From The Confessional: ‘I Farted During Sex’

20 anonymous confessions about the good, the bad... and the awkward

by Emma Coburn
Originally Published: 
Emma Chao/Scary Mommy; Getty Images

Maybe you’ve been with your partner for 50+ years, and your sex life is still going strong. Or perhaps after decades you’ve still never gotten to a satisfying place. Then again, maybe your sex is just so intense that it’s caused one of you to... accidentally break your nose. These are just some of the situations people have shared in the Scary Mommy Confessional. Read on for 20 of the sexiest confessions to date.

Scary Mommy Confessions are a tried-and-true part of what makes our site so fun. If you want to anonymously confess, please tell all through the link here. And if you want to browse past Confessions, head here.

I'm 72, been married 51 years, and have a great-grandchild on the way but, every once in a while I get a little gropey with DH in public - just so I can get a kick from seeing the "EWW, gross - old people sex!" on younger people's faces.

Confessional #6338440

Accidentally sent MIL a sext meant for DH. She texted back to thank me for letting her know we're enjoying a healthy sex life, but said, in the future, it really isn't necessary to send her updates.

Confessional #3074476

Just farted during sex. Laughed so hard I peed a little. Laughed harder. Peed harder & soaked the comforter. Husband wiped my butt with it & flipped it to the dry side. Totally finished! I love this man!

Confessional #9113282

32 married sahm of 4. 50lb bigger than when we got married. Butt is bigger, belly is bigger, boobs hang down and rest on the bed and I bend over it. H touches me like we were teens. He makes me feel so sexy and we now have #5 on the way.

Confessional #7119816

Hubs and I had sex last night on the edge of the bed with my ankles wrapped around his head. He made me orgasm twice and I cried. Never felt so loved and happy than in that moment when he was pounding away at me. :)

Confessional #9218720

My 97 year old great grandmother gives me the best sex advice to satisfy my husband, I'm gonna be really sad when she's gone.

Confessional #9726451

Single mom of two. Most nights after the kids are asleep, I have hot sex with a neighbor guy ten years younger than me that doesn't even speak English.

Confessional #4194942

My husband told me I was “so f*cking beautiful” while we were having sex a few nights ago. He isn’t perfect, but he adores me, and that counts for a lot.

Confessional #12867991

I won’t have sex with my husband because he’s selfish and lazy in bed. Won’t listen to me. Been together 22 years, and I can count on two hands the orgasms he’s managed to give me. Averages one every 2 years! Why should I bother?

Confessional #25871228

Had an explosive orgasm while DH was going down on me, and bucked up so hard I broke his nose. If we're out together and someone asks him how he broke his nose, I have to quickly turn away and cover my mouth with my hand to hide my laughter.

Confessional #5045138

Just learned that I like being spanked -- hard -- during sex. Huh...

Confessional #25871128

Anyone else’s H announce when he’s cumming during sex? Mine always does and I’ve always thought it was strange. Can’t say anything though I’ll hurt his cumming feelings.

Confessional #25871164

H new year’s resolution is to “do it” at least once a week after years of nearly sexless marriage. Idk how it happened but guys, keep praying, there is a God and she is listening!!!

Confessional #25871154

My husband is the only man to ever give me orgasms. He’s a keeper!

Confessional #25871050

My H is short, chubby, bald, very introverted, quiet and extremely boring. But in bed… HOLY SH*T! He’s like a porn star! After 10 years of marriage he still turns me into a quivering blissful mess. It’s all he has going for him, but I’ll take it!!

Confessional #7097571

I saved myself for marriage & the married sex was so horrible I thought i was broken.Post-divorce I have a much older boyfriend with whom the sex is SO divine I want him EVERY DAY. Feels good to confess that for the 1st time in 30 years sex feels amazing!

Confessional #4301921

We hosted Christmas at our house this year. MIL walked in on H and I having a quickie and quickly shut the door. Later that evening she walked by me making dinner and quietly said, "good for you, get it while you can." Officially mortified.

Confessional #2143373

Met my DD's boyfriend's parents two days ago. Twisted luck: Dad and I used to f*ck our brains out in our twenties until I left for Europe for my PhD. Oopsie?

Confessional #9206062

Size 18, 2 kids, stretch marks galore. When xH left I thought no one would want me. Second H is great with the kids, does half the chores, and gave me 6 orgasms last night after telling me he thinks I’m so beautiful. Don’t settle.

Confessional #14497406

DH and I lied to both our families that we were going to the other family's Thanksgiving. Instead we stayed home, had a KFC feast, got baked, went through 4 liters of cheap wine, watched cheesy old sci fi, and had hot sex twice. Best Thanksgiving EVER

Confessional #7974709

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