This guy’s observations about his female roommates went viral
Try as he might, there are some things a man can’t provide for his lady like her bestie can. We have best friends and significant others for a reason. And UK musician Craig Shapes, who recently moved in with his girlfriend and her best friend, is learning that first hand.
In an absolutely hilarious Twitter thread, Shapes lists all the things he’s learned about platonic female relationships — and women in general — from his unique living arrangement. While this is all news to him, every woman who reads this thread is laughing and rolling her eyes a little at his naivety.
Last year, I moved in with my girlfriend and her best mate. They’re both girls. Some of the shit I’ve seen is EYE OPENING mate (a thread)
— Craig Shapes (@craigshapes) March 28, 2018
Unfortunately, one of the first things he learned is a secret we’ve kept sacred for as long as possible.
1. They show each other ALL of the messages that they receive from everybody. Nobody is safe. Girls don’t need screenshots mate, they have photographic screenshot memories— Craig Shapes (@craigshapes) March 28, 2018
And the second is something we’re surprised the entire world hasn’t caught on to yet. I mean, in my house it’s all poop all the time. Anyone with children and/or a spouse and/or housemates knows this barrier gets broken down very quickly.
2. Contrary to popular belief, girls do poo. And they ain’t scared to talk about it mate. “I NEED A POO” is probably the most used phrase in this house.— Craig Shapes (@craigshapes) March 28, 2018
LOL at his revelation about hair clips. The best part of moving is pulling out the couch and finding years worth of missing bobby pins.
3. HAIR CLIPS. Oh my days the hair clips. Stand on them, sit on them, wake up with them attached to your skin, mate I could have a fucking bath in the ones I find on a weekly basis— Craig Shapes (@craigshapes) March 28, 2018
4. The process for getting ready for a night out is not just “wash, get dressed, go out”. Nah. There’s meetings, catwalk shows, endless compliments and it’s sometimes an actual 2 man job cos some dresses have back zips that would literally be impossible for one girl to reach mate— Craig Shapes (@craigshapes) March 28, 2018
5. Candles. We have SO MANY CANDLES. Candles that smell like really weird things, like “rhubarb and custard”. I don’t even know what rhubarb and custard actually smells like?!?— Craig Shapes (@craigshapes) March 28, 2018
I’m sorry, but did Shapes just complain about his home smelling like rhubarb and custard? What I would give. Someone track down his girlfriend so I can ask where she got that candle, thanks.
Reality TV is also something that comes with the territory. I’m still waiting for Love Island to take off in the U.S. like it deserves to because hello, that show is incredible.
6. Kardashians. Ibiza Weekender. Ru Paul. Ex On The Beach. Love Island. Geordie Shore. Mate, I know everything about all of these people I’ll never meet. There are SO MANY EPISODES OF THEM ALL! And the worst thing is, I actually gave in and really got in to Love Island 😅— Craig Shapes (@craigshapes) March 28, 2018
10/10 would pluck my man’s eyebrows. He should actually be thanking his lady, because brow upkeep is obnoxious and expensive.
7. If my eyebrows aren’t “fleeky”, they literally don’t talk to me until I agree to let one of the girls pluck them. It’s mad. Girls love plucking someone else’s eyebrows. No idea why!!— Craig Shapes (@craigshapes) March 28, 2018
And I’m sorry, but cheat day is a lifestyle. So is having wine and chocolate whenever something goes wrong, even if it’s just that I imagined that lady at the grocery store was thinking something rude about me.
8. Girls go on and on about dieting and “bikini bodies” etc, but trust me when I say that “cheat day” is pretty much whenever they feel sad about anything. Bad day? Glass of wine. Is it Monday? Chocolate. Did your boyfriend tell you we can’t have a dog? Dominos.— Craig Shapes (@craigshapes) March 28, 2018
9. I know that the saying goes “girls find out everything”, but if that’s true it’s only because they are NEXT LEVEL instagram stalkers. Seriously I mention a first name, after 5 mins on insta they know the persons dogs name, their shoe size and their national insurance number— Craig Shapes (@craigshapes) March 28, 2018
Shapes’ next revelation is another one the ladies have known basically forever, but we’re glad men are starting to catch on: having comfy, home-only clothes. Dressing gowns, sweatpants, ratty cardigans — there are a lot of options here, and they’re all awesome.
10. Dressing gowns. If you haven’t got a dressing gown then you are missing out mate. Some days when we’re hungover, we literally don’t get out of dressing gowns all day. The girls go Tesco in dressing gowns and nobody even cares bruv— Craig Shapes (@craigshapes) March 28, 2018
And sorry if he doesn’t understand the appeal of having an impromptu bestie dance party, whether or not there’s music playing. He should try it.
11. Sometimes I sit on the sofa and just watch those two, sometimes they just look and break out in to dance or something. I literally have no idea what’s going on, there doesn’t even have to be any music playing— Craig Shapes (@craigshapes) March 28, 2018
12. Everything is a massive drama. Having to wash your hair = drama. It being cold outside when you expected warm and you have to change your outfit = drama. Not being able to find an item of clothing = absolutely fucking massive drama.— Craig Shapes (@craigshapes) March 28, 2018
Yes, we would like a little warning before people come over. Sorry, not everyone gets to see my hole-filled house cardigan. Them’s just the rules.
13. If visitors come round, we have to know 8-10 working days beforehand so the girls can make sure that the house is clean, they’ve washed and dried their hair and they have makeup on— Craig Shapes (@craigshapes) March 28, 2018
14. Girls share all of the clothes. They might as well have a shared wardrobe. It’s actually gone past the point of them knowing who’s top is who’s lol— Craig Shapes (@craigshapes) March 28, 2018
And his final revelation is another one we all know. Raise your hand if you use the hair you shed during the shower to make shapes stuck to the shower walls (*author raises hand*).
15. There is so much hair everywhere mate, it’s mad. Especially around the shower, just little clumps of hair. Am used to it now tho— Craig Shapes (@craigshapes) March 28, 2018
Despite us being mysterious AF creatures, Shapes apparently loves living with a couple of lady BBFs.
All I’d say tho is that you don’t know true loyalty until you’ve lived with girls. And the house is full of laugher every day. Love them x— Craig Shapes (@craigshapes) March 28, 2018
Even though there are some seemingly superfluous tears.
One more tho... they’re both currently crying at DIY SOS. And crying at something on the telly is completely normal. 😂— Craig Shapes (@craigshapes) March 28, 2018
People have been loving the thread, probably because every word of it is Bible truth.
Lemme tell you I been sayin this lol— $ILK MEDU$A CALIG$ (@KingCALIGVLA) April 1, 2018
This. All day long. #girlsrule— Gerigoogles (@GeriJen) April 1, 2018
I am dying with laughter. Didn’t grow up with a sister? #TooFunny— Jo thomas (@EgzieThomas) April 1, 2018
Loved this! 🙌 thanks for laugh... The days advance notice- so true! 😂 #igottapoop— Roxy (@RGPeek) April 2, 2018
So, men, if you don’t know, now you know. Appreciate the ladies in your life, and your home too can smell like rhubarb and custard.