Hallowpeen & 13 More Hilarious Halloween Smut Titles
You won’t have any pearls left to clutch.
Is there anyone in the world who doesn’t need a laugh right now? Thank God the holidays are coming and our days will be infused with a little more cheer and festivity. For anyone out there who enjoys a good read, I implore you to indulge in an extra special spooky subgenre this month: Halloween smut. That’s right — if you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to go to pound town with a werewolf or accidentally summon an anthropomorphic dragon with nothing but your moans, well, the answers await.
Many of these titles are short reads, anywhere from a few dozen pages to 200 max, so they’re quick, one-sitting reads when you just want some escapist nonsense to fill your evening. The e-book editions are also just a few bucks a piece, so as far as entertainment goes, it’s pretty darn budget-friendly. (And nearly every single one is included in Kindle Unlimited, if you subscribe.) So, without further ado, let’s find out if the headless horseman can, in fact, give head.
One About A Halloween Ritual Gone Wrong... Or So Right?
“Just because my guts have been ripped out, doesn’t mean I can’t rearrange yours.” *Gulp.* In this book, a group of women summon their local urban legends on Halloween night to see if the old stories are true. If a three-on-one encounter with some pumpkin men and a lurid tryst with a dude made of candy sounds like your idea of Halloween fun, you’ll enjoy this ridiculous romp. (The candy man’s you-know-what is a massive jawbreaker, obviously.)
Available on Kindle Unlimited and in e-book format for $4.99.
One Where The Title Says It All
If I trust anyone to write an absolutely banging Halloween smut novella, it’s someone whose pen name is Ivanna Schloppykoch. The Louisiana swamp is full of surprises, but Darla Jean never expected to find herself thrust into the arms of Gil. Will they be torn apart by the townsfolk, or will their passion overcome all?
Available on Kindle Unlimited and in e-book format for $2.99.
This Book About, Well, Ghost Dick
This is a taboo paranormal romance book in which a young woman, Fallon, moves in with her grandmother after the passing of her father. The town of Port Canyon holds a lot of history for her family, and before long, she realizes she’s being haunted by the ghost of her uncle Merrick, who endured his own tragedy 20 years prior. The title should tell you everything you need to know about how their relationship unfolds.
A Spicy, Witchy Story For The Chronically Online
Our main character hexes her toxic ex’s dick on WitchTok, as you do, but she didn’t mean to rip open the veil between the supernatural world and this one on Live. Now the entire internet knows vampires, witches, and chaos demons actually exist. The supernatural council convenes and wants her silenced, but she’ll fight back. The book is billed as a “reverse harem” romantic comedy, meaning our leading lady will have her pick of monstrous bad boys before the end.
Available on Kindle Unlimited and in e-book format for 99 cents.
A Book About Being Horny At The End Of The World
In a world ravaged by a zombie apocalypse, Sophie has wandered alone for months on end. All she does anymore is try to survive, but she knows one day she’ll make a mistake and get eaten alive by the undead. That day finally comes, but when she’s overrun by a horde of zombies, their desires are quite different from what she imagined.
Available on Kindle Unlimited.
This Jacked Jack-O-Lantern Tale
Suzy performs a love spell on Halloween, hoping the magic of the holiday will help her Mr. Right materialize on the spot. Instead, she gets a hunky Jack-O-Lantern man with a terrifying bulge — and he intends to fill her with his seed (I can’t).
Available on Kindle Unlimited and in e-book format for $3.99.
A Female-On-Female Story Involving A Stuffed Candy Corn
This is a 70-page read unlike any other. Four friends find a spell book and attempt to conjure their soulmates and — whoopsie — find themselves stuck in a deal with the devil. They now have one year to find their soulmates themselves... and at least one character thinks hers might be a stuffed candy corn possessed by a succubus?
Available on Kindle Unlimited.
One About A Werewolf... Lawn Ornament
This book is part of “the Kyleverse,” a series by Nicole Parker in which this one dude, Kyle, always shows up and does something to move the plot along. In this installment, he brings a random werewolf lawn ornament to Taylor and Connor’s place, and it comes to life when all the trick-or-treaters are done for the night.
Available on Kindle Unlimited and in e-book format for $2.99.
This Story About A Monstrous Threesome
A Halloween masquerade ball sounds like a perfectly fun evening, and our main character’s night starts out that way. But then the dude in the vampire costume nips her a little too hard, and she takes off running. But then the guy dressed like a werewolf catches up to her and claims they’re mates?! She flees again, tripping over the idiot in the zombie costume who seems to want to eat her alive. Are these really costumed men, or three real monsters who will have to decide if they’re willing to share?
Available on Kindle Unlimited and in e-book format for $2.99.
Another Pumpkin-Inspired Halloween Smut Story
College student Emily is down bad for her local barista, but when he denies her advances, she retreats... right into the arms of a pumpkin, as the book’s description goes. Reviewers say this pumpkin spice is spicy, though. This edition includes a bonus chapter and a “signature latte recipe,” so you get a lot of bang (sorry) for your buck.
Available on Kindle Unlimited and in e-book format for $2.99.
A Book With Perhaps The Best Title Of Any Novel Ever
Ugh, don’t you hate it when you are just trying to get off and you end up accidentally summoning a dragon daddy who claims you as his mate? The inconveniences of being a witch, I guess. This is a quick, 37-page read that’ll deliver everything you could ever want from Halloween smut.
Available on Kindle Unlimited.
A Sexy Scarecrow Story
A scarecrow? Sounds itchy, but sure, I’ll bite. Maisie is just a small-town girl who can’t wait to enjoy all her favorite seasonal treats and see the sights at the annual Harvest Festival. But when her alcoholic boyfriend crosses a line, she bolts into a nearby cornfield to get away. That’s where she finds a scarecrow she’s never seen before, and there’s a special sort of magic bringing him to life. What will he ask Maisie to do on his one night off a year?
Available on Kindle Unlimited and in e-book format for $2.99.
One That I Hope Answers The Question, “Can The Headless Horseman Give Head?”
This book’s tagline is, “It’s going to be a long, hard night,” so that’s promising. Everyone in the area knows not to go out on Halloween, lest they fall victim to the ruthless headless horseman. When our main character storms out of her fiancé’s car on the side of the road, guess who she encounters? The mythical monster makes her a deal: satisfy his carnal wishes, and she’ll survive Halloween night.
Available on Kindle Unlimited and in e-book format for $3.99.
A Naughty Little Novella About A Spicy Trio
It’s Halloween night, and a sip of witch’s brew threatens to crack the tension between three friends: La Llorona, Mothman, and Bigfoot. Crushes will be exposed, along with so much more.
Available on Kindle Unlimited.
