Mac and cheese candy canes: For when your holiday cheer needs to be more like holiday cheese
No one is out here acting like Earth is a pleasant place to live right now. And if you’re as exhausted as I am by the barrage of dumpster fire headlines coming at us all 24/7, I’m sorry to be the one to tell you I have one more. Because 2018 is going to end just the way 2018 deserves to end, celebrate the holiday season with some mac and cheese candy canes.
Or don’t. Please, don’t.
Even though this is a thing that literally no one wanted, it exists. And for only $5.95 plus shipping, you can have six of these bad boys to hang from your tree or toss into your roaring holiday fire because honestly, that’s where they deserve to be.
“Macaroni and Cheese Candy Canes are a particular favorite of picky eaters,” the product description proclaims. “These candy canes taste like your childhood favorite — mac and cheese. It’s like comfort food-flavored comfort food! Macaroni and cheese has become a holiday family tradition in many parts of the country, so why not let our holiday candy reflect that?”
I can think of a few reasons why not.
What might make these even less palatable (if that was even possible) is that they aren’t even flavored after the bubbly, oven-cooked, quality types of mac. No, these candy canes are flavored after instant mac and cheese, of the florescent orange “cheese” powder ilk.
Look, mac and cheese is delicious. And candy canes are delicious. But we are talking about two diametrically opposed foods here. They work separately, and they absolutely do not work when combined. Mac and cheese candy canes are an abomination.
If you don’t believe me, believe blogger JunkFoodMom, who has a braver palate than I and actually tried these.
“Smells like cheese and tastes like Mac n cheese but the sweetness overpowers the flavor eventually so it’s doable,” she wrote. I’m sorry, but sweetness belongs nowhere near mac and cheese, so I’m calling bull on her proclamation that this “isn’t bad.” It’s very, very bad.
If you must, mac and cheese candy canes are available exclusively from Archie McPhee, the same novelty shop that gave us last year’s pickle-flavored candy canes. I guess if you’re going to ruin Christmas candy on a yearly basis, you go all in, and that’s exactly what happened here. Happy Holidays, everyone except Archie McPhee.