Do you remember the first time you learned about sex? Like really learned about it, not just what you heard from one of your ill-informed playground friends. Maybe your parents sat you down and gave you the old-school “birds and the bees” talk. Or maybe it was that awkward day at school when they separated the boys from the girls and everyone learned how sex really went down.
First of all, it needs to be said that there are a lot of reasons you may not be in the mood for sex. Maybe you had a bad day at work, you’re tired, or you just don’t want to be touched because small children have been clinging to you all day. All of that is totally normal. You’re allowed to not want sex. But it’s important to know what’s common, and what may be something more.
Sex doesn’t need to be talked about in hushed whispers behind closed doors, because sex is a totally normal human experience.1,2 let’s talk about sex, or low sex drive to be more specific, openly, because talking makes us all feel less alone, no matter what we’re going through — even if that thing is lack of sexual desire. Yeah, girl, we’re going there.
Here are five signs your lack of sexual desire may be something more than low libido.
1. Your Sex Drive Has Changed
You haven’t been in the mood for a while now, but you used to love sex. Not everyone wants sex at the same time as their partner, and sometimes certain life circumstances can impact our mojo, but if your sex drive has changed and never really rebounded, it may be time to talk to your doctor.
2. Little to No Interest in Sexual Activity
It’s not just that you haven’t been in the mood because you’re tired or your life is chaotic — you genuinely aren’t interested in having sex. Sometimes this is because we have trouble turning off mom brain. If you’re frustrated because you’re no longer interested in sex, this could be a sign of Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (HSDD).3,4
3. Few to No Sexual Thoughts or Fantasies
Something may be amiss if sex hasn’t crossed your mind in a while.3,5 Can you remember the last time you thought about sex?
4. Feeling Frustrated or Ashamed Because You Aren’t in the Mood
You’ve gone through the motions and tried to enjoy sex, but you just aren’t in the mood. Have you ever felt ashamed, frustrated, insecure, or even embarrassed because of this?6,7
5. You’re Bothered By Your Lack of Interest in Sex
You want be interested in sex, but you’re just not. You worry about how this is impacting your relationship, but more than anything, you just want to be “in the mood” again. Almost 70% of women reported they feel less satisfied with their partner due to lack of sexual desire, with the same number reporting a negative impact on their body image.4
Did you relate to any of the above? If so, don’t worry — women go through all kinds of sexual evolutions throughout their life.8 And if you aren’t in the mood and it bothers you, you’re not alone. You may be experiencing Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (HSDD), which is a common, treatable medical condition characterized by ongoing low sexual desire that women find frustrating.3,4,9
You probably have a lot of questions at this point, but don’t worry, we know exactly where to go for answers: unblush is a website designed for women just like you. It’s a private space for women who are also bothered by low sexual desire to validate their experiences and search for information from like-minded women, because you are not alone. You’re part of a genuine community.
unblush gives women the straightforward facts about Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder so they can get the help they need. If you’re currently experiencing low sexual desire, talk to your doctor about treatment options and check out unblush for more information.
1. Cleveland Clinic. Let’s talk about sex & intimacy: find your lost libido. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/transcripts/1352_let-s-talk-about-sex-and-intimacy-find-your-lost-libido. Published February 14, 2012. Accessed March 26, 2019.
2. Mayo Clinic. Healthy lifestyle: sexual health. https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/sexual-health/basics/sexual-health-basics/HLV-20049432?p=1 Published August 17, 2017. Accessed March 26, 2019.
3. Goldstein SR, Kingsberg SA, Simon JA. Hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD): a primer for clinicians. OBG Manag. 2016 (suppl): S1-S4. https://www.mdedge.com/sites/default/files/obgm_worldclasssuppl_1016.pdf. Accessed March 26, 2019.
4. Kingsberg SA. Attitudinal survey of women living with low sexual desire. J Womens Health 2014;23(10):817-823.
5. Goldstein I, Kim NN, Clayton AH, et al. Hypoactive sexual desire disorder: International Society for the Study of Women’s Sexual Health (ISSWSH) expert consensus panel review. Mayo Clin Proc. 2017;92(1):114-128.
6. Leiblum SR, Koochaki PE, Rodenberg CA, et al. Hypoactive sexual desire disorder in postmenopausal women: US results from the Women’s International Study of Health and Sexuality (WISHeS). Menopause. 2006;13(1):46-56.
7. Clayton AH, Kingsberg SA, Goldstein I. Evaluation and management of hypoactive sexual desire disorder. Sex Med. 2018;6(2):59-74.
8. Mayo Clinic. Low sex drive in women: symptoms and causes. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseasesconditions/low-sex-drive-in-women/symptoms-causes/syc-20374554. Accessed March 26, 2019.
9. American Sexual Health Association. Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder. http://www.ashasexualhealth.org/?s=hsdd. Accessed July 17, 2019.
This article was originally published on