kristin Cassidy 1 year ago

I have silently judge a woman who had a C-Section. In my own defense, she scheduled the procedure well before her due date, because she was afraid of gaining too much weight and the thought of “pushing a fat baby out of my vagina is NOT something I want to do. I want a petite baby.” It was nuts. Long story short, baby needed a lot of extra care, was born under weight and has had some bumps. But the mom is fine! Anyway, I’d still like to report her OB. It was all for selfish reasons. But, as far as medical necessity, I could NEVER judge that. First, do no harm.

Andrea Luther 1 year ago

Ain’t no shame in the c-section game. Had 3 wouldn’t have done it any other way. Poo poo on you internets

Cherie Fishking 1 year ago

I will never understand why this topic is so controversial. Everyone and every pregnancy is different we should just thank heavens that there are other ways to get them out in situations like these or we would lose a lot more moms and babies. I had 2 c-sections and would do it again in a heart beat. The only care in the world you should have is that you and your baby are alive and healthy. How you get there is your business.

Anne Kennedy 1 year ago

I had an emergency c section with my second baby, no problems bonding, breastfeeding was fine, and I was up and about quicker than my vaginal delivery. If I have another baby it will def be a section, my body, my baby, my way…and my husband totally agrees with me!

Allison Michelle Hauser 1 year ago

This is a great article! My daughter is 3 months old & this is exactly what happened to me. The dr’s had to a c-section because she was stuck & her heart rate kept dropping! I was only on board for a vaginal birth, but they had to do this to save my daughter! My next birth has to be a c-section because they have determined that my cervix sits too far back for a vaginal birth.

Joanna Gerdak 1 year ago

Everyone experiences different things. Some doctors do support your birth plan while others do go straight for the c-section. Just like there are many different moms there are many different doctors. But like she stated in the article… MIND YOUR BUSINESS. You dont owe anyone an explanation.

Debbie Young 1 year ago

I had 4 c-sections and feel no shame, apparently my womb is really comfy and my lot refused to come out despite being ‘started off’ many times, however i would have rather given birth naturally but each to their own

Meg Mikhail 1 year ago

putting your kid at risk just so you can “stick to your birth plan” is the style nowadays. different strokes for different folks. I had a scheduled csection and my recovery was easier than most people I know that didn’t. my daughter is thriving and beautiful and I’m happy with the outcome :)

Jessica Wren Mitchell 1 year ago

Yes!! And when I was put on pitocin to get things moving along I definitely felt like I was “experiencing” birth! The pain was unimaginable and if I have another straight to the O.R. I will go!!

Dana 1 year ago

The day after my due date with my first, my doctor suggested a c-section . I showed absolutely no signs of labor. Wanting the baby out, I agreed. Easy way out? Maybe, but it was fortuitous. We discovered during the surgery the shape of my uterus would have made a regular delivery dangerous for the baby and myself. I had a different OB for my 2nd pregnancy, and he agreed with my other doctor. We scheduled a c-section for #2. I am thrilled with everything and would not change anything about having my c-sections.

Juana Juana 1 year ago

Had 3 C-sections 1 emergency 2 planned no shame .

Sara Brecht Johnson 1 year ago

I’ve never felt shame over having 2 medically necessary scheduled c-sections. If people want to judge, that’s on them; I’m perfectly comfortable with the decisions that were made.

Anna Stanchinskaya 1 year ago

Hey as long as everyone is healthy and happy why would it really matter? Which way that was achieved?

Christine Roberts 1 year ago

Thank you. Delivery method has nothing to do with good parenting.

Melissa M Mendoza 1 year ago

I had a planned c-section too. I had gestational diabetes and they thought my baby was going to be 10 pounds. Because my bone structure was small and the necessary bones did not spread I had to have a c-section. I often heard, ” you don’t know what its like to have a baby.’. Its very annoying but I don’t care care cause the end result was my son. Some people place a lot of emphasis on how much “work” they did during childbirth but it doesn’t matter whether it was VBAC OR c-section or adoption. What matters most is how much work you do to raise them to be good adults.

Jennifer Contarino 1 year ago

I love that I had a c-section.. and honestly, I expected a harder recovery based on all the horror stories I heard, but it wasn’t so bad for me. Just that first poop after. LOL!

Debra Alcorn 1 year ago

If it wasn’t for my first c section me and my son wouldn’t be here. I had two eclamptic seizures the second one lasting over 8 mins. I don’t remember anything anything about that night but I was told my husband asked if there was any way to avoid a c section before they cut me open. The dr told him they didn’t want to risk it because if I had another seizure while giving birth me and my son could die. No shame in my c section here! Ill be having my third in three years next month :)

Jessica Wren Mitchell 1 year ago

Love!

Tam Frazzled-braincells Wilson 1 year ago

I had to have a c-section as me and my daughter where about to die! With my second child i had no choice as it put my and his life in danger. I cant give birth as it would kill me. I also think its the womans choice on how she gives birth. I would have done anything for a natural birth as i feel i was deprived of a special moment but i wont judge any woman who does what she feel comfortable doing.

Amanda Alderson 1 year ago

I think bottom line is that we all need to respect each other and others decisions. I respect the hell out of the Mom that had a natural birth – good for you! I respect the hell out of the Mom that chose to get help from modern medicine – you know what you need, good for you! I respect the hell out of Moms who choose or are told there is no other way than to have a c-section, good for you and doing what’s best for you and baby!

Monica Montenegro 1 year ago

I had 2.. My kids wouldn’t be here if I hadn’t. I had no clue that this was shameful! Ridiculous.. People need to seriously worry about themselves and not about how another women delivers her kids..

MandiB 1 year ago

My first baby was induced due to high BP. After hours and hours of labor, I had a c-section bc she was in distress. Turns out it was cephalo-pelvic disproportion. She never would’ve gotten thru my pelvic bones. She had a nice black bruise on her head from her hairline to her crown from being squeezed against my pelvic bones with every contraction. I tried to breast feed her and nearly starved her to death bc my milk never fully came in and I didn’t realize she wasn’t getting enough. That is until she demanded to eat every 1.5 hours. When I got so exhausted that I couldn’t do it, we moved to formula…and guess what? I had a baby that would sleep.
When my second came along, it was a scheduled c-section. Baby2 was immediately a formula baby…even though the lactation consultant harassed me the entire time I was in the hospital. After explaining that I nearly starved my first one to death and she very narrowly missed being a “failure to thrive” baby the lactation nurse’s response was, “Well, that doesn’t mean it will happen with Baby2.”
Anyone that wants to judge how a baby gets here or the mother’s feeding choices can go bite one. A big one.

Christine 1 year ago

Thank you, thank you, thank you. My daughter was delivered via emergency c-section, and I cannot understand why criticism is so high regarding c-sections. It makes me so angry. I carried her for nine months, and I parent her every day, so the way I delivered her makes absolutely no difference.

Christina Roldan 1 year ago

Ive had 4 c sections 1st was emergency because my dr sucked 2nd was because back in 2001 dr always said once you have a c section you have to continue having them i was only 21 and listened 3rd and 4th was same and to be honest im ashamed that i wasnt educated more at 19 and 21 to refused. Sections and try them vaginally because now i want more children and am told that may not be possible without risking my life

Rachel DeFord-McDonough 1 year ago

The “mommy wars” need to end. Women judge each other over ridiculous things. I had a vaginal birth with complications. I’ve seen threads stating that unless you have a natural birth, you didn’t “experience birth”. We all make the decisions that are right for us. For some people, such as myself, medical intervention is necessary. Regardless of how we give birth, choose to feed our babies, how we diaper them, etc. We are all moms and we need to be less judgmental of each other.

Karin Bachert Connors 1 year ago

Why should anyone feel quilty? Especially if it’s a health issue. People get a life

Alicia Stumm Corp 1 year ago

4 c’s here! My first was an emergency and there was no way I was going to risk another. Only someone that has had one can understand the days/weeks of pain and recovery. I have 4 beautiful, healthy children that were not worth risking.

Katie Huber 1 year ago

Love it.

Desiree Takenbyaman 1 year ago

I didn’t care for mine, but it had to be done. Screw the judgmental people who have nothing better to do or nicer things to say! As long as you and your baby are healthy!

Karen 1 year ago

I had 3 c-sections. First two were medically necessary for one transverse baby and one large headed, long baby, that got stuck in my ribs. My darling little girl was the only “scheduled” c-section. The funny part being, I went into labor with all of my kids and then had to have c-sections. My sister who had all three of her kids vaginally and I have always felt you do what you do to get a healthy baby. End of story. Any judgement should be kept to yourself.

Melissa Ingino-Vella 1 year ago

Thank you for this article!!! Even with an emergency c-sec I had a hard time coming to grips with it!!!!

Desi Doodle-Lamy 1 year ago

Well we can’t all deliver our babies in a river with dreadlocks in our hair, while our husband douses our parts with herbal tinctures and we chant in another language. We just all can’t be that cool. Oh and don’t forget to post a video of your water birth on YouTube so you can get imaginary high fives from people you don’t know.

Carrie Montgomery 1 year ago

I had my first naturally and second little one was breech at 38 weeks so had a cesarean. I’m having my second cesarean in August. I’m scared but I know we will be just fine :)

Monica Sanchez 1 year ago

Love love love your page!

Sarah Dean 1 year ago

Agreed! After 24 hours of labor and an hour of pushing, my baby girl was not budging…we did an emergency c-section and I’m thankful we did.

Kellie Heil Stein 1 year ago

My ex husband also told me I gave birth “the easy way.” No, a-hole, YOU had the easy job!

Bobbi 1 year ago

I’m so sad that women are made to feel shame over how they bring their babies into the world. As long as they are happy and healthy, nothing else should matter. I have had three drug free vaginal births and I honestly wish I could have had drugs with my last two!

Kim Lalonde Rogers 1 year ago

Wwhaaaaaaat????? Now we’re being judged for sections??? Oh fer gawds sakes! :p (face palm)

Laura Hohm 1 year ago

i’m awaiting the inevitable comment from the first -class be-yotch that is always on these pots: “you just feel guilty so you are covering up your guilt by saying you don’t care.” surprised she isn’t here yet…

Christina Stepnitz Crise 1 year ago

My sister in law is one of those “C-sections happen too often in this country” kind of people. She is very upset that I ended up having an emergency C-section 5 weeks ago. She tries to play it off by saying “Oh, I’m so sorry you had a difficult labor” but the way she criticizes the doctors, you can tell she’s angry on my behalf. I however am not. Am I disappointed that I had to have a C-section? Yes because I knew that I would (and sure enough I am) find recovery frustrating. However, when the doctor says to you that your baby is tachycardia (he had a sustained heartrate of 175 and it was spiking to over 200 beats per minute) and isn’t descending and your own body temperature is going up by half a degree every 5 minutes under the stress of labor, you say “Pass me the knife, I’ll cut him out myself.” And you know what? He’s alive and very healthy 5 weeks later. I’d say that counts as a successful delivery!

Dena Schirtzer Mehling 1 year ago

So much love for this! I have zero shame too!

Daniella Coria 1 year ago

I share your story! People should not judge. My daughter and I wouldn’t be alive if it wasn’t for modern medical techiniques.

Kellie Heil Stein 1 year ago

I couldn’t agree more. My son was also stuck and I had an emergency section with him; my daughter was delivered via scheduled section b/c (oddly enough – I have ‘child bearing hips’) my pelvic bone is too narrow to deliver via VBAC. I wouldn’t have my kids without my c-sections.

You know what? I didn’t breast feed either.

Linsi Rose Wick 1 year ago

I have no shame over my scheduled c-section! There was no way I was going to labor & deliver & then potentially need a c-section as well (twin b was breech). My girls were born a minute apart, healthy & wide-eyes!

Shannon Faunce 1 year ago

I have 4 children my first was a c section because she broke my water with her leg and was breached. The next two was natural and my last was a c section because of complications….i feel no shame my children where delivered the safest way for each….

Michelle Maguire 1 year ago

Amen!!

Katie 1 year ago

Thank you for this post. My daughter was in a similar position with one foot by her head and one straight down. For quite a while, I felt bad about not being able to have the “natural” delivery I wished for, but my daughter’s safety came first. I too tried hanging upside down, playing music to the lower part of my abdomen, cold, heat, and even considered massage and chiropractic options. She too was stuck, and she was unable to turn even if she wanted to. I scheduled a c-section, but went into labor a few days in advance. I am no less of a mother, and my birth experience is no less miraculous because I had a c-section.

Sharon Chaves 1 year ago

Sometimes it cant be helped. I had two as long as baby gets here healthy thats what matters

Andrea Leon 1 year ago

I hated my c section. I dont want another one ever.

Jenny Berman 1 year ago

I had two c sections (one emergency and one due to the same issues but thankfully it didn’t reach emergency level the second time!) and we now have two healthy, happy, beautiful children. You do what is right for your children and for you, END OF STORY.

Nicole Grady 1 year ago

my hubby asked the same question to our OB and got the same answer. Our little man was a “star gazer” as the OB said, face up and stuck in an awkward position that hours of pushing did not change (except to leave one heck of a mark on his face that took two weeks to fade.) After 24 hours of trying to turn him by measures more painful than actual childbirth we went for the section. That section saved our lives and I would challenge anyone who thought I should be ashamed of that!!

Lauren Prebosnyak Porobenski 1 year ago

Amen

Julie Baker 1 year ago

I was told I took easy way out with my first one, she was breech & we even tried to do a version and she didn’t budge. so a C-Sec it was.

Jackie Doerner 1 year ago

PREACH IT!!!!!

Meri Lowry 1 year ago

Good you shouldn’t. Whoever told you that needs to be slapped

Andrea Martel Renzi 1 year ago

I love this

Emily VanGorkum 1 year ago

Why does everything have to be a competition? I don’t really think anyone should have an opinion on anything to do with anyone’s baby, as long as they are born safely. Just like breast feeding vs formula feeding, or cloth diaper vs disposable….nobody should care that much. We do what we think is best and that’s that. Instead of trying to be so confrontational and defensive, just accept what you do and don’t mind whomever thinks otherwise. Jesus. So sick of people haha

Christy Mann Clewell 1 year ago

Here’s a one two punch to judge – I had 2 c-sections AND I didn’t nurse. Sorry to tell those judge mental mommies but my kids are happy, healthy and well adjusted….. Oh, and I don’t believe in parenting books!

Carrie 1 year ago

I am a mother who had 3 c-sections. My oldest son, who is now 20, was two weeks overdue and upon an ultrasound, they discovered that he was 10 pounds and that his head was too big to be born vaginally. When the doctor mentioned a c-section I had a panic attack. There is no worse feeling in the world than wanting your baby out, but not wanting to have a c-section. At 24, it was a horrible, scary, painful experience, but totally worth it. I was 38 when my next child was born. By then, I had blood pressure issues and the doctors were afraid to let me deliver vaginally. After my first experience, I was scared to death, but a vaginal birth was not in the cards for me. My son was born via c-section at 40 weeks and perfectly healthy. By the time my daughter was born when I was 42, there was no question that she would also be born via c-section. I had borderline gestational diabetes and blood pressure issues. When I was getting ready for surgery, my heart rate dropped to 30 and everything went black. By the time my husband got across the hallway to the delivery room, I was already halfway through the c-section. Anyone who says that you miss something by having a c-section is crazy. How your baby arrives doesn’t matter. All of the judgmental, holier than thou people can stick it. i wouldn’t have risked the lives of any of my children to try for a vaginal birth when the doctor recommended against it, that would have just been stupid on my part.

Sarah Sanchez 1 year ago

Agreed – there’s no shame in any delivery when love is involved

Jean Montgomery Lesogor 1 year ago

No shame here either – have had 2 because of a non-pregnancy related medical issue that puts me at risk for a stroke during labor (duh – c section is a no brainer, right!?!) and will have a 3rd in August. I have NO PROBLEM telling those that have tried to shame me where to go!

Lisa Waite Mua 1 year ago

After being told by a doctor I will need one or face serious risks to myself and baby I have had women say its ‘lazy’ and ‘why not just give a natural birth a go’ if that’s nt shaming I don’t know what is x

Emily Overbey 1 year ago

I haven’t even had one… But don’t judge!!

heaven 1 year ago

I’m the mother of two boys. Both c section. The first one was an emergency because my placenta abrupted but the second one was planned. Why? Because my first was so easy. My recovery was fast. And I was to scared of labor. So I chose to have a c section. This day in age that’s my choice. So what if I did take the easy way out. Moat people choose to do things the easy way. People don’t judge someone for driving.to work instead of walking or ordering takeout instead of cooking. Its not like my choice of having a c section affected you. It also doesn’t make me any less of a mother. Because remember my body was home to another human being for 9 months and everyday I still tend to his every beck an call. I feed him, change him and am still his mother despite the fact that I had a c section.

Emily Overbey 1 year ago

THANK YOU!

G 1 year ago

Ive never been publicly shamed but I’ve always shamed myself for having a c-section instead of a natural birth. After 36 hrs of labor, my midwife said the choice was still mine. My gut was telling me to just do the c-section bc I KNEW she wasn’t going to drop. I still feel guilty and bad about it FOR NO REASON. So reading this made me feel a lot better for making that decision. Thank you for this!! =)

Liz Garlena Estep 1 year ago

Newsflash: The internet is a mean, nasty place. When you decide to share everything with everyone and their third cousin, inevitably, someone will say some smartass comment that you don’t like (for example, this snarky post I’m typing right now.) If you truly care what your great aunt Lisa’s neighbor thinks of the photo you posted in the operating room minutes after giving birth, well, then maybe you shouldn’t have posted that picture. There are ways of sharing things with just your family and close friends who, hopefully, will be way less “judgey.”

Kera Marie Reidy 1 year ago

Amen!

Kimberly Dipaolo-Joniec 1 year ago

I have zero shame for having a c-section….it wasn’t planned, but I had my fingers crossed that I would have one…( the women in my family don’t dialate…thank god)…. It was totally pain free and not traumatic whatsoever….shout out to Dr. Adibi for the sweet scar!

Dorothy Kelly 1 year ago

THANK YOU for this post. I am tired of being maligned for having C-sections. One was a failed induction 3 days prior to my due date, with no signs of dropping, and no dilation – I already had an epidural in because my doc was trying to break my water, but I was SO not dilated he couldn’t get in there, so we waited until the epidural was in (which is probably another shaming article, since I opted for drugs!). My doctor told me my pelvis was narrow, and that my odds of vaginal delivery were pretty low. The other was scheduled because of the first, one week prior to my due date, and again, my son hadn’t dropped, I wasn’t dilating. In the end, we all survived, there were no complications, and I wasn’t forced to play the odds that my two 95%ile-headed sons were going to rip me open on the way out.

Stefanie Briggs Sorrell 1 year ago

It’s part of the blame game. What happens happens, but it took me a looong time to feel that way. Sometimes I still feel angry I had to have a c-section, but I’m not angry that my baby boy is healthy and safe. For a first time mom though, you just don’t know what to do. You feel lost. Then you feel a loss for what’s happened to your body. Often, when you’re pregnant it feels like too much is out of your control. And that sucks.

Jessi Allegre 1 year ago

Wow Now we get to dictate how much people share. People like to share their stories..that’s why. Its their unique story. Everyone is different. If you don’t share intimate details..cool, but for some it’s important and for some it helps to know the are not alone. Let people be. Don’t read it if it’s too much for you. Just saying.

Anna Russell Moore 1 year ago

I definitely got a lot of looks when I said I was having a scheduled C with my 2nd child. After having an emergency C with my first, my scheduled C was a delight.

Lara Pinchbeck 1 year ago

Make sure that you or your partner are one of the first ones to handle the baby skin-to-skin to coat the child with your family flora since the transfer will not have happened during the birthing process

Brittany Taylor 1 year ago

My first child was a csection. She was breech and of was a couple of weeks before my due date. She had dropped and I was dilated 1 cm. I was just over 19 and scared to death. I was prepared to give birth naturally. Her daddy even had the nerve to later tell me that I didn’t even give birth she was just cut out of me. Which was extremely hurtful. I now have 3 beautiful healthy children all delivered by c section and I feel no less a woman or a mother. I carried these babies the same as anybody else and I’m sure labor is waaay worse but a c section isn’t a complete walk in the park either. Lol don’t judge. Everyone has a different story.

Dana Schroeder 1 year ago

I really needed to read this right now! Had an emergency c-section with my first & scheduled my 2nd one for 3 weeks from today. No shame here!

Jill Wozniak Cox 1 year ago

Amen sister!!!

Amanda Simpson 1 year ago

I had 3 C-sections :)

Amy Bishop 1 year ago

I chose to be induced with all four of my kids. My choice. My body. My kids.

Amanda Hammon 1 year ago

I had 2 C-Sections. Ain’t no way those balls were gonna fit through my basket. 10 pounders!

Hazel Thompson 1 year ago

Both mine were natural births but I have huge respect for mummy’s who had c sections

Katie De Oliveira Anderson 1 year ago

I had a emergency c section, it was bad and very scary but everything went very well and my baby survived,it was all that matter but i heard soooo many things at the time I felt very guilt for so long, people dont know what we go through specially those ones who dont have kids yet, yes, is my body, my baby and MY bussiness!

Melisa Gingrich Ronallo 1 year ago

No such thing as oversharing. If you don’t want to read it, don’t.

Janine Baker Hughes 1 year ago

I remember when I had my son 6 years ago, the nurses in the hospital kept bugging me about why I had a c-sectoin. To the point I got very upset and told my doctor. She proceeded to tell me that had I not been scheduled for one, I would have had to have an emergency one because the cord was wrapped around my son’s neck. She said it wasn’t any of the nurses businesses which it wasn’t. But it did make an emotional new mom upset non the less. So yeah, this talk about feeling shame for having a C-Section is crazy!!!!

Irish Holtry 1 year ago

A c-section saved my babies life, I am NOT ashamed of anything

Bryna Anton 1 year ago

Why in the world would anyone share these intimate details with a bunch of strangers on FB? It was no one’s business how she chose, or was forced to, deliver. Oversharing!

Tracy Cavallari 1 year ago

Wait a minute…..I’ve had THREE c-sections and I didn’t even realize I was supposed to be ashamed of them. I must have missed the memo.

Beth Stolte 1 year ago

I don’t think it’s shaming the woman. I can imagine it feels that way but I think when other mother’s say things negative about the c-section it’s that they feel sad that they had to have major surgery and, in a lot of cases, weren’t allowed to have a vaginal delivery by a medical community more interested in getting women out of the door than a letting their bodies do what they want. When I hear that a first time mom was convinced by a dr to have c-section after 15 hours of what seemed like a normal labor, I feel sad. That’s not shaming the mother. But maybe those opinions should be kept to ourselves after the fact since there’s nothing that can be done about it.

Crystal Shepherd 1 year ago

Um…i didn’t know women were being shamed for that…

Lauren Stanevicz Adams 1 year ago

No shame here either! My biggest pet peeve is when people say to me, “oh you had it easy.” Umm really?!! It’s major surgery! What part of that is easy?!

Melissa Bartella Passio 1 year ago

Because of a change section and a wise Dr. My son is a happy healthy 2 year old today

Leah Cochenet Noel 1 year ago

I have a friend who for medical reasons had a preplanned C-section. When she inadvertently told a birth-at-home mama, she was having a C-section, the mama said in dismay, “Why would you ever do that?” Well, without it (and a prior surgery), she wouldn’t be having any babies. Sad that sometimes people are so narrow-minded about this stuff.

Lisa Matthews 1 year ago

Thank you! When someone gets huffy about my C-sections I just say “my 2 beautiful children are alive because of those C-sections.” I also want to pull the “I unfriend you” Beatrice line from Esurance on them.

Ginger Seehafer 1 year ago

My neighbor told me I hurt my first born because I had an epideral. This was a week after I gave birth. Luckily, I’m one to not give a rat’s ass what Joe Shmoe has to say outside of their own profession. In their case it’s owner and operator of Jackass Inc.

Jaimie Lyn Boltz 1 year ago

I was forced to have a c-section with my first due to medical complications. I has to have two more after that for the same reason. I honestly don’t feel as though I missed out on anything and if it weren’t for my doctors knowledge and this procedure my baby and I both would be dead. I can’t stand being made to feel less of a woman or mother because of having to have the procedure done.

Jessi Allegre 1 year ago

C sections here. Birth tried to kill us. No shame!! Woop Woop

Nala Buster 1 year ago

Amen!

Ashley Weaver Lewis 1 year ago

Not getting shamed for a c-section where did you get this news? The doctor who are giving them unnecessarily are the ones getting slack! I would never give a women any shame for a c-section. I had one myself then a VBAC with my next! It is your body and your decision. Whatever you choose it right for you! If women are giving them shame that is really sad:/

Amanda Adams 1 year ago

C-section on!! My last of my 3 boys was a C-section. If I have another one it will be a C-section! Who cares what the ‘internet’, are anyone else for that matter, thinks. :)

Jenny Wonder-Tart 1 year ago

“Don’t let your doctor talk you into a c-section! You are a PERFECT candidate for a VBAC! You could deliver the right way!”

Oh god. I can’t tell you how many times I have read this online and wanted to reach through my computer monitor to throttle the person who typed it.

Karla Ashley 1 year ago

I wasn’t ashamed and never will be. Whatever gets my babies here safely. My baby was in breech position and wouldn’t turn so I had no other choice. I’d never, ever be ashamed. I won’t be ashamed or afraid to have a CS with my next baby either.

Midnite Fultz 1 year ago

I agree it’s no one’s business on how a mother delivers their baby but in the end the momma and baby are fine!

Jennifer Zapf 1 year ago

mine was the same, legs and arms up like a doll bent around in the toy box, they did that HORRIBLE VERSION thing, punctured my spine and pushed on either side … what horrible horrible pain. – then like the woman here, they cut me a week later- cuz what the hell is it to puncture your spine twice in 10days… then they couldn’t get my girl out of me… but I recovered in a day, was released early and went home to carry laundry up and down the ladder I called a staircase. I so wanted a vaginal birth as well, so it goes so it goes… in my case it was either cut me or we both could have died… sure glad it isn’t 1950 anymore.

Amy Kelly Hermann 1 year ago

Well said :)

Stephanie Brothers 1 year ago

I love this!!!

Ashley Brock Baker 1 year ago

Amen!

Anne Baier Sedore 1 year ago

I actually just read this earlier this morning!!! And stated the same recently, don’t worry about how I got my healthy, happy babies out 😉

Courtney Stricklin 1 year ago

Amen!!

Suzanne Pennoyer DeRosa 1 year ago

Why would you?? We are all sisters The shame is on those who judge their fellow sisters. You could go crazy reading the opinions on the internet. You would eat nothing (because it all causes cancer) and you would never leave the house.

Kristen Blackwell Kroeger 1 year ago

Women are getting shamed for C-sections now too??!! Seriously whose business is it how you choose to give birth. People need to mind their own “effing” business.

No apologies

Rebecca 1 year ago

The recovery period for a c section seems crazy to me. I delivered vaginally and I was home the next night and back to normal doing washing and housework the day after that. The ladies who have c sections need support! I can’t imagine the pain you have to go through for your wee ones.

You deserve a medal!

Emmi 1 year ago

The only thing I’d amend is that the only proper thing to say is “Congratulations!” There’s no need for any comment on method of birth. That’s between me, my doctor and any partner I may have.

Jaime 1 year ago

Thank you so much for posting this.. I really needed it. I’m 25 weeks along with my second baby boy and just scheduled my c-section. I have really bad lumbar spine chronic pain and have had two spinal surgeries. I was able to birth my first boy vaginally, but due to the spinal damage I have, my labor was never “normal”. In between contractions I never got any relief of pain, my legs were curling up to my chest involuntarily, and my contractions never got closer than five minutes apart which resulted in 3 hours of pushing. Afterwards, I had to have another spinal surgery when he was 15 months old due to me herniating a disk in between fusions.

It was a long, painful recovery and due to the pain I was in, I didn’t get to enjoy new motherhood as much as I would have. I don’t want that again and so I asked my doctor for a csection. Yet, I’m still ashamed. I feel like I’m taking the easy way out compared to last time. But I need to realize that the less pain and injury I have in labor, the better we will all be. Thank you again.

Jessica 1 year ago

I did the hippie birthing center warm tub for the first two and got judged for being ‘insane’ and ‘putting my child at risk.” Did the hospital for #3- there is no birthing center here– and went in asking for drugs. Birth hurts! But I was too far along in labor and got judged for (1) asking for drugs (‘weak”) and (2)not getting to the hospital in time to get drugs (‘stupid’). Someone always has something to say and it can be hard to hear your own voice through it all. I will line up my kids and you can decide which were birthing center (2/3) which were exclusively breastfed (2/3) which got timeouts (2/3) which were in daycare (2/3) which ones have been fed meat (2/3). (Different 2/3 on each) As long as mom and baby go home in the end it is all good.

Stephanie 1 year ago

And isn’t that last little bit you wrote a perfect analogy for motherhood? Sometimes things don’t go the way we expect. I love your perspective!

Stephanie 1 year ago

I am so glad you posted. Please don’t feel any shame or failure. Feel lucky that it’s available. I wish you all the best in your delivery, you’re going to rock that C-section and enjoy your baby boy. They’re awesome!

Courtney 1 year ago

After having a successful home birth with my first child, I kind of felt like a birthing champion. It was hard work, but totally worth it. I probably did judge other moms in my head – epidural? c-section? – clearly they were weak.

Towards the end of my second pregnancy we discovered that our baby was transverse. I was terrified of the c-section but came to terms with it and had another beautiful birth experience, even though it was a very different one than I had planned. The recovery was a breeze for me, thankfully.

I’m grateful to have had two such opposite birth experiences because now I feel like I can relate to more women. The one thing I don’t understand is the women who talk about feeling “robbed” of the birth they had planned. Maybe those result from unusual and unfortunate situations in which doctors/nurses truly push a woman into a c-section for the sake of convenience.

I would never say that my c-section birth robbed me of anything. It reminded me that things don’t always go the way I want them, and that’s ok. I’m not afraid of hospital birth anymore. And, like you said, the realization that a transverse baby meant certain death back in the “old days” gives me an enormous appreciation for what doctors are able to do for us! Every day I look at my sweet baby boy with gratitude that he and I are both alive and healthy.

Alicia 1 year ago

Thank all you women for sharing your stories and giving me the courage to go forth with my first ever scheduled C section for my second baby. With my first, I delivered her vaginally with no complications (and yes, I needed the epidural bc they had to induce me bc I didn’t feel my contractions). I have been feeling intense shame and fear of having a c section and since I am adopted I cannot talk to my own mom about these feelings. But thank you guys for letting me know that it’s okay if I have to go through this bc in the end all I hope for is a healthy baby boy.

Stephanie 1 year ago

I am exhausted for you just reading about your pregnancy! I am so glad everything turned out okay!

Nara 1 year ago

Preach! This article is great. I had one emergency c-section with my singleton, one scheduled with my twins.

My twin pregnancy nearly killed us all. It resulted in 7 weeks in hospital, an ICU stay for me, NICU for one girl, 8 units of blood transfusions, and severe infections and complications. Without the choices we made, (c-section for complete previa, long term hospital stay, no breastfeeding so I could take special antibiotics) neither myself nor my girls would be here.

I am so happy for anyone who didn’t have complications, and so proud of my fellow moms who did.

No shame here. I’m a formula feeding, c-section, medical mom, and I’m damn proud of it!

Congrats to you, and best of luck!!

Stephanie 1 year ago

I so understand where you are coming from. I really wanted to labor naturally, walk, take warm baths and let things progress on their own. It just wasn’t meant to be, but my son sure was! I hope your little one moves down and you get the birth you want and I hope your team supports you in your wishes because that is VITAL, but I hope should you need a c-section you never look back at your birth with anything but feelings that it is the happiest day of your life because your little one is here. GOOD LUCK!

Stephanie 1 year ago

I am SO Sorry you had such a scary experience and then on TOP of that were shamed. I am so thankful that I had a section. If you should decide to try again feel free to go ahead and schedule that bad boy. Feel no shame. NONE.

Stephanie 1 year ago

SO glad all your babies are here safe!

Stephanie 1 year ago

YIKES! I am so glad that you are all scheduled for the twins and have a good team on your side. I knew there would be no choice with this one and I am at peace with that. I can’t wait to meet your twins!

Stephanie 1 year ago

AMEN! That’s exactly what I was going to reply with. I was very glad to have nurses who supported my efforts to VBAC and then switched gears at lightning speed to support me when l never dilated~! YOU are a great L&D nurse. Thank you for lending your voice!

Stephanie 1 year ago

Thank you! I am so glad all your babies are here safe and sound! What a joy it must be to watch her graduate from HS knowing what might have been!

Ulli 1 year ago

THANKS for this post!!! I’m at 35 weeks now and my little boy just refuses to bring his head down… I don’t know the reason, but I’m sure there is one (or maybe he’ll still do it, who knows?!)… BUT: if I have to have a C-section – be it! I want to give birth naturally, without drugs, like most woman, but if its just not possible its ok too. Thanks for writing about this topic!!

Texomamorganlady 1 year ago

L, RN,
Can we just clone you, so the great many won’t have to deal with the pushy, holier-than-thou, prevalent attitudes we normally get?

Lauren M 1 year ago

Mother of one, born by emergency c-section here! Just like you, we were told that had we not had surgery available, one or both of us would have died. Nearly the exact scenario occurred with my own birth and my mother. My husband isn’t interested in trying again, having been so terrified of losing us. I, too, have been shamed or looked down on as though I took some easier road. I, too, had a great birth plan with little intervention. I, too, suffered through a very painful recovery, as so many of the “other” mothers in L&D popped out of bed and strutted around happy as could be. Thank you for sharing your experience. With so many holier than thou’s out here, it’s hard to not buy into the idea of failure that is pushed upon us. I delivered a miraculously healthy baby girl. And guess what? She had a perfect little round head! lol Eat that vaginal moms!!!

Jenny 1 year ago

Yes! Mother of four here, three c-sections and one VBAC. Guess which one almost killed my baby and me? The VBAC. And I’m not exaggerating. The firstborn was a c-section. I’d gone to the hospital with every intention of delivering naturally, until my doctor did a bedside ultrasound and determined that his head was never, ever going to fit through the birth canal (he was two weeks overdue, 10 1/2 lbs and had a 15″ head. My birth canal is forever grateful to the doctor.).

Second kid, 15 months later: she was smaller than her brother so the doctor kept pushing (pun intended) for a VBAC. “Why not?” I thought. Apparently my body was not made for vaginally birthin’ babies. After a horrific labor, which involved a stuck baby, forceps and a vacuum extractor, my daughter spent the first three hours of her life in NICU while I spent that same time being stitched up (over 1,000 stitches in my nether-regions) and missed needing a transfusion by about “two minutes” according to the doc. I was told I might not be able to have children again.

The next two babies were scheduled c-sections and I dare ANYONE to judge me.

Congratulations, Stephanie, on the safe and amazing births of your two boys, and for the impending birth of your daughter. My kids are older now, the one who almost didn’t survive her birth is graduating from high school this week. “All that matters is that mama and baby are happy and here at the end of the day”…AMEN. Thanks for writing this!

bex 1 year ago

For reasons different to yours, I had three sections too :) two boys and a 6 month old baby girl. No shame, just healthy beautiful babies and without the surgeries we likely wouldnt be here either. All the best with your upcoming new arrival

Alison 1 year ago

I don’t understand people’s obsession and judging on someone else’s personal decisions. And we shouldn’t have to explain ourselves. We and our doctors know what’s best of us and our babies. How they come into the world, is no one’s business but our own, and what really matters, is that both mom and baby are doing fine.

I had two natural births (though with the first, I had severe postpartum bleeding and nearly died), and with my twins now, although only at 19+ weeks, I’ve decided, with my husband’s agreement, that we will schedule a C-sec. Twins are always higher risk, and I don’t want to go through a natural labor, only to have to do a C-sec anyway for the second baby (which happens). Scheduling when and how the babies will be born just makes sense to us. And yes, I don’t care what people think.

Good on your, Stephanie, and congratulations on your baby girl, can’t wait to meet her!

L, RN 1 year ago

I’m a L&D nurse in a hospital, and I hate hate hate doing unnecessary C-sections. I do everything I can to get my labor patients a vaginal birth. That said, I know when the writing’s on the wall, and I can usually determine if the labor is dysfunctional or the baby is in distress and won’t make it to pushing; I’m more than happy to take the safe way out and ensure a healthy delivery. Sometimes I walk in and take over the pushing and immediately upon my assessment I know it’s not going to happen; I’ll be the objective voice of reason and tell the patient not to waste her energy and just give in. And I’ve had many scheduled C-section patients who are so content in their decision that I have no issue with them making that choice. Labor and VBACs aren’t for everyone. The point is that they HAVE a choice, not that they’re forced to do a C-section because they’re uneducated on the risks. I’d much rather have a patient admit from the get-go that they want to bottle feed, rather than me wasting an hour of my shift trying to help them breastfeed when they’re not going to do it anyway. Just let me show them how to bottle feed properly, and I’m good. It’s their baby, their decision, and it’s nobody else’s business. Period.