8 Things I Want to Know Before Buying a Mattress

by Scary Mommy Partners
Originally Published: 

This feature is part of the Scary Mommy Discover & SAVE program, Get $75 off a new mattress at our partner Leesa with offer code SCARYMOMMY.

I’m a mom. I love my family and all that jazz, butI had two kids back-to-back which means that I haven’t slept in years. What I wouldn’t do for a good night’s sleep. I have literally set my alarm to take a seven minute nap. Seven minutes!

Now, to make every one of those minutes count, I have embarked on a mission to buy a new mattress. I asked around my office. It turns out “John the Lawyer” has a new bed from Leesa.

It was somewhat of an awkward convo being that I hardly know John and he is a serious, understated dude with no kids. But mama’s gotta sleep, so I had no shame in grilling him about his Leesa.

I asked him eight questions. Here’s what I found out.

1. Aren’t Mattress Showrooms the WORST?

Me: Technically that’s not a question, but the last mattress I bought required a trip to the far attic level of a department store. I felt like a hostage, trying out rows and rows of beds that all looked the same, while a creepy salesperson watched me and tried to negotiate. When I finally gave in, it felt like it took forever to be deliver delivered. How did this experience compare?

John: Very easy. You order from Leesa online. Shipping is free and our mattress arrived in a couple of days.

2. Sexytime Noise Factor?

Me: Let’s cut to the chase. Suppose my bedroom actually goes back to being a bedroom for a night, how’s Leesa going to work out? I’d rather not announce my big night to my downstairs neighbor if you know what I mean.

John: I’m not sure I understand.

Me: Sex, John. I’m talking about sex.

John: Oh. Um, it’s stable. No noise. And none of the memory foam awkward quicksand feeling. Um, are we almost done here?

3. What If It’s My Turn to Sleep In?

Me: Just getting started. On the rare occasion when I can sleep in—like maybe an apocalyptic snow storm that buffers all street noise—will I feel my husband when he gets out of bed?

John: Leesa has a core of memory foam so I don’t really feel the bed move when my wife gets up. I toss and turn more than she does and she says she doesn’t notice.

Me: That’s because she still loves you.

4. Can I Get it Up My Stairs?

Me: Go back to the part about shipping. I can’t stay home to wait for an 8-hour delivery window that ends with two dudes with beer breath walking into my bedroom with their shoes on.

John: It came packed in a box. You can probably carry it yourself, or at least push it along the floor. You open the plastic wrap and the bed unrolls on its own.

5. Can Leesa Handle a Sick Kid?

Me: My current bed has taken a hit from every kid accident known to man. Including a five year old who ate lentil chili and then got a stomach virus. You get the idea.

John: Ours came with a seamless, heather grey, woven mattress cover.

Me: Awesome. Stain proof?

John: I think so. You can spot clean with a little soap and water. But we haven’t had to do that yet.

Me (in my head): I can’t wait for him to have a baby with reflux.

6. Will I Suffocate?

Me: I am usually squeezed between my husband with bad blanket management, a six year old’s curly mop of hair and an amputated American Girl Doll. Is this mattress hot?

John: I haven’t noticed that it’s hot, so I guess that’s a good sign. The top layer has two inches of perforated Avena™ foam that helps with airflow.

Me: You actually speak with little trademark symbols in your quotes? Wow, you really are a lawyer. Also, I think this means I can start wearing pajamas again.

7. What if I Hate It?

Me: John, I want to believe you, but I am programmed to not to believe you because you have two incomes and no children in your bed. What if this bed sucks?

John: My facts are legit. But if you are still skeptical, they let you try it for 100 nights risk free. If you don’t like it, send it back.

8. What About the Discounts?

Me: We both work at the company that owns Scary Mommy. What’s the deal with our deal?

John: Leesa is part of our Discover & SAVE program. It gives you $75 off your order, plus a $25 Target eGift card.

This sponsored post is part of the Scary Mommy Discover & SAVE program. Click here to check out Leesa and get $75 off a new mattress. (Scary Mommy editorial staff was not involved in the creation or production of this content. Also, they gave us a mattress so John the Lawyer could try it out.)

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