Coronavirus Erotica Exists Because 2020 Won't Stop

‘Kissing the Coronavirus’ is an actual 16-page book of erotica and yes, there is a ‘green peen’ involved

While it’s an extremely bad look to kink-shame in 2020, it’s arguably an even worse look to write a book dedicated to having intercourse with the coronavirus. Sure, people can be into what they’re into. But for some reason, a (male) author decided to pen some lust-filled pages about a female scientist who is just uncontrollably turned on by virus particles that somehow turn into a man (complete with green penis) in which she can copulate with. Erotica as a genre is great. This is… not that.

Yes, it’s as insane as it sounds. And according to more than a few Goodreads reviews, it had to be seen to be believed.

Here’s the plot summary, in case your interest is piqued:

“She was supposed to cure the Coronavirus. Instead… she fell in love with it. Dr. Alexa Ashingtonford is a part of a crack team of scientists tasked with finding the cure to the devastating Coronavirus. Little did she know she would end up falling in love with it, in this steamy viral-erotica. Kissing Coronavirus is a steamy tale about forbidden love and dark desires come to life.”

Listen, steamy erotica and romance novels, in general, deserve way more validity and kudos in the publishing world than they receive because the entire world and the publishing world are both deeply misogynist. This is… well, who can really say what this is?

Here are some actual, honest-to-goodness excerpts from the book:

She nodded and shuffled towards him. He opened up his body, allowing Alexa to be engulfed in his skin and muscles. She felt his convulsing member against her waist. It was long and warm and fat, like an arm without the bones. She wondered what it would look like when erect.

“What’s your name?” she asked.

“Call me Covid,” he said.

If you think that’s bad, you ain’t seen nothing yet:

His lips. So close she could taste them. His tongue, so soft and hot, like a chunk of microwaved fish, sloshing around inside her mouth.

Don’t worry, this next scene really paints the full picture of what’s happening here. Because who hasn’t fantasized about viral samples becoming sentient sex partners?

The tip of his penis winked out above his belt line, and Alexa was positive he wasn’t even erect. She couldn’t stop staring.

And it was…green.

In fact, all of him was…green.

And he was covered in small, green bumps, which sciencey people like Alexa called spike proteins.

Yeah… yeah. If there is an upside to this ridiculousness, though, it’s the Goodreads reviews. Let’s all take a moment of silence to honor these brave soldiers, who decided to dive right into the “Call me Covid” nightmare and take one for the team.

The book was written by M.J. Edwards, the pen name of male author Robert Winter. If you want to let him know how you feel about this (good, bad, indifferent, or scarred for life), holler at your boy.

Now that that’s done, anyone know a good lobotomist?