Long-Distance Friends Are Still Your 'In Real Life' Friends, And The Bond Is Strong

by Samantha Angoletta
Originally Published: 

You know, I’m not exactly sure that “being in the same place” is the same as “being friends.” –Wilbur (Charlotte’s Web, 2006 film)

Damn it, if this isn’t true. This last weekend was proof. You don’t have to be in the same place, or even live in the same state, to be friends, to find your people, to feel like you’re at home.

Our group of Scary Mommy staff writers (minus a few, who were greatly missed, but couldn’t make it) had our first “writer’s retreat” recently. And by “writers’ retreat,” I obviously mean “slumber party,” because there was no work getting done. Just bonding and laughter.

So much laughter.

You can can tell you’ve found your people when there are no awkward introductions needed because you already know each other so well.

When you laugh so hard your sides (literally) still ache the next morning,

When you find yourself compelled to pour your heart out because you feel comfortable being vulnerable and sensitive and honest.

When you all crowd together in one bathroom to smear potions on your face and practice filling in your eyebrows, not because there are no other mirrors in the house, but simply because you want to maximize your time together under the same roof.

When you all end up crammed onto the same queen-sized bed into the wee hours of the morning telling the most random (and slightly disgusting) stories you can think of that you know will leave everyone in fits of hysterical giggles.

When you keep your eyes peeled open despite exhaustion because you have serious FOMO or because you were forced from your peaceful slumber by a hungry (and possibly stoned) friend to eat coconut cream pie straight out of the tin at 2 a.m.

When everywhere you go, people comment on how you “roll deep” and tell you that your laughter is contagious or make inquires as to why everyone is so happy to be together. The good energy is contagious, after all.

We are so happy to be together because we are real friends who are not often in the same place. We don’t share a hometown, or even a home state, but we share a bond that spans the miles.

We might not see each other often, and we might not talk on the phone weekly, but we love each other. We know each other.

We know the struggles of having many small children, and the issues that arise in even the strongest of marriages, and the battle to overcome anxiety and depression, and the journey to appreciating our bodies and celebrating our non-scale victories, ranting about politics and social issues in a passionate way, to birthing humans and watching them grow.

We are there for each other every step of the way. There’s eye-rolls and frustration to be sure, but we are loyal and supportive. We are a group of badass women, and we are unstoppable.

Our time together may be relegated to long weekends that involve vacation time, and child care arrangements and airplane travel, but don’t doubt our bond. Because, as previously mentioned, you don’t have to be in the same place to be friends.

We made all the memories we could in the time that we had, and we will laugh and reminisce and re-tell them over and over. Until we meet again.

This article was originally published on