Does Reading Romance Novels Help Your Sex Life?
Is it hot in here, or is it just your TBR pile?
Confession: I just look for pretty book covers in the Libby app to read. I’m not trying to read anything particularly intellectual or have to use my brain in this stage of life; I’m just trying to escape.
So when I saw the cover of Tessa Bailey’s It Happened One Summer with a “guy-meets-girl” vibe on the front, I assumed it’d be a cheesy romance. But whoa, it got my juices flowing if you know what I mean. Let’s just say my brain didn’t benefit from reading this, but my libido sure did.
As a tired mom of two littles, I’m not *always* in the mood, but it’s hard not to feel something reading books like this.
“Spicy” books have been on the rise, with titles like Onyx Storm by Rebecca Yarros and The Hating Game by Sally Thorne hitting book clubs and BookTok everywhere. Some people call this genre “B.R.A.D.S” or “Beach Reads After Dark,” a term coined by book influencer Beach Reads & Bubbly. There are romance novel specialty book stores and websites dedicated to just these spicy reads, so clearly I’m not alone in finding these books, uh, entertaining.
“Steamy romance novels have gone mainstream,” explains Dr. Rebecca Eudy, AASECT-certified sex therapist and author of Parents in Love: A Guide to Great Sex After Kids. “What used to be a guilty pleasure is now a genre women proudly read and talk about, and it’s a sign that women’s desire, fantasy, and yes, even masturbation, are becoming less taboo.”
But can reading romance novels actually translate into a better sex life? Read on to hear what two therapists had to say about how and why they do, and the considerations you should keep in mind.
That tingling you’re feeling is real
The TL;DR is yes, reading steamy scenes in a book can definitely help your sex life.
“Romance novels are about fantasy, and fantasy fuels desire,” Eudy says. “When we connect with what turns us on, it naturally translates into better sex.”
Reading these types of books can lead to a multitude of outcomes that could help your sex life. For starters, reading a passage about a couple finally doing the deed after 100 pages of sexual tension and build-up can get many people “in the mood” who otherwise wouldn’t have been. And hey, if enjoying an actual hobby (reading) also leads to getting into a better rhythm in the bedroom, that sounds like a win-win to me.
For others, “reading romance novels can also provide insight into what turns them on or excites them,” adds Jillian Amodio, licensed social worker at Waypoint Wellness Center. “It tends to reignite imagination and novelty, both of which are powerful antidotes to sexual boredom or disconnection.”
And you don’t need to worry if you’re the only one reading romance novels in the house; it doesn’t take both you and your partner committing to the same book to see a potential difference.
Amodio says one partner reading erotic or romantic books may make them more comfortable communicating what they want in bed or more confident in initiating sexy time. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that if you’re communicating more openly with your partner about anything, whether it be how they’re loading the dishwasher that’s driving you crazy or what turns you on, that things might improve.
Watch out for these things while reading romance novels
While there are a lot of potential positive outcomes for your sex life that can stem from reading romance novels, Amodio does have a few words of caution to keep in mind.
If you’re expecting your sex life to suddenly mirror the white-hot one Piper finds with Brendan in It Happened One Summer, you should temper your expectations. Sadly, I’m not sure all of us will experience having life-altering sex in an unused hospital room because we just simply can’t wait another minute.
“Fiction doesn’t always mirror real-life intimacy,” she says. “This can therefore create feelings of inadequacy or pressure if not balanced with open dialogue and a realistic perspective.”
So if you feel like you need to have multiple orgasms a night or be able to rack up multiple sessions in an evening to feel like you’re enough, take a step back. Reading romance novels shouldn’t put more pressure on your sex life or make it more stressful.
If they are having that effect, remind yourself that at the end of the day, the stories are just that: stories. It’s OK if the only side effect of reading a spicy book is that you feel aroused and maybe do something about it.
Spicy romance books to add to your list
I’m personally a big fan of anything by Tessa Bailey. Yes, they’re cheesy AF, and sometimes I roll my eyes at the dialogue, but the woman has a lock on writing sex scenes that are hard to sit still while reading. The Summer Getaway by Susan Mallery isn’t as steamy as some of the other books I’ve read, but there was so much sexual tension that built up throughout the book that even I felt a release when the two protagonists finally got down to it.
Other authors I gravitate to when I’m looking for a new spicy book to pick up include other books by Sally Thorne and anything by Jasmine Guillory.
Eudy is a fan of The Brown Sisters trilogy by Talia Hibbert, calling it “funny, tender and deeply affirming,” while she says the Dark Olympus series by Katee Robert “will have steam coming out of your ears.”
For other suggestions, Beach Reads & Bubbly has a pinned post on Instagram about her favorite B.R.A.D.S, even breaking them down into “beginner” level Fighting Words by R.S. Grey to “advanced” Mr. Garcia by TL Swan.
Yeah, it’s time to start reading and reaping the benefits.
