Jenny Mollen On The Crappy Parts Of Parenting

Jenny Mollen — best-selling author, actress, and funny woman behind the Twitter account @jennyandteets — is the mom BFF we all wish we had. You know, the one who doesn’t insist on boring the hell out of you with milestone talk and her newest idea for healthy snacks? She’s the mom friend you actually want to hang out with — the one who makes you feel better by admitting she totally uses television as a babysitter too.

“Until two years ago, her life was exciting, sexy, a little eccentric, and one hundred percent impulsive,” her author bio reads. “Then they had their son, Sid, and overnight, Jenny was forced to grow up: to be responsible, to brush her hair, to listen to her voicemail.” She has one child with her husband, actor Jason Biggs.

Mollen sat down to answer some of our burning questions about motherhood. What we really want to know is how she manages the eight hours of sleep.

Finish this sentence: Motherhood is…

Jenny: Constant.

What advice would you give to a new mom?

Jenny: Don’t beat yourself up for not being “perfect” Ask for an epidural! Breastfeed as long or as little as you want. Drop out of your Mommy and Me class if everyone in your class sucks. Cut your hair. Get back in the gym. Buy something cute, and don’t forget to pet your dog.

What was your last “Scary Mommy Moment”?

Jenny: Yesterday my son bit me while I was floating him around the swimming pool. Instead of telling him not to bite, my gut reaction was to dunk him under the water. He was in shock, but I’m fairly certain my point was made.

Motherhood comes with a lot of worrying. What is one thing you have learned is not worth worrying about?

Jenny: I always thought I’d be strict about my son watching TV. Now it’s pretty much my favorite thing he does (aside from giving kisses).

How do you divide up the crappy parts of parenting with your husband?

Jenny: Simply put, convince your husband that the easy parts are actually crappy and the crappy parts are the ones he is responsible for.

When was the last time you used your kid as an excuse to get out of something you didn’t want to do?

Jenny: I think I had children as a way of getting out of shit I didn’t want to do.

What’s the least amount of sleep you can still function on?

Jenny: 8 hours.

What’s the last thing you ate and tried to hide from your kid?

Jenny: A jar of Nutella.

What’s your choice of beverage after a long day?

Jenny: Spicy tequila or heroin.

Jenny’s new book, Live Fast Die Hot, just hit the New York Times best-seller list. Congrats, Jenny!