Can We All Stop Trying To Put A Baby In Jennifer Aniston, Please?

by Maria Guido
Image via Mike Windle/Getty Images

Photos of Jennifer Aniston on vacation spark pregnancy rumors

These pregnancy rumors are exhausting, and I’m not even Jennifer Aniston. Can we just let women be childless and happy? No? Okay.

Jennifer Aniston was vacationing with her hot husband Justin Theroux in the Bahamas when some lecherous paparazzo with a telephoto lens snapped some photos of her in a bikini. She has what appears to be an abdomen. Stop the presses. Her stomach does not look concave, she must be pregnant with a “miracle” baby.

Every celebrity media outlet out there is reporting that she’s pregnant. Do you know what their “source” is? This quote from In Touch: “She’s pregnant,” a friend of the couple tells In Touch. “She and Justin are ecstatic. Jen has wanted to have a baby with Justin for years. Their baby news came at a bad time in her life, too — she just lost her mother, and she and Justin almost broke up. But now this surprise pregnancy has turned the worst of times into the best of times.”

Oh, an anonymous “friend” says she’s pregnant? Okay, that’s believable. That’s enough to excuse this:

It’s the number one trending story on Facebook, because In Touch magazine said so. You know In Touch, right? It’s that magazine people buy before every flight to distract themselves? Full of photos of celebrities who’ve been stalked by paparazzi? Ring a bell?

Her publicist told Metro that the In Touch story is a “fabrication.”

How many years has it been that we’ve all been forcing Jennifer Aniston to be pregnant? By my calculations, it’s about 12. Ever since Brad Pitt left her to start a family with Angelina Jolie, we’ve all been trying to give Jen some kind of “revenge bump.” Take that Brad! I’m not barren!

Then she went and got married, and as we all know, everyone who gets married wants to start a family. Please tell me you didn’t miss the sarcasm in that statement. Why isn’t it enough to be wildly successful, gorgeous, rich and have a hot husband to travel the globe with? Why are we always trying to put a baby in Jennifer Aniston?

“I don’t like [the pressure] that people put on me, on women – that you’ve failed yourself as a female because you haven’t procreated,” she told Allure in 2015. “I don’t think it’s fair.”

It’s not fair.

If this news ends up being true — great. Fantastic. Good for them. But it’s so invasive to speculate on a pregnancy simply because she wasn’t sucking her stomach in at that moment.

Also, calling it a “miracle baby” is a little much. She’s not 87, she’s 47.