I’m Jealous Of You

MomAndBabySilhouette

I see your posts. You talk about how hard it is to potty train your daughter that is younger than mine. Potty training isn’t even on our radar right now, to be truthful. That’s not going to happen for at least another year or so…if we’re lucky.

I’m jealous of you.

I see your statuses. How tired you are from running from one sport to the next, then on to birthday parties.  My son can’t play team sports, he gets too overstimulated. He doesn’t get invited to birthday parties.

I’m jealous of you.

I see you at the store, you get away with people not looking twice at your kids- you don’t see that look of recognition- and sometimes of pain- as they notice your child’s extra chromosome. I see you in the malls, walking with your kids, not worried about what next sound is going to set them running in the opposite direction. I see you at my other son’s basketball games. Walking in from the parking lot to cheer for your child, as I sit with my son who is hiding in the back of my car.  His autism fills the space between.

I’m so jealous of you.


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You capture every milestone as they come naturally for your child. First steps. First words. I capture those, too. But they are after hours and hours of therapy, sleepless nights and drained bank accounts.  You talk about goals kicked and awards won, I speak of services gained and lawsuits averted. You fought for your child’s place on team. I fight for my child’s place in the classroom.

I hate myself for being jealous of normal.

It’s not your fault you don’t have kids with special needs anymore than it’s my fault that I do. With my oldest, I loved meeting those milestones, even bragged about them a little. I didn’t get it. I had no frame of reference. I didn’t realize how great it was that he developed the right muscles in the right way to sit, crawl then walk. I didn’t get with my other typical developing child how great it was that speech set in without us having to painstakingly draw out language, bit by bit, sign by sign and sound by sound.

And I’m sure I don’t realize how lucky I am to have an autistic son who can talk, and a daughter with Down syndrome that is even as healthy as she is.

Jealousy is a worthless emotion. Even if it pushes you to do more or be more, you’re not doing it for the right reasons. I fight this jealousy.  And, on days like today, I lose.

I’m so jealous of you.

Related post: Dear Newly Inducted Special Needs Parent

About the writer

Lexi Sweatpants is a writer, wife and mother of four. Her middle son has autism, her daughter has Down syndrome. She has sleep deprivation and a deep passion for candy.  She writes about all of this and more at Lexistential.

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Tati 4 months ago

thanks for sharing this. I angry cried in my bathroom while reading this because I’m truly jealous of my friends lives sometimes. Thank you for feeling jealous along with me.

Bear 4 months ago

I am jeolous today. My son has autism and has been suspended from school for about 4 weeks now. After taking so much time off work I broke down and asked help from my sister. She has been wonderful. But today her daughter told me that she talked about my sons suspension at school at her teacher thought that was so caring that she wrote an email to my sister stating what an exeptional student her daughter is. I had to pick up my suspended son from her house and watch her daughter do her homework without help. Today I am jeolous.

Anna Leilich Clark 6 months ago

I know the jealousy. My 18 month old son is neuro – typical but both mine and my husband’s parents have passed, leaving him with no grandparents. I see posts and hear people talk about dropping their kids and their mom and dad’s for the night, or how their mom comes over to help, or they have a family holiday and my blood just boils sometimes. I absolutely hate it and know it’s because of my unresolved issues but it just seems like people have no idea that others don’t have the same support or resources. It hurts, man.

Stefanie Morris 6 months ago

I love this. I used to work with special needs children and I have a special place in my heart for those children. I love them, each one. They are truly special children. With these children, we learn from them. They teach us patience, humbleness, grace and so much more. To see the world through their eyes is amazing. So pure.

Irene Wilson 6 months ago

It’s hard NOT to compare and have jealousy rear it’s ugly head. Even if your child diets have these extreme cases of development, even if you do all the “right” things, even if you put your heart and soul, there’s going to be kids that are “better” than yours, parents who parent “better” than you etc. The pressures and need of confirmation that you’re doing it right exposes all your insecurities as a mom Hell even at life itself. The trick is to see YOUR child as the beautiful, unique individual he or she is and celebrate it. Snip that depressing and angry emotion in the bud when it starts or it will destroy that precious and delicate bond of motherhood. You ARE doing it right trust in that and your child and everyone else can simply go f* themselves :) truestory

Mindy Bock 6 months ago

Totally human reaction <3 I felt this exact way when my son was born very early, and was sick the entire first year. Didn’t sleep but 1-4 hours within each 24 hours and I wanted to scream at anyone who complained their kid didn’t sleep through the night. I ended up just having to space myself from everyone else, and it’s a lonely world but a calmer and more peaceful one without comparisons to others <3

Katie Tookie-Tookie 6 months ago

Jealousy is not worthless.

baidu sem 7 months ago

Awesome issues here. I am very happy to see your article. Thanks a lot and I’m looking forward to
touch you. Will you kindly drop me a e-mail?

Jessica 8 months ago

You’re not alone. My son has 3 life threatening heart defects and autism. And, yes, as completely blessed as I know we are that he’s alive, I too have the jealous moments. Not proud of it either.

Heather 10 months ago

I can totally relate. I quit Facebook for six months because I couldn’t deal with all the videos, photos and accomplishments of normal developers. Thank you for this p

Sylvia Spear 10 months ago

A lot of people post the good moments, but they have bad moments they don’t post, too….

Maggie Hinrichsen 10 months ago

Thank you

Aprils Diamond 10 months ago

Great read…the anger is tough to get through some days and the guilt of being a working mom when my son would benefit from me being home is often debilitating, but I’ve learned to take it day by day. It could always be worse. My 2 yr old doesn’t do much but cry, but he does smile and laugh at times and isn’t a smile the end result we’re all looking for? Staying positive throughout the daily therapy/full time working mom exhaustion!

Linda Hollander 10 months ago

I am also jealous. It would have been so much easier if there wasn’t so much therapy, time, energy and money involved in raising our son with autism. We love our son and are grateful for having him as a kid because he is so different. We love the way he thinks, the way he looks at life, his strong sense of right and wrong and his drive to achieve his goals. Oh but how jealous I am when I see my little niece racing away on her bike at three years old, while our 9yo still has training wheels. How jealous I am when I see a 4yo swimming while our son still panicks when he has to enter the water with his floaters. I hated myself for feeling that way for a long time, as if I blamed other parents because they have ‘normal’ kids. So glad to be part of the Scary Mommy tribe and getting to read all your stories. You all make me feel a bit more normal.

Morénike Onaiwu 10 months ago

Not knocking anyone’s thoughts, but I can’t relate – even though we’re a special needs family. I’m not getting the sense of “jealousy”I guess. There’s no guarantees in life. Or in parenting. You play the had you’re dealt, and love the kid you have.

Rebecca Ellis 10 months ago

I’m so sorry. When people have special needs children, we who were lucky enough to have don’t realize what you are going through. My sister has cerebral palsy and epilepsy. When I was small I didn’t realize how hard it was for my parents. I felt left out of everything. Then I kids of my own. I admire you for all that you do.

Alison Lange Romike 10 months ago

Exactly.

Heather Butler Fox 10 months ago

Makes my heart sad.

Lila 10 months ago

I am in awe of you! I have one “special needs” 4 yr old and one
‘normal “3 yr old. You seem to have everything under control, while I feel like I’m living in constant chaos.
I applaud you for being a strong advocate for your children. I’m just learning how hard it is to get needs met.
Stay strong and positive. You are special and amazing in my eyes. Hugs

Kathryn Jack Camp 10 months ago

this is so me at times. my son is on the spectrum my daughter has ocd, and is very shy. i look sometimes at all things “normal” kids do and smile. but then have no idea of how my son saying i love you mommy, and my daugher shaking someone new hands can make me cry. i love my kids, they are awesome kids.

Jeffrey Rawles 10 months ago

I get the birthday party reference, it is a sad pill to swallow

Jane Kessler 10 months ago

My daughter is autistic & cannot do sports or other stuff at school. I get so tired of hearing people brag at work about their kids. I’m happy for them but just tired of hearing about it.

Kawther Jahmi 10 months ago

Painful

Brigit Soby Rodriguez 10 months ago

Loud and clear, sister

Rebecca Dorr 10 months ago

I can so relate to this. Some days no matter how thankful you are, you just wonder what it would be like to not have to work so hard.

Karen Hennessy Yung 10 months ago

Oh, dear me, how I can relate!! It deeply saddens me to think about how much I can relate.

Virginia Dupuis 10 months ago

This made me a bit mad…. I mean really? No matter what, moms have to judge one another?? Wth!??!

Sandra Arkanoff 10 months ago

There is no normal

Sherry Lundquist 10 months ago

Jealous? WTH? Normal? (Unsubscribed!!!!!)

JJ 10 months ago

Yes, this! It’s hard to admit to myself that feeling of jealousy/envy about families with “normal” kids. I love my daughter who has ADD, OCD, anxiety, depression & learning disabilities but sometimes I just wish we had regular struggles. I try not to throw myself a pity party but it is nice to read that I am not alone in these negative feelings. Thank you so much for writing this. I needed to read it today.

Kim Nealis 10 months ago

I have a child with additional needs and I’m definitely not jealous of “normal” families x

Sibyl Roland 10 months ago

The so called normal mommy was going to Holland with beautiful windmills and tulips. You got to go to France. But France has beautiful sights and qualities too. Always be on the lookout for them. Don’t be jealous. Enjoy the beautiful sights of France , you are Special and so is your child. France is beautiful!

Megan Basmajian 10 months ago

Thank you for this post

Ren’ee Weeter 10 months ago

I get this!!

Carrie AndFam Streetman 10 months ago

Great perspective! Thank you for sharing!

Lena Kane 10 months ago

We ALL struggle in different ways. I understand this article is to show perspective, but motherhood is difficult in different ways for everyone. I’m actually kind of tired of the measuring stick of how bad, how hard, how much pity there should be. Stop believing the facades of Facebook and your idea of how others’ lives are. Gosh this is not lifting each other! It’s covetous.

michelle 10 months ago

You said exactly how i feel , both of you . Bless you both for your strength.

Mai Lähny 10 months ago

<3 beautiful read

Holly Otto 10 months ago

Beautiful

Rachel Lehman 10 months ago

As someone who could have written this, it’s not that I don’t love my child more than life itself, but that everything that comes so easy for TD kids is so much work for us. I’m jealous that you get to spend your time enjoying the growing up so carefree.

Felicia Marcum Bellis 10 months ago

My daughter has Tourette’s syndrome, ADD, OCD, and a myriad of other issues. They weren’t noticeable until she was in 2nd grade and by 5th they were debilitating. Luckily she has turned the corner and is now in 8th grade and unless you know her back story she is “normal”. It was hard on me to have normal and then have to work with a special needs kiddo. It was harder on her to have been normal then have to be a special needs kiddo.
We are very blessed that she fits societies normal again…but we learned that society doesn’t always define normal. We use the phrase normal for us!!

JMD 10 months ago

Beautiful post.

But please don’t forget that those families that look so perfect from the outside, the families that seem happy and healthy and ‘normal’, more often than not have their own struggles.

When I am out with my living children it might not be visible that we are missing one child. We go out and have fun and everything appears perfect. But it’s not and never will be. So grateful for our two happy and healthy children. But never taking it for granted.

Stacie 10 months ago

I understand how you feel. I’m jealous that you know what causes your children to have difficulties. My daughter is delayed, she’s be in PT, OT & speech therapy since she was a year and a half old. We took her to a specialist to get checked out, they can’t tell us why… When I take her places I’m exhausted before we even get there because I know she can’t sit still or stay with me and enjoy things as well as other kids. Her grandparents won’t take her to spend time like they did her older sister because she’s difficult. Those things I tell myself, it’s their loss, she’ll get easier and maybe they will get braver… They don’t always work.

Tamara Alexandra 10 months ago

Not a day goes by that i am not gratefull for having healthy children. I see you with your child and i admire your strength and curage! Your child is awesome to! In there own speciall way as are all children.
Bless. ♡

Tom Venetta 10 months ago

We all have a tendency to focus on what’s happening in our world and then you read or hear of a story like this and you realize that there are people out there that have burdens that so far out shadow yours that you need to stop and thank God for the blessings that he has given you

Karen Henderson 10 months ago

Every ones Normal is simply, THEIR own.

Erika Maddox 10 months ago

My daughter isn’t Autistic or ID. She has a very rare disease. Lots of treatments with horrible side effects. I get jealous when other moms talk about remission. We aren’t even close. She will have this the rest of her life. The sun her trigger. I will worry till the day I die. Thank you for this. I needed to read it is okay to be jealous sometimes

Nicola Maxwell Juliff 10 months ago

Could have wrote some of this myself, as a parent of two autistic children.

Doreen Bernadette Watson 10 months ago

Wow there is no such thing as normal!

Mary Rogers Scheffki 10 months ago

Wow…perfectly put!

Chris Mcallister 10 months ago

I completely agree with feeling jealous. I have periods where I come off from facebook altogether because I can’t cope with those feelings. I get so excited when my 8yr old tries a piece of lettuce for the first time! It’s two different world, it’s a world I didn’t choose but at the same time – my friends didn’t choose for me to be in my world either xx

Monica 10 months ago

My heart goes out to you! I’m jeolous of how honest and real you chose to be. Some of us aren’t as courageous as you are. Thank you for having that strength, that integrity, that fortitude. You make life easier for the rest of us who can’t yet come out if the shadows of normalcy.

Vergne Cecile 10 months ago

Garden is always greener in other s garden . To be a parent or learn To be parents is discovering lové of your Kids

Michelle A. Cropper 10 months ago

I think what Leslie meant was that, although it is challenging for a woman to raise a child with special needs, they would rather go through that challenge their whole lives than live without a child. Some women carry a child and end up losing it (like my mother and my sister in law), having it be born stillborn after carrying it for nine months (like my mother in law did), or end up carrying their child only to find out they have some rare condition that makes it impossible for their child to live a full life or to even survive full term. I just recently found out my child could have a rare birth defect called Trisomy 18. If that is the case, my child would either make it to full term or he would die within one to two years of living, according to my perinatologist. It’s scary and the only way to really be sure is to do an amniocentisis, which could put me in labor, so I won’t do it. My husband and I just have to wait, and it’s a constant worry on my mind. People tell me not to worry, but this is my baby boy we’re talking about here.

Kassy Kelley 10 months ago

I love to hear and read different issues other mommies have, helps me learn not to judge any mommy. Helps me remember all kids are special , every foot print counts. And to NEVER judge. All mommies have struggles and deal with many things .

Martine Banditten Gøttler 10 months ago

Don’t be jealous! Be proud! We who have autism don’t want to be like everybody else! As long as people recognize that we are different and don’t expect us to be like you all, we are fine :-) and people who have downs syndrome, honestly seem to be the happiest people on earth. See the good in what you where given and be happy about all the things that YOU get, that regular parents don’t <3

Jennifer Santa Maria 10 months ago

Mom of 26 week twins here, too. Early years VERY hard – I could have written this article. I’m lucky that the twins have overcome and have no noticeable lingering issues now at 12 years old.

Lindsey Moseley 10 months ago

Thank you!

Missy 10 months ago

I feel so ashamed of my own jealousy. For 15 years, I had an asthmatic son. HE played football once he hit 7th grade, he was your typical angry teen, then at 15, the world came crashing in on him. Liver Disease and CRPS (a chronic pain syndrome) has stolen almost 3 years of his life. He won’t have a Senior Night in Football, I won’t get to see him walk for graduation. He will never be able to lay the sport he loves even as a pick up game. And I know, with your struggles, mine seem petty. I have one almost healthy son and one that has a very long rocky road to travel. But I would give my right arm for one day of normal. Of no pain, no tears, no worry. To have his senior pictures taken with his gorgeous complexion before the rash began. I used to think normal was over rated, but now, its a dream.

Lindsey Moseley 10 months ago

I have 4 children. #1 is completely blind. #4 is hard of hearing. Theyre different. They require different variety of everything really. I did mourn in the beginning. But im thankful for them the way they are. They have the best personalities. Im thankful that they dont have worse problems like liver failure or heart problems. Just because their different and sometimes its harder doesnt mean theyre less worthy of love. Im not jealous of others children who may have it better or easier. They should be jealous of mine because of how awesome they are despite their disabilities!

Willie 10 months ago

I have cerebral palsy, ocpd, and a few other developmentally disabilities. My mom went through a lot taking care of me, and I always loved her for it. The last four years of my mom’s life, I took care of her. She had cancer that travelled to her brain, and then her liver. As the rest of the “normal” family, who lives in the same town as us had “their lives”, they didn’t want to be bothered. i used to ask them to please come over and at least give her a hug, but they said I don’t know what it’s like to live a “normal” life. It was not easy to take on the responsibilities of taking care of my mom, but she did it for me, and I love her. Unfortunately, after she died, it was extremely hard for me, but I continued life as she instructed me. The worst part is – the “normal” family – have nothing to do with me, even though they are in charge of the house. I am never invited to any birthdays or holidays, and I have a niece that is getting married next week, and I was not invited there. My mom did teach me how the rest of the world is, but because she did teach me well, I did manage to be social for a while, and I made a friend who lives with me, and helps me live, and life is now great.

Ellen Howard Kuras 10 months ago

Finally a great read! Thanks for not making it in list form.

Nadia Kean Ayub Ingrassio 10 months ago

Beautifully honest.

Alisha Haskett 10 months ago

And it is SO SO normal to feel that way. And he is so so lucky to have such a great mom on his side. :)

Giselle Castillo Wrobel 10 months ago

Missed the point. It wasnt about the parents with the normal children, it was about the author’s own issues. Jealousy issues that she is ashamed to feel but does anyway, and had the courage to admit when others couldnt. She didnt imply that parents shouldnt post anything in order to not offend anyone, she was merely talking about her own struggles.

Shannon Gurley Gorrell 10 months ago

Michelle Jasper Gilbert..I love you and Jacob so much and miss yall to pieces! I too understand the jealousy at times. My sweet baby girl who is 4, after 2 and half years of therapy is just now starting to speak, these milestones are so miraculous when you are unsure of their future progresses. But I get jealous of normal when I don’t know when she is going to have a meltdown, if she is going to be able to sleep if we go out of town to visit family because it’s not her routine, if her seizures are going to return one day, if she will refuse to eat because she doesn’t have her specific food. BUT..With all that said..I would never trade these experiences for anything! She has taught me so much that I always took for granted with my older “normal” children.

cassie 10 months ago

I hear you. My son is autistic. He is 15 now and it is a long hard road. I too have been jealous of “normal” my son has not slept through the night since he was born. Consequently, neither have I. I get upset at parents of babies complain about being tired. Come complain to me when you have 15 years of lost sleep. Before then, I don’t want to hear it. Yes, I too am jealous. Some days insanely jealous

Aileen Hornbeck Schwarz 10 months ago

Beautifully written. Thank you. When kids stare at my daughter (DS), I grab her and kiss her.
There’s got to be a reason “mother” makes up most of the word “smother.”

Michelle Hamlin 10 months ago

This was me with my first. He walked early but never laughed, talked or anything just cried. Later he was diagnosed with autism. My second I was able to be “normal” but I love both the same.

Cecily Jones 10 months ago

Wow I like a lot of these “tough love” comments! I have an awesomely typical oldest son, a classic autistic middle son, and a somewhere inbetween youngest son. I’ll tell you what- the smug bloggers of cutely annoying toddlers don’t have a clue!!!!!

Loraine Guichard-Singh 10 months ago

I have a special needs child. He is my angel. When I read posts like these I know firsthand the challenges but the love we have for our children is without measure. For me…this boy was the gift I received…a happy little gift. I love him so much. I would be nothing without him.

Erin Paige Wardlow Cretsinger 10 months ago

Each and every person has their own plight, their own struggle. And each of us has a right to feel the way we do about whatever that may be. There is always someone who has a harder road, or a bigger mountain to climb. Look each day for only that which you are wanting to see. Blessings, love, healing and progress. Life can be so beautiful regardless of our challenges.

Cecily 10 months ago

Oh how this touched my heart. You just might be my soul sister. My oldest son is joyfully typical, my middle son classic autistic, and my youngest son somewhere in between. Oh the times I have shared your sentiment- noticing the nothing’s to every other parent that are the huges for me. Thank you. Feels good to not be alone.

Ashley Loya 10 months ago

Thank you :) I could have wrote it myself almost

Kelly Clift 10 months ago

Thanks

Shannon Knox 10 months ago

My husbands sister has battens disease, juvenile onset. Sounds very similar to what your daughter has. Big hugs to you both, Kelly and Dana.

Elena Pita 10 months ago

Mom of miracle 25 week twins. They are miracles just for surviving… but their extreme prematurity did leave issues… developmental delays, sensory issues, etc. My son pretty much came out of it unscathed, but my daughter has had to fight through every milestone and even has an unrelated rare condition, congenital radial head dislocation. They’re little things in comparison, but I many times wish they had been born like all other babies… without being exposed to extreme chaos before their little brains were fully developed. Then there are times I feel so lucky because I am the mom of two beautiful children who are true warriors and have shown me first what perseverance is all about. Hugs to ALL moms out there. We have the most challenging job in the world.

Cathy Hill Andrew 10 months ago

Thank you for posting this! I was always sooo envious until we finally found what fit for our child.

Kathy Young 10 months ago

Well said, thank you.

Karina Pichardo 10 months ago

Lexi, you’ve hit the ball out the park with this post! So honest and raw. Beautifully written! XOXO

Kim Bliss 10 months ago

As a special needs mom, just remember to celebrate the little things in your life.
My VCFS kid doesn’t play sport or win trophies, or awards at school. But I had a huge moment of joy when he finally weighted more than 20 kg at the age of nine. LOL

Michelle Jasper Gilbert 10 months ago

Yes. Yes. Yes. My oldest is 6, he has a rare chromosome deletion. He doesn’t walk, doesn’t speak, has a feeding tube etc etc. Most days I’m so thankful he is here with me, so thankful for the the things he can do. But some days I am jealous, sad, angry, and everything else.

Dawn Sander 10 months ago

this is so true.

AmyJ 10 months ago

Kudos to you for sharing your story, sharing those feelings that are hard to feel. I have one son, who was born at 23 weeks. While we are incredibly fortunate that he is happy and healthy, he is in multiple therapies and is in many ways well behind his peers. I find myself regularly envious of those who had an easy time getting pregnant, had an easy pregnancy, had a healthy “normal” full-term baby, have a child who meets milestones, a child that doesn’t have CP or the risk of CP, etc. I love him more than anything and wouldn’t trade him, but sometimes I just want easy. Or easier. And we don’t have it nearly as hard as many others who have commented here. So kudos to all the mamas out there who just want things to be easier than they currently are, no matter the circumstances.

Amanda Enriquez 10 months ago

I hope you all read some of the other comments because there are some inspirational things being said down below. 😉

Karen Six Leonard 10 months ago

So relate to this sometimes!! Hugs

Susanna Gedaro 10 months ago

I can totally relate. My son is missing a chromosome. :(

Hannah Fabiani 10 months ago

We all get jealous about one thing or another in this life, jealousy is a human emotion and the healthiest thing you can do is be brave enough to admit your humanness, to accept and forgive yourself for feeling jealousy. That is the only way to move on. Suppressed jealousy turns into blind hate which will rot your soul.

Hannah Fabiani 10 months ago

My son doesn’t have any extra chromosomes and it still took him until 17 months to learn how to walk. Your son is doing fantastic! I understand though, I was quite jealous of all the moms whose babies were walking long before mine. It’s nothing bad on those moms, it’s just that no mom wants to feel like her kid is being left behind. We all do what we can for our babies.

Sarah Fritz-Maldonado 10 months ago

Normal is boring anyway…. I love the not normal the extra chromosome, the autistic genius… It sets them apart & makes them unique…

Hannah Fabiani 10 months ago

It is healthy to admit you are jealous, that is actually the only way to move past it and not let it subconsciously transform you into a hateful person. Bless you for your honesty with yourself and bless your beautiful children :)

Vanessa Madrid 10 months ago

It hurts to see my son hurt! But I fight my own pain to help him through his own!

Vicci B. Chuc 10 months ago

I hope there are to, they all deserve the best from us and so do you guys 😀 You are welcome <3

Amanda Sullivan-Kramer 10 months ago

So understand this, but i have learned to cherish the milestones of my autistic son, because they are done in his timing, with hours of hard work. My typical daughter at is younger, surpasses him at times, and it hurts but she cheers him on and challenges him in ways, I can’t. Hugs mama! When you stop always focusing on others, you will see what your child can do. It’s normal to focus a little, but don’t let it consume you. That is the key.. When it consumes you, you truly miss out….

Vivian Oliveri 10 months ago

Relatable

Jillian White 10 months ago

Thank you for your comment! I worry for my daughter’s future and hope there are more ppl like you in the world!

Alison Soltau 10 months ago

My heart ached when I read this. Very understandable emotions that this writer is experiencing. Uninvited to parties. Sitting in the car while other kids play sports. This made me want to cry. As the parent of a toddler who so far has not experienced these challenges., this makes me think that at the very least I should be mindful of doing what I can to help include special needs kids that my kid encounters and celebrate their hard-won milestones. All the best to this writer. x.

deanna 10 months ago

I relate to this so strongly. As a parent to 3 special needs kids, I get so tired of having to defend my parenting choices and my children’s behavior. So tired of people saying “Isn’t he a little old for that?” “Don’t you want your child to be independent?” or even “Quit acting like such a big baby?”

People judge so quickly without ever taking the time to understand the full story.

Darrin Corso 10 months ago

We want our kids to excel because it’s good for them, but also because it fills a void in us when they do. Many of us can relate to how the author feels and it’s seductive to want to feel that way. It’s also a waste of time and honestly it’s driven by our own self pity. Our kids are our kids and there’s no need to burden them with our hang ups about what we wish they could do as long as they are doing the best they can. We’re going to love them to pieces no matter what.

My boy is five years old with ASD and there’s nothing I want more than to have a back and forth conversation with him. I’d love to help him talk out a problem or tell me what his favorite color is. That would feel good to me. But those are not the cards we were dealt and besides it isn’t all about what makes me feel good. It’s about helping him go as far as he can go no matter what his limitations are or are not. Being jealous of others or wishing things were different won’t help anything.

Hell yes I can relate.

Sally Stephens Skidmore 10 months ago

Such a wonderful post. Face-bragging is just that. Superficial.

Jen 10 months ago

My first son is normal and healthy, and like you thanked god he was, but had no idea. My second baby was born with idiopathic progressive scoliosis and has to be a patient of Shriners hospital from birth to who knows how long. I am grateful for his health, but the pain and problems and braces and looks he gets, all of it, I had no idea. All I know is I love every bit of him, and the new normal we have is sometimes hard, but so precious. We are so lucky we were entrusted to take care of them, and there is something so awesome in the progress they make. I have some effing hard days, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Michaela Martin-Potter 10 months ago

Yes everyone who has a non special needs child, stop posting anything, ever, for fear you might “offend” someone. How dare you.

Heather O’Brien 10 months ago

Absolutely amazing piece

E Blakely Schmidt Scearce 10 months ago

Thank you for sharing. When I catch “your” eye, how can I support you?

Amber Marie 10 months ago

So very true.

Laura Murphy 10 months ago

It may be easy to feel jealousy, as I know I have from time to time. But some should be jealous of us that do have kids with special needs in any shape or form because we don’t take things for granted. Every milestone means more progress and hard work paying off. Every emotional breakthrough means so much more to us. Those of us with children with special needs don’t take little moments for granted we value each and every little moment. Stay strong, we are are allowed our breakdowns lord knows I’ve had my fair share! ❤️

Aundrea Romero 10 months ago

I personally did not find your comment negative.

Aundrea Romero 10 months ago

Every child is special. Their Sweet and Innocent and are just babies who need to be shown love and how to grow. Children are a blessing no matter how “normal” they are. I personally hate referring to any child as “normal”.

Leslie King 10 months ago

Jennifer you still did not read my response fully….Susi it’s okay, thank you for reconsidering what I said. It says a lot about you.

Susi Montoya 10 months ago

Sorry Leslie for some reason I thought you meant not being able to conceive and when actually you said losing a child. Shutting up now.

Amber Payne 10 months ago

^^^lmao!!! I have a special needs child. I just don’t need to be coddled. Sure it’s also nice at times to have people say “that sucks! I couldn’t imagine” but thinking “it could be worse” rallies strength instead of pity.

Rachel Arterburn 10 months ago

I relate STRONGLY to this article but I also understand what Leslie King is saying. After suffering three 2nd trimester miscarriages and then my son being born at 24 weeks—17 years ago so I’m talking about after the past 17 years of medical advancements have happened–I begged God that I would take my son any way I could have him if I could just HAVE him. So after 9 years of a tracheostomy and peg tube, COUNTLESS surgeries for many many reasons, every kind of therapy (ongoing) epilepsy and CP ….I am jealous sometimes and thankful all the time because I have him. I recall when the Columbine shooting happened and he was a baby in the hospital (again) with yet another severe pneumonia I watched this story unfold live on TV and I cried as I hugged my sick little baby and knew that any of those parents would trade places with me if they could. See, we need to be open to seeing what we have and how beautiful life is. Even when life is very very very effing unfair…. because it’s all we have.

Amanda Little Cohen 10 months ago

Well. This hits me right in the feels today. Can identify so much with this writer.

Brittany Schwartzwald 10 months ago

Solidarity.

Alisa 10 months ago

I just want to hug all of you! I love the honesty and strength in all of us! XOXO

Jennifer Miller Drayton 10 months ago

I am not angry , frustrated or looking to dislike someone. LOL
I am a very happy person who is an advocate for those who can’t or won’t have a voice.
When someone says “look on the bright side ” or “it could be worse” those people have absolutely no idea what you are going through.
There is no reason to make them feel even worse which is exactly what your post did.
To belittle some else’s pain because you think they should “look on the bright side” is horrible.
By arguing this point means you (hopefully) will never understand what it’s like to lose a child or have a special needs child.
I wish you peace and good night.

Annette Ibata 10 months ago

Some days are just like this…they pass…but the bumpy days deserve acknowledgment just as the brilliant days. To ignore the yuk just let’s it hide and simmer and possibly infect. Some days are like this…

kris elsea 10 months ago

I give you so many props for not completely loosing your mind! My daughter doesn’t technically have special needs but she has hit all her milestones late…. I as well am jealous if my friends who have a daughter younger than her who is already walking, another is already talking like crazy and has been since 8 months old…. my daughter is turning one and only grunts even with hours practicing with words, barely starting to walk with her walker, hates people and doesn’t get along with anyone but mommy and daddy. I am jealous of those friends who get to go out because the grand parents will watch them whenever and the last time I went out and saw friends was over 6 months ago….. *hugs* you are amazing and its Okay to be jealous.

Amber Payne 10 months ago

Facts are facts. The fact is, it could be worse!! That is the MAIN thing that gets me through the exhaustingly long seconds of my days. Especially days like today where my son has potentially ran off yet another babysitter. At least this one he didn’t reduce to tears. Saying “it could be worse” allows me to remember to be thankful for what I have when I’m feeling totally beaten. It gives me strength.

Vicci B. Chuc 10 months ago

No, our world sucks to people who are “different”, they don’t look at them like someone who can teach them, someone who can see beauty in the little things we all take for granted, and can teach us so much more than we could ever guess. And you are welcome Raphaelle :) My eyes were opened to the beauty of these children when my daughter was in preschool and one of her classmates, who was not yet diagnosed, caught my attention and showed me more than any child has ever done. I was amazed by his absolute brilliance and loved to spend time with him watching the things he could do. Absolutely the most beautiful child he is.

Diane Hebra Merchant 10 months ago

Thanks for the perspective, Kelly…

Angela Thomas Eilers 10 months ago

A lot of moms could use a big dose of reality in the form of this post

Leslie King 10 months ago

Susi, let me say again! I have felt all feelings I mentioned! I come from experience or I would not have commented at all. I know the pain of loss, of yearning and of frustration. Carmen I still have nothing for you…sorry.

Brit Reiger 10 months ago

I get it… HUGS!

Carmen Osburn 10 months ago

It is truly asinine to tell someone who is obviously having a difficult moment in life that “it could be worse.” “Worse” or “better” is not the writer’s reality. The writer should not have to internalize her own thoughts or consider that others have it worse before she’s allowed to feel her feelings! Life is not to be lived in hypotheticals or in someone else’s reality. These are real feelings here, not petty, shallow, materialistic, grievances. I’m quite sure that the writer is not reading your comment and saying to herself, “gee, I never thought of it that way!” “…could always be worse.” Give me a break. No one who is obviously in despair wants to hear that. No one.

Janice Johnson 10 months ago

So true

Amanda Petryk-Tirado 10 months ago

Jealous… That you can go outside and take care of your yard work while your kids play around you, but I stay inside, bc someone must always be inside. Jealous bc you can shoe shop without trying to shove AFO’s into every tiny pair… I’ve been wishing for “normal” a lot lately, a lot more than I have ever in the past 5 years. I celebrate many moments, and have lots of snuggles and smiles with my lovely girl, but sometimes things are just hard. Thanks so much for posting this. Xoxo

Lindsey 10 months ago

I’d have your kids over anytime. Group sports are overrated and so are the mommies who incessantly push organized activities on kids. Just don’t judge when my girls ask for and get a duo of real soda…our at least funny blog about it 😉

Erin Reynolds Lockett 10 months ago

Leslie, I get exactly what you were trying to say…some will find fault with EVERYTHING and the Internet is a great place to act like an asshole! Carry on…

kimberly 10 months ago

LOVE!!! I could have written this myself…it’s like you were in my head. DEAR author I can soon help with your sleep deprevation. Please contact me and I think you are amazing!!!

Susi Montoya 10 months ago

Leslie I see what you are saying about it hurting not being able to have a child and I sympathize with you but to say that it’s worse, you are just assuming. It hurts so terribly when your child has to go through so much struggles. It’s worse then not being able to have a child. It truly is. But for the childs sake do look at the upside of things.

Amber Payne 10 months ago

You shouldn’t feel guilty for being proud of your “normal” children, but it shows your level of compassion that you do. And thank you for that. Our “jealousy” is our own “bad habit”. It’s a natural emotion, one we shouldn’t feel, but in all honesty, we do at fleeting times. But that shouldn’t take away from anyone else’s happiness, just like it shouldn’t take away ours. It’s just an imperfect human reaction :)

Britney Lawman 10 months ago

Well, essentially the original author was negating parents complaining and exhaustion with quote “normal” children because it could always be worse. So yeah…

Mya Courtney Whitt 10 months ago

It’s like you heard me and looked into my heart. Thank you!!!

Shalita First-Lady Ford 10 months ago

Aww, how sad

Leslie King 10 months ago

I only worded it wrong because I didn’t add butterflies and smilies through my post. The sensitivity on the Internet is what’s disgusting. I made a statement, I didn’t fluff it up. That’s their problem not mine. I never attacked anyone. I just stated that there are a lot worse things in the world. Be grateful. Their living, you have them, that’s all.

Kassy 10 months ago

I see your kid, running around the playground, and you , without a worry in the world as your child can easily take breaths , while my child struggles at home, just to breath while he is asleep.

I’m jealous of you.

Valerie Ann 10 months ago

Although I have no way of knowing how you feel – I can tell you that you are strong and that it is my belief that God doesn’t give us anything we can’t handle so clearly you are stronger than others!

Kristy Shell Ragsdale 10 months ago

All the time….Only if they are good of coarse. Drives me crazy!!just don’t feel like that’s public business at all!!

Libby Taggart Unwin 10 months ago

….and I want you to come sit on my couch with a cup of fresh coffee and let me be your friend. I want my kids to know your kid and I want our worlds to be merged together. Please.

Trianna Landon 10 months ago

Love this! I often catch myself rolling my eyes as I read about yet another baby walking at 10 months, while my son, at 14 months, is just learning to stand. I have to step back, take a deep breath, and realize that it’s okay for that mama to be proud, because I sure as hell will be when my little man takes his first steps!
I’m lucky that my little guy will get there, in time. I thank my lucky stars every day for him, with all his chromosomes, I know some mamas only have babies in their wishes or in heaven, not in their arms.

Viviana Capella 10 months ago

I cant say I know how u feel, because I dont, I wish I could really feel it that way I could be of more support to all the moms that are going thru that. But something I can tell u is I really admire you and wish I could ever have the strenght you have.

Leslie King 10 months ago

I actually didn’t reply to the mother myself as that’s not really how this works. Scary mommy posts others blog posts. I never spoke in anger or said a word personally to the mother. You are obviously trying to find someone to dislike this evening Jennifer, I’m sorry your so angry and frustrated yourself. I’m sorry, but losing a child, or children is harder, it is harder to see a women with a child you can’t have or have had, and lost. We all suffer with “poor me” but I try to see it differently when I do. If that’s disgusting to you, so be it.

Rena Chadwick Gardner 10 months ago

I can definitely relate sometimes

Amy 10 months ago

My daughter is 21, and I still – still! – feel everything you have written about. I can hardly stand to listen to mothers whose children are “typical”. And being at the store! You nailed that! My favorite is when I’m out in public with my daughter and a mother (usually, it’s the mother) grabs her kid who is with her and gives them a hug as if to say, “I’m glad you’re normal.”

Kyra Sammons 10 months ago

I could’ve written this post. Long story short, my daughter will be 14 this month, but functions on a 7-9 yr old level. Brain cancer, surgery, radiation therapy and all of the other ailments that follow (autoimmune disease) tend to take toll on their mental and physical development.

Samantha Olson 10 months ago

This just made me want to take back any complaint I’ve ever had about parenting.

Jennivere Addams 10 months ago

I am the very lucky and proud mother of a special needs child. She has epilepsy, aspergers, and ADHD. Being her mother has taught me patience, compassion and courage. My love and acceptance of her is unconditional. When I see other parents with their children, I am not jealous. I’m blessed to know that they love their children just as much as I love my own and everybody’s child is special and wonderful in their own way.

Tiffany O’Shea 10 months ago

My son died in 2012 from sepsis he was 15 months old. I get what your saying, but having a special needs child would be unbelievably hard. I think you may have just worded it wrong. If I had a special needs child and you said that to me I would probably be quite hurt. Everyone has their struggles. I agree with Amber you are definately allowed to feel sorry for yourself sometimes ☺️

Danielle Anderson 10 months ago

People post report cards???? That is nuts!

Paula Sell 10 months ago

Very well said.

Meredith Elaine 10 months ago

Hugs

mm 10 months ago

Your words brought the tears. I’m a momma pregnant with my 2nd and have been told my baby has a brain abnormality – nothing could’ve prepared me for this. They won’t know anything much about severity or prognosis until baby is here, but I’m hoping for the best while being way more than a little terrified. Sending prayers, love, and hugs your way. <3

Nicole Pals Wrona 10 months ago

I feel this sometimes, but as soon as I look at my son ( with autism) I realize how lucky I am to have a smart, funny, special little boy.

Raphaëlle Thiriet Zilio 10 months ago

You know, you’re right, and most of us keep telling us that. However, on a daily basis, it’s not enough. Not always anyway and jealousy still rears its ugly head from time to time. I am strong, optimistic, enthusiastic most of the time. But sometimes I feel a bit tired, sad, discouraged and envious of the more typical struggles parents of typical ( there is no such thing as normal) kids deal with.

Tracie Warnick 10 months ago

I don’t have a son with autism but have had some challenges like overstimulation. & both my kids used to run away when we would go to the mall. Potty training took a long time with my second child when j thought it would be easier. I still struggle sometimes with my son sitting at restaurants for a meal. We as moms should all stick together & support one another. I think it’s ok for you to feel how you feel. Just know that you are not alone :)

Jennifer Dean Davis 10 months ago

Special children are only given to special parents. My heart & my prayers goes out to you.

Amy Iozzi 10 months ago

I can completely relate to these feelings and being angry. I think it’s a normal human reaction when others have no idea the trials and tribulations a family may go through. I always try to take that into consideration when speaking about my child and be conscious of others feelings. Same goes with posting endlessly about their achievements.

Karena L Rogers 10 months ago

Powerful. Thank you.

Shari Wippert 10 months ago

I was that mom that bragged for the first two years of my oldest daughters life. Then it was like a switch got turned off. After a full year of trying to convince her Drs that something was wrong she was diagnosed with autism and petite-mals. It took another full year just to get her close to where she was at two. Now my second daughter is going to be scanned for autism disorder this next week, and will at the very least need speech therapy. I am constantly on pins and needles, and added to this stress I am constantly watching my one year old for signs of autism as well. It is very difficult to watch my friends children reach their milestones so easily. Those same milestones that I saw my children work so hard to reach. For me it isn’t really jealousy so much as a wish for them to realize where I’m coming from with my struggles.

Tracey Cheesman 10 months ago

And those of us with NT children also love you and your posts and your child and their milestones.

I celebrate every ‘yay’ moment my special needs mom friends have with them from way over here in my corner.

I cheer hard for their kids. I cry when they get bad news. I cry when they get good news.

They have taught me much I never knew about life. They enlighten my mind. They nest in my heart. I am absolutely a better person today teaching accepting and loving children than I ever knew I could be, simply from having them in my life.

So, just remember that while you are saying “I am not special. Anyone in my place would do the same for their child”, that we are looking on and seeing your strength of purpose and admiring the fact that you do it with every ounce of love you have.

We have normal. But you are extraordinary, and you are probably teaching people every single day and have no idea at all you’re doing it.

Amber Payne 10 months ago

Leslie, I get what you’re saying. I also saw that you’re not trying to “negate” people’s feelings, just trying to say “look on the bright side”. We’re still allowed to feel sorry for ourselves at times. It doesn’t help anything & we shouldn’t wallow in it, but it’s a natural feeling that happens. Words like yours are what I tell myself to keep my head up when I ask “why us”.

Jeannine Reilly 10 months ago

Dear writer, I love this article! My nephew has autism and he is 11 months older than my daughter. My sister and I have always been very close, and being on the other side of this article I can tell you I have felt guilty about sharing some of my daughters accomplishments in school or her love and participation in sports/dance/art class/cheer. Anything social that I know my nephew wouldn’t be able to handle. It’s weird feeling conflicted about telling your sister her nieces cheer squad came in first place in competition. My nephew is truly an amazing, smart, funny, gifted soul. Anyone that he let’s see that is a lucky person! I just wanted to let you know I can appreciate how you’re feeling!

Jennifer Miller Drayton 10 months ago

That’s actually the point , Kristen. If you haven’t lived through it you have no idea the pain that someone is going through.
To say be glad you don’t have a dead child or can be pregnant is disgusting and insensitive.
Just say I’m sorry for what you’re going through. There is no reason to judge and belittle another mother because you can not understand what she is going through.

Kelly Jilson 10 months ago

Totally agree . Every time I get down or frustrated with ANYTHING in life not just my baby , I have to take a moment to remind myself of all the other possible things I could be hurt or upset or jealous about .

Kelly Clift 10 months ago

Thanks, much appreciated

Raphaëlle Thiriet Zilio 10 months ago

I’m not the writer but as the mom of a special need child, I wanted to say thank you. You made me tear up. I know my son’s issues made me a stronger person, but sometimes, I’d still wish it could be easier. Especially for him. Me, well, I can deal with it. He’s still little and our world is not kind to people who are different.

Danielle Anderson 10 months ago

I get this and I needed it today.

Jan Johnson 10 months ago

Normal is a setting on the dryer—and in case you didn’t know it— God saves special children for very special parents— because it takes very special parents to make a happy productive life for these special individuals.
Happiness balanced with heartache— but understanding to balance all. Never never hate yourself because you were chosen for this special job because you were the strongest —we all do or should admire you. Most of us could never do your job. We look at you in awe!!! God bless you. He already has.

Leslie King 10 months ago

Thank you Kristen for not immediately jumping to the negative.

Dana Rosenberg 10 months ago

My sister (adult) was diagnosed with leukodystrophy a few years ago. It’s very frustrating to explain to people what it is. I just wanted to send a little support as it sounded similar to what I’ve witnessed. (Hugs)

Lori Torres 10 months ago

The emotion of jealousy is part of being a human and should/can be validated in numerous situations especially in this writer’s world. I am sailing on the same type of voyage she is and it is a totally normal feeling. It may not be healthy (neither is eating large amounts of chocolate but hey, I do that to) however; saying it out loud and writing about it is. Don’t judge and don’t demean her for just admitting to a few unfavorable thoughts that MANY in her circumstance, including myself, have had.

Breanna 10 months ago

Coming from a parent who has a son with Autism, and many, many wonderful loving people who help on him a weekly basis… thank you so much for doing this. And I’m terribly sorry for the loss of your daughter.

Shauna Wienke 10 months ago

This just made me teary eyed

Kristin Fleck 10 months ago

Wow. Let’s show some grace, here! She’s right. I struggle with feeling jealous of moms that have babies at all. Because after 5 years, my body sure isn’t making any. I don’t think she was negating anyone’s hurt or pain. It’s just that “normal” IS different for everyone. A child with special needs is more than no child at all. Or a child that died. Everyone has some kind of hurt. We are all allowed to hurt.

Kerrie Lewis Alloy 10 months ago

I am SO lucky that my son with Down syndrome is mild, happy, healthy (now). But it is SO hard. Last week I was talking to his school teacher, he has been acting up some in class, she called him “a difficult child”. He is NOT…but her off handed comment made me doubt my son. I HATE THAT. I have been looking into stem cell therapy, but am I considering it so people see me differently or to advance my childs abilities? It is so hard to watch all the neighbor kids as they run to a friends to swim or even have lunch. My son is always left watching. Please don’t get me wrong, I love my son with all my heart and soul, but sometimes I wish I could move to the middle of nowhere, with no outside human contact. I HATE finding out the age of another kid which leaves me looking for the delays. I HATE…it is just SO difficult…he is an amazing little boy with a beautiful spirit, why can’t other people see it too?

Leslie King 10 months ago

Oh please….get a grip.

Bryna Darling 10 months ago

Hugs to Lexi. It’s a hard road, but she’ll make it, so will her kids. As others have said, normal is just a word….and for every “good” thing my kid has done, there are other things that we don’t talk about…my wonderful, mostly normal 13 year old? Held his poo for nearly a year. All my husband and I talked about for an entire year was my then 3/4 year old’s bowel movements….and he was “normal”!

Catherine DiFonso 10 months ago

I used to feel the same way (and sometimes it is true jealousy), but I think what I’m going through is grieving the loss of the kind of child I’ll never have.

Maggie Jones 10 months ago

Truly insensitive. Attempting to negate another woman’s suffering because “it could be worse”? Shame on you.

Viviana Capella 10 months ago

I dont think u read the article…

Viviana Capella 10 months ago

Hugs hugs hugs

Raphaëlle Thiriet Zilio 10 months ago

Anyway, being a parent is a messy complicated and oddly rewarding and frustrating business

Kelly Clift 10 months ago

Mutations in the PLA2G6 gene infantile neuroaxonal dystrophy.

Raphaëlle Thiriet Zilio 10 months ago

Thank you Teresa, you’re very kind. It’s so complicated: I’m super happy for all my friends who have typical kids who are growing up without major issues. And I want to know about their kids accomplishments. But sometimes I’m equally happy and envious of said accomplishments

Dana Rosenberg 10 months ago

Do you mind sharing what she has?

Nicole Deliberato Dursa 10 months ago

This article seriously made me cry. I have an ex friend who has a friend whose child is a special need child and she is so nasty to her. She calls her a retard in front of people and needless to say that that is a lot of the reason I no longer have that friend. She is willing to allow that in her presence yet has no compassion for a grieving family member. I guess its all where the party is. Too bad for her kids and her friends.

Dana Doyle 10 months ago

While I have a child who is healthy, into sports, has learning things come easy to him, I will ask questions so that I can educate myself and have a better understanding of another parent’s situation. I certainly don’t pretend to know it all. I will ask questions about the child’s situatio. so that I know if there are certain things that the child is nervous about (loud noises) so as to not upset the child. I don’t do it in front of the child so the child doesn’t teel like an outcast. I think that it takes some understanding on the part of parents who aren’t going through this on a daily basis. Maybe then it might make parents like this one breathe a little easier in the battle of life.

Viviana Capella 10 months ago

U dont have to be jealous, your child is special, and it takes a special parent to have a special child

Katy 10 months ago

I feel guilty about you. I go about my day with 4 “perfectly normal” kids sometimes hating all of it. Then I read such raw emotion about reality and I feel guilty. I am not saying this to make you feel bad any more than you saying “I am jealous of you” is meant to make me feel bad. Reality is we all gave times that are so hard we want them to end, go away, have it easier. I believe if we can connect with each other and share whatever burden then we can indeed all have it a little easier.

Joanna Keith 10 months ago

Wow. Powerful. I totally get it.

Jennifer Lane 10 months ago

❤️ Nothing but love.

Darcella Southall 10 months ago

God Bless you and your family, when you read and see things regarding other people kids remember things are seldom what they seem. You may have more challenges which makes the milestones much more special.

Jillian A Hajdasz 10 months ago

There is nothing wrong with having moments of fatigue, of being tired that you have to keep pushing, both yourself and others. It’s ok to feel jealous. People with constantly tell you that you should feel lucky that you have kids, or it could be worse. And you know what, fine, that’s sometimes true, but your reality is a hard one and shouldn’t be minimized. While I don’t have the same struggles with my children, I understand your feeling of looking at people and wondering if it really would be easier another way, and wishing for it for a few hours. We’re human, not perfect. It doesn’t mean we appreciate what we have less.

Catharine Riley Porter 10 months ago

Love this so much. Thanks for sharing.

Rachel Brewer 10 months ago

My daughter has Angelman Syndrome. As much as I love her, I admit that I’m often jealous of “normal” and “typical.” I understand normal is just a word and all children come with their challenges. But having a profoundly disabled child is not something you can understand until you experience it. And I think it’s totally normal (haha!) to feel jealous of those who don’t have your struggles, and who don’t have children with the challenges yours does.

Melissa Walent Culbert 10 months ago

My daughter has a miroduplication of her 22nd chromosome. …shes the best thing in the world..shes 6 and needs constant supervision. ..I dont get I love you’s , or look mommy’s. . no million questions, but when she makes eye contact and smiles it melts my heart

Rose Hansen 10 months ago

Not jealous… but perhaps wistful at times.

Leslie King 10 months ago

Jennifer, do you know me? Carmen… I have no words. I’m too classy for that. I wasn’t being insensitive. Just thankful for what I have, I haven’t always been so blessed. So actually I could say your being insensitive, but I don’t read every post on the Internet in a negative way. Normal is just a word, all kids are their own normal. I love every “abnormal” thing about mine and I have felt my share of loss to feel that way, Jennifer!!!

Jennifer Hammes Logan 10 months ago

Thank you.
But I wish it was because of something I did awesome that you didn’t.
But the fact of the matter is, that’s got nothing to do with it.
I lucked out. If you want to call it that. If it’s still okay or pc enough to say a kid without disabilities is getting lucky.
The best I can do is what I’ve done so far, and that is to not take credit for the achievements, last I be held responsible for the setbacks.
We’re all in the together.

April Easterwood 10 months ago

Hugs

Danielle Ann 10 months ago

I wouldn’t change my boys or their “quirks” for anything…. However I understand the envy at times while I see two parents with their perfectly behaved children, while mine is throwing himself on the ground lol…. Or the perfect family photo where the children are smiling and the parents aren’t red with stress lol….nonetheless this is my life with my children, and thats what makes my life perfect in my little way…even at the most imperfect moments…the memories we make each day whether they are shared on facebook or not, are what helps me through a not so perfect day

Kristen Suddarth Mattson 10 months ago

Did you actually read the article?

Jennifer Capua 10 months ago

You have every right to be jealous.
As do I-your children lived, one of mine did not to see her own birth. I held her cold, still body in my arms and never heard her cry.
You’re not alone-I get jealous sometimes, too. That I only have one daughter and not two.
But we all have bad days and I am lucky my daughter is healthy and happy.
Best wishes for your family.

Carolyn Cortina 10 months ago

I can relate.

Sam Higgins Kosik 10 months ago

Define “normal”….never compare your life to anyone else’s!!! Your life is your life…embrace it!!!

Kari Bayless 10 months ago

I have 3 boys. My middle son is SN. I have to think about this every day when I think about where my oldest was at this age and how my youngest is catching up at many achievements and passing him at others. I thank God constantly that my 2nd is catching up to where he is supposed to be and working on not comparing him to my youngest who is 2 1/2 years younger than him.

Dina Stevenson 10 months ago

I really liked it. The truth in it. I would have to add even being with healthy kids i get jealous but we just have to realize its just an emotion we can move on from. Like someone said ppl try to make their lives seem perfect but noones is.

Dawn @ The Momma Knows 10 months ago

Yes yes yes!!! We celebrate those milestones after years and years of therapies, and no my kid couldn’t “just sit and watch” his big brother’s wrestling matches because ONE buzzer sent him out of the gym, down the hall and straight out of the school, to have a panic attack on the sidewalk. At the age of 2. I had no clue until we had him, our 5th, that normal was a thing to be envied. So true.

Jennifer Miller Drayton 10 months ago

Mothers that have lost a child ( like me) don’t get angry over another mother who is having a hard time with a special needs child.
Your words are insensitive and cruel.

April Easterwood 10 months ago

Made me tear up. I love the little ones and not so little ones with Autism that I have had the pleasure of working with over the past decade…. and I share in the joy of working tirelessly for months for one sound. Then one word…. And my heart aches too when these children are not included with their peers. My. Heart. Literally. Aches. Thank you for sharing your story. Many many hats off to you my friend. What AMAZING strength and deep love you are filled with. Keep up the good work Mom!!

Melissa Ryan-Brown 10 months ago

I was “that” mom with my first child who bragged bc he was brilliant and did everything way ahead of schedule. I would read posts of other moms who’s child struggles some more than others and would think “Itcan’t be that bad.” Or “geez be thankful for what you have.” Then I had twins. Twins born at 24 weeks gestation weighing 1.8lbs each. Both fighting for life…..at first I would post all about their day and how “well” they were doing but in reality they were barely surviving. It wasn’t until those milestones came and went that it finally hit me “it is that bad”. The appts, ambulance rides while EMS worked worked to bring my child back, those surgeries–oh there have been some many, the therapies,the fights with insurance, the medications I’ve struggled to buy. I became jealous bc what I thought would be…wasn’t. I wanted that— I wanted the walking and talking. I wanted the first words and “I love you’s”. I still want those but I’ve come to know it won’t happen and while I am ok with it….that jealousy will still come once and a while. I laugh at the person I was back then thinking how naive I was. I am thankful for my kids and what they have accomplished on their time. I am thankful they survived despite all odds but I know from time to time I’ll have a pity party….called jealousy.

Jillian King 10 months ago

So sorry for your loss, and I can’t imagine how hard that would be. I am happy to hear your daughter is doing well. Hugs to you momma!

Caroline 10 months ago

I just found out, at 14 months, my boy is on the autism spectrum, though we aren’t exactly sure where yet. Its hard already. Especially since he has a twin sister who is “normal.” I try hard not to compare them, or to be jealous of others who can go out in public with no more than a typical display of toddlerhood. But it’s hard. I feel for you and I’m scared of the days to come.

Fiona Hutcheon Finnell 10 months ago

People only post the good their kids do or the,accomplishments. Facebook is far from the truth. Something I tell myself when my “normal” kids tell me I am mean or they hate me

Lorena Cordova-Gamino 10 months ago

Nope… Not jealous ppl need to stop compiting and stop worrying about other ppl

Jillian King 10 months ago

My son has Down syndrome, and I try to wait for him to reach his milestones when he is ready. That’s not to say it isn’t frustrating at times, but so worth the wait. I get so excited when he accomplishes something we have worked together on. I get proud moments on a daily basis.

Vicci B. Chuc 10 months ago

Awe :/ Dear Writer, please don’t be so jealous. In my eyes only the really special ones are blessed with such beautiful children. All your children are beautiful, and I for one, would not ever look at your children as any different than mine, matter of fact I treat all children the same because they are all children and all have gifts. I know it’s easy for me to sit here and talk like this but it is 100% honest, I know your days are long and exhausting, but if I could do anything to help I would be there in a blink of an eye. It is I who is jealous of you, you who loves your children to the moon and back, you who knows how difficult your days are going to be and you still get up and fight. You are the brave one I will look up to, you are strong and you can teach the rest of us so much more than we could teach you.

Amanda Williams 10 months ago

I relate to this far too often, we lost our oldest when he was 3 in an accident, seeing children his age do the things he will never be able too is torture. To top it off our daughter was left with tbi from the same accident, she will be five next month, she talks well now, was weaned off a treac, and has made tons of progress. But yes, there are times I am furiously hurt by the fact that she can’t dance, run, kick a ball or relate to other kids. I like to think it’s not that I am jealous of the other parents or the other kids, but jealous that my baby isn’t able to enjoy those things with them and not so much “like” them.

Brandy Cothrum 10 months ago

I love this. Tho my kids don’t have downs or autism, they have other problem. Our 3yr. Old has a speech problem. Sitting in subway one day these kids were making fun of him on top of that the parents did not stop them. Our 3 month has laryngomalacia so even out in public people stare and even follow me to see what is wrong with him. We are always at doctor appointments or even the hospital. I am jealous of people that has normal kids.

Bekki Humphreys 10 months ago

Agreed, completely missed the point!

Kathleen Mcdonald Shepherd Diegel 10 months ago

So poignant.

Teresa Howick Wilson 10 months ago

I’m so sorry you feel that way :(. I try not to always brag on my kids on fb. Not only for parents like you but because I prefer to actually tell my kid to their face I’m proud. I don’t need to blab it to the world. And the only ppl who truly care about our kids’ achievements are grandparents and kids’ parents. Vast majority of ppl could do without knowing. And many, like you, get hurt seeing it. Which isn’t jealousy. No. Stop saying that! It’s sadness, and you’re allowed that. But I bet you’re kid is way stronger than mine emotionally. Or at least will grow up to be.

Kristina Johnson 10 months ago

Awesome article and definately food for thought! My beautiful daughter has Down syndrome so I can relate but it’s only all consuming if you allow it.

Kimberly Kelly Blackburn 10 months ago

You totally missed the point

Diane Burke Ptacin 10 months ago

Yep. Absolutely yes.

Liz DePaola Moran 10 months ago

I too am jealous of normal I have 3 children one is affected pdd my other two are non affected when they were younger it was at times very hard now a bit easier

Mackysmom 10 months ago

My brother’s sons are both autistic. The older one speaks very little and the younger one not at all. I admire my sister-in-law’s courage and strength, and her resilience, and in her boundless love for her sons, difficult though they may be. I know I would not have even half her strength if I was in the same situation.

Don’t hate yourself for being jealous of normal. I would be, too. Just know that there are those of us out there who quietly applaud your amazing mom skills and wish for a modicum of your patience and strength.

Kristy Shell Ragsdale 10 months ago

Seriously wish posting report cards would be outlawed on Facebook never understood the purpose of that that is a private matter between your family

Emma Bouza 10 months ago

Lexi Sweatpants, loved it when you first wrote it and still love it!

Bronwyn Elliott 10 months ago

Jst cause her marriage failed. Dosnt mean u can wreck someone else s relationship. …..OMG. ..!!!!!!!

Jenny Saul-Avila 10 months ago

She’s not saying you should – at the end, she speaks of how it’s no one’s fault – and she talks about how she has a child who is “normal” and how she cheered on his developments, unaware of truly how miraculous “normal” can be.

Stephanie Sousa Spurrier 10 months ago

Lexi Sweatpants whaddddduppppp.

Kristy Shell Ragsdale 10 months ago

Absolutely in love with this article!!!! This rings true in my own family with a special needs daughter…incredibly written!!

Carmen Osburn 10 months ago

I’m giving you the middle finger, on both hands right now.

Danielle Johnson 10 months ago

This was so perfect! All four of my boys are from the system and have a wide range of disabilities.

Jenny Saul-Avila 10 months ago

One of my absolute favorite pieces by Lexi Sweatpants.

Teresa Howick Wilson 10 months ago

No such thing as normal. We are all different. We all have struggle. Some smaller or larger than others. The main thing is we are there for each other. As support systems. No judging. Only helping. I have “normal” children and I get jealous too. It’s terrible. But I think it stems from the pressure from society, from perceived “perfect kids”. It’s hard but I try to remember that nobody is perfect. That’s why I love Scary Mommy, Baby Sideburns, because it’s full of women who are happy to admit our imperfections, and our kids being kids. I hate that anyone look at me and my kid and think they are worse than us. I hope nobody does because nobody is.

Tausha Wierlo 10 months ago

Aubry – this made me think of you and the trials you are facing. I think and pray for you everyday. I cannot even imagine the struggles you face- but stories like this help put your life into perspective for me. Your an amazing person & mother and I am so thankful you are in my life.

Erin Murphy 10 months ago

Great article.

Curtis McGill 10 months ago

<3

Shannon Kulesa 10 months ago

Love this

Laura J. Faass 10 months ago

I feel this a lot. My first daughter has autism, and my second daughter is deaf in one ear. They are both healthy and am thankful for that. I find that it’s hard to not be jealous. It’s hard seeing other kids, younger than my oldest, being able to use the potty independently, being able to do sports (my daughter has a very little attention span), and being able to sit in a classroom. Thank you for sharing this. I am glad I am not alone.

Judy Anderson 10 months ago

I DONT get jealous. I feel a lot of people on my newsfeed try to make their life look like it’s perfect… nobody’s life is!

Carole DiRenzo 10 months ago

I also have a son with autism and that is exactly how I feel… I love him SOOOO much… But I am also jealous when I see families of 3 (like us) doing normal things like going to the restaurant… It’s hard! ❤️

Ashley Nicole 10 months ago

I never thought of it this way. Thank you for that.

Loretta Woods 10 months ago

With you on every single word… glad I’m not alone.

Kelly Clift 10 months ago

I have a daughter with a very rare hereditary disease that there is no treatment or cure, she went from walking and talking to being in a wheelchair, not able to speak or use her limbs and eats thru a J tube, she will never marry or have kids or any of the ‘so called normal’ things but she has taught us a lot. She is 18 now and has lived longer than expected, we are grateful for every moment, every day every week and year

Yvonne Risinger Wojtalik 10 months ago

Lexi Sweatpants <3

Renee Bridges 10 months ago

While I feel for this mother and all mothers in the same position, I don’t think those with “normal” children should have to censor themselves and their kids achievements because others kids are behind. Why can’t we all just love our kids the way they are and for all that they do?

Stephanie Ethridge Hutchins 10 months ago

Oh how I can relate to you on this. Just had my daughter’s birthday party yesterday.

Looney Tn 10 months ago

That hit home a bit. Ty for writing that. Worthless feeling, but so true.

Tammy Reynolds Walsh 10 months ago

Thank you for writing this. I’ve been struggling with jealousy myself too. It is difficult at times to check FB and see everyone talk about their kids and what they are doing and to know my oldest child may never get to do any of those things.

Raphaëlle Thiriet Zilio 10 months ago

Exactly. It’s so hard seeing kids my sons age write and read and climb onto the playground equipments and ask questions and all that. I KNOW how lucky we are that he is as healthy as he is but still. I get jealous. And sad, when I see him get frustrated because it’s so much harder for him to do things the other kids his age do.

Lynn Chelle 10 months ago

I have a child with type 1 diabetes and can relate to a lot of these same feelings. Thanks for sharing! :)

Leslie King 10 months ago

And there are parents jealous your child is living or that you have children they so desperately want. It’s hard, but could always be worse. Hug your babies, normal is just a word.

Kim Nguyen 10 months ago

I am so sorry. May God Bless your family..

Lori Evans 10 months ago

Powerful!

Danielle Kingston Fry 10 months ago

Amen.

Jenny Matarelli Shimon 10 months ago

Wow. Perspective.

Jessica 10 months ago

I do NOT pity you. Because pity is cruel and sets me above you. I would try to be a friend to you and learn what I need to know to watch your kids so you can go out and just eat the meal on your plate and have a conversation. My bestie has friends who are hard and my kids aren’t easy and… come on down. You and me and she will work out a thing. We will cover babysitting and also come over and eat.

Sara Beth Spencer-Bynum 10 months ago

I have a son with Autism and a daughter with Down Syndrome too. Thank you for posting this!

Theresa Pirrelli 10 months ago

I’m jealous of so many things today :(

KA Hill 10 months ago

Yep, the birthday parties thing. Hurts like hell.

Jenna Williams Green 10 months ago

Just try to remember that those of us that have kids with “stuff” get to relish in normal. How lucky is that? What is boring to others is wonderful to us.

Renée Simon 10 months ago

That was a deep article. To feel from another’s perspective

Amy Schlegel Brunner 10 months ago

So true! I can relate to every single word. Just know you’re not alone.

Angela Kohout 10 months ago

Tears as I read this and guilt at sometimes being jealous of other families perfection. Just had a wonderful stressful family weekend in duluth. Feeling blessed.

Carisa Weaver Roberts 10 months ago

I am lucky to have 2 boys they are healthy. My older son has some challenges for sure, although not the ones described here. Some days I can’t bear to come on FB, and see other kids accomplishments in areas my son likely won’t, or even see what other parents complain about, because in my moments of selfishness and lowness, they seem frivolous. Sometimes it’s even hard to be around my best friends with children the same age as mine. But mostly, I try to remember to be thankful that my son is healthy and his struggles are so much more minor than some.

April Humphrey 10 months ago

I was just thinking this after scanning my FB feed. And I, too, hate that I feel jealous. Jealous that for others the love for one’s child comes untinged with the resentment I was feeling today.

Dawn Miller 10 months ago

Hugs!

Christie Mehlinger 10 months ago

So true!

Laura Hanjoglu-Goerke 10 months ago

This is why I love the Facebook page “Shut Shut Up About Your Perfect Kid!

Nicole 1 year ago

I have read this a few times, every time it brings tears to my eyes! I often feel overwhelmed with jealously when I see other kids doing things so easy that my child struggles with everyday, then I find myself feeling guilty for feeling this way, It’s nice to know I’m not the only one I guess!

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Courtney Conover 2 years ago

Damn. This is, unequivocally, the best thing I’ve read in a long, long time. Reading this was like a punch in the gut for a myriad of reasons. Thank you.

dontblamethekids 2 years ago

Gratitude can be such a struggle. Congratulations on your three beautiful, beautiful children.

Natalie 2 years ago

Lexi, thank you for sharing yourself openly and honestly. I have one “normal” son. I quote normal because that’s his label. I sympathize with your jealousy of normal, not from experience with my own child, but just from life. I have an older brother with Down syndrome. Granted, it was “life as I knew it” growing up, so I didn’t (still don’t) know any different. But I get the jealousy you speak of. It’s justified and deserves validation. I’ve “met” many parents of children with special needs online, and some in person, who have helped shape my perspective on how to view their children in public and, I hope, it’s made me more compassionate and sympathetic when I see a child having a hard time. I try not to stare… although I do when I see someone with Down syndrome, only because of the shared knowledge due to my brother… and I smile. If I can, I try to lend a kind word to say “I get it.” I hope you feel more “I get it” moments in life than not. And if anyone makes you feel otherwise, it’s their loss for being so narrow minded.

TC 2 years ago

Understood completely, hugs to you

anonymous 2 years ago

my family has four children, two with special needs as well. I think you are an amazingly strong woman that will have a lot to overcome in the years to come but will know that it was all more than worth it. have you ever written anything?? Many people share similar struggles and you obviously have a gift for the art of language and i think it would be a worthy investment even with your limited time as a caring, involved mother of wonderful children that will succeed. not measured by how far they get in life, being a doctor or rich or have their own place but because you were there to love them and push them forward. I admire you.

Michelle Gannon 2 years ago

I get it. Chin up.

Erika 2 years ago

Love this post. Thank you.

Angelina 2 years ago

You are beautifully strong, and I wish I could befriend you in real life.
Your story is brutally honest, and moving. You are loved, thank you for sharing your story.

Victoria Whitcher 2 years ago

God gives special people, very special kids….Some of the most brilliant people in the world have special needs.

Arabella Jean 2 years ago

I'm jealous of your ability to handle all that you do! Four kids is hard enough, let alone two (which is what I have). You must be an incredibly strong person and an even stronger mom.

Manicmom 2 years ago

When I was growing up there was a center that my sister worked at for mentally challenged kids. It was basically a state run crazy house where parents would drop off their kids and leave them. The kids were alone, scared and some would pacify themselves by rocking back and forth. Later I worked in my high school with the special education dept. These children made a lasting impression and I loved them, the day the special Olympics were held- I couldn’t stop the flood of tears pouring from my eyes. These angels are faced with life having a challenge but they are actually blessed! And parents today aren’t sending them off to institutions. God bless you and every parent who cares for these angels. They are angels and that is something I am jealous of. They are pure have hearts of gold and will always be free of sin.

Patty Gans 2 years ago

…sometimes I lose.

DEPCR 2 years ago

I’m right there with you. My son has ADHD and I knew from pregnancy that he did. Tantrums in stores, missing out on fun events because he hadn’t been behaving and needed some sort of consequence, getting the look and even comments of “if that was my child I would put him over my knee and spank that attitude out of him.” All too familiar. I get a lot of “ADHD doesn’t exist, you’re just a bad parent” or “you’re only medicating because you don’t want to be a parent” and my favorite “if you fed him healthier foods, he wouldn’t act like this” (said by someone who had no idea we were gluten free/dairy free/sugar free/dye free in my home at the time). They have no idea. And yes, I’m very jealous too.

Tracie Petroski 2 years ago

To Requote MarySunshine:
You are a Mom. And you are AMAZING! XOX

Deborah 2 years ago

I too am a mother with 2 special needs kiddos. 1 that will never walk, or talk or even be able to hug me. It’s ok to be jealous of “normal” but sometimes I think parents of “normal” kids should be jealous of us. It’s a daily struggle and a labor of love no doubt; but the blessings we get from every milestone or even a quarter of a milestone far exceed their children’s “normalness!” Thanks for sharing your perspective with the world and to parents who don’t have the daily struggles.

Lisa Williams 2 years ago

Thank you for being so honest and for helping people realize how others feel. Your children are lucky to have you as a mom.

Angela 2 years ago

I’m sorry. I understand. I grew up in the 70’s with only one sibling and he has profound Autism and incredibly severe epilepsy. No one knew what to do with our family. My mom was exhausted and jealously ripped through our family like a cancer on a daily basis. I literally understood everything in your post. Do whatever you can to get the help you need to get some relief from the stress. Even though the jealousy is perfectly normal and expected, it will rob you of the daily joy you can still have. You don’t think it’s possible now, but you will make it!

Sandra 2 years ago

May your family be blessed. You are loved.

Michelle 2 years ago

I agree – I hate the jealousy – I have a typical child and a child with Cerebral Palsy – so I know what I am missing – and I know what he is missing – the discovery and the learning – and I see other people and I am so jealous… I try my best to just hug my son and go on realizing its a miracle he’s alive – but then again some days I lose too…

Heather 2 years ago

WOW!!! Tears streaming now because what a beautiful piece of your soul that you have shared. We all have felt that stab of that worthless emotion for so many different reasons. Thank you for sharing this piece of your heart!

Christie 2 years ago

Thank you. For having the guts to say it out loud. Because somedays I wonder what it would be like to have a life like that again. Where my problems were smaller and the future less cloudy.

Of course I wouldn’t trade my special needs kids for anything, but I wish life were easier for them and for us. And sometimes I just have to walk away from the conversations… like infant potty training (I’ve been training my 8 year old for 5 years and we’re not doing well)… or sleeping in or relaxing on holiday or family ski trips…

Glad I’m not the only one.

MILF Runner 2 years ago

I hate leaving trite comments on such amazing posts as this, but I am somewhat speechless other than to say how powerfully this piece hit me. Thank you so very much for sharing this perspective. I am filled anew with gratitude for normal and “regular” problems.

Jamie Shortes 2 years ago

Neurotypical kids parents can be very annoying with all the “problems” they have with their kids. I shudder when I hear them say “shut up” to thier child. I cherish every word my child utters even if it is inapropriate! I have a 8 1/2 almost 9 year old boy with severe Autism.. we get a lot of looks when he flippes out in public. I know how this Mom feels. Other people’s problems seem so silly. I do have a 5 year old girl whom also has Autism and she luckily has been doing very well. It is so awesome to experience communication with her (she is functioning at about a 3 1/2 year old level). She attends a typical private preschool with out an aide. At age 3 she had no language and tantrumed constantly when any demand was placed upon her. I am so proud of her and how far she’s come. I pray that my Son will someday be able to speak to me, and so grateful that my Daughter is able to.

Toya 2 years ago

I have written this same post in my head over and over. I hate feeling jealous but I am. I know my child will never go to prom or college. I won’t get to dance at her wedding. I am angry and feel she was cheated. But she is a happy 12 year old who loves Justin Beiber and Disney World. She talks and hugs. She is alive and for that I rejoice.

Leontien 2 years ago

Om my… this could have written by me… I really don’t have anything to say to you, except: you are NOT alone!

XOXO

Leslie 2 years ago

Thank you for sharing this – you are amazing.

SnapInTime 2 years ago

This post was what first introduced me to your blog, Lexi… Powerful words, and as a fellow special needs parent (one of my children has epilepsy, developmental disabilities and cystic fibrosis, and the others have medical issues as well) I understand. Thank you for your honesty both in this post and in so many others.

ann 2 years ago

Thank you for writing this. We just returned from our incredibly short spring break trip that was meant to be 3 days but turned into an over night due to my daughter’s fits- she’s on the spectrum. She looks perfectly “normal” for whatever that is. But when I tell people that she’s autistic, they don’t believe me at first. Then they see the outburst, the fits, the hitting, and the shouting and they eventually get it. The ride home was long. I questioned my ability to endure this and how my son would survive all this and have a
“normal” childhood when everything teeters on his sister’s ability to interact. The gene seems to come through my husband and I fight being angry with him. I love them all, but this is hard. Thank you for your honesty.

Andrea Angileri 2 years ago

I shared this with FB and Twitter. I think we are all entitled to our feelings in parenthood. I am raising four healthy and fairly typically developed, but sometimes quirky kids. I teach an inclusion class for child care providers and can only somewhat relate my personal knowledge of ADHD, however after subbing in special education rooms, my eyes are truly opened to the daily challenges and triumphs for children and families of special needs. We all support you or should!

Laurajane 2 years ago

I have a typical 10 month old daughter.

I have celebrated each and every milestone because I know how lucky we are to have her beautiful little self.

What you wrote about luck… About how it’s no more than luck which resulted in other people’s typical children than that which resulted in your children. I feel that same way.

Because before our beautiful little lady arrived we lost her perfect big brother just days after his birth. I wanted (still want?!?) to scream at the top of my lungs about the injustice of it all. When I would see smug mommies post about ridiculous, meaningless complaints (lack of sleep, teething, diaper explosions…) I want to reach through their computers and slap them. Because the truth is, bad fortune can happen to anyone… Nothing I did resulted in my sons death anymore than anyone else’s actions resulted in their babies living. To think otherwise… ugh. Jealous? Every friggin’ day I’m jealous of the life I should have had. But I’m so thankful I had the opportunity, you know?

…and I’m rambling! All this to say I hear you. :)

A Morning Grouch 2 years ago

I love this post. As a special education teacher, I have seen pieces of the struggle you describe. As a mother of a 6 month old, I KNOW how lucky I am that the “hard parts” of raising my daughter aren’t made harder by addition of a disability area. Sometimes I feel a little guilty, but I try to just always be grateful and happy with exactly what I have, since there really is no other alternative. Thank you for posting this, to remind those who struggle they are not alone and those who have it “easy” (if there is such a thing) to be conscientious.

Cassie 2 years ago

I’m jealous of you! You make it through days that I can’t even comprehend. I get frustrated and exhausted with my two healthy, “normal” boys. You are so much stronger than most mommies and your love for your kids is powerful. Your babies are perfect and you are amazing!

Jessica Smock 2 years ago

On a morning when I was feeling sorry for myself because my two year old is in the midst of a difficult mix of defiance, ear infections, and sleep problems, thanks so much for the reminder that I — and all of us — have so much to be thankful for. Your post was so moving, and anyone reading this — whose biggest problems with their kids is toddler crankiness or temper tantrums — can’t help to be moved by your bravery and love.

CJ 2 years ago

I was a teen mother at 19. When I later married, he was infertile. My middle kid with Ds is adopted. I now have a 2 year old as well. I have never been jealous for me, but I am for my youngest daughter. Jealous that she doesn’t have a “normal” big sister.

tracy@sellabitmum 2 years ago

Beautiful post full of courage, grace and love. I want to hug you.

Miz Kp 2 years ago

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I can also empathize. I do not want to be jealous but sometimes it happens. Just know you have a whole community of parents who actually get it.

Lynn Kellan 2 years ago

Whenever someone is courageous enough to admit he/she is jealous, I feel admiration and empathy for them. Thanks for writing such a powerful post, Lexi.

Kimi 2 years ago

I’m sobbing reading your beautifully expressed post and deeply humbled. Thank you so much for posting this and sharing your heart with all of us.

Amanda 2 years ago

My oldest has Down syndrome and there are some days that jealousy is not a strong enough word!!

Amanda 2 years ago

What a potent post. Jealousy is fierce, but so is your honesty and your way with language. Thank you for being brave enough to write this.

Kwombles 2 years ago

Brutally honest post. Thank you. You are, as the comments attest, not alone. We have to be able to embrace these emotions, have the freedom to voice thrm, because its only by sharing our raw honesty and receiving support that we can let go of those emotions that are not helpful.

Flannery 2 years ago

You rock, sister! I’m so proud to call you friend…you are gifted and talented and so very special.

Galit Breen 2 years ago

Wow. This is breath taking.

Jessica 2 years ago

Lex this is an amazing, amazing post. I don’t even know what to say other than I’m just proud to know you and call you a friend. Sending you so much love.

Leighann 2 years ago

Beautifully written.
Thank you for bringing these very real, and very true feelings to light.

Talia Jacole 2 years ago

I love this. A few close friends of mine have children with similar disorders and I look up to them more than anymore else. You should know that there are many women out there (me included) that are jealous of mothers like you. We are jealous of your fierce devotion. We envy your grace. We covet your patience. We admire your selflessness. Thank you again for writing such a lovely post!

♥ Talia
http://rubytiaradiaries.blogspot.com

Rachelle 2 years ago

THANK YOU!!!

Karen 2 years ago

All I can add to all the wonderful thoughts above me is that the hardest thing, I think, is that not only do some people have to cope way beyond what they ever thought they could, do it lovingly and still maintain their own identity, but that they have to raise their kids with an already ingrained (and for me, almost constant) sense of guilt that you’re Not Doing Well Enough. You Should Be Doing More. Which makes me want to hide in my room (and does, sometimes). Other people reinforce that whether they mean to or not, most of the time. I wish parents could get a break. I wish moms and dads who take on this challenge every day could be honored, not criticized, be supported and not guilt-tripped even by their own families, be surrounded with love and support rather than having to do it alone and try to hide issues when out in public to try to spare your children ridicule or anything at all.

Or at least a gift certificate at Christmas would be nice. 😉

Momchalant 2 years ago

I don’t know from personal experience, but just from seeing, kids with disabilities look past all of the negativity in this horrid world and still see the beauty and innocence in everything. And for that, others will be jealous of you that your kids can still attain that. *hugs*

katy 2 years ago

and would you believe it, but even on what feels like your worse days, there are those who are jealous of you. there are.

Jessica Cobb (@DomesticPirate) 2 years ago

Ditto to this. Love and light to your family.

sarah 2 years ago

Its completely normal to be jelous. It’s natural to feel that way. You can take one day at a time and celebrate all the hard work you and your family is doing and gains the kids are making (even if it seems small relative to other’s milestones).

Mercy 2 years ago

Beautifully written.

Shanan 2 years ago

You are an amazing mom, I am jealous of your strength.

Shanan 2 years ago

I’m so sorry that you lost your daughter. The families you help are lucky to have you,

Jenni 2 years ago

I love this and I have no idea who you are but I am in love you! I needed this post today!

Tia 2 years ago

I was at that point today where I really did not want to be jealous of the “pretty girls” in the mom’s group I’m a part of, since they’re married to guys who have jobs that pay enough so that they don’t have to work outside of home. I was secretly hoping that they’re actually up to their ears in credit card debt, and that the cute shoes they were wearing are from Marshalls, bought with money they don’t really have. I am on WIC and although we pay our bills every month, that’s pretty much all we do….sometimes there is NOTHING left over.
Being jealous is not fun, I agree. But sometimes, it just has to be done.

Tracy Gallagher 2 years ago

I get it, I am you! I feel worst thinking . . . I’m not suppose to be jealous. I’m human, I had dreams, I now have ifs.

julie curry 2 years ago

GOD BLESS YOU.

adam 2 years ago

Jealous of your strenght, proud of you character!

Marilize 2 years ago

My sister has cerebral palsy. Her twin brother is going to varsity this year. There is another brother in the mix and then myself – the eldest. There is a 9-year gap between the twins and myself.

I’m telling you all this because I can truly relate to what you are saying and more so to what you are feeling. It really got to me when moms of “normal” kids would try and shove their advice down my parents throat. Or when they tried to identify “what went wrong” to make my sister like that. Because, you and I both know, that by somehow finding a cause it can be taken away… Dumb f*cks!

I was jealous of girls who had a normal sister to bond with. Boy-twin misses his other half more than he can say out loud – it’s in his eyes.

I send you hugs, hugs, hugs and a solid “screw them” from far away (South Africa) to let you know that you are not alone in your pain and jealousy. It’s ok not be ok with it.

{{{Hugs}}}

Beena 2 years ago

Oh yes, been there and sometimes stay there for days. I also have an autistic child and bitter…sweet it can be. Sometimes though, how boring life can be when you can’t experience outside the box. Too bad for them. Hang in there.

Special needs mom 2 years ago

This is so true! My daughter has Rett syndrome; she can’t talk, walks just a tiny bit and lost her use of her hands (and wont be able to learn signing). I love her with all my hart but sometimes i get so jealous! When i hear about the cute mistakes kids make learning to speak and i realise that i only can talk with my daughter in my dreams. That it will cost years of training before she might be able to grab something with her hands without dropping it while others complain about things i would love to only experience once..! I’m trying not to feel those things but sometimes you just can’t block those feelings out.

Kristen @ My 3 Little Kittens 2 years ago

You are being the mother that most of us could not. I have been blessed with healthy children and I know I take that for granted more than I should. I can’t even begin to understand how it is to walk in your shoes, but I want you to know that you are an inspiration in your strength and the power of your words. God Bless you for that!

sb 2 years ago

Beautifully written.

What do you call the emotion you feel when parents of normal children openly doubt the existence of ADHD as a real condition even as its existence makes your life a constant challenge and sometime misery? Jealous doesn’t cut it then. Rage is closer.

Rachel 2 years ago

I’m touched by this heartfelt post. (((hugs)))

Roshni 2 years ago

I choked up reading this. Every child is a blessing; every healthy child is a gift. Thank you for helping me understand you better. {hugs}

Karen Baitch Rosenberg 2 years ago

Thank you for posting this.

Catherine 2 years ago

Thank you for writing this. I do not have a autistic child, but it resonated with me regardless. I have triplets and am often jealous of moms for different and more shallow reasons. You writing is beautiful and poignant; thank you again.

rungirlrun74 2 years ago

Reading this post with tears in my eyes, because just today I was dealing with a meltdown & having a little pity party for myself, mad about the whole situation and the unfairness of it all. I have two children, both are on the autsim spectrum. My daughter has ocd. They are funny, brilliant, and adorable. Until we run out of cheese. Or the bus is 5 min late. Then all hell breaks loose & I am the one who has to deal with it. Dad(exhusband) decided that being a parent to these two was more than he wanted to take on. Jealousy creeps up on me like a 5lb weight gain, and I find myself wanting to smack the lady next to me at the store. Not because she’s done anything wrong; its her perfect child sitting in the cart eating goldfish that makes me green. I wish it was her being stared at while her child screams his bloody head off. I wish my child wasn’t wrapped in the “grocery blanket” which is a large magenta fleece that we cover him with in the cart. He’s 9 & weighs abt 80lbs.People stare. I say let them, we need milk too & if you dont like it, then its your problem not mine.

Stephanie 2 years ago

Thank you! Thank you for writing this. My oldest son is Autistic and my youngest is not. It hurts to see people want to interact more with my youngest because to them he is “normal”. I too get so jealous of the people that can’t even begin to understand what having a special needs child is like. I wonder why me and not them. I feel so guilty for feeling this way. Thank you for showing me that other moms like me feel that way too.

Amanda 2 years ago

I think it’s ok to “lose” and be “jealous” of the normal. Of the things you planned on but will never get to do in the way you thought. My jealousy is people having babies and announcing pregnancies knowing i can never do it again. I’m not unhappy for them. I’m ecstatic for them, I’m not happy for me. However I’m thankful I have the children I do! You are not bad, or less. Your amazing and beautiful! And your children are beyond lucky to have you :)

Debbi Henry 2 years ago

I feel the same exact way, and used to feel guilty for that. Then, I had a conversation with my counselor and she told me to think about my feelings as ‘longing for’ instead of jealousy. I long to do things with my daughter that I see others doing with their kids, I long for an easier family life, I long for down time, and so much more. I no longer have guilt for feeling this way because who wouldn’t long for easier? It feels so much better to think of my feelings of jealously as longing for.

Ashley 2 years ago

I love your honesty. I can’t begin to imagine the struggles you go through every single day. I am so glad you are here as an open book for mothers who are going through the same thing. I hope you feel through this blog that you are not alone.

I must confess, however, that I am one of the “lookers”. Not because I am judging your child’s behavior, your reaction to them, or putting them into a category of “non-normal”.

I am jealous.

I work in the violent crimes division of a law enforcement agency and see the worst in human behavior. Although, I am sure just like all of us, your children are not always treated with the respect and kindness they deserve, I am jealous of your children’s innocence, happiness, and resiliency. The fact that although a sound can scare them and cause a “tantrum”, you can make it all better. I am jealous that they don’t know how cruel people and the world can be. I love that having a family, a mom who loves them, is enough. I wish all children (people in general) could find that contentment.

I get that there’s always going to be a “grass is greener” theory, but know that they are happy and think you’re a rockstar, super hero, and fixer-of-all-things-bad…I think we all can agree that that is better than a soccer trophy or dry pants.

Betty 2 years ago

honest and beautiful. Thanks for telling the truth.

Mama D 2 years ago

Powerful and beautifully written and real. I have three kids, two NT, one with a disability. There are days I am jealous of others, and then sometimes I get a reality check and realize that others could well be jealous of me. All in the perspective, but how you feel is how you feel!

kailey 2 years ago

Praying for you and your family. God will give to courage, hope, and strength for each moment of your day. Its okay to feel exactly how you do. Your children are blessed to have you!!

Amanda Stewart 2 years ago

I do almost all of the things you listed- I didn’t realize I took them for granted until now. And what’s funny is…my son was born premature so I had to go through all of the NICU tramas and etc and I’ve always been jealous of moms who get to have a normal pregnancy, normal delivery, and take their babies home 3 days after birth. Not only jealous, but it angers me (although no one has done anything wrong, nor could I have prevented what happened with my son.) And here I am, not realizing what I have now. Thank you for opening my eyes. You are so awesome for doing what you do- stay strong mama!

Britney 2 years ago

Everyone has varying degrees of struggle and while we should all be thankful for what we do have, we all get envious of others who APPEAR to have it better. One of my favorite sayings is telling someone to stop crying because it could be worse is like telling someone to stop smiling because it could be better.

Kittymama 2 years ago

I hear you, and I feel you. I have an eighteen-year-old young man with severe autism. He is nonverbal (I like to say pre-verbal, imagining that any day now, he will say something soon), has behavioral issues (aggression and self-injury), and requires 24/7 care. I know where the jealousy comes from; I have felt it too. It is from seeing our children miss out on so many things, and from having them face their disabilities over and over again, often without reward or respite. Each time my other son faces a milestone- a graduation, college- I cry. Happiness for the one who is growing in leaps and bounds, and sadness for the other who will always need me to be there for him. So yes, I feel the jealousy too. But when I do, I close my eyes and breathe deeply. Sometimes, I sing; other times, I pray. It passes slowly, but it does. Then tomorrow, I do it all over again.

Hugs to you today! Thank you for writing so honestly and I send you blessings from the other side of the world.

Jo 2 years ago

We have challenges too so my husband and I try to remember that we’re someone else’s best case scenario. It’s helpful somedays, totally useless others. But hopefully it will help you at some point when you need it. Your children are so fortunate to have you!

Mevida 2 years ago

Would I ever love to give you a hug right now…with my giant, fat, flabby arms…the kind of hug you can fall into…it would feel like being hugged by a whale…at least they are good for something. Your struggle, pain and emotions are palpable to me. You make me think twice and have me counting my blessings all over again. You make me want to be a better and much more patient Mom. Sending much love to you. Tomorrow is another day and the sun will shine again.

Sally 2 years ago

Lexi, thank you for sharing this. Thank you for opening your heart. Thank you from all mothers who feel this. And then feel bad for feeling that way. It’s just so honest!
Sally

Murphy Must Have Had Kids 2 years ago

Awww…you deserve a medal. All parents with special-needs kids deserve a medal. Thanks for a great post.

Kelly 2 years ago

I love reading posts that make me think of things in a different light. Thank you for this sincere and beautifully raw post.

kim jones 2 years ago

Good for you to have the strength to voice what you feel. Ripples in the pond. A total stranger giving perspective and thought to my day. Thank you.

Alan 2 years ago

Just had to share the thought, “you’re a badass” … I’m fairly new to your page. Thank you for being you, and writing how you write. It keeps me going. I’m a father of a 4 yr old boy w/ ASD. His mother hardly participates. If anything, she does for vanity and no true interest in the progress and well being of her son. E & I get the same looks, struggles, ect. So, my emotional battles are quite similar (however, technically different) … So, you’re a bad ass. And I feel I needed to share that with you.

cindy 2 years ago

I’m a working mom of two, and it is hard. Our difficulties may differ, yet we both struggle.
I am sure there are many moms jealous of the strength you have, the love you show, and all your sacrifices for your children.
It’s too bad the emotion is jealousy. It almost feels inadequate. Almost not strong enough.
Thank you for giving me insight into your life.

Carrie 2 years ago

Thank you for your honesty. It’s impossible that you would never want something for your kids that might be easier for them, you wouldn’t be human. I am blessed to have two healthy kids. But I still have days that I compare them to other kids and think “I wish my boy would listen like that boy” or “I wish my daughter could read as well as that girl.” It would make it easier. But life is this messy puzzle that sometimes feels impossible to put together. Bless you and your beautifully perfect children. They are exactly who they were meant to be. And you are exactly the mom they were meant to have. Jealousy and all. You are perfect.

crista 2 years ago

Reading your post has further humbled me. It’s easy to get jealous over miniscule things. Reading your post makes me realize how petty it all is and how ungrateful I’ve been. You are a wonderful person and a role model to us all.

Annie 2 years ago

Very powerful words and emotions. I had to read it twice…..
You are a warrior of motherhood…..you go girl!!!! Big hugs to you. Those babies are lucky to have someone like you.

Susan 2 years ago

I am envious of YOU! I strongly believe God, or the universe or whatever higher power, chooses only the strongest to raise children with such challenges. You were chosen. You are strong. You are special. Never forget that. xooxo

jayne 2 years ago

you are not taking it for granted, you are living normal, enjoying your children as they should be! Do not feel bad. No matter how someones life is, someone else has it worse, this is normal but it can not and should not stop us from living our life. your normal life is different than mine, because your children are different than mine…but someone else has it worse, am i taking mine for granted? Enjoy what you have, I struggle with my special children as you struggle with your special children too (in different ways), but all in all I enjoy what I have too, one terrific lil man (with adhd), one lil guy (with autism) and one too young to know…my babies, all terrific in their own way!!!! Just as yours are!

Kaye 2 years ago

There is a book called ‘Chicken Soup for the Mothers Soul’ – it is a long time since I read it, but there was a chapter called ‘Welcome to Holland’ – it described how you coped with having a child with disabilities as opposed to our expectations when we planned a family – I loved the reasoning and have left my job of 30+ years to work with people with disabilities to give their families a little respite from the 24/7 demands of little people who need more – while I am fit and strong enough to do it but I grieve for the parents older than me who are full time caring for adult children.

jayne 2 years ago

very well said! I have chosen to adopt some fosterchildren that i had in my care with just those difficulties…life is difficult but so worth the difficulties when you get a hug, or hit a milestone…thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings

Becca 2 years ago

I understand your plight. A friend posted about her daughter walking – a full year younger than Wyatt. Three weeks ago she was taking “tentative” steps, according to her parent. The post tonight exclaimed her mastery of this gross motor skill. But in my sigh of frustration, I also realize that “typical” parents will experience “typical” joy. But me? I don’t experience “typical” joy when Wyatt hits a milestone. No…I experience extraordinary joy. And for that, they should be jealous of me.

Connie 2 years ago

What a great post, also a mom of a special needs child.

Natalie Trust 2 years ago

I am applauding your courage to write this post. Heart wrenching truth. Your honesty brings hope and mindfulness to others. Thank you for sharing such vulnerability with all of us.

Jillian K 2 years ago

<3

Never hate your emotions. Let them be what they need to be, and then be done with them.

sbk 2 years ago

I can so relate to this. I am jealous of normal, too… Feel all the emotions you mentioned. Hugs.

Suburban Snapshots 2 years ago

“Jealous of someone else’s normal” is beautifully said. This post is honest and wonderful.

Jewel 2 years ago

My 9 year old daughter and 11 year old son are both high functioning autistic and my 12 year old son is Neuro- typical so I share your sentiments…..and your jealousy ….. Mommy hugs going out!

Michele 2 years ago

I tell myself that I’m not jealous, but envious. I don’t want to take away from anyone, but why can’t I have it to? Truth be told, I’m very lucky and yet I get jealous of ridiculously petty stuff. Beautifully written emotion. Thank you for sharing. Thanks, also, for the kick in my butt too.

Cookie’s Mom 2 years ago

You have the hardest job there is and though I’m sure you have support, I’m also sure it isn’t enough. Please never to give up trying to gain support. There are many who are willing to help. These people though are tired and busy and must be asked. I have my own struggles, but I still have some of myself to give. I am tired and busy, but I feel better when I can be of help to someone else. So often, we feel something that ranges from frustrated and annoyed to utterly hopeless because of our own burdens. Helping others can help to lift these burdens for a while, so know that in asking for help you give someone an opportunity to be released from their own burdens for a while. It is not selfish. Please ask for help – every day if necessary. And please remember that if people are looking at you and your children it is because they see life. They are reminded of the beauty and the struggle. They are reminded to be grateful and gracious. And if they don’t offer to help it is because they don’t know how. If they do offer help and it is not what you need, it is because they don’t know how to help. Please ask for what you need. Your job is the hardest job there is. (And forgive me if I am too preachy. I don’t know you, but I feel your pain and I only want it to ease some. I wish you all the best and make a promise to you that I will complain less about my own struggles and to be grateful for my good fortunes.)

JenL 2 years ago

I hear you, Lexi.
I want to hug you and tell you it’s gonna be okay – and it is, but that’s not what I really want to say. What I really want to say is that this. This is hard. And it’s okay to wish for different sometimes. When my oldest was first diagnosed, I tried to be strong. So, so strong. And positive. I was freakin’ Pollyanna! And one day my very best friend said to me what I’m going to say to you: sweetie, it’s okay to grieve the loss of what you thought you would have. Close your eyes. Grieve it, feel the jealousy and sadness. And when you are ready, open your eyes again and see your kid(s). All of them- they will be their very best selves because they have you for a mommy, and even when you get it wrong, you have such love for them that you get it right too. Be sad, be jealous, and then forgive yourself for that.
***hugs***

karen 2 years ago

Don’t be jealous. That life of someone else that looks or seems so perfect…guess again. I am sending you hugs. Many hugs. You are amazing and your blog was beautiful.

Emily 2 years ago

My heart goes out to you and all the moms of special needs children. Those children are so lucky to have you. We are here for you! xo

Milica 2 years ago

Your post made me cry. I have just gotten a preliminary diagnosis- a word- a little box- the first of several I’m sure- to put my daughter in. I so often find I am jealous and angry and resentful of the parents of her classmates. Then I am angry at myself for being angry at them, for not appreciating my older children enough, for not somehow being able to do everything for all my children even though I am only one person. Well, I’m sure you know, even better than I do. But thank you, for letting me know I am normal.

DomFR 2 years ago

Thank you for your honest words. I have that child who has, to date, met every milestone and after reading your post I realize how much I take it for granted. Thank you for giving me a swift kick in the rear – I needed it.

Amanda Martin 2 years ago

I am humbled by your post and hope I can hold it in my heart to remember how lucky I am. We all have burdens but some people have them heavier than others. I hope the universe throws you all the help and support you need. x

Leisha 2 years ago

I hear you!! My 3 girls truly are all over the place. My oldest has autism. While she can verbalize some needs, speaking and understanding the English language is still extremely difficult for her. I am currently fighting to have her taught actual curriculum. My middle daughter is gifted and 2 grade levels above her age in all areas. Getting her to sit still is a struggle, as is calming her impetuous nature. My youngest has sensory integration disorder and food allergies. Some days I just want to resign from being an adult.

Laurie ann 2 years ago

Beautiful, heartfelt post….

Kate 2 years ago

I hear ya’ … exhausted. Thank god the sun is starting to emerge. Keep plugging away – there’s always someone worse off than us. I’m celebrating the goofiest things these days :)

Adrienne 2 years ago

We feel how we feel, useful or not.

I’m jealous, too. I hate it, but I am. Sometimes it’s way in the background, and sometimes it’s a little more like rage.

GirdyOlee 2 years ago

You are raising a child with an extra chomosome of LOVE. You are beautiful. You are stronger than the rest of us.

Shannon 2 years ago

Me too.
Great post Lexi!!

Blissfully24 2 years ago

Oh, how I can relate. My oldest daughter has severe ADHD, my middle child has Autism, Cerebral Palsy, Epilepsy and ADD. My youngest child is normal, but extremely co-dependent towards me, as well as high strung. I love my babies, I would walk through fire for them on any day. Sometimes though, when you are tired, when you have lost yet another person you thought was a friend because they didn’t understand your child didn’t mean to hit, she is naturally aggressive and your apology isn’t enough, sometimes when your first marriage falls apart because your husband can’t take the pressure of raising 3 complicated children, and says hell with it and leaves you alone to figure it all out, sometimes when even your own mother doesn’t understand your struggle….it gets lonely, and sad. And I completely understand how that jealousy can occur. I applaud this woman, for having the courage to say what sometimes we mothers of special needs children, simply dont have the courage to say.

LDiggitty 2 years ago

My brother is autistic, and I know what it’s like to be envious of people and their version of “normal.” But you are an AMAZING mother and those other moms would crack if they had to deal with the challenges that you do on a daily basis. I know it’s small comfort, but your kids will love you forever even if it’s hard for them to show it. And somehow, I think that earning the love of a disabled child is worth a thousand times more than anything NORMAL.

MarySunshine 2 years ago

I’d like to give you a hug, if that’s ok.

It’s ok to be jealous, too. We all are, at some point, jealous of someone else’s normal.

You are Mom and you are amazing.

Janice Geddes 2 years ago

I’ve worked with (and loved) these kids. I’ve gotten one student with autism all the way through college and it was work. Every second of it. And yet I didn’t have to go home with her. I didn’t have to deal with “what next?” upon graduation. But heroic, loving, sleep deprived parents like you do it every day and I am in awe. You have the respect of so many of us who have had it so much easier.
My children were normal but my older daughter’s life was taken by a parolee when she was 22. Being a parent is painful. And so, so rewarding. I wouldn’t trade a day of her life, knowing what the end would be like. Celebrate every victory.

DiDi 2 years ago

You are loved.