Flu season is upon us and we all know what that means.
Ugh. Man Colds.
A Man Cold doesn’t necessarily have to be an actual cold. It’s just a general term for any illness or injury happening to a man that he will claim is so much worse than it actually is. A tiny cough? Retreat to bed for a week. A mild fever? Clearly, death is imminent. Meanwhile, us women get sick and literally nothing changes in our lives, except we feel like garbage and no one cares. That’s why these tweets about what it’s like when a man gets a mild illness are so damn relatable.
1. Case in point.
Sure my wife has been sick for a week and has hardly complained but I've been sick for five minutes and I demand to be waited on I'M DYING!
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) December 12, 2016
They cry wolf so much we won’t believe them when they actually are dying. Nice work, you big babies.
2. Like a boss.
I have the strength of ten men.
Don't believe me? I had a cold last week, and you didn't even know about it, did you?
— JenniFerCryinOutLoud (@MiddlingMs) September 26, 2016
That’s because we don’t feel the need to alert everyone in our vicinity about our every sneeze. Because women are amazing like that.
3. Just run away.
My husband has a cold. So if you need me, I'll be wading into the ocean with rocks on my feet.
— Walking Outside In Slippers (@WalkingOutside) January 16, 2016
When I hear my husband start to sniffle, I literally fantasize about living in a hotel for a week. Or the bottom of the ocean. It’s that bad.
4. Always with the one-upping.
I'll be on my deathbed and my husband will still say, "Oh man. I've got the worst cold ever. The. Worst."
— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) March 22, 2017
Oh, you’re in traction? He has a 99.6 degree fever. Game, set, match.
5. A sympathy card would be nice.
"I have a cold."
"My condolences to your wife."
— Ricardo 'Rich' Cromwell (@rcromwell4) January 17, 2016
No matter how crappy they feel, it will always be worse for the women in their lives. Every. Single. Time.
6. Eye roll.
MAN: i have a cold, i'm going to bed
WOMAN: [with fresh c-section wound balancing baby on one hip and laundry basket on the other] lol ok
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) September 22, 2017
We could go to the ends of the earth and back while at our worst and they can barely walk to the kitchen for more Gatorade while sniffling.
7. Send thoughts and prayers.
My husband has a man cold. Right now he's googling hospice locations in our area.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) February 9, 2016
Because he’s dying, obviously.
8. Can you at least hack up a lung quietly?
When my son is sick: Omg, baby, what do you need? What can I do for you?
When my husband is sick: Omg, you're dying soooo loudly!
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) March 20, 2017
When our kids are sick, we pull out all the stops. But our husbands have used up all their goodwill. You’re on your own, buddy. Just try to keep it down, the baby’s sleeping.
I have a woman cold, it's where you downplay your symptoms because you were taught from a young age that your health isn't important anyway.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) October 14, 2016
Women don’t need rest anyway. They need more Pinterest projects and meetings at the kid’s school and trips to the grocery store. Can’t stop. Won’t stop.
10. Updates on the hour.
I'm setting up a Caring Bridge site for my husband's cold so everyone can keep up with the latest developments.
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) June 6, 2015
Things are pretty touch and go, and he doesn’t know for sure, but he thinks the snot was a little yellow the last time he blew his nose. Please pray.
11. Give it about six months.
My husband isn't even sick anymore and we are still talking about how sick he was a few weeks ago.
— EricaTriesToTweet (@EricaWhoToYou) February 24, 2017
It will be discussed like one of the great battles of our time until the next one comes around. Because the next one will obviously be the sickest anyone’s ever been in the history of ever.
12. More like 10,000.
My husband is home sick from work today and it's like having one thousand babies.
— Sarah del Rio (@sarahdelri0) December 15, 2014
Ugh. Good luck out there, ladies.