Pokémon Go is taking over the world. From parks to hospitals, tweens to professors, everyone everywhere is walking into streetlights and falling off curbs in search of animated creatures from our youth to capture on their phones.
It’s hard to tell if this is a trend that will fade like cheap lipstick or have the staying power of waterproof mascara, but if the tweens and teens in your house are obsessed with the augmented reality game, I have some ways to make it work in your favor. You’re welcome.
1. It gives you a reason to give Pinterest the finger.
Who needs crafts and glitter and palettes and shit when you and your kids can wander your local neighborhood together? I’ll take a walk around the block over hot gluing my forehead to a mason jar any day.
2. New rule: No Pokémon hunting until the dishes are in the sink.
And laundry put away. And they tell you “thank you” for everything you do for them. And give you a hug.
3. If they go searching for a Pokémon in their room, lock ’em in there until they clean up the mess.
Pokémons aren’t the only thing being captured.
4. At the grocery store, tell them to go look for Pokémons in the produce section and maybe pick out an effing vegetable they’ll actually eat.
If they can seek and destroy Pikachus, they can certainly find something cruciferous that they’re able to choke down without complaining.
5. Remind them that the library is more than just a Pokémon Stop.
It’s also a place from which to borrow books that they can read while their phones are charging because they used up their entire battery while on the hunt.
6. Did your kids tell you the post office is a Poke gym and they have to go?
Tell them you’ll drive over there once they write those Christmas thank-you notes — from the past three years.
7. That family hike you’ve been wanting to do for ages but your kids have always balked at can now become a reality.
Who knows what Poke-whats-its are lurking in the woods? You can omit the fact it’s possible they won’t have cell service out there. It’s OK to overlook that minor detail.
8. You can finally get them to visit Aunt Erma without a 7.2-magnitude meltdown because it’s new territory.
Sure, it smells like mothballs and hard candy from the Nixon era, but her backyard is huge and worth the risk.
9. It’s so much easier to coerce them into taking a weekend road trip.
This is the license plate game for a new generation, and really, how much fun is Twenty Questions, honestly?
The fact is even if you don’t really get it, you can still reap the benefits. Have some fun, get them to do a chore or two, and maybe make some fun family memories this summer. Just watch out for those lampposts.
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