“Praise Kink” Is The Perfect Mixture Of Dirty Talk & Affirmations
And it can make you feel really seen during sex.
While the word “kink” often conjures up bondage, BDSM, and “weird” (according to mainstream society) sex stuff, the actual definition of kink is “a sexual desire or practice regarded as unusual or unconventional” — and that can cover a lot of stuff.
Like “praise kink.”
It shouldn’t be unconventional to “praise” your partner during sex, but the unusual part of this particular kink is the people who are super turned on by the praise. And not just praise for what they’re doing to the other person regarding sex, but also praise for how they’re receiving sex from their partner.
Think phrases like, “I love when you moan at me” or “you take it like a good girl.” Or if you want praise while you’re the one in charge, hearing something like “You’re so good at riding me” or “You’re going to make me cum looking at me like that” can be super sexy praise kink.
(Phew, is it hot in here?)
What exactly is praise kink?
“A praise kink is essentially a type of kink or fetish for praise and affirmation, or just positive feedback,” says Malia Lazu, sex therapy practitioner. “While it’s often mixed with BDSM practices and can overlap with power dynamics, on its own it's an approachable, beginner-friendly way to dive into kink and connect more deeply with a partner. When we’re told how great we are and look — or how good we feel — our brain’s reward center lights up and releases feel-good chemicals.”
That reward center is also the same system that’s activated during arousal, says Sarah Sumner, a licensed sex and relationship therapist. “Those signals stack, and the anticipation alone can get your body feeling extra hot and bothered. Most people appreciate compliments, but they don't always translate to sexual desire.”
Who would like praise kink?
Honestly, this kind of kink is like any other — it has tons of variations, so any person is able to find a way to mix it into their sex life. But if you’re someone who really leans into words of affirmation, Lazu says it can be especially great. “In the larger scheme of things, it’s about feeling wanted and affirmed in a vulnerable moment. When someone is being affirmed in an intimate moment, their body relaxes, their confidence increases, and they’re able to fully receive pleasure,” she says.
Sumner adds that she thinks praise kink shows off a nice cultural flip. “Most cis-women grew up learning ‘good’ meant being accommodating and making themselves smaller. Being praised during sex takes that script and flips it. You're choosing to be ‘good’ instead of it being expected of you. That's a huge deal for someone who spent their whole life earning approval by disappearing.”
She says that praise kink really creates a power dynamic, and that submitting to your partner’s sexual wants can remove mental load. “You stop being in charge and get to be told what to do,” she says, and that can help you relax and just be in the moment, feeling fully present.
When your partner whispers, “Yes, that’s a good girl” while you’re already letting them take the reins and enjoying it? Swoon.
How to Introduce Praise Kink Into Your Sex Life
If you want to add praise kink into your life, Lazu says it’s honestly pretty simple and just requires verbal affirmation. The trick is to be specific rather than generic. “Some phrases can include calling someone a good boy/girl, praising how good they taste, feel, or smell, or verbally worshipping how they look,” she says.
That specificity is huge in praise kink, and Sumner also says you should try to focus your compliments that way. She says if you want to give this a try, think about what feels so good to you about praise kink. “If it's the words, get your partner to be specific — ‘I love watching you _’ lands differently than something generic.” If it’s more about power, she says phrases like “Stay right there” or “Not yet” can really turn you on.
If it’s about being seen by your partner, she says eye contact and your partner narrating what they notice about you can really get you fired up. “You can get creative, too. Some people use props like gold-star stickers to reward their partner when they do something ‘good’ as foreplay,” Sumner adds.
But Lazu recommends that, no matter what, you talk to your partner about this new thing you want to bring into the bedroom. “Keep in mind that not everyone enjoys the same kind of praise, so talking about it beforehand with your partner and bringing consent into the picture will leave both of you feeling more empowered and more satisfied.”
Sumner agrees. “My biggest piece of advice for those who want to try it: Bring it up outside the bedroom first. Telling your partner what you want sexually means letting them see your desire without knowing what they'll do with it. That's vulnerable. In a safe relationship, vulnerability is hot. And will lead to more pleasurable sex.”
