Man's Giant Penis Is The Hero Of A New Danish Kid's TV Show

by Madison Vanderberg

John Dillermand is a Danish children’s series about a man with an extra long penis

Today in “are you sure this is a real thing?” news, a Danish children’s show has gone viral because the lead character is a man who performs heroic feats with his extra long penis. I repeat, there is a Danish children’s show about a hero with a long penis. I don’t even… just read.

John Dillermand recently started airing on Denmark’s DR Network (which is the Danish equivalent of PBS) and let me be clear, this isn’t a show about a guy who happens to have a long appendage, it’s a show about a guy who finds himself in sticky scenarios each episode and uses his rope-like dick to save the day and get him out of trouble. The penis is the star of the show. His penis is like Wonder Woman’s lasso. His penis is like Batman’s batmobile. His penis is like Tony Stark’s Iron Man suit. I could go on…

In the show’s opening title sequence, John Dillermand uses his genitals to keep a lion away from a group of children and CNN reports that in another episode, he uses his penis as a leash to walk his dog and LOL, I’m sorry, but that’s funny. Also funny, his long schlong is, I guess, wrapped in red and white fabric? Like he has to get a special suit made that doesn’t hide his penis — like pants do — but accentuates it? It’s all so… interesting.

Season 1 of the show is available to watch online currently and reps for DR tell CNN that the show is a huge hit in Denmark and that critics of the show just haven’t seen it yet.

The theme song literally has the phrase “He has the world’s longest pee-pee. There’s almost nothing he can’t do with it.” But Danish people seem into it?

“Now the great majority here in Denmark are…making fun of the few critics instead,” Sarah Cecilie, rep for DR said. “Hundreds of thousands are supporting John Dillermand now. In Denmark it is now a huge success, and the children are watching it in big numbers.”

According to the show’s official synopsis it sounds like the show’s goal is to teach kids to embrace their bodies? Maybe? From the DR website and translated to English: “[John Dillermand’s penis] often gets him in trouble and it can get really embarrassing, but when he stands by the [fact that] he is different, he can save children, babies and cars and even hoist the flag — with the diller. In fact, he can save the whole world if only he were allowed to.”

It’s wild that this show airs on DR, a tax-payer funded television network, though as DR said, the majority of people love it. Most people on Twitter are just laughing at the show, however, there has been some resistance like Danish author Anne Lise Marstrand-Jørgensen, who wrote (via The Guardian), “Is this really the message we want to send to children while we are in the middle of a huge #MeToo wave?”

Others, like Erla Heinesen Højsted, a clinical psychologist in Denmark, said “kids do find genitals funny” and that everyone should chill out. She also pointed out that “when a woman in the show tells him that he should keep his penis in his pants, for instance, he listens. Which is nice. He is accountable.”

In America we have insurrection at the Capitol and in Denmark they have TV shows about a cartoon guy with a long willie. Wild times.