KFC Knows What Women Want For Valentine's Day: Fried Chicken

If you love her, buy her chicken

We’re getting down to the wire for Valentine’s Day, gentlemen. It’s way too late to nab a reservation at that hot new Asian fusion restaurant and chocolates are pretty played out. Speaking of chocolates, we still have our winter fat layer, so please cut the shit with the sexy lingerie. You might be breaking out in a nervous sweat right now, but relax, playa. KFC’s got you covered.

Technically, they’re just inspiring us, because KFC’s Valentine’s Day contest is only available to our lucky neighbors in the north. They’re offering a few Canadians the chance to send their lovah a ChickenGram— that is, a heart-shaped box brimming with greasy, delicious, fried chicken.

They’re also providing a choice of three romantic chicken poems to include with the winner’s steaming bucket of love.

Now, just because you’re not Canadian doesn’t mean you can’t use this brilliant idea to shape your own special evening. What’s stopping you from buying a heart-shaped box at a craft store and stuffing it with KFC from a regular bucket? Picture it: a trail of fried chicken pieces leading to the bedroom (breasts and legs, it doesn’t get any sexier) where there’s a beautiful assortment of more fried chicken waiting. Artistically arranged in the heart box with one of KFC’s romantic chicken poems attached, of course.

Hope you’re ready for some lovin’. Well, maybe wait a few hours. Sex on a stomach full of chicken is no bueno, dude.

When you’ve been together a long time and had a few kids, it’s time to drop the Valentine charade. Jewelry, candy, lingerie and dinner is lovely, but let’s be honest — does anything beat a bucket of fried chicken and a Netflix marathon?

True love means keeping it real, and some women might still appreciate the rolling out of the Valentine red carpet, but most of us are perfectly happy to stay home and eat fried chicken in our yoga pants.

Oh, and mashed potatoes. Don’t forget the mashed potatoes.