Let's Drop These Parents Into The Forest And See If They Can Survive As Well As Their Kid Did

Little boy somehow survives six days in the woods by himself, no thanks to his psycho parents

When I was growing up, spanking wasn’t as big a deal as it is today. When my parents were growing up, corporal punishment was pretty standard. When my grandparents were growing up, I think they occasionally got sent to time-out in an iron maiden. Things were different back then, but I’m pretty sure even my great-grandparents would be appalled at this story.

In Japan, a young boy was removed from his family’s car on a road trip, left at the side of the road in the middle of the forest, and forced to fend for himself. For six days. Of course, that wasn’t the parents’ intention. Reports vary as to how long they left the child alone in their effort to teach him a lesson. But when they returned, he was missing.

According to The Guardian, seven-year-old Yamato Tanooka was accidentally stumbled upon by military personnel after spending six nights in what the article somehow non-nonchalantly refers to as “bear-inhabited” woods. When you’re seven, there ain’t nothing nonchalant about no forest, especially one with bears in it! Plus, it was on an island, Hokkaido, Japanese‘s most northern-most island. I don’t really know why the island aspect makes it worse but it totally does.

The doctor who treated the boy remarked that, “He was incredibly calm considering he had been missing for seven days. He didn’t panic at all.”

You know why he was so calm? He was plotting his revenge. This is literally how super-villains are born! Or superheroes.

The kid must be pretty remarkable to make it through this ordeal with little more than a few scrapes. So it’s not hard to imagine, really. Having survived that terrifying week by himself, little Yamato will probably live a successful life. Buoyed by the inner confidence of knowing he has what it takes to survive on his own in a bear-infested island wood for six days, he’ll grow older, amass knowledge and wealth, and may or may not become a masked vigilante who takes on the form of a bear to protect the citizens of Hokkaido from evildoers and crazy parents.

Then one day, when they least suspect it, perhaps while he’s driving them home from a visit with their grand-kids, he’ll drop his own parents in those same bear-infested woods of his beloved island and see how they fare. Something tells me they won’t last an afternoon.

His parents kind of deserve it, don’t they? They dropped a little kid in the woods without food and water because he was “misbehaving” in the car. Um, he’s seven. I’ve literally never been in the car with a kid when he hasn’t misbehaved. I’m sure the parents didn’t mean to leave him there for that long – although if reports surface that they spend those days sleeping in and going to the movies, I might head over there in a bear suit myself! – but even if they planned to leave him alone in the bear-infested woods for just an hour, that’s too much. I mean, not for this six-year-old Bear Grylls, obviously, who probably would have been living like the Swiss Family Robinson if he’d been there another week.

The father showed remorse saying, “The first thing I said to him was that I was really sorry. He nodded and said OK, like he understood.”

Right. “Like he understood.” Guess what, Dad. Nobody understands. Nobody understands how any parent could do that to their child.

Least of all the seven-year-old.