Misty Copeland On Life After Ballet: “I’m Giving Myself More Grace”

For decades, Misty Copeland was ballet. As the first Black female principal dancer at American Ballet Theatre, she transformed what the art form looked like and who it belonged to. But last year, she took her final bow and, in the time since, she’s been navigating a different kind of discipline: the unscripted rhythms of what comes next. For Copeland, stepping away from her historic career came with a series of major transitions, like raising her young son, Jackson, and, recently, recovering from major surgery — all while adjusting to the emotional and physical shifts of perimenopause.

After years of training her body to perform with the utmost precision and control, Copeland is learning to let go and listen to what her body needs now. And, perhaps most importantly, how to give herself grace in the process.

Scary Mommy caught up with the legendary dancer to talk about all things perimenopause (she’s partnered with science-backed health and wellness company Thorne), identity after retirement, and what it meant to have her son witness the final bow of a career that defined her life.

Scary Mommy: You’ve spent your life performing at the highest level. How has your relationship with your body changed now that you've transitioned off the stage, especially in light of the fact that you recently had major surgery?

Misty Copeland: I think, definitely post-American Ballet Theater career, I'm being more intentional and giving myself more grace, and just really thinking about how I'm taking care of myself internally.

With so much of my journey as an athlete, of course you have to fuel yourself and be healthy, but what does that really mean? … I feel like post-baby and being 43 years old and having had as many injuries that I've had, there are so many other things to consider in taking care of myself.

We just all have such unique and different experiences as women. So it's important that we really get to know what we're going through so we can address it and be OK and open about having these sometimes uncomfortable conversations. I think they've become uncomfortable because it's taboo; we're not allowed to talk about these things. That's something so beautiful about where we're at, in this day and age, [and] about what Thorne is doing in having these beautifully diverse and open conversations and the stories that they're telling through different women from different walks of life that are really relatable.

SM: You touched on this, but there’s so much unpredictability in perimenopause. As a dancer, you’ve had to be incredibly disciplined and in control of your body. How has that been for you, adjusting to something you have very little control over?

I've been talking about this idea of ritual, and that's been so important throughout my career. I've always thought of ballet class every single morning as a ritual that really would ground me and center me in times that you might feel out of control. I feel like I’m going through a similar experience ... there are so many things that are hormonally out of my control, and that I’ve been a bit in denial about that this is really what it is I’m experiencing. But it’s been important that I’m naming what those things are I’m experiencing, naming them as perimenopause, and then being able to really address it in a healthy way.

SM: We all talk a lot about physical changes during hormonal shifts, but what about the emotional side? How has that shown up for you?

MC: Losing patience. Feeling that any little thing can set you off. And I've been like, ‘That's just because I have a 4-year-old.’ Or ‘that's just because of this. That's just because of this.’ So it's been really nice to be able to dissect these things that I'm feeling and then be able to treat them.

But yeah, we are all so different as women and will have different experiences. Physically, just the changes in my skin have been a real shock for me — I didn't imagine I'd be getting acne at this point and dealing with that! I'm like, ‘Come on. I thought I got past this.’ But just, again, the more that we talk about all of our unique experiences, the more other women will feel seen and heard and then want to be a part of it.

SM: Absolutely. Well, segueing to another big transition, you recently took your final bow, and it was so emotional seeing your little boy, Jackson, come on stage with you. What did that mean to you?

MC: It was incredible. I never really thought about what my last performance with American Ballet Theater would look like. If it were up to me, I always said I would just disappear and not have some big to-do. So I never even thought, What would that look like for my son?

Then I went to my really good friend's farewell performance, Gillian Murphy, who's a principal dancer at ABT and retired, I don't know, the summer before me or something. I was on stage, and her son Ax came on. I just started bawling my eyes out, and I was like, there's no way I can do this and not have Jackson see it and be a part of it and understand what I do. He had never seen me dance before because I had stopped dancing before he was born. So having him there was, I don't know, it was like having him experience this thing that has given me every opportunity in my life. How could I not have him be a part of this with me?

Overall, I was afraid of how he would respond, being in front of all those people, and I thought he was going to walk off the stage into the orchestra pit. I was terrified of all these things. As a mom, I was like, ‘Oh my God, all these things can go wrong, and he's going to die.’

SM: Ha, such a mom thing to think!

MC: But it was the most incredible and beautiful experience that I hope he will remember. If not the actual memory, the feeling of what it was.

SM: When he gets older and looks back at your career, which has been so defining in so many ways for a lot of people, what do you hope he understands about what it took for you to get there?

MC: I hope that he understands that you can't get to a place like this, in terms of just work and success, without having support. That's something that's been so vital for me, and that I want him to understand — that you don't have to try and do something on your own, that it's really about community.

I think in the end, when people have asked me, ‘What are you going to remember the most?’ Or, ‘What are you going to miss the most from dancing the last 25 years at American Ballet Theater?’ It's the people. To me, it's not this one stage I'm going to miss or this one performance. It's those incredible relationships and what it means to be in community with other people.

SM: After so long with ABT, what does a normal day look like for you now?

MC: I've spent the last 30 years of my life with such a consistent schedule and not having control over my schedule. I'm insanely busy, and I have been for the last five years since I stepped away from ABT, but my days are all so different. Literally today, I was up at 6:00 a.m. I had a photo shoot all morning and afternoon. Then I might go to the offices for my foundation, and then I might have meetings for my production company. I'm editing a book right now.

I love it because I really feel like I'm in charge of my creative voice in a way that I never have been before, when you are more of a vessel for other people's stories — that's what I've been, and it's an incredible thing to be able to be that. But now, to be in charge is the next step. I really never thought I would be this kind of artist who would want to be the storyteller and the narrator in the way that I am now. So it's pretty cool to have seen my growth.

SM: You’ve spent your career opening ballet up to kids who never saw themselves in it. But arts funding and education feel increasingly fragile right now. As someone who’s fought so hard to grow this art form’s audience, how do you stay hopeful about its future, and what do you think is at stake if we lose that access?

MC: Everything that I do always comes back, at its core, to being an artist and because of what I've gained by being a part of this art form and a part of ballet. So I don't ever try to look at it through a not-hopeful lens. It may not look the way we want it to look or the way it has looked, but I always think there will be people who are going to be fighting for it to continue.

Arts education and dance education is so important to me. It's why I started the Misty Copeland Foundation. We may not have control over our public school systems and the curriculum that they have there, but we do have control over afterschool programs and more private funding that's not coming from the government.

I think it adds so much value to our society. I think that it creates empathetic human beings. I think it creates better leaders. I think that by being a part of these art forms, you have incredible transferable skills that will prepare you to do whatever it is you want to do in life. And that's really what we're doing through my foundation and through the programs. It's not about creating professional dancers, necessarily; it's really about creating better human beings in society, which we desperately need today.

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.