I Wasn’t A Good Mom

toddler_tantrum

Dear Daughter,

Today, I wasn’t a good mom. The morning came too soon after a long and exhausting night. I rolled out of bed and put pants on an hour before you normally woke up. When I came into your room you were ready for me, your hair tousled and your smile crooked. “I up!” You said reaching your arms out to me. “I pay wif toys!”

I didn’t smile, not because I don’t love you, but because I just needed more sleep. And then the day came and you stuck stickers to the couch and I grumbled under my breath. You tried to play tag and kicked me in the chest and I yelled, “BE NICE TO MOM!” I realize now, I wasn’t yelling that at you. I was just yelling at the world. But how could you know that? You couldn’t, and I’m sorry.

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And when I went upstairs to go to the bathroom and you said, “NO MAM GO PODDY!” And I said, “Shut up!” It wasn’t my finest hour of parenthood.

I’m sorry I cried when you ate my lunch. The lunch I bought for both of us to feed my feelings. Because my feelings needed chicken nuggets, but apparently so did you. And I’m sorry I put you in time out when you made your plate do a little dance on the table. I’m sorry I didn’t kiss you when I put you down for nap, choosing instead to run away and lay in the guest room bed and just dwell in some silence.

I remember my own mom having days like this, when she seemed on the edge of something terrible, and we children tip toed around her, afraid and convinced it was us. I want you to know it is not you.  It is never you.

What this is is my heart hurting for things and reasons that fall outside of you. I’ll be better tomorrow, after a Diet Coke, after a crime show and after some sleep. But being a parent means many things, one of which is that I cannot always be the selfish mess I want to be.  This makes me a better person, but it is also oh so hard, when your eyes are tired and your back aches. You don’t need to know this now. And when you do need to know it, you will understand. But I want to apologize just so you know that I’m trying my very best, even when some days that best is a wreck.

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I hear you up from your nap. You are singing Taylor Swift, shouting “Neber, eber, EBER!” And then there is something about a rubber ducky. I’m going to get you now. We are going to eat fruit snacks and read some books. We’re going to snuggle and put some stickers back on the couch.

And tomorrow, I’m going to try again.

I love you.

Your Mom

About the writer

Lyz is a writer, blogger and pants-hating, chicken nugget eater. She is the mom to one little be-pigtailed girl and another due in July. You can find her on the Huffington Post, Mom.me, Mommyish or better yet, her own site, LyzLenz.com. Also, Twitter and Facebook.

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Shannel 3 months ago

Thank you so much for sharing, this gave me a laugh after feeling pretty down and even crying today. You made me realize that I am human and I’m not the only one. :)

kim 4 months ago

How refreshing!

Jodi 5 months ago

just started a family vacation… Had many mom guit moments today!! Travel days are the worst. Thank you for the post.

Radhika 7 months ago

this is so heartwarming.. I go through this almost every other day .. Pledging everyday to be a better person and a better mother .. Kids grow up so fast and then the time is over ..

monika 8 months ago

Thank you for saying the things I am too afraid to. Its nice knowing that I’m not alone on my bad mommy days

Amanda 8 months ago

Had one of these days this morning. Have been beating myself up about it all day. So glad I saw this today. Even though “I know” I’m not the only mom who yells, it helps to actually hear someone else say it too. Tomorrow is a new day and a chance to do better.

Julie 8 months ago

Compare our insides to others outsides. not change them.

Julie 8 months ago

Yes, thank you. I have had many not shiny moments of parenthood. Some worse than others but as it was said a little bit every day. It’s easy to change our insides to other people’s outsides but you never know what someone else is going through. We are more alike than we are different. There’s no such thing as perfect parenting.

Samantha Scott 8 months ago

I am feeling this particularly hard.

Elizabeth Stephenson 8 months ago

I so get how you feel. I’ve been there, done that. My kids are older now and I still regret those days. Sometimes it felt like there were more of those days than the happy ones. We are so hard on ourselves!!!! But you know what? My kids don’t seem to remember me the way I remember me! They love me and have many happy memories!!!

Erin 8 months ago

So right there with you. Too often, lately. Thanks for sharing. It helps.

Kate Miller 8 months ago

All mommy’s have those days, whether they want to admit it or not

Brianne Howell 8 months ago

Whoa…. Totally needed this. Thanks for the brutal honesty….

Melany Hill 8 months ago

Oh this made me cry, this is how I’ve been lately

Louise Ferguson 8 months ago

You cannot take a sick day when you are a mother. I used to pray for a minute of solitude so I could pray. Then, it’s over. The most important years of your life have taken only a small percentage of your total life. You will get through this, get over this, and get better at this. I remember getting into a fight with a neighbor at my apt. Complex because it wasn’t my day to use the laundry. My baby had gone through her entire wardrobe, sheets, and our towels in an hour. No one was using the machines. I had the flu as well and sincerely hope I gave it to her. That witch was the right person for me to take out all my negative feelings.

Amanda Lindeman 8 months ago

Spot on for me today! Tomorrow is a new day, and I will try harder. Thanks for the honesty! It’s so great to know, I’m not alone.

Shefanih Baichoo Bissessur 8 months ago

:/

Kim Kay 8 months ago

There are far too many days I feel I could write this post.

Sue Callahan Vopicka 8 months ago

Thank God for fresh starts!

April Lynn Lehmann 8 months ago

Man there are times I’ll say something I shouldn’t to my kids…and then I feel like dirt. So I’ll go back and tell them I love them and I didn’t mean it. And they always say they know and they love me. So then I feel like dirt even more. Parenting is no joke but I love it anyway.

Christy Bernhard 8 months ago

Thank you. Glad I’m not the only one with days like this and the guilt that goes with it. Trying everyday to be a good mom.

Christian 8 months ago

My stepdaughter just went home to her bio mom and won’t see her again for 7 months. I have been feeling guilty for the moments like these especially because I won’t be with her again for so long. Hope she just remembers how much I do love her and that she forgives me for the times that I couldn’t be a good “mom”. I feel better having read this. Thank you!

Sarah Sousa Stevens 8 months ago

I so get this!

Mika Roberts 8 months ago

I can’t even find the words to say to explain how much this touched my heart. I cried as i read it because its just such a relief to know I’m not alone, i can stop being so hard on myself and accept that there are days like this..

Stephanie Myers 8 months ago

This made me cry. I definitely have days like this. It’s hard being a Mom but so wonderful at the same time! I just wish I had more patience.

Elizabeth Sasso Smith 8 months ago

Love it mama!

Johnson Jerry Sharron 8 months ago

we are only human. we make mistakes. i’m old, i have thoughts of making to much of the small stuff. i know i made mistakes. i feel bad some of the times. i do have two remakable wonderful, thoughtful, loving, caring,extremly nice sons in my life. …………we did ok all of us.

kristin 8 months ago

To relate to this is to be a mom. Or a dad, I’m sure.

Maia Silvestro Masciangelo 8 months ago

This made me feel normal.

Cathy-Lee Chopping 8 months ago

Absolute truth

Denise Louise Stewart 8 months ago

I love this and how real this site is. So many false ‘my child is so perfect i never get annoyed’ parents out there. Just because you get annoyed like any human dont make you a bad person. It’s learming to admit and cope thetefore this teaches your child great self awareness and that we all have shit days

Shanna Miles 8 months ago

I’m so glad that I read this! I have a toddler and a tween. I have a few days like this after a bout with insomnia. It is SO relieving to know I’m not the only mom that will admit to not being perfect. Thank you so much for being unapologetic about being you. I’m sorry that you have days like this but it’s nice not feeling alone in not feeling like the perfect mom.

Jennifer StJohn 8 months ago

This made me smile. And want to go wake my son up from his nap that i insisted he take cause momma needed one too!

Dawn Solis 8 months ago

This made me cry. Thank you. I needed it

Kiri 8 months ago

This sounds just like me. I’m forever telling myself tomorrow is a new day, a fresh start and I will be a better mummy tomorrow. More patient, more fun, more organised, less stressed and less shouty. And sometimes that is the case, and sometimes its not. But we are all trying our very best – one day at a time.

Robin Neville Martin 8 months ago

We Moms are doing the hardest job known to mankind! We’re going to have crappy days… I’m guessing the trick is that we make the good days really good so the kids remember those instead. Some days, I feel so completely overwhelmed that it’s more like survival than living. Ya know?

Carmen Quirk 8 months ago

Anyone who feels the ‘I’m a bad mom’ guilt trip, (me), is probably doing just fine. I don’t think bad parents care whether or not they’re bad parents. Bad parents are too busy dodging child support, leaving newborns in storm drains, and slipping babies Sudafed cocktails to care about their parenting skills. Just offering some perspective for the next time the Guilt Monster visits.

Gina Chivers 8 months ago

It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who does these things. And instantly feels terrible.

Rusty Watmough 8 months ago

Love this! Every Mom in the world can relate. Especially the “selfish mess” part

Betsy Brogan 8 months ago

Very sweet, heart-felt letter. To any mother of a toddler (s) this has to be something to save and re-read on many occassions. My daughters are 32 and 29 and they survived many worn out mommy days. Now they have experienced this as well. On another note, know that grandmas who care for their grandchildren (and love it!) on a regular basis get worn out too.

Rachel Pollard 8 months ago

We are only human… But it’s so good when someone is brave enough to admit and discuss days like this. Helps us all to forgive ourselves and move on x

Leann Jarchow Newkirk 8 months ago

This is reality as a parent. Some days you are just not going to be a ‘good’ mom. My kids are now old enough and wise enough to understand when mom is cranky it’s not always because of them. They know that mom has crappy days, she’s human after all. They also know that even if they were the cause of the raised voice it doesn’t matter. If they came to me needing some love mom would be there with her arms open wide to hold them. Because in the end, there really is nothing they could do that would remove them from their spot in my heart. Yes, as a mom you will have days you could win the (as my youngest puts it) “Worstest mommy in the Universe!” award many times over. But, you are also just as likely to have that same child call you the “Bestest mommy in the whole wide Universe!” And that’s all that matters.

Stephanie Noreiko 8 months ago

Thanks for this! I came home from work feeling grumpy and not wanting to be bothered. I needed this. Pity party over. Now I’m off to be a better Mom!! :)

Pamela Benedict 8 months ago

So many days.

Keri Duke 8 months ago

single, working mom of 4 and I almost always feel like a ‘bad mom’. I need these articles!

Elizabeth C. Short 8 months ago

Anyone seen “The Other Guys”? With a ton of “clean slates” every 5 minutes. That’s how I feel haha

Nancy Olsen Gallagher 8 months ago

Hey, all you young Moms…..the Moms who question if they’re doing enough to raise happy, healthy children are usually the ones doing the best job. We’re human, not machines and most of us are way too hard on ourselves. Do the best you can on any given day and your children will be fine. You’re not perfect and they’re not perfect but you love them just the same….and they will always love you. Except for maybe their teenage years (ha ha) but with any luck they’ll come back around in their twenties : )

Sophina Oxer 8 months ago

Thank you for this. Making people feel they’re not alone is so important in my book! : )

Colleen Krommenhoek Stolpe 8 months ago

I had days like this. On top of feeling that way then came the guilt of feeling like the worst mom in the world. This made me cry.

Megan Crick Posey 8 months ago

These oops mommy days happen, whether we like it or not. Best thing to do is wait for the calm, and go to your children and wrap your arms around them and ask for forgiveness. I’ve had to do this several times, I find myself snappy for whatever reason that doesn’t involve them, and I end up taking it out on them. This is when I need some grace. I’m so thankful children are easy for givers! Lol

Carrie Hansen 8 months ago

Been there many times. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.

Mary Blankenship 8 months ago

Even though it was many, many years ago… I can SO relate to this!!

Correne Salm 8 months ago

Dito

Charlotte Cathy 8 months ago

Had one of these days last weekend!! Hopefully not one of many.

Amy Foster 8 months ago

Daily it seems I say this

Helga Deetlefs 8 months ago

Thank you for this!

Melinda DeNegri 8 months ago

Really needed this today. We have a newborn and I’m not the mom I want to be to my 3 year old. I have a short fuse lately, but I hate hearing myself yell. This made me feel better (and cry too)

Jessica Cornelia Corbett 8 months ago

I can’t tell you his much I needed to read this, thank you!!

Jessica Amber 8 months ago

<3 this, especially after yesterday.

Nichole McMahon 8 months ago

So, so, so true.

Lisa Alape 8 months ago

This one made me cry.

Christina Duden 8 months ago

That is so real!

Deb Miller 8 months ago

Thank you. I needed this. It’s been a stressful time in our family and my usually endless patience is waning thin. I’m tired, I snap, I yell, and I don’t like being this person, but it will pass.

Cheryl Britton 8 months ago

Awww! We have all had those days!

Stephanie Curtin Melanson 8 months ago

Great!!!!

Wendi Williams-Kincaid 8 months ago

I wish my own mom would have been able to admit fault and not blame her children for being a burden. Cycle broken though! I’m not a perfect mom by any means, and I am a single mom, BUT my child knows she is loved–this is what matters.

Eloise Kefford 8 months ago

Very true x

Sarah-Jane Rowland 8 months ago

It’s nice to know you’re not the only one having bad days!! Thank you

Suki Lee 8 months ago

Me today. All three of us are sick

Lynn Bradway 8 months ago

To the mothers with toddlers here: My kids are now 24 and 30. They forget most of these tired, cranky, Mommy days.

Violet Sawyer 8 months ago

I feel like this most days anymore! All 3 of my kiddos got sick with upper respiratory infections 2 days before Christmas. They were coughing/sneezing/vomiting through Christmas eve & Christmas day & now again today. And I got it now and I haven’t gotten to sleep much in 3 days. The toilet is clogged again and my daughter wet the bed…as soon as I got the sheets cleaned & the bed made my son vomited on them…its so hard to live in these moments of relentless demands and chaos. We all know it’ll get better because it always has before but I need lots of grace just to get through these intense times intact.

Leili Jimenez 8 months ago

I needed this.

Cindy von Metzger 8 months ago

I think w e all have days like this!!

Sandra Duncan Donnelly 8 months ago

Yes. All of it.

Michelle Elizabeth 8 months ago

I’m glad I’m not the only one

Andrea Howlett Cummings 8 months ago

Perfect for how I feel today! Too much craziness the last few days, time to slow down

deana 8 months ago

I’m a single mom. I work overnight because that’s the only thing that works. Usually I get out of work and my daughter is just waking up. Usually she goes to school and I get to go to sleep. Weekends and holidays are hard. She doesn’t understand why I’m so tired all the time. I have to remind myself constantly that it’s not her fault and do the best I can.

Lacey 8 months ago

I am so very sorry for your loss. I don’t know you or your son but from my experience, if I say something like that to my mom I am 100% sincere and I’m sure he was too.

Allegra Waggener 8 months ago

Thank you. I needed this. I got the flu for Christmas and was so sick I couldn’t do anything, and my rambunctious toddler kept belly flopping on me, kicking me, and covering my mouth so I couldn’t breathe. All he had to eat all day was crackers and chicken nuggets (I haven’t eaten in 3 days). So hard to be a parent, let alone a good one, sometimes.

Lacey 8 months ago

I’m not crying…it’s these damned allergies…

Terri Shook 8 months ago

Every. Single. Word.

Jessica Heim 8 months ago

Needed this today!

Courtney Lynn Boyack 8 months ago

that was this morning with our 4 year old and baby. it’s hard some days.

Erika Sandoval 8 months ago

So sweet and so true

Shannon Eckleberry 8 months ago

*raises hand* Guilty here…

Michelle Auerbach 8 months ago

I needed to read this today because I too feel like I’m on the edge of something terrible and it was so hard to even get myself or of bed today much less be smiley for my 2 year old. But she always makes me smile so once I pried my eyelids open and put one foot in front of the other to get myself to her room the rest took care of itself.

Nicole Slaughter 8 months ago

so beautiful and so true…..

Melissa Coda Lawless 8 months ago

Too many days like this with young children. I want to be better. But I’m so tired. And sometimes the whining just cuts under everything.

Ginger Seehafer 8 months ago

So many days like this.

Little D’s mom 11 months ago

I cried so hard after reading your post..
Im so tired…

Cricket 1 year ago

I’m a granny now, but I never will forget those days when my kids were little. We had our good days and our bad days. My uncle once asked me how I was doing, and my reply was, ” I can hardly wait for the day when nobody cries at my house for one whole day…not even me! ” It will happen for you, too!

betty dove 1 year ago

My adult son just died in a fire. Oh God but I wish I had those days as “do-overs.” However he also had told me he had a happy, full childhood and a happy family life. I so hope he was sincere because I now cannot ask him. Do not be too hard on yourself and try to make tomorrow better than today. Life can be bitterly short for us to hold our children close.

Amber 1 year ago

thank you

Lisa Lewis 1 year ago

I read this and it so describes me when my wonderful boys were younger, they are 14 and 19 now and oh how I wish I had those days back!!! I would sit down and play with them all day long instead of telling them at times “just play with yourself, mom has things to do.” If we could turn back time or make it stop. When I have a grandchild I will do things so much different like putting all things aside and saver the moments for they don’t last forever. I love you to the moon and back Andrew and Gabriel!!!

C 1 year ago

Bravo, wonderfully said!

Michelle 1 year ago

I needed to read this today! And may need to print this for my own reminder now and then! I love my kids! Why can’t I show it ALL the time. Why do I take frustration out on them sometimes.

annah 1 year ago

I love your honesty. I totally can relate to this. I have such days sometimes, and really hurts when my son walks up to me during those times and says, “mommy, I love you!”
makes me want to cry. all the time.

Rhyannon 1 year ago

Thank you for this. I needed it

Alisha M 1 year ago

Thanks for this post. I know I’m not alone in these days I have.
Charlotte – I have bi-polar, lupus and had pp psychosis after my 2nd. I don’t remember much of her first year, My son was almost 6 at the time. My husband had to take parental leave from work to take care of me and the kids. I was in hospital for a month, then put on so many drugs, I became zombified. I eventually got down to 1 med instead of 6 and went back to work retail part time. I was ok, but my husband was the mom and dad to both our kids up until last aug.
I became depressed again, stopped working, found out about lupus, and had a minor breakdown 2 months before my husband left for Afghanistan in 2012 for the 2nd time. I got put on a 2nd med and it helped alot. I wasn’t crying in the bathtub for hours anymore, I wasn’t feeling like I couldn’t do anything. He was gone for 7 months in 2012. I was mom and dad to the kids, it was so hard. I had no family near me, I had few friends, and to top it off, I became allergic to the sun (started a week after my 2nd was born- part of lupus). So allergic to the point I would run from my jeep to the grocery store and back and would still get that unbearable itch for 3 days.
I could barely be outside. Had to sit in the jeep in the shade for my son’s soccer all summer, had to sit inside and watch out a window to see them playing in the backyard. I couldn’t take them to beaches, magic mountain, picnics, nothing. I did have some help from the other women who’s husbands were overseas as well and for that, I’m so grateful. But it didn’t help my feelings about myself.
He came home from tour and I was so exhausted by that point that I fell into a deeper depression. Started taking sleeping pills to make my day end faster. He took over the role of mom and dad again. Did all the housework, all the cooking, everything with the kids while I stayed in my room with the curtains pulled and door shut watching tv. It became a habit I guess… he would come home from work and tell me to go take a pill and relax, that he has everything under control and he would take care of everything.
Last June, I had a sick feeling he was cheating on me. In late Aug, I accused him one night and the next morning he tells me to get the f out and he was keeping the kids. My world got flipped inside out, I was in complete shock for 4 days, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, cried the whole time and was shaking. The day he said that was the day I stopped the sleeping pills cold turkey and called mental health to get help. He said he was willing to try again, saw that i was starting to make changes. Well. it got to the point where I came to my hometown for my grandfather’s funeral in october, left the kids with him and was told via text to keep the jeep and not bother coming back cuz I’m not wanted and if I thought I was getting the kids, I was f’d.
Iwas at a loss. HE was treating me horribly from late aug on, he did a complete 180 and I didn’t know who he was anymore. I thought that the kids would be better off with him. He had the job, the house, the jeep, and the person who took care of them while I was comatose in my room for months. I had a few very special friends who would tell me the kids need their mother, I’ve changed for the better and I’m now focusing on the kids. It got to the point where the kids and I had to go to a shelter for a month. I would never call him abusive. He was the perfect husband of 12 yrs. But how he was treating me at that point, gave me enough reason to be able to stay there. He wanted the kids. He didn’t want me. But the kids came with me, and I would drive 50 km a day to take my son to school and back, and I took them to their father’s house a few times. It came down to our separation agreement being I could move to my hometown with the kids if he didn’t have to pay the full spousal support a month. He would pay half.
I moved home with the kids, stayed at my parents for 3 weeks till I got a 3 bdrm apartment in the hood. I was so shook up by him just throwing us away so easily, I became the mother I was supposed to be. It was too late for me to be the wife I used to be, but the kids needed me. As their mother. If it wasn’t for all the support from friends and family through all this, I don’t think I would have made it this far. He tried his hardest to break me mentally so he could have the kids because I would an unfit parent for the kids. The harder he tried, The more I fought to be their mother they needed.
Turns out in the end, he was cheating, since last March, and got her pregnant in early Sept. (thats what the due date says… but that could be a lie too). He brought her over to the house with the kids the weekend I was home for the funeral. He told our son he could pick who he lives with. he told me I’d have to get used to him moving on with her because she was going to be around alot, and if i didn’t like it, to leave. so i did.
I didn’t even find out from him about the baby (she’s married with 3 kids)… it was fb I found it out because her and my husband were excited to announce a baby…. blah blah blah.
Anyways, My point to all of this is all mothers have a hard time at some point. Some more than others and some worse than others. But we’re MOM. Our kids will love us unconditionally regardless of how many times we’ve yelled, how many times we’ve lost it infront of them. My kids saw me at my worst. But they’re with me now to see me at my best…. or try to be my best.
I fought with everything I had left inside of me to keep those kids and try to make a new life with them. They see their father once every 2 months when I drive them up. He’s come for them once since Nov. When he told my son he was going to be a big brother again, my son couldn’t talk to him for 2 months. I never talk bad about him to the kids. I don’t really talk about him at all except he loves them. The kids seem to be quite happy where they are. I’m getting the support I\ve needed for all those years. I even got accepted to go back to school. Which I’ll have to hold off on because the course is $15,000 and I can only get $10,000 covered, but that will come in time.
My son has lots of friends who he has over all the time, I make snacks, and sometimes supper for them, my daughter goes to a preschool program 3 times a week and loves it. And I’m realizing that no matter how low I get or how bad I have it, My kids still love me the same. Always.
I tell them so many times a day that I love them, I hug them, hold them, but on those days I’m losing it, I still lose it but I go to my room for a minute and say to myself that they are the ones who kept me going through all this. They were the ones who loved me regardless of how I was. They were the ones who saw me at my worst and were still there to hug me. It’s my turn now to be there for them. Yes, I will speak loudly, I will still ground them for lying, I will want to pull my hair out sometimes, but that is what being a mom is all about. The good and the bad. You just have to decide which side of you they deserve more of.
Sorry for the length of this. But Charlotte, I want you to know that I completely understand. I sympathize for you. You aren’t alone in this motherhood thing we got ourselves into. Get the support you need to be the mom they need :)
your kids will love you no matter what.

Dr Jekyll Mommy Hide 1 year ago

I am not alone…this is my life!

Katie 1 year ago

This made me cry because im so scared of being a bad mom. Mine died when i was a month old so its not like i have anyone to go too. I know i will love my baby(ies) with all of me. I just want to be the best mom i can be, but i know there will be days i fail and feel like you. Thanks for posting

sarahw 1 year ago

Reading this just gave me a lump in the back of my throat. You also made me feel more normal knowing that other mothers have days like this because at the time you feel like the only one. Please also remember this and you’re only human and trying to do the best for your children.

Tiffany 2 years ago

I had one of those days today. Now I’m sitting here feeling like the worst mother on the planet. I was raised by my father. I never had a proper mother, my mother or anyone to call mum. My biggest fear when I fell pregnant was “how can I be a mother, I’ve never had one so I can’t possibly know how to be one”. But none of us automatically know how to be a mother, its something we learn, something that grows and something that we must work hard for everyday to achieve. I don’t want to yell or get frustrated or annoyed with my child, my blessing…but I too am only human, my child is only human and just like me she has a right to emotions and meltdowns. I will, day by day, be better than I was yesterday. And eventually, one day, I will be the perfect mother for MY child. If I would kill and die for her then I most certainly can better myself for her. Tomorrow there will be no yelling, just listening. No frustration, just happiness. No annoyance, just pride..in my child.

Colleen 2 years ago

This was my day today! :'(

Theresa 2 years ago

Me too :(

Me 2 years ago

Too right — it is not only moms. When my husband starts to lose it I can feel it and I step in, because I know what it feels like to be barely holding back. Dads have a terribly hard role to play. All parents do.

Victoria Swan 2 years ago

I think it’s being human. Every mom has these days and mustering the energy to be good to, kind to, loving towards our children can feel exhausting. Somewhere deep inside, we do because being a mom is about endless love.

Meg 2 years ago

This made me cry a little I have days like this and I thought it was only me

Charlotte Wise 2 years ago

OMG!! I didn’t realize my post was that long!!!! My apologies!!!!

Charlotte Wise 2 years ago

This post really struck home. 18 months before my daughter was born I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. I had been manic for years (yes, that can happen) and several great stressors came in a row. I flipped and became so depressed I was practically catatonic. My teenage girls didn’t know what to do with a totally unresponsive mom. I was so bad my sister finally moved me into her house and parented my teens while I tried drug after drug to no avail. I attempted suicide only to have my eldest find me semi-conscious. I was hospitalized and given huge doses of antidepressants, only to flip me to a manic state. I met a man and had a relationship for 3 months based on sex and conceived a child when my youngest was 15. I was terribly depressed during the pregnancy and had severe PP depression. My newborn daughter’s father, a total jerk, sued me for custody and won. For the first 3 years I remember very little about my daughter. I know I fed her, bathed her, but I did not play with her. She played alone while I laid on my bed and watched, so depressed I could barely get up. When she was about three I began to have behavior problems with her. They progressed to the point where she was kicked out of pre-school. I took her to a psychologist and he thought she might have ODD, a behavior disorder that can occur after a stressful infancy. I blamed myself and her incompetent father (He was 52 with no children). She struggled in school and I knew the principal by her first name. I requested extra help for her, but was told that the educational system was not designed for children like her, with “behavior problems”. Her Dad would not let her go back to the psychologist, even though the psychologist was very helpful. I cried myself to sleep on many nights because I just knew my illness had caused her problems. She is now 9, with her siblings age 28 and 25. She has matured and her behavior has improved. But she feels she is “bad” because she is “always in trouble with the teacher”. She was labeled a problem in Kindergarten and this has followed her to 3rd grade. She is bright but distracted. I still feel the crushing guilt that I caused her problems. But I have found some relief. I just concentrate on loving her the best I can right now, as I am doing much, much better myself. I support her, I listen to her, I hold her, we snuggle a lot. Her Dad is a cold man and not tender. I make up for him and for me. I can’t change that time in her life where I was practically absent, but I can make a difference now and I concentrate on those thoughts. But the tears still come many nights when she is at her Dad’s because of custody orders.

cthlos 2 years ago

This is why we have animals and not children. There will be no recriminations twenty Christmases from now about how we screwed them up. On the bright side, everyone screws up their kids… even the “perfect” parents. Actually, especially the perfect parents.

Cadence Taylor 2 years ago

I know.

Cadence Taylor 2 years ago

I know.

Katie Pero 2 years ago

Omg this is soo true and what every mom needs to hear and understand thanks for posting

Ewelina Kuczmanska 2 years ago

you made me cry too…I wasnt good mum few days ago…and its still in my heart….no more screaming..I will be better tomorrow…Thank you:):)

Jennifer Day 2 years ago

Thank you.. this totally made me cry because.. YES.. Yes.. we all experience that. I feel like such an ass when I have those moments. Thankfully my son says "it's ok mommy.. I love you" when I'm smart enough to stop and get on his level and apologize. I work so hard to try to make ends meet, try to be an awesome mom… and don't get near enough sleep… and then there's always something else that has to be taken care of. Your blog was just a nice reminder that I'm not alone.

Beth Baker-Menard 2 years ago

Susan Bracewell I understand what you are saying when my kids were around 6 and 7 I got sick and have been sick since they are now 17 and 18. I always feel like I could of been a better mother but it was hard always being in the hospital or sick in bed.

Beth Baker-Menard 2 years ago

Eugene Shook so sorry that happened to you no child deserves that God Bless You

Jessica Slagle 2 years ago

Wow this made me tear up I'm a mother of 4 I also suffer from bipolar which makes life feel like a train wreck 60% of the time this made me think thank you

Maggie Roberts 2 years ago

I appreaciate your honesty, here. I believe we all feel guilty and inadequate as parents, sometimes.

Rayanne Stemmler 2 years ago

Thanks a lot for making me cry! I always felt so inadequate as a mom. Good to know I wasn't alone.

Ashley 2 years ago

I am a new mom, not really new, but we’ve added a second recently. This has lead to many feelings of being a bad mom to my oldest child. She’s two. and she wants to play and sissy is simply too little. It leads to many tears, and many time outs.

for both of us.

Thanks for the post.

Angelica Leroy 2 years ago

Now that IS love! lol. <3

Deni Boardman 2 years ago

It’s hard sometimes knowing I could have been a better Mom, but they know I love them. Their mommy was not perfect, and no one is.

Amanda 2 years ago

Thank u so very much for opening up about this issue. I write this struggling to see through my crying eyes. I always feel like the worst mom on the planet and it is a battle I have because my own mom hated me from the moment I was born and I never understood why? I make mistakes but I will never be like her…..never.

Carrie Taylor 2 years ago

I cried, hell, I'm still crying, because this is me.some days are better than others, but there is always love. always.

Rachael Collins 2 years ago

Gosh Im cryin like a little baby. My daughter is aLmost 3, looks just like that picture

Katie Watt 2 years ago

Im so glad im not the only one who cried reading this!!

Diana @ NannyToMommy 2 years ago

It such a comfort in knowing we all have days like this.

Yevette Peterson 2 years ago

You've inspired me to be more honest about the days I am not a good parent. We all have them. Thank you for giving me the freedom and liberty to admit it…. and move on from it and be better tomorrow. :-)

Amber 2 years ago

So well said. We are all the same when we love our kids aren’t we…..

L.A. Say 2 years ago

Every parent needs time to themselves and unfortunately it gets taken out on the kids. That’s why it’s good to put them in things to occupy their time.

Victoria Kulli 2 years ago

We all fail together. No one's perfect. If someone says they haven't had the day (week, month…) you had, they're lying.

Jemimah Ivers 2 years ago

Yep this definitely rings a bell with me. It brought tears to my eyes because I've felt like that more than once. All we can do is pick ourselves up and keep trying. Thanks

Danielle Antoine-Martin 2 years ago

Thank you..thank you for reminding me that in this hectic world it's the little things that matter.

Diane 2 years ago

“And tomorrow, I’m going to try again.”

Yeah, this pretty much sums up how I go to bed every night. Some days are much harder than others, but I’ll get better at it. 😉

Susan Dax 2 years ago

Wow, judgemental much? Lucky you to be perfect, you must be the only mother in the world who is. I wonder how old your son is? They only get harder to cope with as they grow up, and having more than one also adds to the stress. I just hope you remember what you said here when you do end up yelling at him.

PS – how exactly were we supposed to know if we could cope with the required level of exhaustion before we had kids? What a silly thing to say.

Susan Dax 2 years ago

Amy, that’s just your opinion, NOT fact. My Mum has a temper and used to shout when I was growing up, yet she was, and is, the best Mum in the world. I always knew how much she loved me.

I think it’s very sad that you appear to be blaming yourself for whatever you think is wrong with your child. You were not the only influence in her world, and in the end people make their own choices.

Sure, a child might remember the occasional bad moment, but as long as there are many more good moments than bad you’re not going to warp them (unless it’s a VERY bad experience, anyhow.)

Sar 2 years ago

Thank you for putting into words how I feel sometimes.

Hollie Russell 2 years ago

This post really touched me, I also have days like this when Im so awful I suddenly think god whats all this about!! I feel guilty afterwards and normally its due to sleep lack of money or the way Im generally seeing myself that particular day, none of us are perfect but the most important thing to do is admitt when your wrong and say sorry for the bad times and try and make it up by giving your time and most importanly cuddles x

Susan Bracewell 2 years ago

Although my kids are grown (well except for a 17 year old at home) I still feel like I failed my kids. I think it is a feeling that will never go away. It is sad because I want to believe I did my best but other times I wonder if I could have done more. Oh to go back in time to the days my babies were babies.

Eugene Shook 2 years ago

not a mom but want you to know my mom disciplined her kids with a bull whip! YOU ARE NOT A BAD MOM!

Meg 2 years ago

I agree with Jackie, I feel sorry for your child. Telling her to shut up is disgusting. She is a baby, grow the hell up or get some help! We are not all perfect and Jackie did not imply that she was at all. But we are all responsible for how we react. No matter how utterly, disgustingly exhausted and cranky I am I NEVER take it out on my baby boy. He lights up my world. If you can’t handle periods of exhaustion don’t have children. Children DO remember things from a very young age! So remember that the next time you are telling her to shut up!

Vicky Lyn Roy 2 years ago

Nancy Sullivan we all Have walk a mile in those shoe's especially myself

Bill Shafer 2 years ago

I remember this, too many times! Nobody seems to remember when this happens to dads. I just spent a weekend with my latest grandson and watched his Dad. So attentive, so concerned and so loving. We are still here, we Dads. We aren't always good. Many give up and leave; many do not.

Mahala Aldridge-Dixson 2 years ago

Best blog post I've read in a long time. This says it all. I think we have more of these days as moms than we ever care to admit :(

Jessica Sanders Nunes 2 years ago

Boohoo hobo gosh rp my heart out!

Jodi Beckwith 2 years ago

Ahh, me too, me too. This mothering thing is so hard sometimes.

Nancy Sullivan 2 years ago

What mother hasn't walked a mile in those shoes!

Martha Gibbs Richie 2 years ago

Thank you Maureen I'm crying.

Debra Carruthers 2 years ago

I need to share this too……

Paula Trietsch Chaney 2 years ago

When did the gift of motherhood start coming with the demand of perfection? I screw up at least a dozen times a day. I apologize, I fix it and life goes on with my sons understanding that no one is perfect, that it's ok when they mess up because mom does, too, and that I love them even if they become Republicans.

Mary Swan-Bell 2 years ago

Every mother who is being honest can relate to this. Recognizing your shortcomings and trying to do better is exactly what makes you a better person and parent.

Maureen Evers 2 years ago

I am the mom of 7 grown children…..am sharing this with them. you wrote what I've been meaning to say for too many years. thank you and….I'm still crying!

Shannon Winters 2 years ago

Been there. Even good moms have not so good moments.

lesbomom 2 years ago

SO GREAT!!!! I am not a good mom A LOT of days. But she still loves us. Thank goodness.

Maura 2 years ago

I wish my son ate my food. Lately, it seems like he’ll only eat Mac and Cheese, and nothing else.

Corby Kennard 2 years ago

Dave Koester I've had days/moments like this. I'm not perfect, but the best thing I can do is apologize to my kid and explain I made a mistake for reasons that were not them. And then I forgive myself because I'm human and try again.

Maura 2 years ago

Amen, sister!

Suzanna Bailey 2 years ago

Wow. This article opened my eyes to know that I am not alone. Many times feeling exhausted of just the thought of the kids waking put me in a bad mood. We are not perfect and like you I strive everyday to be a better mom to my kids. At times I snap and of course see the hurt in their eyes that I wish I had not put there. It’s a struggle and anyone who judges a parent for making mistakes clearly has not lived through this.

Wendy 2 years ago

As a single mom with two kids, one of whom had some serious emotional issues, I can totally relate. The guilt was overwhelming at times! Her anger, and temper tantrums just blew me away, and reduced me, at times, to tears, and my own tantrums. As a young adult, she finally was able to identify what was making her so angry, and much of it was my inability to cope, and be strong, so- more guilt there, but, the best thing she ever said to me was that she always knew I loved her unconditionally, that she knew no matter what she did or said, I would always love her- and that saved her, kept her strong and wanting to be a better person. Seeing her, and her brother now, as wonderful, kind, loving adults reassures me that, despite my many shortcomings as a parent, I must have done something right!

Gayle Aldridge 2 years ago

Oh Lord………………talk about make me cry! I have only just found u and I love u allready! :]

Dominique F. Ross 2 years ago

Thank you for this. I know I am not the only one who has days like that. A bad moment Does not mean a bad mother. We persevere and like you say try to do better moment to moment and day to day.

MarySunshine 2 years ago

I still find suggesting someone “be on meds” because they had a bad day is mean, and even over exaggerated. Jackie is allowed to disagree with author. Because this is a public forum Jackie is allowed to post her opinion in disagreement. And, because this is a public forum the rest of the readers are allowed to their opinions about Jackie’s opinion. That’s how this whole Internet, public forum, blog thing works. We all get a dose of differentiating opinions if we insist on making our own known.

This all being said, congratulations, Jackie. You have figured out how *you* can best keep *your* bad moods, sleep deprivation and impatience in check.

Many of us are still working on finding that happy medium. Some of us do well most days, some of us crash in a flaming ball of glory doomed to try again the next day. I’d take more issue with the parents who *didn’t* bother to try harder to be better the next day, over a parent who recognized their faults of the day and did right by their child the next day.

Michelle 2 years ago

She needs meds? Really? The answer for a frustrating day is NOT medication. Just because she felt some sort of way on a random day does not mean her emotions need to be numbed. Get off the med train and start experiencing real life! Granted, there are people who do benefit from medication, but in this situation she isn’t one of them. Adderall has already quickly become the ” new mom” drug because of the pressure from people, probably similar to yourself, pushing Mom’s to do this and do that, be this and be that. Nothing and no one is perfect, there is no medication that will fix that. What will help is understanding and compassion, which you clearly seem to lack, do they make meds for that?

AnneB 2 years ago

This! No, I’m not perfect. Yes, I sometimes say things to my son that I shouldn’t. But when I do, I try to later use it as an opportunity to teach him how to apologize and make amends. When I’m having a slightly better day, I manage to warn him before I lose my shit, “Mommy is exhausted because I was up with you and the baby most of the night. I need you to play quietly by yourself for a little bit.” Sometimes it works and when it does, I make an effort to thank him later and reward him somehow.

I like to think that I’m teaching him everyone makes mistakes and that plain and simple communication can sometimes avert an unpleasant situation.

Drew Greenhalge 2 years ago

Welcome to parenthood, you aren't perfect, deal with it.

Mercy 2 years ago

I’ve had many of these types of days since my kids were small. Thank you for saying what all of us have faced at one time or another.

Dana Taylor 2 years ago

Thank you so much for this, just last night I was talking to my hubby about what emotion we use to deal with our daughter from, if its anger or frustration then its just not fair to her, she has enough of that herself trying to learn this big new world and not being able to do the things she wants to cause she has to learn how first.

Crystal Vercoe 2 years ago

This was so beautifully written and so raw and honest and open. A true insight into parenthood, I believe we all have those days where our self control slips. Bought a tear to my eye.

Crystal 2 years ago

This was beautiful! Bought tears to my eyes. So honest and open and well written. A real insight into parenthood, i think we all have those days and we always feel the guilt of our slip of self control.

Tammy Holt 2 years ago

I know this tone and I know these feelings…well.

Kathryn Stewart 2 years ago

I cried for nearly half an hour after reading this after putting my daughter to bed for the night. I feel so heartbroken and alone some days its good to know my feelings are normal. Thank you.

Dave Koester 2 years ago

Damn.

Chyra Marie Lynch 2 years ago

Be right back. Got something in my eye.

Keline Williams 2 years ago

This brought tears to my eyes. We judge so many other parents for things we say we'll never do, yet there are more things in this story I can relate to than I'd like to admit.

Katt Anne Greiner 2 years ago

this made me cry….

Shannon 2 years ago

Exactly! If more of us told each other the truth about parenting, we wouldn’t feel so alone and overwhelmed. The amount of guilt that is created when everyone else “seems” to handle motherhood with ease when you are struggling is insane.

I love this post, and the comments. I think every day that I am not a good enough mother, and feeling that way, while trying my best is killing me.

Kristen Mae at Abandoning Pretense 2 years ago

Sometimes I feel like I tell my kids “sorry” almost as often as I tell them “I love you.” Which is often…

Out One Ear – Linda Atwell 2 years ago

we all have bad days. this was a very sweet letter to your daughter. one we can all appreciate.

Kris 2 years ago

I used to have days much much worse than this. Then I was diagnosed bi-polar and put on medication. I thought that would be the end of those kinds of days. Nope, sometimes kids, no matter how much you love them, hit every one of your buttons, or you just wake up on the wrong side of the bed. I apologize every time I have an angry moment that is not really their fault. They understand that I am trying to do this by myself, that their dad is not helping, and that my fiance is far away and unable to be here. So, we all put on our big girl. big boy panties, and try to be strong for each other, and I let the kids know that just like I have bad days, it is ok for them to have bad days too. that way they don’t have to try to explain when they are in a bad mood, and their emotions get ahead of them, why exactly they are upset.

Great article.

hikrmom 2 years ago

Awww-you broke my heart a little today. My kids are 18 & 25 and I remember this exact day. I hated myself then and I wish I could go back and redo all those awful days.

Kelly 2 years ago

There were days when my kids were little that I left the baby monitor on all day and imagined someone was listening in. I did that to keep myself from saying anything terrible to my little kids on days I was tired or just plain fed up. My own mom said terrible, awful things to her children, things we have never forgotten. So on those tough days I’d keep that monitor on to keep my mom’s words out of my mouth.

Lauri 2 years ago

I love the honesty in your post. Someone once told me that I was a good mom BECAUSE of posts like this. It shows our commitment and willingness to be human and accountable when we know we aren’t at our best. Thank you!

Lisa Wright McKinnon 2 years ago

Sniffles

Lesley Ramsey Jung 2 years ago

Loved this! Especially after a very long weekend with my LO.

Kelley 2 years ago

We have all had those less than stellar moments. I am an introvert and sometimes the noise and busyness of 2 kids would get to me. I’d be short tempered, especially when I had a migraine. I always told my kids I was sorry and that did make a difference to them. I always told them that they were good kids and my short temper had more to do with how I felt rather than what they did.
And longer bedtime cuddles and an extra story at night went a long way to make them feel loved despite how the day went.

Nicole Giroux 2 years ago

love this- it made me cry! for I have these days sometimes more often then id like but ill never stop loving you my girl for u r my world n mean everything to me and more.

Nicole Horton Holm 2 years ago

And how many moms feel inadequate and like we are failing…we are not alone, we all just do our best, sometimes its not good enough, sometimes it is.

permafrost1979 2 years ago

I feel you Robin, had twins by myself for 6 months while hubby was overseas and no family could come to stay long term with me. … it was tough. Days ran into each other with out a real night time to separate them. I got a stomach bug and thank God we all just slept it off except for getting up to feed and change them. I have my bad moments everyday because I am dog-tired- exhausted and cannot afford “date nights” and childcare. But my twins-and their older sister, and their baby brother-are getting older, and more independent, so we’re closing in on the day when we can breathe a little easier.
It’s funny, I always get compliments in my kids’ behavior too even though I feel like I’m not doing enough sometimes. I refuse to take on the guilt that every little thing I do right or wrong will either turn my child into a great humanitarian or a sociopathic serial killer. There is a lot of love in this house and as I expect my kids to say sorry and do better when they mess up, I apologize to my kids and try to do better also. We are growing together. My mom wasn’t perfect, I remember her blow ups, but we are very close today, there is NO resentment, I love the person that she is.

charlotte 2 years ago

My own mom broke the bond that could’ve bound us when I was a LO, but I was telling my DH the other night that something I DID respect about her is that she always would tell us she was sorry when she lost her temper or was impatient with us. And I thought it was a beautiful thing then and I think is was a beautiful thing now. And I’ve forgiven her; she was a great mom and she was always just doing her best, even on days like you just described. Thanks for being so honest and authentic and real cuz you know what? We’ve ALL been there and everyone needs to know that they’re not alone.

Charlotte Louree Esquivel 2 years ago

My own mom broke the bond that could've bound us when I was a LO, but I was telling my DH the other night that something I DID respect about her is that she always would tell us she was sorry when she lost her temper or was impatient with us. And I thought it was a beautiful thing then and I think is was a beautiful thing now. And I've forgiven her; she was a great mom and she was always just doing her best, even on days like you just described. Thanks for being so honest and authentic and real cuz you know what? We've ALL been there and everyone needs to know that they're not alone.

Mary Hubbard 2 years ago

This is Mama and I loved that too!!! Hope u read it and thought of me when I had/have bad days. I've always loved you but I think u always knew that!!!

Tara Dorfman 2 years ago

Love this

Lotus 2 years ago

This was just what I needed to read. I’m a single mom of two kiddos that I love to pieces, but taking care of them by myself and working full time is pretty tough at times, and I sometimes lose my cool under the weight of it all. They are worth it, though, more than worth it. And they are both amazing enough to understand that it isn’t easy for mommy, but sometimes I have to take a step back and apologize to them.
Thank you for sharing your hard moments; we all have them.

Michelina 2 years ago

I agree, Amy. It’s awful but they do remember. I am 38 years old and I’ll never forget being 2 years old and saying to my mom “I love you” and her reply, “you’d better.”. Was she having a bad day? Probably. My dad was away in the service, we lived with my grandparents and she barely spoke English. But, I remember. It hurt me for a very long time.

JanJJo 2 years ago

Lyz, I had 4 kids in 5 1/2 years and LOTS of my days felt like the day you describe here. This piece made me cry. All I could do, is to keep trying and try to keep forgiving myself for the feelings I had.
Thanks for writing this, it touches me to this day, even though my youngest is now 27.

Liza Wyles 2 years ago

All I can say is – word. let’s remind ourselves that during the times we feel we aren’t being a good mom, it doesn’t necessarily mean we’re being a bad mom.

Jasbeeray 2 years ago

If I had to write a letter each time I was a bad mommy, I would loose track. Need to join the orange rhino challenge. A change is must!

Aimee L. 2 years ago

Thank you for this…I needed this so badly, to know it’s not just me…

calkmemomma 2 years ago

We all fall down sometimes… Now you know better and will do better. Thank you for sharing your not great moments! We’ve all been there. PS>> I bet those stickers looked great on the couch!

Amy Raymond 2 years ago

Sorry to let you know, but every little good and unconscious thing u do they store in their physical and emotional memory. All my “sorry’s” didn’t help, she became the person she did because of my good and bad or unconscious acts, words. We reap what we sow, i wish i could do it all again coming from what i know now.

sarah 2 years ago

one sick toddler crying on my lap, one crying on my feet…one kid home from school with chicken pox and I am crying tears of regret, sadness and just a little happiness…I have babies that range from 20 to 1, and I wish I had known some honest mommies back then…thank you to all that have shared on here that being a flawed mom is ok, as long as we try to make each day a little better than the one before…I have to say, as hard as I try, I still have to take it one day at a time, a little like ground hog day…one good day means nothing for the next, but it’s the same with the bad…just wipe the slate clean every night, and STOP COMPARING!!! i’m doing the best I can every day, and that is the best I can do…but I want to be the best mom, wife, person every day…so I keep on trying…today is not my best day…so sue me

jmom 2 years ago

Thank you so much for sharing.
I think the worst part is feeling so alone on days like that and that you are the only one who has those moments.
Having people share makes it so much better.

ljwnyc 2 years ago

I am crying as I read this. I had such a similar day yesterday.

Katee 2 years ago

It takes a good mother to admit she isn’t perfect. Those that say otherwise are doing a disservice to, not only, their children but to themselves as well. I have had less than perfect days, more than I care to admit, but when all is said and done my children are loved. It is apparent that they feel that love regardless of my screw ups; they make it known with sloppy kisses and I love yous written with sidewalk chalk. Not allowing them to see me be an imperfect mess would only cause them to have unrealistic expectations of any future relationship(s) they may have; whether it be with their child, sibling, partner, co-worker, etc.

-To the commenter that suggested medication. You, my dear, need help. Not through medication, but a large dose of reality. It breaks my heart to hear a mother pour out her feelings of failure to be told to hide them, and to take medication. Is that what you want to teach your children? If you’re upset drown it with prescription drugs? Medication should be reserved for serious medical ailments, having a bad day is not a serious medical ailment. It’s being a human. If you, as a mother, need medication to stifle your human nature in an effort to appear like you have it all together; so be it. But please don’t tell a mother who is struggling that she isn’t good enough. We, as women, have spent far too long comparing ourselves and belittling each other in some sadistic competition to be “the best”, and this blog was a great step in tearing down those walls, in an effort to let everyone know we’re not alone. Good for you for having it all together, and having an endless amount of help and support, but generally that is just not possible. Villages don’t raise children anymore. Mothers and fathers do. And we’re doing the best we can with what we have.

The best parents, I have learned, are the ones willing to recognize their children deserve better than what they have to offer and are riddled with guilt. Those that “have it all together” are either lying or don’t care enough to realize they aren’t doing everything right.

Allie 2 years ago

This made me cry. It hit so close to home. Down to the “Neber ebber ebber”. Thank you for posting. Heres to a new day and another try! :)

Cheers!

Josie 2 years ago

I needed this today. Thank you!

Jill 2 years ago

I feel almost like you were peering into my window during one of my not-so-finest hours. As mothers we often think we are the only ones who have bad days. We are not the only ones who feel like we are on the brink of tears as our head aches and the piercing squeals of delight coming from our child push us to the edge. Thank you for your honest words. They are a healing salve to every woman who has had a bad day and felt like a terrible mom, which is probably every mother out there.

Robyn 2 years ago

Jackie, I am a mom of 29 month old twins. We live in a city 3000 miles away from any relatives. My husband works 60-70 hour work weeks to made sure that we have everything that we need. By the end of the month there is never enough to have a day away from our kids.

It is my husband and myself 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Even when we do get the $80/day to have the girls watched(A total of 5 times since they were born) We don’t always find someone to watch them. They were colicky from the 3rd month forward and still do not speak. They speak to each other but not to us. I have had plenty of bad days. I have had days where I have been up all night with one and then up all day with both. I have yelled, walked off and cried during the 2 years they have been on this planet. Not everyone out there has the option of having anyone come to their rescue when they need help. Sometimes you have to just lose control to regain it. No one helps me when I am sick and I can barely move.

As for your comments on the fairness for the child, I know two things. My children listen to me when I talk, they know when to stop, pay attention and when they have pushed me too far. They show respect to me because of they way I have raised them. They also don’t want to be anywhere else in the world. They come to me first for everything. From a boo-boo, to just wanting to show me love.

They are open, friendly well adjusted children in public and I get told all the time that people are amazed that they actually listen to what I say and watch what I do. I will never not be a real person to my kids. MOREOVER, I will never expect me children to be anything less than real either. Humans have a range of different emotions. There are many different reasons for them and they are healthy. I get mad, my kids get mad. They know that it is okay to be that way. To express their own emerging emotions and not be afraid to do so either. Kids are not the frail, naive things we think they are. You need to stop assuming that this writer’s child received no benefit from seeing this side of her mother.

Sheryl 2 years ago

We all have days like this. When my boys were little, no one told me. No one shared that they had days like this and I thought I was the only one. If nothing eles the internet has made being a “impatient” mom -normal. And hopefully it takes away some of the quilt.

Heather 2 years ago

love it.

Mama and the City 2 years ago

So true.
If we yell, we are bad. If we please, we probably think we are bad as well. Parenting is not simple business, at least not in our heads.

Hugs.

Vicki 2 years ago

I’ve been there it makes me feel even worse when I have those days cuz I work 40 hrs a week

Cindy 2 years ago

Thank you for posting this, because this is exactly how I felt today….

Stephanie @ Mommy, for real. 2 years ago

I love this so much. Thank you for writing this. And I’m glad I’m not the only one with a toddler who has a penchant for singing that particular Taylor Swift song.

Beth 2 years ago

I hate that I have had days like this, especially since I work outside the home, and don’t get (have?) to spend all my time with him. Thanks for sharing!

Rachael 2 years ago

Awww thank you so my for sharing, I have days like this and i feel the worst mum in the world afterwards x

Nicola M. 2 years ago

It’s beautiful to see this sentiment echo with so many individuals. So many of us who feel similarly or who’ve felt alone in their quest for perfection. I think we expect too much of ourselves. We are, afterall, our own people too and I really hope (and pray) our children won’t hold that against us.

For me, it’s given me a whole new respect for my mother. And a craving to be just that little bit sweeter, kinder and gentler to my own daughter.

Kristi 2 years ago

Sigh…so familiar. You eloquently put into words. We can be “that” mommy but we are never the bad mommy we feel we are. Just human :)

Beautiful post.

The Garden Goat 2 years ago

Great post…and yes, I too am sometimes not a great mom. Some moments are easier than others. Greatest job in the world…also sometimes the hardest. At the same time the most rewarding…it lasts a lifetime…I hope my “lose it” moments are few and far between when my kids play the rewind tape throughout their lives…I hope they remember all the fun! I know I will. Love each of them more than I every knew I could!
The Garden Goat

Kristen 2 years ago

Thank you so much for sharing this. It’s nice to know I’m not alone on those bad days where everything seems much worse than it is. I’ve been really trying to concentrate and catch myself on those days and realize my kids are just being their wonderful, silly selves and it’s my own thinking that makes it seem like they’re not listening or being difficult. I’m the difficult one. They deserve all the love, hugs and kisses in the world <3 <3 My beautiful babies.

Amy Turner 2 years ago

It sounds like me, gee just one of those days. I used to feel self pity when things get rough and I seem to lose my mind. Crying it out helps, for me, anyway. Then I’m good and eager to hold my baby again. It’s wonderful to have kids!

Charity 2 years ago

What a great post! I really needed this today, I’m on day 2 and really need to collect myself.

Jesse Dolce 2 years ago

I loved every minute of being a parent. I know things can get rough at times. But being a parent can really be a blast if you let it. Life is messy and so are kids. Once you embrace it how crazy things can get then you will have a blast. Everyday was a new adventure. I love to play silly and get crazy so it was a natural transition. I miss it so much. I miss you and your family so much. I miss your mom more than words can say. She was a big part of my life I miss her so much.

Janice Schwarz 2 years ago

You are one gutsy woman to public admit you’re not a perfect mom! :-)

But seriously, to write something so painful and honest like that, and remind everyone that we’ve all been there: thank you. I’ve shared this among friends.

I think your daughter will thank you one day too. I want to write something like this from my heart for my own children to read one day.

Pam Staples 2 years ago

Thank you for such a wonderful article and reminder… Not everyday is going to be a great parental moment but it is the sum of time and doing our best that matters along with loving our children.

Molly 2 years ago

That was my day yesterday; it’s nice to hear I am not alone in having those days. Thank you for sharing.

hazel 2 years ago

Yes I have those days when I should not be allowed to mix with small children. They are horrid. I like that your story had a happy ending. That after a rest from your little one you could return to be the mummy you want to be. What can you do, but apologise and say ‘mummy feels bad today, sorry.’

Julie 2 years ago

I sooooo could have written this myself… to my 21 month old son. I am 3 weeks away from giving birth to our daughter… and have been on edge for at least a month now. I feel like I have been constantly yelling at my son or putting him in timeout and I feel so guilty. I know that he is growing and learning and experimenting. I understand that he is learning from reactions…. and I am kicking myself because of the “reactions” he sometimes gets from me. He truly is a good boy… and he has his toddler moments… which are expected… so I will be putting myself in timeouts from now on… when I hear myself step out of line… by yelling at a curious, well rounded, fantastic little boy who just wants to be loved and adored and hugged and kissed, etc…. I love my baby boy! :)

GZ 2 years ago

This morning, I got so pissed at my 5-year-old for moving around and “accidentally” kicking me which resulted in spilling my beloved HOT coffee all over my lap and couch. I just wanted to watch some local news in peace. Do you really need to wake up at 6:00am with me? Do you really need to move around that much? I think I read on here somewhere about “Hulk moments” Definitely a Hulk moment.. not the way I wanted to start my day. So glad I read this… I felt awful for blowing up, but I realize that I am not a horrible mom for having pissy moments.

Amber 2 years ago

Love this post. Mainly because I’ve been there. And I’m sure I’ll be there a lot more since my husband deployed. My patience tends to be on edge. I try to calm myself down with my chocolate drawer.

Nina 2 years ago

For SURE have had these days. Many of them. Great piece.

Jenni Chiu @ MommyNaniBooboo 2 years ago

I’m going to try again too…
and again…
and again…

Mama D 2 years ago

Haven’t we all had those days??? All you can do is the best you can, and sometimes that just falls short. For every parent. And it’s not a bad thing for kids to learn that sometimes mommies have bad days and need to apologize for things and try harder tomorrow, too!

Val 2 years ago

I had to fight back tears. I feel like this all too often.

Kimberly 2 years ago

I know I’ve had days, even weeks, like that. Awareness = doing better when we know better. Loved this post.

Jen 2 years ago

I’m glad to hear I’m not the only one with a constant chatter box in the house. My oldest (9 y.o.) seems like he’s *always* talking. Whether it’s whispering under his breath while he does homework, starts a conversation with no one in particular on his way to & while he’s using the bathroom. He’ll continue said conversation after he’s out of the bathroom, too. I can sure tell when he’s irritated with someone or something as well because he’ll mutter whatever is on his mind. & I swear when he’s not talking, he’s singing, humming, or making some other random noises. While I do love him dearly, sometimes I need a little quiet, especially after a long day of my DDs terrible twos tantrums.

olivejuice76 2 years ago

Thank you for reminding me we moms are human and that’s ok. We are supposed to be.

Melissa E. 2 years ago

Well-said.

We all have those days. I’ve sure been there, more than once.

Melissa

Amy @mommetime 2 years ago

this is real. true. honest. I cried a little; I’ve so been there. I’m gonna try harder, too!

Paige 2 years ago

Oh my gosh. I SO needed to read this. You summed up my feelings exactly. The other morning I kept yelling at my 3 year old to cooperate while getting dressed to go to preschool. She kept running off and crying bc she was hungry. As I was getting her in the carseat I yelled some more and made her cry. Of course, it made me break down and me excessively apologize to her. Some of y’all probably read about this in the confessions. I STILL feel guilty!!

Rachael 2 years ago

It’s been one of those weeks here. Both of us parents have the flu and the kids are as energetic as ever. We have to keep reminding ourselves that they don’t understand we don’t feel good enough to have a tea party today. I’ll just have to have twice as many tea parties next week.

misssrobin 2 years ago

What a beautiful, honest post. Thank you for sharing one of those moments we are all embarrassed to have. You are a good mom. You love her and are doing your best for her. That’s perfect! I hope you get some real sleep.

Wishing you a lovely weekend.

Coleen 2 years ago

Mine is 19 now but I remember the days when he was little and I was slightly crazy & overwhelmed. The fact that we recognize and strive to do better is what makes us great moms, maybe just not today.

Amanda Martin 2 years ago

This made me cry: this is me nearly every day at some point. It feels like dragging myself through treacle just getting to bedtime. I hope you have very few days like this and remember that, even on days like today, you’re an excellent mother. The fact that you recognise behaviour that isn’t brilliant means you know the difference. Be kind to yourself.

RealMomofNJ 2 years ago

Not gonna lie. This made me tear up a little. It’s so true that sometimes you have asshole days and you take them out on your sweet, happy, innocent kids. And they keep loving you and trying to make you happy, and it makes you feel even worse. But it also makes you want to try harder the next day. <3

Sarah 2 years ago

I think being a mom is the BEST THING EVER!!!!!!!!!!

Natalie 2 years ago

This made me cry. I totally get it, I’ve been having a few days like this lately and it’s nice to know it’s not just me. Thanks for sharing.

Smizzycakes 2 years ago

…and that my friends is the true essence of motherhood (parenthood for that matter). Days like this… the days that force you to see the real you. I still wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Emily 2 years ago

Beautifully and honestly written. We all feel (and act)this way on many days (after all we are human!) but you were brave enough to write about it. Thank you.

elizabeth 2 years ago

Yep we’ve all been there, but after it’s over some of us apologise to the ones we’ve hurt in the process, some of us apologise to strangers. I really hope you did both.

Susie 2 years ago

I’m my all time finest parenting moment I snarled, “Don’t you PEE in that diaper!”

We’ve all had that day. But tomorrow is better.

Deborah Trombley 2 years ago

Well said Jenn…

Carol 2 years ago

Sorry for the double post, my internet wasn’t working correctly.

Paige 2 years ago

Thank you for sharing. This was me Wednesday. Nice to know I’m not alone. We made cookies yesterday and it was all forgotten.

Erin@MommyontheSpot 2 years ago

Totally relate to this post. My 4 year old is getting up 1-4 times a night, and I am exhausted in the morning. And resentful.

It is impossible to be on-call 24/7 and perfectly alert and centered during normal business hours. I try to give myself a break.

Thanks for writing this.

Carol 2 years ago

Oh I’ve definitely had days like this. My daughter Macy would occasionally drive me insane, and I would have to tell her I was going to bathroom just to get a few minutes to myself. This pales in comparison to her now, though. She’s 13 and I’m entering menopause, a rough combination. Figuring out what I’m going through while she also is going through a lot of life changes is hard on our relationship. I love her to death but communication is so hard sometimes that I find myself again hiding in the bathroom for a moment of peace. Although part of that is my emotions being a roller coaster.

We recently watched a wonderful documentary called “Hot Flash Havoc” that helped us both understand what I was going through, and really helped to strengthen our relationship. I’m so grateful for this movie, and would highly recommend it to anyone interested. You can check it out here: http://bit.ly/11XQcWS

Carol 2 years ago

Oh I’ve definitely had days like this. My daughter Macy would occasionally drive me insane, and I would have to tell her I was going to bathroom just to get a few minutes to myself. This pales in comparison to her now, though. She’s 13 and I’m entering menopause, a rough combination. Figuring out what I’m going through while she also is going through a lot of life changes is hard on our relationship. I love her to death but communication is so hard sometimes that I find myself again hiding in the bathroom for a moment of peace. Although part of that is my emotions being a roller coaster.

We recently watched a great documentary called “Hot Flash Havoc” that helped us both understand what I was going through, and really helped to strengthen our relationship. I’m so grateful for this movie, and would highly recommend it to anyone interested. You can check it out here: http://bit.ly/11XQcWS

Shari 2 years ago

As a teacher and a parent I really hate it when people say shut up to others…

Erika 2 years ago

I couldn’t have said it better myself

Ameena 2 years ago

This is me…all the time.

Sorry this happens to you as well…but glad to know I’m not alone!

Eiral 2 years ago

Can’t stop crying since reading this….TOO TRUE!! THANK YOU!

Momchalant 2 years ago

This is beautiful. We all have those days. But the way you wrote about our messy days is beautiful.

Emma 2 years ago

We’ve all been there – tiredness is a cruel mistress who rides our nerves without pity or mercy.

Anita @ Losing Austin 2 years ago

I teared up. For you. For her. For me. For my sons.

We all have days like that, and in those I really don’t think I’m doing my best or living up to what I should. Thank goodness for second chances and tomorrows and for children who love us no matter.

<3

~Anita

Dawn 2 years ago

This made me cry – still am, in fact – this is me most days. :'(

The Next Step 2 years ago

“hulk” moments – that is perfect. I have enlisted the aid of my 5yo in reminding me when I’m cranky for “no reason” as opposed to a “good reason” like one of the twins dumping her food on the floor, on purpose, AGAIN!

I hate these moments and they fill me with shame – but I know how to apologize afterward and explain to my kids (as best I can) why I lost my temper and why that was not okay to do that. Sigh – I do what I can to try and shield them from future therapy sessions that I am causing.

Lori 2 years ago

This made me cry. Beautifully written. I love my lovies more than anything, and sometimes I know I suck at this mom thing. But sometimes, I know I get it right.

The Next Step 2 years ago

100% agree with you on this – I have a 5yo and twin girls who just turned 3 a couple weeks ago. I am suffering through the first attempts at potty training now and between the three girls there is at least one mid-night wake up for me 4-5 times a week.

I feel almost as tired as when the twins were newborns.

The Next Step 2 years ago

I’ve been there before too – I called him sobbing and crying and saying “I just can’t take it anymore!!”

The Next Step 2 years ago

Yep – I have this conversation with myself almost daily. I have 3 little girls, ages 5 and under, and it is so, so instinctive to put them first, but it’s so, so hard to deal with the emotional consequences of that.
All I can do is start over – about 30 times a day.

thanks for sharing this.

Tanya 2 years ago

Thank you for letting me know that even “with” medication we still have these days. I had one just yesterday. I call them “Hulk” moments. I’m so relieved to know that I’m not alone.

Crystal 2 years ago

Awwww…I got tears! We can all relate to this. There is no tougher job than that of a parent. And balancing everything while running on little sleep, so very hard. A big hug to you! Tomorrow is a new day. :)

Crystal

Natasha 2 years ago

exactly.
thank you.

Nikki 2 years ago

Aww heart melted!!! We all have these days! And it’s okay. We’re doing the best we can, but we aren’t perfect. This got me teary eyed, because I’ve been here… Many times.

Heidi @ Buttons and Butterflies 2 years ago

Woke up sick and mean this morning. My friend posted this on FB just now. I think there is a bit of a chance I might be able to turn this day around!

Michele 2 years ago

This is totally my morning. Thank you. :)

Terri 2 years ago

Love this. Made me feel better about myself as a mom. My one year old wants to feed herself. And I can’t stand messy stuff. She poored her juice box out on the floor, dumped her yogurt everywhere, then fed the dog our tv remote. I had to take a second to collect myself, breathe, then laugh.

Susan 2 years ago

When my daughter was a toddler, I called my husband at work and told him to get home “NOW”! I was at my wits end and knew I had to have a break. He rushed home praying that there would not be blood anywhere and that we were both okay! He loves to tell that story now that our daughter is 24 and a beautiful, smart young woman! Your story brought back many memories!

Lidia 2 years ago

Very relatable indeed. We’ve all been there. Thanks for sharing. :)

Kelly 2 years ago

Hey, I cry when my kids eat my food, too. It’s why moms everywhere have secret stashes. This is a universal experience expressed beautifully. Recognizing days like this and being honest about them proves that we are striving to be better mothers. I recently read a quote that said, “Just because you have a bad day doesn’t mean you have a bad life.” This is a perfect example of that.

Marc 2 years ago

This was great. Thank you.

Hope 2 years ago

awwww ((hugs)) I remember those days. Mommies are always their own worst critic. I once cried because I was not as nice as Little Bears mom (is that show still on?). Literally. Cried.

I think our bad days are healthy for our kids as well. Everyone has bad days, they do, we do…no one is perfect and you STILL showed your daughter love…thats a great example>

Debbie 2 years ago

Beautiful. Trust me she will remember the hugs, kisses and the love you give her. As long as kids get the love and as we go we learn a little more patience (which can be hard with all mothers have to do) things turn out fine.

Wonderful letter to your daughter. Someday it will be a treasure to her.
Debbie

Isabella 2 years ago

Tears brimming as I think we all know too well this scenario. We all try so hard and sometimes we don’t, not because we don’t want to but because we just can’t. No judgement, just a sympathetic nod in acknowledgment that we have all been there and will be there again.

Firehawksmomma 2 years ago

And now I’m sitting here bawling… yesterday was one of those days. My precious 2 year old broke the stove, I’m jobless and taking out frustration on her sometimes. She spent the night with Grandma and now I miss her little voice singing. She called me this morning to sing Happy Birthday to me :)

Melanie 2 years ago

awww this is an amazing post! I have twin girls that just turned 2 a week ago and they are in their terrible two’s! I have many days like this where I yell at them more than I should because of lack of sleep, loads of stress and just being overwhelmed trying to do it all by myself. people without children who say “you’re just a stay at home mom?” havnt the first clue what it takes to raise a child or multiple children. trying so hard to be the perfect role model parent and being flooded with feelings of guilt and failure at the slightest mistake. raising children is the hardest but also most rewarding thing in the world. but we are creatures of trial and error. we are not robots wired to run on the same program. we are human and we make mistakes. admitting to yourself when you make a mistake and correcting that mistake is the biggest success you can have when it comes to parenting. so good for you for being able to do that! kudos to all these great mommies and keep up the great work! :) <3

Stephanie 2 years ago

Oh, goodness, yes. I find I have to be really honest and just step back sometimes. I regret stepping away a little less than yelling and collapsing in a fit of tears on the kitchen island. Some days are amazing, but others are just not.

Dee 2 years ago

Thank you for posting this. I also needed to see this today-yesterday was a flat out awful day in our house, and I am so grateful to you for reminding me that I am not alone in having a bad mommy day.

scb 2 years ago

We all have days like this. I have one child who never shuts up. I’m not exaggerating — if the kid is awake and not reading or watching television her mouth is moving. When she was a toddler she would relate the plot of any show she’d seen or book she’d read starting at any point in the story she happened to be thinking of. Oh, and did I mention she had a speech impediment that made it hard to understand her? I worked in a research environment before she was born, so I was used to silence. I went through entire days thinking “shut up, shut up, shut up” whenever she opened her mouth, and some days I said it out loud. I’m not proud of those days, but it’s ten years later and she shows no signs of having been crushed by my criticism of her Chatty Kathy syndrome. Now I’m trying to teach her how to tell a story properly instead of backing into it. I’m saving future generations from extreme frustration. Trust me.

gryphonsmama 2 years ago

This actually brought tears to my eyes. I hate these days almost as much as I love my son.

Heather 2 years ago

This is so wonderful! Thank you for putting your heart out there. <3 As mom's we give ourselves so much guilt as it is. Just to know that someone else get's it, helps to get through the day a little easier. The sweetest part is that half the time our little munchkins don't even realize we are in that state of mind. They are instantly forgiving and always loving…unless someone takes their toy, then watch the frick out!! :)

Bridget 2 years ago

I get a little like this every month.. It’s called PMS, lol!

coffeebean83 2 years ago

I just read this after waking up a few minutes ago and yelling at my kids for waking me up so early. Guess I was having a moment too. Thanks for putting things into perspective for this growly mommy this morning!

cat 2 years ago

As a mother of four this does happen, a little to often . I run a daycare as well and when the,work day is over I spent all,my energy on children that are not mine. So I snap at mine way to fast . I feel like such a horrible mom sometimes . Your right it’s never them, at least I hope they know that. I love them so

buffi 2 years ago

This is every mommy. You’re just honest & brave enough to admit it. And even *with* medication, some of us still have these days.

I love this so much. Just keep swimming…..

Grown and Flown 2 years ago

But parenting isn’t about any given day, it is about the months and years and over those I bet you are an amazing mom!

Christie 2 years ago

Thank you, I needed this today. I feel like I’ve been teetering on the edge all week. Sometimes it just helps to know you’re not alone.

BonnyBard 2 years ago

I love this post, I feel and act exactly like that sometimes and I feel so terrible at the end of the day when the kids are asleep and I’ve been a gigantic grouch all day. Glad to know I’m not alone!

Sam 2 years ago

HONESTLY anyone that suggests you to be on meds has to be a ridiculous parent – more than likely a “new age parent” as I love to call them since most of them are afraid to lift a finger to spank their out of order and misbehaving kids. Anyway, you’re not at all a bad mom or anything of the type. In my eyes, you’re having one of those days… there’s always days to try again and again, that’s what parenting is all about, in my opinion, learning. Every day and every step of the way. None of us are perfect :)

Ruth Utterback 2 years ago

I remember those days and my kids are now parents, they don’t remember my fits as I called them. They have also experienced days they are not proud of. But it all works out.

Jessica Smock 2 years ago

We all have these days and these moments. And it helps me to learn that I’m not alone. And it also helps to realize that kids will forgive you for not being perfect as long as you love them. We all do try our best, even though sometimes it may not feel like it’s close to enough.

Robin 2 years ago

Oy. I’m sitting here choking back tear,s trying to not ruin my eye makeup. Wonderful post. Totally can relate. Thanks so much for sharing.

Shon 2 years ago

Oh, Jackie, thank you for reminding us that there are perfect people in the world. Perfect mothers who never yell at their children, never lose hold of their last shred of sleep-deprived sanity, who never make mistakes. Thank you for your suggestion that a few hours of making less than perfect parenting decisions equals the need for medication. Thank you for reminding each of us flawed, human mothers that perfect mothers like you still exist. Thank you for adding to the guilt we already heap on ourselves by reminding us that the judgement we place on ourselves is nothing compare to the judgement of mothers like you. Your disdain and pity for our poor children definitely helps us become better mothers. It helps. It really does.

kelleyp 2 years ago

that was beautiful

Jillian K 2 years ago

It was actually. For you to suggest she needs medication because she had an off day. I’m glad the image you choose to project for your child is perfection, but I’d rather give my son something he can actually attain. Like compassion, empathy, and understanding. We all have bad days, to pretend we don’t does them no good, because it does not prepare them for the real world.

Do we feel for her child? Of course we do, and so does she.

Erin Corbelli 2 years ago

Your letter made me cry … these sentiments are so me, at least one day a week.

Marcie 2 years ago

I had a day like this yesterday with my 7 and 11 year old. I’m tired and just felt like I had nothing in me to laugh. The look on their faces broke my heart. So I tried to tell them I’m sorry the best way I could – bought them a Subway sandwich at 10pm….give ourselves some breaks moms of the world!!!! We are good and will always try to be better :)

Thekitchwitch 2 years ago

I love this. I love this writer. I love her honesty and her willingness to bare the underbelly of this mothering business. Thanks for introducing me to her, Jill! New follower!

Briana 2 years ago

I read this and I think to myself, I’ve never told my child to shut up. I’ve snapped at her though. Told her to get out of my face. Yelled (not necessarily at her) when she hurt me unintentionally. I’ve always apologized though. I explain to her that I’m not in a good mood. She seems to understand and does her own thing for a while. I was recently diagnosed with bipolar. It’s difficult to control how I react to her sometimes, but thankfully I have an understanding child who loves me despite my flaws and believes, over everything else that I really do love her.

Michelle @ They Call Me Mummy 2 years ago

Thank you for your honesty. These may not be your proudest moments and you may feel vulnerable knowing you’ve put this out there. But please know that your actions aren’t being judged because we’ve all been (or still are) right there where you are.

All I see in this post is the intense love between the lines.

How can you go wrong when you offer your child love and honesty?

With compassion, love and a place right next to me in the Gang of Imperfect Mothers.

Michelle
Ps – I wrote about something so similar on my blog yesterday…incredible collective consciousness!

cyndi yates 2 years ago

Thanks so much for this.Really hits home w/a lot of moms.My sister and I really loved it and she said she really hopes you write another similar one when your kids hit the teen yrs.:))

Catina 2 years ago

Ahhh you made me cry at work! Gives me hope to “try again” tomorrow when I have a few more hours of sleep. Thanks for being so honest.

Melissa 2 years ago

This is beautiful because of its honesty. We all need to have some perspective and cut slack, but most importantly, call ourselves out and do better every day. That’s all we can do!

Kerri @ Elbows Deep in Someone Elses’s Sh*t 2 years ago

Thank you for posting so honestly. There are some days I’m just barely keeping it together, days I know I’m not the best version of myself, and I’m glad that I’m not alone. When I was a new mom motherhood was the loneliest thing I’ve ever experienced, I didn’t realize there were others feeling exactly like I did. Now three kids and a blog later I feel like I have allies, friends, and moms who understand.

Melissa 2 years ago

This was beautiful!

Carrie 2 years ago

This morning I yelled at my daughter for basically no reason. Well, the same reasons mentioned here, but reasons that weren’t her fault and she doesn’t understand. Now I’m crying not only because I feel like crap about it, but also relief that I’m not the only one who loses her cool from time to time. Thank you for being honest and sharing this.

Erica 2 years ago

Oh my goodness… after 4 (or was it 5?) curtain calls from my youngest (of four) between 11:30 and her glorious wake-up time of 5:30 this a.m. – I needed to see this today. Thank you.

Jackie 2 years ago

not perfect and not judging…. and I understand being tired or in a bad mood. But after reading a full day of incidents do you not feel a little for the child? This is also where a good network comes in where in an ideal place, it would be good for the mom to have someone to help with watching the child for an hour or two on days like those. the meaning was not lost on me.

Jen Neumann 2 years ago

Uh… emotional. Apparently I can’t type either. I need to go back to bed.

Jen Neumann 2 years ago

Man, as if I wasn’t already an emotinal train wreck today, Lyz made me cry. Actually, I needed that cry. And gin. (Thanks.)

Heather 2 years ago

Thank you for sharing this. I am glad to know I am not the only one who has days like this. I also have a daughter who sings “Neber, eber, eber.” :)

Mom Off Meth 2 years ago

Amen Arnebya!!

Robin | Farewell, Stranger 2 years ago

Been there. Every mother has, whether she admits it or not.

Emily 2 years ago

Me too! xo

Sandra 2 years ago

Sniffle! I hate when I wish I could turn the hands of time back. But I do. Working nights and getting up early with a 2 and 3 year old was hard!! We are not perfect. But we try to be. I didn’t want to ask for help for fear that it would look like I was failing. But your honesty is sooooo important for other Mothers! Especially new ones. If we pretend like we “cherish every moment” and not tell the truth, then someone who needs us is feeling very alone and like a failure. It takes a villiage, and we need to remember that. It also takes a sisterhood! We really need to remember that too. Be honest ladies! It helps not only others, but yourself too! Just keep striving for better. Mine are 11 and 12 and I still am!

Vanessa 2 years ago

Thanks for posting this. It brought a few tears to my eyes, probably because it hits closes to home.

Emily 2 years ago

Ah the never ending battle of being a mom. Its just so hard to be happy and have it all together all the time. Being honest with yourself is good, and you do deserve a break. And when you get that break, don’t feel guilty… you deserve it.

Mercy 2 years ago

We all have those kinds of days. My three sometimes make me want to run away ’till they are grown. Being a good mom is exhausting. But don’t feel bad. No one ever said we have to be perfect.
I love the pic. Such a cutie.

Maura 2 years ago

Judging from all the other responses, and my own reaction to this story, I guess we all should be on meds given this rationale. I think the true intent of her blog was lost on you.

Jenn 2 years ago

You must be the rarest of exceptions in your perfection. I don’t know any other parent who always reacts to their own fatigue, occasional sadness or hard day with flawless displays of love. Parenting is hard…damn hard.

To recognize that and strive to improve is the best parenting of all. I’d rather realize my own shortcomings than imagine that I always react perfectly.

Kristin Shaw (Two Cannoli) 2 years ago

Beautifully said, Kiran.

Sara 2 years ago

Thank you for writing this. I needed to read this.

Kristin Shaw (Two Cannoli) 2 years ago

Jackie, I’d like to think I’m a great mom too, but I think we have all had moments when we have let our tempers get the best of us, or have had a tough day. I don’t doubt that Lyz loves her daughter unconditionally every day, and it’s not fair to pile on when she is sharing her honesty of one bad day. Not every day.
Give her a little room to be imperfect.

Kristin Shaw (Two Cannoli) 2 years ago

Lyz, we all have those days, and no one is perfect. Your love is shining through your tough moments, and your daughter won’t even remember these days – maybe we’re designed that way. :)
Loved this post. Thank you.

Nicole DeZarn 2 years ago

This post is perfection and so reassuring. Thank you for writing it. I’m sharing it on my blog immediately!

Jenn 2 years ago

Thanks for giving such an honest account of how it is to be a tired mom. I totally relate to this, and I think most moms (if they are honest) can, too.

We’re all just imperfect people trying to perfectly parent our little ones. God bless us all on our journeys.

Amy (My Real Life) 2 years ago

Thank you for sharing this. Whether we admit it or not, we all have moments (or days) like this, and it’s hard.

Yana 2 years ago

Thank you so much for sharing this….I torture myself mentally after a day like that, I kill myself with guilt…It’s draining me emotionally…Thank you for reminding me that it is ok to be a bad mom once in a while:)

Jackie 2 years ago

I apologize for the message not inline with the others and I don’t know your situation so I am not judging

Krystal 2 years ago

I know those days all too well. Not a bad mom at all but the feelings are still there ((HUGS))

Jackie 2 years ago

Sorry if this is controversial but I feel bad for your daughter….. maybe you are one who needs to be on meds?

When I am tired I remind myself she goes to bed early and I just enjoy every moment. I think of a Maya Angelou quote I heard years before I had children and live by that and encourage my husband to do the same: ” ‘How do you react when your child enters the room? Do your eyes light up?’ All children need to feel special, in their own right, apart from their accomplishments and accolades. In our daily routine it is often easy for family members to take each other for granted. We should never forget how important it is for our unconditional love to shine through and be seen every day”

Jen @ Life on the SONny Side 2 years ago

There’s such beauty in honesty like this. Loved this piece so much. I can relate to moments…days…even stretches of days like this. Thanks for putting it out there, Mama! Definitely a new Lyz fan!

jackie 2 years ago

so true…so very true!

Cassie 2 years ago

I can really relate! I feel this way almost every day right now. Having a newborn and a toddler, there is no such thing as sleep, rest, relaxation, or even calm. I am exhausted and that makes me snappy. I feel for my toddler who not only has a new brother to adjust to, but a grumpy mommy. Sorry Mr. Skinks!

Kate 2 years ago

Sometimes it really is them. Not always, but sometimes.

Urban Flowerpot 2 years ago

YES. I love you for putting this into words. I just snapped when my son wanted to get up extra early but it’s really the migraine I woke up with talking :(

Thank you for writing this…and making me get all teary n sappy.

Mamarific 2 years ago

Thank you, I needed this today.

Life with Kaishon 2 years ago

I think you are a great mom just because you recognize that some times you have bad days. Don’t we all.

Gretchen 2 years ago

Loved your raw honesty, made me cry. We all have had days like this, even with our older children, (7 and 11) it is a little easier at this age because I can at least apologize to them but it still hurts inside. Hope today is better!

Michelle 2 years ago

Not a bad mom…just human. We have all been there. :)

amanda 2 years ago

I had one of those days yesterday and felt like the worst person in the world! I just couldn’t control it. Thank you for sharing, and it makes me feel better to know it’s not just me!!

CGill 2 years ago

This is so very true. Makes me tear up.

Samantha 2 years ago

EVERY mom has these moments … I have had them myself

Kiran 2 years ago

Oh Lyz – don’t we all know the feeling? And for those of you who don’t, congratulations. But I know that this is all too human, all too real, and all too right on the nose for me.

The fact that you can recognize that you didn’t give your daughter the best tells me that you are a great mother. And especially if you follow through on making her tomorrow better.

We all need to work on perfect. And sometimes we just have to remember we are all too human and our kids will come to understand and appreciate that too, one day. Mommy is NOT an automoton.

Alaina 2 years ago

aw, we have these days all too often. She won’t remember. All she will remember is how much she loves you and how much you love her. Hugs and here’s to a better day!

Arnebya 2 years ago

Exactly! It’s unfair and unrealistic to give our kids the impression that mom has it together all the time, that everyone feels this way; it’s not just parenthood-born. It is person/life/career/who ate all the goddamn Fritos-born.

Arnebya 2 years ago

It is the resolution to try harder. We have those days. We ALL have those days. I’ve had to write my own apology letter for not being nice sometimes to each of my children (although, oddly, it feels worse when I do it to the littlest one), for opting for mean when I know full damn well I am being mean. And then there’s the next day. The next day gets better. Sure, it will likely happen again, but as long as you keep trying, you got this. You got this.

Mom Off Meth 2 years ago

Oh there are those days. Everyone has them. Not just moms right? Thank goodness our kids love us, and we show them we are human. You sound like a very good mom.

Ilikebeerandbabies.com 2 years ago

Yep. Every day. Thanks for sharing.

Alison 2 years ago

I feel like this far too often, like I wasn’t a good Mom on any given day. Sigh.

realtormom 2 years ago

ThankYou For Sharing This. Good Reminder For Me About My Own MOod Swings And The Impact They Have On My Kids.

Ariana 2 years ago

A little bit of every day.

Melissa 2 years ago

awwww this was very sweet Jill *hugs*