From The Confessional: I Masturbate Every Chance I Get And IDGAF

by Cassandra Stone
Originally Published: 
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Masturbation is great for stress relief and general pleasure, and these moms take it SERIOUSLY.

The art of self-pleasure is, to be perfectly honest, a human necessity. For parents, though, it can be tough finding the time. But these confessions show that if nothing else, moms are extremely good at getting creative when it comes to making time for rubbing one out. As we all should.

When it comes to masturbation, Planned Parenthood knows what’s up. According to their site, there are many many many health benefits, which include: creating a sense of well-being; enhancing sex with partners both physically and emotionally; increasing the ability to have orgasms; improving relationship and sexual satisfaction; improving sleep; increasing self-esteem; improving body image; reducing stress; releasing sexual tension; relieving menstrual cramps; strengthening muscle tone in the pelvic and anal areas; and it even reduces women’s chances of involuntary urine leakage and uterine prolapse.

Confessional #25747501

“Husband and I don’t have sex. Tonight I masturbated to porn while he was in bed next to me facing the other way. I tried to be quiet and not shake the bed. I kinda hope he knew what was happening. Bastard.”

When masturbation is discussed in popular culture, it’s usually in relation to men and their needs. Well, hello to everyone except those who don’t think women and people who aren’t men have those same needs.

Yes, mommies watch porn. While porn categories have a ways to go when it comes to broadening their audience beyond the male gaze (lots of us are not interested in the jackhammering stuff, thanks), there’s plenty of porn to go around for all of us.

Confessional #22729124

“Big plans for tonight. Rushing home to watch Pornhub and masturbate and then sleep. If DS or doggo ruin these plans there will be hell to pay.”

Finding the time to indulge in a little self-love can be a challenge, however. It’s not often that parents get enough alone time to complete everything they want to do and get ourselves to completion too!

Confessional #25710536

“I online ordered groceries, took oldest to camp, read books and dance-partied with the toddlers, then had a workout, a shower and masturbated while the twins napped. FUCKING WIN.”

Psychology Today says there’s a “biochemical basis” for the positive effects of masturbation. It “releases feel-good neurochemicals like dopamine and oxytocin that lift your spirits, boost your satisfaction, and activate the reward circuits in your brain,” reports Gloria Brame, Ph.D. “An orgasm is the biggest non-drug blast of dopamine available.”

Confessional #20915968

“I can’t wait to buy a house, so I can get as loud as I want while I masturbate. My apartment building has thin walls. Loud sex isn’t even on the list -single mom of 1 special needs child. No time for friends, let alone FWB or dating.”

Confessional #20628767

“I am a very traditional, fairly conservative SAHM with a wonderful husband in the Midwest. BUT I masturbate to Pornhub videos of fine ass women getting off weekly.”

Basically, a masturbation-induced orgasm creates feelings of euphoria. And who wouldn’t get behind a safe, free, and natural high?

Unfortunately, even in 2020 there are societal taboos around masturbation — primarily surrounding women. Additionally, female masturbation presents more of a, uh, logistical challenge than does male masturbation. Also, growing aroused and then climaxing can take us longer than it does for men to do the same thing.

Whatever gets you going, don’t lose sight of it. And feel free to feel zero shame about it!

Confessional #20575713

“I think about John Oliver when I masturbate…every single time.”

Confessional #20425457

“So I trolled on a dating site, found an amazing guy, screenshot his pic, and now I masturbate to it. I am the freak people look out for on dating sites. Ugh. Can’t I just set up a real profile and not be chicken shit? I’m just scared but curious.”

Whether you need it to get to sleep, de-stress, or just generally enjoy it and that’s the only reason you need — masturbation is the natural aid for guaranteed situational happiness. LOL.

Confessional #19927016

“Early Xmas gift. H is going to be out of town for the week of Xmas! Can’t wait to get baked, masturbate my brains out and have a stress free holiday without him.”

Everyone does it differently, and there’s no “right” way to do it — so you do you, okay? Literally!

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