Tickets to the Mansplaining Convention are $2,000 for three days of pure hell
If you’re looking to make all of your nightmares come true, then look no further than the Mansplaining Convention. This is an actual thing occurring in May 2020, with real tickets and speakers and everything. Tickets are being sold to women only, naturally, so the all-male panel can really drive home the mansplaining thing. Because who wouldn’t want to be spoken to condescendingly for hours on end by a group of men!
Organizers say it is “destined to be the mansplaining event of the century.” The convention will take place over three days in May in Orlando. The purpose of the convention (other than to make the female attendees want to scream into the void) is to “make women great again.”
Oh, and tickets are $1,999. So yes, for TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS you, too, can go and get a migraine while listening to a bunch of men proudly “mansplain” to you what’s “wrong” with you.
If you can stomach it, here’s the trailer that lets you know exactly what you can expect from this expensive circle-jerk.
If that still wasn’t a clear enough indicator that this entire event promises to not only be the most hellish event on earth but also extremely boring, here’s how the convention website is “selling” it:
“The 22 Convention: Make Women Great Again makes it debut in our founding city of Orlando, Florida. Women today are being taught to act more like men. Where has that led us? Skyrocketing rates of divorce, depression, dysfunction, and America at the #1 spot in the world for single motherhood. No longer will you have to give in to toxic bullying feminist dogma and go against your ancient, biological nature as a woman.”
Listen, if a woman chooses single motherhood, that’s one thing (and it’s absolutely no one’s business). If she’s left to raise a child on her own by a hit-it-and-quit-it loser, maybe you need a new convention. Because it surely isn’t “toxic feminist dogma” that’s responsible for divorce and dysfunction.
Imagine enduring this nonsense for three days. Three days. Full of “iconic speakers gathered from around the worldwide manosphere community to dramatically improve your life and femininity.”
Oh, that’s not all. They blame “feminist anti-motherhood propaganda” for poverty, crime, mental health issues, and the overall decline of women today. That’s quite a list!
“Generations of women have been lied to with ‘you can have it all,’ a clever way of tricking them into de-prioritizing motherhood until 90% of their eggs are dead by 30.”
The “de-prioritization” of motherhood certainly couldn’t have to do with a shitty economy, the burden of debt like student loans and fickle credit scores, or not having supportive and equal partners in life and emotional labor. No, no. It’s all the fault of militant feminists! Thank heavens for this conference to help us all see the light!
For the small price of two grand, you can also be body-shamed at this conference. Why? Well because men don’t want a fat woman! “Taking good care of your body is beautiful in process and outcome. Men admire healthy, fit women. They are after all sizing you up for reproduction, and your decisions will be passed on to your children through the choices you make via epigenetics.”
If you want to learn how to be the “ideal wife” complete with an eating disorder and low self-esteem while men berate you into thinking you’re somehow less than a whole ass human without them, by all means, spend an obscene amount of money on this trash fire event.
You know what else Orlando has instead of a group of assholes dishing out abuse in the name of patriarchy? Disney World. And Harry Potter World. Go do that instead.