Like we really needed confirmation of all our lost sleep
It’s no secret that when we have a baby there will inevitably be many sleepless nights. And even when we do “sleep,” it is never, ever as soundly as we did pre-baby because we are constantly interrupted when our kid can’t reach their pacifier or their left sock is “itchy” or they need a hug at two a.m. or now they are driving and holy shit WHAT IF THEY NEED US?
For the sadistic person who wants to know exactly how much sleep they’ve lost all these years, behold the Lost Sleep Calculator. The team at the UK interior brand company Hillarys, launched the calculator to tell us how much sleep parents will lose based on the age of their children.
Simply input your children’s ages then press the “Calculate my lost sleep” button and voila, there in black and white is the reason we’ve become short tempered assholes since having kids.
The calculator, based on extensive research the company has conducted, also figures out how many diapers we’ve changed, how many bedtime stories we have read, and how many lullabies we’ve sung (in case we weren’t tracking that information on our own to use against our significant others in an argument.)
I tried the calculator for myself and apparently between my three children I’ve lost 9,990 hours of sleep. That’s 416 days (or 14 months) and now I’m even more goddamn tired than I was before having this information. But hey, at least I can justify all the money I’ve spent on expensive eye cream.
The calculator also provides amusing research on what some sleep-deprived parents have done as a result of lack of shuteye. According to Hillarys, one in four parents have accidentally put their mobile phone into the fridge while one in nine have accidentally cradled their cat thinking it was their baby.
“Some parents are fortunate enough to have a child that sleeps straight through – it’s the dream for all parents – but for many this just isn’t the case. Bedtime can be a tricky time as many children don’t want to go to bed and will spend ages putting off sleeping, only to then wake up numerous times per night…No matter whether you’ve lost months or years of sleep though, I’m sure everyone will agree that they are worth it,” Tany Irons, a spokesperson for Hillarys, tells Marie Claire.
I’ve lost 14 months of sleep with no end in sight lady, speak for yourself.
If nothing else, this calculator allows parents of older (and multiple) children to use this information to feel superior to our new mother friends. “Oh, you think you’re tired? I’ll see your 3,000 lost hours of sleep and raise you 6,000.” Because who doesn’t love listening to a one-upper when they’re exhausted?