“Our Sex Life Was Saved By Our Elderly Neighbors”
A mom just like us — comparing prices at the grocery store, cheering at the baseball field three times a week, running PTA meetings — shares her sex story, no matter how “boring” or “shocking” it may be.
This story is an “as told to” and anonymous. The mom in this story is a mother of four, in her 40s, living in the Southeast.
I was six months pregnant with our first child when my husband and I moved into our house. We used to drive through the neighborhood before the house was even for sale, in love with how many people were out and about, neighbors in each other’s driveways, kids on bikes, people walking their dogs — it just had a good vibe.
When we moved in, we immediately met our neighbors. We were hoping to have some families our age nearby, especially since we didn’t have any family of our own nearby, but on our street of six houses, we were the youngest by 30 years. On both sides of us were widows who had been living there since the 1970s, and across from us was an elderly couple who were the first on the street to move in. They were kind and lovely and asked me daily about how I was feeling during my pregnancy. Still, I was a little sad that we didn’t have anyone our age nearby. I remember whining to my husband that I wanted “the village” I had heard so much about.
It turns out that’s exactly what we had. And the village is what saved our sex life.
Because not long after giving birth, I realized quickly that sex was the lowest priority of my life. My husband and I had a very healthy sex life; all the way through trying to get pregnant and pregnancy, nothing ever felt off. We were always in sync with each other and really enjoyed having sex, but I was not prepared for how much having a baby would throw all of that out of whack. When our baby was 7 months old, we sat down together and talked about how much we missed each other, how much we missed having sex, and we should try and find some time.
But where was the time?
It took another few weeks of us trying to do it at night, but being exhausted, or trying to schedule sex during our baby’s nap time, but then she’d wake up. We felt like it was hopeless until she was older, but then one day, while on a walk, the elderly couple across the street met us at the end of the path. The wife asked me how I was doing and then said, “Oh, I remember those days. I felt so disconnected from everything, even our marriage suffered.” Her husband nodded and said, “I don’t think we had a quiet moment together for over a year. It was hard. You two make sure to take good care of each other.”
I got a little weepy, and they noticed. I told them how hard it had been, that we were struggling to feel connected and intimate with each other, and they immediately gave me hugs. “We know we’re old,” the wife said. “But we know how to rock and burp a baby. If you two ever need a few hours, we’re right here.”
It was such a kind offer, and later that night, when I told my husband about it, he lit up. “Let’s take them up on it,” he said.
Two days later, we were walking across the street with a diaper bag packed with everything our 9-month-old needed for two hours without us. Our neighbors were elated. They had bought toys and a bottle warmer and receiving blankets, and even showed us how they had put up a baby gate to keep their golden retriever from getting in the way.
We told them what a gift this was. They told us they felt the same.
My husband and I walked home, made lunch together, ate it, and then had the best sex of our lives.
From then on, it became a regular thing. At least once a week, our son went to the neighbors across the street for two hours. Sometimes we went out for a date. Sometimes we just walked around the neighborhood and talked. Sometimes we came home and napped.
But our elderly neighbors saved our sex life.
When our neighbors on both sides of us found out, they pitched in, too. Sometimes they’d watch our son together, sometimes they’d each take a turn. Some weeks, we managed to have sex four days in a row.
All because of our neighbors.
I’m convinced we would’ve never had a second baby if it hadn’t been for them. It was a recharge moment for us, every time. Some weeks, our neighbors only pitched in for two hours. Some weeks, we’d have 10 hours of child-free time. And all the while, our kids were getting the best care and love from a whole bunch of surrogate grandparents.
I know it sounds weird to say our sex life was saved by our elderly neighbors, but it’s the truth. We’ve lost half of them now, and it’s devastating. But I’m hopeful our neighborhood will just keep growing — and that one day, I can be the elderly neighbor helping some young parents find themselves again.
