From The Confessional: My In-Laws Are Total Martyrs And I'm Sick Of It

by Cassandra Stone
Peter Dazeley/Getty

There’s not a single person alive who isn’t familiar with a Martyr Mom, and these moms are ‘fessing up about the martyrs in their lives.

We all know one. Hell, some of us are one. You know the type—the “I’ll take care of it” person who chooses to bear the whole burden of something but then complains about bearing the whole burden of that something. Yep, we’re talking about MARTYRS!

Does your mother-in-law insist on hosting a holiday party but then bitches about having to host that party? Do you have friends who play the “I’m just too nice” card? Mmm yes. Martyrs. Can’t live with ’em, can’t live without ’em. Why? Because they’re f*cking everywhere.

Was super close with my SIL, but had to pull away. She has severe martyr complex & every single conversation was such a downer pity party- I felt like I went 3 rounds with Mike Tyson after an hour long phone call. Mental health couldn't take it anymore.

Confessional #25840461

Friend can’t fess up that she isn’t infallible. Trying to make everyone (and herself) think everything is ok when she’s falling apart. Ask for help. Acting like a victim and martyr isn’t helping you. Help yourself instead of trying to help everyone else.

Confessional #25829724

Have a close friend who's a TOTAL martyr complex narcissist. Finally lost my cool and told her off and haven't heard from her since. Part of me wants to call, but a bigger part of me is happy to finally be done with her bullshit and enjoy the peace.

Confessional #25822009

SIl is SUCH a martyr it's SICKENING!!! She constantly cries to everyone (total strangers on the street) about how StReSsEd she is and how HaRd her life is- reality is she has a huge house, new cars, no job, naps all day & has 1 easy kid to take care of.

Confessional #25818514

Quick, someone start an Etsy shop that sells “Your lack of boundaries does not constitute sympathy on my part” t-shirts and mugs. PLEASE.

Recently read up on Martyr Complex & it described a close friend PERFECTLY! I never understood her constant complaining while intentionally creating shitty situations for herself & then crying about it. Giving myself permission to go low contact with her.

Confessional #25816044

Found out BIL is leaving SIL very soon & she has no idea. She's extremely clingy & has a huge martyr complex. She already complains to me daily about her "HoRrIBlE LiFe" (all self inflicted). Now she'll truly be unbearable. Fuck, this will suck... for me.

Confessional #25811796

I fucking cannot stand MILs martyr mentality. Every time something needs to be done she rushes to beat everyone so she can say SHE did it. Always last to eat, gets up and cleans while we eat, then bitches she never gets a hot meal. Sit down and stfu!!

Confessional #25809657

My SIL has SEVERE Martyr Complex & she's absolutely insufferable. She calls me daily so I can listen to her laundry list of excuses why her life sucks and why none of it is her fault & everything is BIL's fault. I feel so sorry for him.

Confessional #25805363

Every party has a martyr, amiright? They want all of the credit and all of the complaining rights. It’s friggin’ exhuasting.

MIL is soo strange. She is very good at making herself the helpful, selfless, martyr. Reality is that she is an old grump racist attention seeking liar. It must be exhausting keeping that act up for 50+ years.

Confessional #25804854

I was raised by a mother with borderline personality disorder. She was brutal. She plays the martyr constantly and thinks she gave us everything. It's so exhausting. I can't spend my entire life feeling guilty about things I didn't choose.

Confessional #25786858

As someone who was raised by a narcissistic martyr, I can honestly say my well has runneth dry when it comes to empathy, sympathy, or giving a single sh*t about anyone who intentionally does these things to themselves and then expects pity for it. NEWP. Not on my watch.

Just did some reading on "martyr complex" and HOLY SHIT does it ever describe a close friend to a T! It's spot on! It's always driven me crazy about her, but now that I realise the full extent, and how it only gets worse, I really want to ghost her.

Confessional #25783907

MIL clearly hates hosting, acts like a martyr cooking/cleaning the whole time, complains about how tired she is. I try to help + she refuses or she subtly criticizes everything I do. I suggested DH + I host this year and now she'not speaking to me.

Confessional #25761493

I hate my MIL. I hate that nobody sees how self-centered she is and how manipulative she is to all her kids. BTW - "raising adult children" isn't a thing so stop trying to be a martyr.

Confessional #23194064

80 year old FIL is a neurotic wimp. He cries, fakes illnesses, has tantrums. And it's not just that he's old - he's been this way since DH was a child. MIL an enabling martyr. DH the emotionally abused whipping boy who can't detach. Fuck all these losers.

Confessional #22880030

There’s only one outcome for being a martyr, and that’s crashing and burning. While alienating everyone around you.

MIL is running herself into the ground being a martyr for FIL. Looks to me for sympathy. Don't look at me to feel sorry for you. You're responsible for your own happiness. Damned if I'll raise my daughter to make herself miserable for someone else.

Confessional #17272314

My sister-in-law is a self righteous martyr who can just fuck off.

Confessional #16878580

My MIL has the martyr role perfected. Volunteers for church activities and bitches non stop about it. If you really believe in God then you should know he sees whats in your heart

Confessional #1538530

My MIL is a martyr. She's had it worse than you ever will. I feed into it rather than made to feel like crap. She drives me CRAZY!

Confessional #1479437

If you have a martyr in your life, at least you know you’re far from alone in feeling like you want to scream 24/7 in their presence. And, bonus, if you recognize martyrdom in other people that means you very likely are NOT one! So there’s that!

As for the “woe is me,” Suffering Olympics medalists…oy, you’re all exhausting. The end.