9 Reasons Why Having Irish Twins Mostly Sucks

My kids were born 355 days apart which dubs them “Irish twins” even though that’s a bit of a racist term. It means siblings born less than a year apart, and it also means your uterus hates you and will never forgive you for making it house not one, but two babies within such a short amount of time. She will make you suffer. Instead of talking about reproductive rage, though, let me tell you why having Irish twins sucks about 90 percent of the time.

1. You Can’t Explain a Fragile Newborn Baby to a 1-Year-Old

Toddlers don’t understand that you can’t drag a baby around like a doll or join them in the baby swing. They don’t get it, and you can’t really discipline them for it, which brings me to…

2. Disciplining Two Kids Who Made the Same Mess in a Developmentally Appropriate Way Is Hard

You can’t come down too hard on the younger child, but then you have to explain to the older child why their punishment is harsher. And speaking of developmental things…

3. Doing Arts and Crafts Is a Joke

The project is either too mundane for my 3-year-old or too complicated for my 2-year-old, and no one is happy. They haven’t been happy since they became siblings because…

4. They’ve Been Getting Screwed Since Day One

The older kid didn’t understand I couldn’t put Sesame Street on the TV because I was nursing her brother. My son had to sit in a soiled diaper because his sister was getting out of the bath. They never get the individual attention they deserve which makes me worry that…

5. I’m Stunting My Daughter’s Personal Growth

She’s older and should be challenged more, but her terrible twosome brother is into all the things all the time, and I exert so much energy trying to keep him from jumping off the roof of the house (it’s only a matter of time) that I feel like she’s neglected and not being taught enough. I, on the other hand, am always being pushed to my limits since…

6. Once One Kid Ends a Phase the Other Is Just Revving Up to Get Started

I’ll be in the midst of the terrible twos for two years straight without a break. Same with threenagers. Same with the hormone- and angst-fueled teen years, which will basically feel like a million days in a row of hellfire and brimstone, and I’m already being put through all that because…

7. They’re Close Enough in Age to Unabashedly Team Up Against Me

They are not too young to conspire against me. I swear they watch and wait for me to be occupied before one kid climbs onto the kitchen counter and the other one magically opens the silverware drawer, and before I can move the laundry from the washer to the dryer, the entire house is covered in butter. And speaking of food…

8. Meal Time Is a Pain in the Ass

I’m constantly forgetting that my 2-year-old doesn’t necessarily need to eat the same amount of food as his older sister, so I put too much food on both of their plates and it all gets wasted anyway because you can’t really save food that not one, but two, kids have put their dirty hands all over. So I’m spending money on too much food and too much of everything because…

9. Having Two Kids So Close in Age Is Really Expensive

Two kids in diapers. Two kids needing diaper rash cream. Two kids gnawing on teething biscuits. And, since I’m blessed to have a boy and a girl, two kids growing out of 74 items of clothing every few weeks. Having to double up on all the things drains my bank account faster than a newborn can blow out a diaper, but the one thing good in all of this is…

They Have a Built-In Best Friend

They will never remember a life without the other one. They make each other laugh. They definitely make each other cry. But listening to them talk and joke and play together is positively magical.

When people ask me what it’s like having kids so close in age I always respond with, “I don’t know any other way.” This is the life that I live. It is challenging and joyful and rewarding all at the same time like it is for any parent.

But it still sucks.