Dear Internet: We Need a Break

I have a confession: I’m a social media attention whore.

I need my entire family publicly alluding to the fact that my kids are the cutest they’ve ever seen. I need my random Facebook friends that I haven’t talked to in 10 years to wonder why their kids don’t read yet and my 4-year old does. I need constant social media displays of my kids grinning beautifully through the best, most flattering filters Instagram has to offer.

What the hell is wrong with me that I can’t enjoy a simple moment with my family without running to the iPhone to document and share?

Of course this cheapens the moment.

While it will be nice to have a house full of wonderful pictures to show my adult children in 20 years, I worry that the only actual childhood memories they will have will be of a camera obsessed crazy mother (“Calvin, I will give you FIVE cookies if you fucking smile for this picture with your brother!”).

I also worry that my kids will not have any recollection of a life without technology. I live in fear that my 4-year old is viewing life through the lens of cheesy YouTube videos while my husband and I remain glued to our iDevices. I am pretty sure that we are all missing out on some very important quality time because of our addiction to iCrack.

I think we need a Digital Detox.

I’m talking about a full weekend of no cameras, phones, iPads, computers, etc. My family will go off the grid for 48 hours and actually relate to one another.

I bet the baby will wonder who I am without that little shiny black box attached to my fingertips. I bet my kids are even more annoying when I can’t tune them out and crush a little candy for a minute. Oh God, what will I do while I’m breastfeeding?! It’s so boring!

I suspect that my family is pretty amazing and I’ve been missing out. My husband is probably a really interesting person with hilarious things to say. Isn’t this why we started dating in the first place? I think people barely texted back in 2005 so we must have gotten to know each other somehow.

My kids are also probably awesome and I bet I can realize this myself without turning to the Internet to validate my suspicions.

There is also a chance that if something goes slightly amiss we have the ability to figure out a solution without our good pal Google and thus strengthen our bond as a family.

Maybe when the weekend is over I can reevaluate my relationship with technology. Maybe we can find a healthy place to meet in the middle.

So that’s the plan and I’m sticking to it. I’ll (literally) pencil in the weekend on the calendar on the fridge, right after I buy this awesome LivingSocial photo deal real quick…

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