Martha Stewart Sees Your 'Mom Purse' And Raises You A 47-Gallon Tote

by Valerie Williams
Image via QVC

Martha Stewart has the 48-gallon mom purse of our dreams

Any mom worth her salt carries a big ol’ purse to fit all the important things — money, gum, tampons, tiny Paw Patrol undies — but please understand that any bag you carry pales in comparison to what Martha Stewart’s now offering. The lifestyle guru is hawking a 47-gallon tote on QVC. Because go big or go home, amiright?

Before we go any further, please understand that this video exists.

Yes, that’s Martha herself, sporting a cute puffy vest and dragging a grown woman inside one of her Multipurpose Heavy-Duty XL Totes. You can grab a set of three for just $43.56, but that just begs the question — why isn’t one 47-gallon tote that fits an entire 930 pounds worth of crap enough? Are there people out there trying to hide a few dead bodies and Martha’s just winking along letting them know she’s got their back? I need an adult.

“If you want to lug a lot of stuff anywhere, these bags are the bag,” she says. “I just can’t live without these bags.”

Martha you’re kind of freaking me out, TBH.

Like, you can fit lip gloss, a wallet, phone, and Advil in your purse? Amateur. Auntie Martha’s going to take you to church. Fit twin toddlers and a preschooler in your tote bag or GTFO.

930 pounds. 930 POUNDS. Why, though? No one can lift 930 pounds. If you have that much shit to move around, don’t you just get a dump truck? Or at the very least, a wheelbarrow. Although the last time I lifted my mom purse it sort of felt like it weighed 930 pounds so maybe Martha’s on to something here.

At the very least, we now know how to most efficiently port around bags full of sticks, blankets, and sporting equipment. And a QVC host.